Tag Archives: Disability

Blogging With Burned Fingers

Posted on by Gertie

     Well its another Wednesday and unfortunately was unable to go to my volunteer job today. I was unable to go because I accidently burned three fingers last night cleaning my stove. The attending physician that saw me last night in the ER called me to see how my fingers were. I told her that they hurt like hell but seem to be doing well. Even the nurse that took care of me last night called to see how my fingers are doing and I told her the same thing I told the doctor. Speaking of doctors I made an appointment to see my doctor tomorrow for a follow from the ER visit regarding my burned fingers.

     Since I didn’t go to my volunteer job today, I continued reading A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens. I am really surprised that I am enjoying the book. I have to admit that I am a little disappointed with the school district that I graduated from because they didn’t require the students in Special Ed English to read the classics like the rest of the students. I was a mainstreamed Special Ed student. That means that most of my classes were regular classes. The only Special Ed class I was in was English because of my dyslexia and other “reading issues.” Don’t get me started on the lack of education I got from the school district I graduated from. The school district I spent most of my school years in was absolutely great but the school district I ended up graduating in was lacking quite a bit. Getting back on topic of reading, I am really enjoy A Tale of Two Cities.

     I also read some comic books. I read four Wonder Woman comics, two Superman comics, two Batman comics, two Spiderman comics and three X-Men comic. . I love comic books. Just like reading “normal” books, reading comics distracts me from a lot of things. It distracts me from the every day stress of life and at times distracts me from the symptoms of my mental illness. I collect all sort of comic books but I mainly collect Wonder Woman. I am a big Wonder Woman fan. I don’t discriminate between the comic book universes because both universes have there great characters.

     After I am done blogging for the evening my boyfriend and I are going to watch documentaries on homelessness. If you have been reading my blog you know that I volunteer at a homeless shelter and that I am passionate about ending homelessness. I really missed going to my volunteer job today at the homeless shelter. I can relate a great deal to most of the clients in the shelter because most of them have a mental illness. Plus at one point in time I was homeless. Thankfully it was only a short amount of time. Yes, I have my favorite clients even though we are not suppose to. A lot of the clients do seek out mental health help as well as help with addictions from alcohol and/or drugs. Unfortunately, some don’t get treatment. Getting treatment or not getting treatment is an entire different blog entry in itself.

     I better get going. My fingers are hurting like hell at the moment. I wasn’t expecting to blog so much today. Word to the wise make sure your burner is completely off when you clean your stove. I really thought I turned the burner of all the way last night when I started cleaning the stove. Well, I need to get going.

     Have a great Wednesday evening everyone. Now it’s time spend time with my boyfriend. Peace out and enjoy the rest of your Wednesday.

Boyfriend, Brother and Books

Posted on by Gertie

     Hey! It’s a beautiful sunny Saturday where I live. After I got home from work I received a text from my boyfriend, seeing if I wanted to do something. I of course said yes. He came and picked me up and we went to a local park that has a lake and we had a picnic. He made some fried chicken, potato salad and chocolate chip cookies for us to eat our picnic. It was all really delicious. After we ate we walked around the lake which 3.3 miles. We of course held hands. I honestly thought I would never fall in love because of the struggles I have with having a mental illness. My boyfriend a normie. A normie is a normal person. In my opinion it takes a great deal of strength on his part to be my partner. I’ve known my boyfriend for 14 years now but we have only been dating for a year. He has been a great support for me over the years and is a pretty amazing dude. I know without a shadow of doubt that if I didn’t choose to be in recovery I would not be in a positive romantic relationship at the moment.

     After our time at the park my boyfriend dropped me off at my place where I decided to call my lil brother. He is a sweet kid even though he is a grown man. Despite our 11 year age difference we are close. I like to call him two or three times a week to check up on him. I check up on him because he has his own struggles with a disability or two. I still haven’t asked him if I can tell you all what his disabilities are. I think the reason why I haven’t is because I am being the protective older sister. That’s why I haven’t shared his name with you. I’m debating if I want to use his real name if I have his permission or a pseudonym. In all honesty I probably will end up using a pseudonym for his protection. My brother means the world to me. He is the only family member I trust with my life. My brother is one of the funniest people I know. He should be a stand up comedian.

     So after talking with my lil brother, I picked up the book I am currently reading and read a couple of chapters. I’m still reading the memoir, The Center Cannot Hold; My Journey Through Madness, by Elyn R. Saks. It’s about her struggle with schizophrenia and how she managed to get her education at three of the most prestigious colleges in the world. I don’t want to give too much away. I’m almost done with the book. I have only about a hundred pages left and am kind of sad that I am almost finished with it. Whenever I end a book if feel like I’m saying goodbye. I’m not to keen on goodbyes. For me reading helps me a great especially if I am struggling. Thankfully I am not struggling at the moment but I do read on the regular basis because I enjoy it immensely. Elyn R. Saks story is extremely inspirational.

     I hope that someday I can be an inspiration to others like Elyn R. Saks is to me and many others. Elyn R. Saks is also in recovery from mental illness. I started this blog in hopes that I can show others struggling with mental illness that recovery is possible. I also hope that normies (or “normal” people) can see that people with mental illness are just like. I hope that I can change someone’s negative thoughts toward the mentally ill to become neutral or positive because I was to eliminate the stigma of mental illness.

    I’m wanting to get back to reading so I’m going to end this blog entry for now. I hope you have a good Saturday evening and enjoy whatever you are doing at the moment. Peace Out.

Finding The Humor In Things

Posted on by Gertie

     Happy Friday!! Well, Happy Friday to those who happen to be lucky enough have the weekends off. Unfortunately, Fridays are my Mondays. As you can tell I worked today. As I told you in an earlier blog I work at a national chain grocery store. Well, for some reason they wanted me to clean the cart corals. You know those things in the parking lot of grocery stores where you put your carts in after you’re done unloading your groceries. Well, when my assistant manager told me that corporate wanted me to clean them and clean them with bleach I laughed and said “you gotta be kidding me.” He shook his and said he wasn’t joking. I told him that I would do it but I didn’t see the point in cleaning them especially since they are outside. He didn’t see the point either but was only relaying the message. Come on, don’t I have better things to do like help customers. What in the world is corporate thinking? If they want those cart corals cleaned then why don’t they come to the store level and do it themselves. To tell you the truth I think it’s kind of funny that corporate it want me to do this. The customers even thought is was funny. Some of them even asked if they could take a picture of me and put it up on Facebook because it’s so ridiculous. I don’t like having pictures taken of my but in this case I made an exception. The two reasons why I was even willing to clean the cart corals was because of it being so humorous and it’s nice outside.

     I think humor plays a big part of my recovery. No, I don’t think in plays a big part in my recovery, I KNOW it plays a MAJOR part in my recovery. If I didn’t have my humor then I would have completely lost my mind all together and I sure in the hell wouldn’t be in recovery.

     I should end this blog entry for now. I hope that I was able to give you the reader/follower at least a little chuckle if not full fledged laugh out loud moment. I’m all for finding the humor in things. Have a good afternoon everyone.

Not In My Ideal Job

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Thursday!!! As you all know it’s Thursday and that means most people are getting excited about the weekend. I don’t get excited about weekend because I work the weekends. I’m not trying to sound like I am complaining because as much as I dislike my current employment, I really do enjoy being able to work. I realize that there are people who are not able to work due to their disability. I guess I’m just frustrated with myself because I’m stuck in a job that is that is not personally going anywhere for me and my career path.

I know that I am meant to be a peer support specialist/peer counselor. I have applied to five places and out of those five places, I got four job interviews and no job offers. I am beyond grateful that I even got an interview much less four. I know that many people don’t have those kind of odds. I’m having anxiety that I wont get a job as a peer support specialist/peer counselor because of not getting any job offers. I just to need to realize that I’m lucky that I got four job interviews out of the five places I applied to.

This is the typical anxiety I go through almost on the daily basis. I have a lot of self doubt about myself and my abilities. I know without a shadow of a doubt that if I wasn’t in recovery with my mental illness that I wouldn’t be having self doubt or doubting my abilities. My recovery means the world to me and if self doubting and doubting my abilities is one of my biggest struggles with mental illness then I will take it. Its better than how I used to be when I was at my worst.

Speaking of recovery, I need to get going. I have to get ready to go to my therapy session. I am grateful that I have such a great therapist who is more than willing to be invested in my recovery process. Well I best be going now. Have a good Thursday. I hope to blog later on today. Enjoy the rest of your morning everyone.

It’s Been A Good Tuesday

Posted on by Gertie

Hey!! It’s another Tuesday!! Today, didn’t start off in the most desirable way. I woke up with a nightmare. Not the way anyone wants to start off their day. Apparently and unfortunately it was a screaming nightmare. I found this out when the police showed up at my door. Once again, I was highly embarrassed that they were called and that I disturbed my neighbors again due to the PTSD I struggle with on the daily (and nightly) basis. The police did their jobs and thanked me for understanding. When the police left, I decided to stay up and get ready for the day.

As I was getting ready for my day my boyfriend called me to make plans for the day. I was more than pleased that we made plans because having such a rude awaking from a nightmare can cause my day to be rocky. We made plans to meet up Downtown to have lunch after his doctors appointment. So I met up with my boyfriend and we decided to go to Johnny Rockets. I love the atmosphere of Johnny Rockets and their food is absolutely awesome. I had the Houston while my boyfriend had the Smoke House Double and we shared a Chocolate Shake. As, we ate we made plans to do with the rest of our day.

After we ate we walked around the Downtown area of the city we live in. We decided to go into Barnes & Noble to look around. There I bought three books. In fact all three book are classics and I personally think they are books that I should have been assigned to read in school despite being in a special education English class. (Don’t get me started on the education I received in high school or the lack there of it.) It is my humble opinion that even though I was in a Special Ed English class I should have been required to read the three books that I bought today. The books I bought today are: Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte, Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens and A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. I love to read and enjoy it immensely despite having dyslexia and other reading issues. After buying books we decided to come home to his place.

When we arrived to his place we worked on a jigsaw puzzle together. We both love to do jigsaw puzzles. After that we both decided to read. I of course picked up the book that I am currently reading. The that I am reading is The Center Cannot Hold: My Journey Through Madness by Elyn R. Saks. The book is a memoir of Elyn R. Saks life. She writes about her struggle with Schizophrenia and her struggle with the illness as well as her recovery and how her education helped her through her struggle. While I was reading my mom called from my little brother’s place.

When my mom calls that means it’s 6pm on Tuesday. I had to set a specific time for her to call because she would (and still tries to) call me multiple times a day. I talked with her. Thankfully, she wasn’t as full as drama as she usually is. I think the reason being is because she was over at my little brother place. My little brother and I extremely close despite our 11 year age difference. He is my hero. He too struggles with his own disabilities but I wont share them here unless I have his permission. Since my mom was at my brothers place I talked to him as well. I love his sense of humor. After about an hour of talking to my mom and brother I decided to call my dad and talked with him for about a half an hour.

After my conversation ended with my dad at 7:30pm (Pacific Time), Josh asked what I wanted to eat. We agreed on Spaghetti, so he is started fixing dinner as I blog. The spaghetti sure smells great. My boyfriend is an awesome cook. His food is almost as good as my grandmas food. Of course nobodies food is ever as good as grandmas food. Well I better end this entry and help my boyfriend finish dinner since it is now 8:07pm (Pacific Time). Have good rest of your evening, night or day wherever you maybe in the world.

Introduction To Gertie’s Journey

Posted on by Gertie

Hey, I’m Gertie!!!! I’m new to this blogging thing and have absolutely no clue on what the hell I’m doing, especially since I accidently permanently deleted my very first blog which was under the same title. I just hope I can come as close as possible to what I said in my original first blog. With all that being said lets start by with me telling you the two main reasons why I am starting this blog. The first reason why I’m starting this blog is to educate “normal” (whatever the hell “normal” means) people on what it’s like to struggle with a mental illness on the daily basis. Not only that, but to show “normal” people that people who deal or struggle with a mental illness can be and is a productive member of society. Every person who struggles or deals with a mental illness has there own way of being a productive member of society just like “normal” people do. Yes, that means I personally struggle with a mental illness. It is my hope that if “normal” people read this that I will help stop the judgments that they may have about the mentally ill. If I help stop judgments regarding the mentally ill then maybe just may the stigma that goes along with mental illness will start to be eliminated. I want to eliminate that stigma. The second reason why I am starting this blog is to show those who do struggle with a mental illness that recovery is possible and that their is hope. Hope is key to the recovery process. I don’t want those who struggle with mental illness to think that they are alone in their struggles. Unfortunately, having a diagnosis of a mental illness is a life long battle however there are a handful of diagnosis that you can not longer meet the criteria for. If I was told correctly it’s most (not all) of the personality disorders. I know this because I no longer meet the criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I tell you this because there is hope and recovery is possible. Now that I have gotten off topic, which I do quite often, let get back on the topic of the introduction to this blog.

As I told you earlier, I am Gertie. No, Gertie is not my real name. Gertie is a nickname that I received in the third grade. How did you get your nickname, you ask. When I was in Brownies (Girl Scouts) their were three of us with the same name. (We were also in the same grade at the same school.) My troop leaders decided they would give me a nickname and was happy to get one. In fact my troop leaders got the idea of my nickname from my last name. The nickname they wanted to give me was Gertrude(which is not my last name) but I told them I wasn’t having it. Well, I told them, “Gertrude sounds like a name of an old fogey.” My troop leaders as well as my troop laughed at that statement when one of my troop leaders asked “how bout Gertie?” I smiled, shrouded my shoulders and said “oaky dokie, artichokie.” That meant I was okay with the nickname Gertie. I chose Gertie’s Journey as a title to name my blog because I’m Gertie and it’s my journey. Plus, Gertie seems to have a better ringtone to the word journey than my given name would. I also chose Gertie’s Journey because I want to be as anonymous as possible because of the stigma that goes along with having a mental illness. Since I’ve gone by my given name during my adulthood (Side Note: Their is one exception to this and that’s when I was a young adult and will be explained at some point in time), I figured Gertie was a safe nickname to use. Plus I like the ring that goes with Gertie’s Journey. I said that already, didn’t I. See, I told you I get off topic and as you can read, I am long winded. Now back to the topic of the Introduction to Gertie’s Journey.

As a thirty-something I’ve realized that I may not be where I want to be career wise but I have figured out who I am and what I am meant to be in this life. See, we as humans, finally figure out in our early thirties, hopefully, who we are and our place in this world. We also figure out what we are passionate about. I know what I am passionate about. I am passionate about mental health advocacy and recovery. Yes, I am passionate about it because of my own struggle with mental illness as well as having family members who struggle with a mental illness. I think my passion for mental health is the reason why I want to go into the field of mental health as a Peer Support Specialist or Peer Counselor. (Side Note: I will definitely explain in a later blog what a Peer Counselor is). I know I am meant to be a Peer Counselor even though I don’t have a job (or career) as one yet even though I do have the certification.  Yes, I have applied to jobs to become one and even have had interviews but no job offers as of yet.  Even though I have not been offered a job as a peer I will NOT let it get me down. I am too far in my recovery to let it get me down. I am passionate about mental health because I want to help eliminate the stigma of mental illness. I hope someday in my lifetime that there will be no more stigma attached to mental illness but realize that is not likely. I figure if I can educate just one “normal” person about mental illness then I’ve done my job and maybe just maybe a domino affect will happen.  Educating just one person will help with the elimination of stigma that goes with mental illness. I’m just as passionate about mental health recovery. Recovery is a core aspect of being a Peer Counselor. If it weren’t for my recovery with dealing with my mental illness this blog would never have been started. I’ve realized that I’ve become off topic once again as well as being long winded.

Since, I’ve been so long winded I’ve decided to end this blog entry. I don’t want you the reader to become bored or uninterested with my blogging. Plus, I’m sure in time with my future blogs that you will get to know me. I hope I have not bored you to death with my blog and hope that you continue to read. I hope to get you interested enough that you follow my blog. Until next time, have a good day or night or whatever the case maybe in whatever part of the world you may be in.