Tag Archives: Therapist

Today Marks One Year Since My Mom Died

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Today marks one year since my mom died. As expected, it has a challenging day with grief of it being the one-year anniversary of my mom’s death. Not only am I dealing with the grief with the anniversary of my mom’s death but tomorrow in Thanksgiving here in the United States and tomorrow will mark my first Thanksgiving without my dad as he died back in January of this year (2025). So, it has been challenging but on a good note, today I had a regularly scheduled appointment with my therapist. We discussed the grief regarding the one-year anniversary of my mom’s death as well as tomorrow being the first Thanksgiving since my dad died back in January of this year (2025). It was a really productive session with my therapist today as well as a challenging one as grief is never easy to deal with much less talk about.

I do not have anything else to discuss or share or to write about in this particular blog post except to say it is now time to cuddle with my cat, Billie. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

A Friday Morning Brief Life Update

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning and Happy Friday, World!!! It is a yucky rainy day here in Seattle. It’s even yucky for Seattle standards. As much as I am not liking this yucky weather, I do my best to keep in mind that today’s weather has me appreciate summer weather even more than I did when I lived in California.

As far as my new job goes, I am still loving it. It’s hard to believe that I have been at my new job for almost eight months. The team I am on is absolutely amazing. I am beyond grateful to be on such a great team with awesome people. I also love the fact that I get to help people with their recovery.

Now on to next update in my life. This past summer when I was talking to with my therapist in therapy, the topic of Autism got brought up due to what a doctor told me when I was in the emergency room. My therapist agreed with doctor that there is the possibility of autism and appreciated the fact that the doctor explained to me the meds they were giving was going to be a small dose as people with autism and ADHD tend to be super sensitive to certain meds. I appreciated that. Anyway, my therapist suggested that I read the book “Unmasking Autism” by Devon Price. I bought the book when she suggested it, and I am just now starting to read it. Anyway, fast forward to this past Wednesday, I saw my therapist for therapy, and I finally asked her for the first time (months after the first conversation) if she thought I am autistic and why. She said that she does think I’m autistic for various reasons such as my communication style and other things she mentioned such as the subtle stimming I do that nobody really notices as it is “not the typical stimming.” I appreciate my therapist being honest with me and allowing me to bring it up in my own time as she doesn’t like to bring up possible autism to folks due to how most people react. I personally wish she would have just told me but I’m glad she allowed me the space to bring it up in my own time. As far as testing goes, it is still several conversations to be had if I want to get tested. My therapist is happy that bought and reading the book she suggested which is “Unmasking Autism” by Devon Price. She is encouraging me to read it slowly with intention to learn.

I do not have anything else to discuss or share or to write about in this particular blog post except to say it is now time to cuddle with my cat, Billie. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

I Am Awake Way Too Early

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I am awake way too early. Since I am awake way too early, I decided to blog although I wish I was still asleep. It is hard to believe that tomorrow at this time, I will another year older. Tomorrow is my birthday, and it is my first birthday that I am celebrating since both of my parents died. I am extremely sad over this. I really wish they were both still alive to celebrate my birthday with me and sadly that is not the case.

Speaking of my parents being dead, I saw my therapist yesterday and we discussed the increase of my PTSD symptoms. We discussed how shaken I was and am on how much my PTSD symptoms have increased. My therapist informed me that it is common for people who experienced trauma in their childhood that people will experience an increase of PTSD symptoms after one and/or both of their parents’ deaths. I didn’t know this, but I was not shocked by it. To make matters worse, I was looking over some paperwork I need to fill out regarding my dad, and I remembered some stuff that happened to me by my now ex stepbrother. As much as I don’t want to remember the shit, I have been through I am grateful that I have a therapist to help me through it.

I do not have anything else to discuss or share or to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Wednesday Morning Ramblings

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is Wednesday morning here in Seattle and I am tired as hell. I did not sleep very well last night. It was partly due to the fact that I have been ruminating about the job I interviewed for Tuesday of last week. I am ruminating about it because I am wondering if I got the job or not especially since they asked for references. I was informed that I would hear back from them by the end of this week at the latest. I am starting to doubt that I am getting the job, and I really would like this job.

On that note, I am seeing my therapist later on this morning. I have been bottling up my anger and not doing what helps. Thankfully, I have not emotionally exploded on anyone but that is a concern of mine. I figure if I can discuss my anger with my therapist, it could be helpful. I am not angry with my therapist, but I am grateful that she can hold space for me especially when I am dealing with my anger. I am grateful to have a therapist that allows me to feel all the feels and lets me show them.

I do not have anything else to discuss or share or to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Therapy + Snow = Snowball Fight With Therapist

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It snowed last night here in Seattle and it sucks but at least I was still able to see my therapist in person. My therapist and I discussed the death of my dad and how challenging it has been to lose him so close to my mom dying. We also discussed how not just my mom’s death but my dad’s death has increased my PTSD symptoms. While discussing the increased PTSD symptom my therapist noticed that I was starting to dissociate and thought it would be a great idea to go outside to have a snowball fight to allow myself to let my inner child out. So, today’s session focused on allowing myself to let out my inner child as I had a snowball fight with my therapist.

Allowing myself to let out my inner child helped a great deal with my dissociation and my therapist saw this as we had our snowball fight. She asked me in what ways I could let my inner child out so we discussed how my cat, Billie helps. I also brought up the fact that I never stopped coloring and continued to color despite being made fun of on the occasional basis from people. Coloring has always allowed me to be me and kept me connected to my inner child even though I didn’t realize it till today.

Now that I am home, I am coloring as I watch the local news with my cat, Billie sleeping in my lap. I love the fact that I have my cat, Billie in my lap purring as I color letting out my inner child. I am so happy that I let out my inner child today in therapy and that I am doing that with coloring at home.

I do not have much more to discuss or write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It is that time again, where I do my weekly check-in. Sadly, the symptoms of my PTSD and depression have been acting up. My anxiety is also acting up. The various symptoms of multiple mental health diagnoses rearing their ugly heads, I have to keep my emotions in check. One of the main emotions I have to keep in check is my anger. For me, I tend to stuff my anger till I do one of two things which are emotionally explode by screaming, yelling and cussing or I self harm. Thankfully, I have not self harmed in over a year. Since my anger has been an issue I know I need to work on, I have been discussing it with my therapist. I had an appointment with my therapist this past Wednesday. I informed her that I feel like my anger has an extremely short fuse. We discussed how the journaling about my anger is helping. We also discussed what I call going back to basics which are eating regularly, staying hydrated and sleeping well. We discussed how challenging the basics can be and how doing the basics can help lengthen the fuse. I am grateful for the practical suggestions as well as the out of the box suggestions my therapist gives to help me with my mental health recovery.

Besides going to therapy this past week, I went to Red Robin with some friends several times this week. I enjoy spending time with friends and I love Red Robin as Red Robin is my favorite restaurant. One of the times I went to Red Robin this week was due to the fact that it was one of my closest friends birthdays and wanted to celebrate her on her birthday. It is always good to spend time with friends and create happy memories at places like Red Robin.

I, of course spent time with my cat, Billie. I love my cat so much and he helps me with my emotions. He is my Emotional Support Animal (ESA) for a reason. I am so grateful that he is my life.

I do not have much else to write about or discuss in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Family Drama + PTSD = A Sh!tty Trauma Response

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! I am currently dealing with some shitty and intense trauma response due to family drama and PTSD symptoms. I am pretty sure the family drama with my aunt is what caused the PTSD symptoms and ultimately the trauma response that I had.

This will be a long post due to it being a long story. As I have posted before, my mom died two days before Thanksgiving Day here in the United States. It’s been extremely challenging for me for many reasons. Sadly, I posted an angry and pain filled post on my Facebook wall under my given name which started some family drama. I apologized many times to many people in my life especially my family. I know I hurt many people and most understand and have forgiven me or at least started to forgive me in their own time and own way except one aunt. That one aunt is the person I offered to pay for their train ticket from Seattle to where my mom’s funeral is going to be which is Olympia at the end of this month. I offered to pay for her train ticket due to her having car issues as well as having some financial issues and wanted to be helpful. My aunt lives in the Bremerton area and could easily take the ferry from Bremerton to Seattle and take the train. So, I have to text back and forth with her a handful of times regarding tickets which leads to the drama this evening.

I texted my aunt about the train tickets close to 8:30 this evening Seattle time. She informed me that she doesn’t need me to pay for her tickets and is unsure if she is going to take the train if she does she will pay for her own. She also stated that she doesn’t respond to phone calls or text after 7:30 unless it is urgent. I texted an apology and let her know that I usually text people after 8:00 due to peoples bedtime routines and that I won’t do it again. She then texted me to next her again tonight which I wasn’t going to do nor will I do now that I know her boundaries. Anyway, this aunt then calls me up and screams at me and has mentioned every thing I have done wrong in her eyes that she heard through the “grapevine” or witnessed yet she hasn’t been in my life very much for various reasons. She brought up so painful shit that I experienced which caused some anger in me as well as an anxiety attack or two. I ended up hanging up on her and blocking her phone number temporarily for my own sanity.

Since my aunt caused so much anger I did what my therapist had suggested and wrote out my anger. I wrote my anger and anxiety in my journal I bought myself for Christmas. So, I wrote six pages in my journal regarding my anger and trauma response regarding my aunt calling and screaming at me. After journaling I reached out to some of my natural support system of friends like my therapist suggested in therapy. I reached out to two friends who were happy to talk with me and I am so grateful for their listening ear.

After journaling and talking with two friends I of course cuddled with my cat, Billie and as I am writing this particular blog post Billie my cat is still cuddling with me. I think after I am done with this particular blog post I will color as I love to color.

I know my mom wouldn’t want all this drama after her death or regarding her funeral. I just wish she was still alive. I miss my mom so very much. I hope she knew how much I loved her even though we didn’t get along at times.

I do not have much more to write about or discuss in this particular blog post except to say I am sorry for posting about my family drama and my anger. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Plans

Posted on by Gertie

Sunday

  • Mindfulness meditation through the Calm App
  • Morning walk
  • Volunteer at PAWS Cat City
  • Attend a hybrid 12 step meeting
  • Work on a recovery related workbook
  • Read
  • Art (coloring and/or diamond art/painting)

Monday

  • Mindfulness meditation through the Calm App
  • Morning walk
  • Attend an online 12 step meeting
  • Volunteer with Alley Cat Project by returning calls and emails.
  • Attend a second online 12 step meeting
  • Work on a recovery related workbook
  • Read
  • Art (coloring and/or diamond art/painting)

Tuesday

  • Mindfulness meditation through the Calm App
  • Morning walk
  • Attend an online 12 step meeting
  • Volunteer at PAWS Cat City
  • Work on a recovery related workbook
  • Attend an online orientation to volunteer at the Seattle Aquarium
  • Read
  • Art (coloring and/or diamond art/painting)

Wednesday

  • Mindfulness meditation through the Calm App
  • Morning walk
  • Attend an online 12 step meeting
  • Appointment with my therapist
  • Lunch with my partner and some close friends at Red Robin
  • Attend a second online 12 step meeting
  • Work on a recovery related workbook
  • Read
  • Art (coloring and/or diamond art/painting)

Thursday

  • Mindfulness meditation through the Calm App
  • Morning walk
  • Attend an online 12 step meeting
  • Volunteer with Alley Cat Project by returning calls and emails
  • Work on a recovery related workbook
  • Read
  • Art (coloring and/or diamond art/painting)

Friday

  • Mindfulness meditation through the Calm App
  • Morning Walk
  • Attend an online 12 step meeting
  • Volunteer with Alley Cat Project by returning calls and emails
  • Work on a recovery related workbook
  • Dinner with my partner at Red Robin
  • Read
  • Art (coloring and/or diamond art/painting)

Saturday

  • Mindfulness meditation practice through the Calm App
  • Morning Walk
  • U-District Farmer Market with one of my closest friends
  • Attend an online 12 step meeting
  • Lunch with a high school friend at Red Robin
  • Attend a second online 12 step meeting
  • Work on a recovery related workbook
  • Read
  • Art (coloring and/or diamond art/painting)

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It is that time in the week that I do my weekly check-in. I know it has been a few weeks since I have done a weekly check-in and I hope you can forgive me for not doing one. I do not have an excuse for not doing one and I am not using the holidays as an excuse.

As all of you know this past week we had New Years Day. I watched the drone and firework show that was held at the Space Needle. I stayed home and watched on television so I didn’t have to be out in the cold with a bunch of strangers. I was at home in my pajamas with my cat, Billie bringing in the New Year watching an awesome firework and drone show that was at the Space Needle. I enjoyed it and I am grateful that I was at home with my cat, Billie.

New Years is also a time when people reflect on their lives and how they can change in a positive way. I do this throughout the year and New Years is just a good reminder to do that reflections are a good thing to improve myself.

One of the ways I am wanting to improve myself is to continue to go to therapy. In fact I went on Thursday for an appointment with my therapist. We discussed how I can deal with some uncomfortable emotions like anxiety and anger. We discussed how writing down my feelings can be helpful which reminded me to show her the journal I bought myself for Christmas. She liked the fact that I already had the idea of writing down my emotions as well as thinking that my journal is pretty. She also thinks that writing down my feelings especially my anger is a form of harm reduction. She thinks this due to the fact that I tend to stuff my anger and then emotionally explode by screaming and yelling when I’ve had the last straw when something makes me angry. So my therapist thinks writing when I am angry is a good thing and she suggested that afterwards to reach out to a trusted natural support person. I really like the idea of reaching out to a friend after writing about my anger.

I do not have anything else to discuss or write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader continuing to read my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Missing My Mom + Holiday Emotions

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It has been two weeks and one day since my mom died. It has been challenging dealing with all that goes with losing a parent especially this time of year as it is the holiday season. Dealing with my mom’s death is adding to the holiday anxiety I struggle with every year which sucks shit and is something I discussed with my therapist today.

In fact my therapist and I discussed a great deal about my emotions especially anxiety and anger as I struggle with both. I struggle with both anxiety and anger as I tend to stuff both of those emotions that end up leading me emotionally and verbally exploding or sadly self harming. I thankfully haven’t self harmed in over a year which is a good thing but sadly I have emotionally and verbally exploded which is not a good thing. We discussed various ways to let out my anxiety and anger especially my anger. In fact my therapist suggested a couple of things to deal with my anger that are a little silly but I think will be helpful. I am really appreciative of my therapist and I am so grateful for her as well as her help with my mental health recovery.

As much as I am appreciative of and grateful for my therapist, I am also extremely grateful for today’s weather here in Seattle as it was sunny. Granted it was chilly outside but I am so grateful for the sun and that it was not freezing or below freezing outside.

Not only am I grateful for today’s weather here in Seattle, I am also beyond grateful for my precious senior kitty, Billie. I love my cat so very much and I don’t know what my life would be like without my cat. The best part of having a cat or any pet is their unconditional love.

I do not have much more to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!