Tag Archives: PTSD

Not A So Good Night

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I’m not having the best of nights. Nightmares are not my idea of a fun way to wake up any time. Dealing with trauma is not an easy thing for anyone to deal with especially the after effects of the initial trauma. Dealing with trauma is something a person will deal with the rest of their lives.

For me right now, dealing with my PTSD symptoms, I’ve been reading. Reading a great deal. Specifically, I am reading Ship of Magic by Robin Hobb. I think if it wasn’t for reading I would be stuck in my head dealing with the undesired events of my past.

As much as reading helps I really need to have a way to process. That’s where blogging comes in. So thank you for allowing me to process even though its so vague.

I think I’m going to go and read. Thank you for reading my blog in the middle of the night. It’s appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!

A Tough Morning Turning Into A Relaxing One

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I woke up this morning with an increase in my Depression and PTSD. When I realized this I realized what I needed to do. I needed to start my morning routine instead of just laying around.

So, I made some tea, read the news paper, had a bowl of cereal and took my meds. As always the news paper had nothing but bad news in it. I would like to be able to read some positive or heartwarming stories more often. I know of course I’m not the only one who feels like this.

After my morning routine I decided to read some comic books. Specifically, I read Wonder Woman comic books. I spent about an hour reading about a dozen Wonder Woman comic books. I’ve been collecting Wonder Woman comics since I was about six years old.

After reading Wonder Woman comics I decided to read Ship of Magic by Robin Hobb. I am really enjoying this book. When I am finished with this book I am looking forward to reading the second book in the series. Below is yet another picture of the book I am reading with two of my stuffed animals.

IMG_0247Well I think I’m going to get going and get back to reading. Have a great day everyone and Peace Out, World!!!

Poetry; Day Two: Faces

Posted on by Gertie

Monster’s Eyes Within The Face

by Gertie

Face’s amongst us.

Look at their face and you can not tell.

Look into their eyes.

Look deep into their eyes and you can tell there is a monster within them.

A monster that may have hurt me but helped me.

Helped me by making me stronger despite them trying to make me weak.

 

Holding On To Hope Like My Life Depends On It

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I’m sitting here at my laptop realizing that due to the lack of structure I’ve had today is making the symptoms of my depression increase. Even though its ever so slightly. Depression sucks shit yet I’m still holding on to the hope that I finally got back. Holding on to it like my life depends on it because it does.

Something that helps me with hope is music. So most of today, I’ve been listening music. If I wasn’t listening to it, I was playing my flute or harmonica. For some reason I needed to depend on music to help me through.

Listening to music helped get into a creative mindset to where I did some art. I did some collaging and coloring. I also did some painting. It appears with all the collaging, coloring and painting I’ve been doing I can create my own art gallery in my apartment. The picture below is the most recent painting I did today.

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After doing some art I read Ship of Magic by Robin Hobb. If you’re a Science Fiction or Fantasy genre fan I truly believe you will like this book. Its the first book in The Liveships Trader’s Trilogy. I read several chapters today and needed to take a break from it for a few moments.

Those few moments of breaking from reading turned in a couple of hours. A couple of hours updating my resume’ and cover letter so I could apply for jobs. I did in fact apply for jobs. I even got a response back today to have a phone interview on Tuesday. Its hard to believe I have an interview for Tuesday.

After updating my cover letter and resume’ I realized I wanted to look at some educational opportunities. So, I emailed and called a few folks about the educational opportunities and still waiting to hear back.

Thank you for reading. I hope everyone has a good rest of their day. Peace Out, World.

 

Slightly Struggling in Seattle

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I am struggling at the moment. I’m struggling with self harm urges. I WILL NOT ACT ON MY URGES TO SELF HARM!!! (I AM NOT SUICIDAL!!!) I am struggling because of my Depression and PTSD symptoms. Symptoms I talked to Gilbert about in my session with him today. I’m starting to trust him which is a major deal since he identifies as male. I usually have trouble trusting men especially in the therapeutic relationship.

Gilbert and myself came up with a safety plan. One of the items on the safety plan is blogging. Blogging is quite helpful for me. It helps me get out of my own head.

Gets me out of my head enough to focus on art work. I’m going be focusing on coloring today since I got a new coloring book today. I also have colored pencils I haven’t used yet due to waiting for this coloring book.

Coloring helps me focus to where I will be able to read. I’ll most likely  be reading Ship of Magic by Robin Hobb. I’m really loving the book. If you are a Sci Fi and/or Fantasy genre fan I highly recommend it.

Now that I’ve told you my safety plan, I’m going to go and eat. I want to reassure you that; I’M NOT SUICIDAL & WON’T ACT ON MY URGES TO SELF HARM. I hope everyone has a good evening and good week. Peace Out, World.

Plans For The Day

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I didn’t get much sleep last night for various reasons. One of those reasons was due to PTSD. When I woke up this morning I realized my Depression symptoms are worse which I contribute to the lack of sleep.

Due to my symptoms acting up because of the lack of sleep, I realize that I need to make plans for the day. Plans the will keep me safe as well as busy and being a homebody. Being a homebody every once in a while is a good thing just as long as I make sure it doesn’t lead into isolation.

One of the things I do when I am being a homebody for the day is stay in my pajamas. Thankfully, I’m in the pajamas I don’t give a shit if I get paint on. I say this because I am planning on doing some art. One of the forms of art I plan on doing is painting. I am also planning on doing some collaging and coloring. All three art forms are helpful for me to decrease my symptoms of both Depression and PTSD.

Another thing that is helpful for me to decrease my symptoms is reading. I’m planning on reading Ship of Magic by Robin Hobb. So far I’m enjoying the book and am on chapter 8. Another thing I plan on reading are comic books. Specifically, Wonder Woman comic books.

Speaking of books I am planning on doing my workbook. I am learning quite a bit about myself, sexual orientation, gender ideation and most importantly resiliency. It’s also quite challenging for me as well. If a workbook isn’t challenging for me then I don’t find them as helpful as for me as ones that are challenging. It being challenging for me is why I am liking the workbook. It means its going to be helpful.

Another thing that is going to be helpful for me is something that is going to happen this evening.  That something is that I am having two of my closest friends come over to watch some movies. We are going to be watching movies and eating a bunch of junk food. My friends and I are all responsible for some of the food.

Speaking of food, I need to get going to buy what I need for this evening. I hope everyone has a peaceful and restful Sunday. Peace Out, World!!!

Sleepless In Seattle

Posted on by Gertie

It is two o’clock in the morning and I am unable to sleep. I’m blaming the no sleep on PTSD and insomnia. To help me through right now besides blogging is a multitude of things.

Music is one of them. I’ve been listening to some form of music most of the night even when I was trying to fall asleep. In fact everything I have done tonight included music.

As I listened to music, I started out doing some form of art. I did multiple collages. Some of which were poetry related. I also finished a painting that I have been working on. I am thinking about giving it to a friend but I’m not sure because I really like it and want to hang it up in my apartment. I also did some coloring.

Another thing I did as I listened to music was read Ship of Magic by Robin Hobb. I’m really liking the book. I realized that I’m really getting into the book and had to put it down or else I most likely would be up all night reading. When I realized this I decided to pick up my comic books to read. I, of course, read about four Wonder Woman comics before realizing I could spend all night reading comics all night.

That’s when I decided to start a Wonder Woman puzzle I received as a gift for Christmas from my brother Jay. All I have done right now of the puzzle is the sorting of end pieces from all the other pieces. I do have some of the end pieces put together. I think I would have stuck with it if the stupid fire alarm didn’t go off. In fact I might go back to my puzzle after I’m done blogging.

Thank you for reading my blog. Have a good night all. Peace Out, World!!!

Finding the Calm of the Night

Posted on by Gertie

Right now, I am having a rough go at it due a nightmare from PTSD and voices due to severe depression that is slowly getting better. So, I decided  to use a meditation and mindfulness app called; Calm. Using this app has proven quite helpful for me.

It’s helps me so much that Junior thought he would give it a try. In fact he finds it quite helpful as well. He even uses it after each call at work. As I mentioned in other post, Junior is firefighter and after he get back to the station after each run he uses the Calm app to help him regain composure.

I guess what I am saying is that I have found something that helps me with my recovery and helps those I care about be the best they can be on their jobs. As I informed you in earlier post this week I am finding and using things that will be helpful for my recovery.

Now on to trying to get some sleep after using that Calm app and blogging. I will also have some cuddling time as Junior goes to work later this morning. Peace Out, World!!!

There Is No Place Like Home

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Right now I’m having some difficulties with a number of symptoms from the various mental health challenges I struggle with. I’m coming up with ideas on what I know that will be helpful for me especially since I’m finally home from holiday events with my family. In fact my last three post were from when I was out of town visiting family for the Christmas holiday.

There is no place like home especially dealing with a dysfunctional family during the holiday season. Now that I am home I am able to have my access to things that I normally turn to when the symptoms of my mental health challenges are being quite challenging at the moment.

The first thing I’ve done was cooks some food. In fact I cooked some comfort food and ate it. Some of the comfort food that I ate was given to me as a Christmas gift, such as fudge and other such baked goods. At lets not forget the hot chocolate on this cold wintery night.

Since I have food in my tummy, I can now focus on other things that will help me. Most of it has to do with the creativity part of who I am. The first thing I did was play my flute and harmonica. No, I did not play them at the same time. There is something quite soothing about playing a musical interment. Soothing enough that it helped me become more creative.

As I became more creative, I turned on my recovery play list from Spotify and started to paint. Painting seems help me get out the emotions I need to be getting out, just like music. I hope to show you the finished products of some of my paintings as at later time.

Thank you for reading my post. It’s greatly appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!

Hauntings of Christmas Past

Posted on by Gertie

Merry Christmas, World!!! It is officially Christmas Day in every part of the world. In fact its barely two and half hours into Christmas in my neck of the world.

I am unable to sleep due to hauntings of Christmas past. Hauntings of Christmas past is trauma related severe abuse that happened to me as a child. Every time I try to go to sleep my body goes into automatic PTSD mode. For me that usually means flashbacks and body memories. When this happens when I am going to sleep it means I most likely wont get any sleep. Sleep is something everyone needs and hopefully I can get so I can make the best out of Christmas.

Experiencing childhood trauma around the holidays pretty much ruined the holidays for me except I am creating ways to have the holidays become more pleasant for me. There are many ways I am doing this and hope to discuss this topic more later on today or sometime tomorrow.

As I end this post, I hope everyone who celebrates Christmas has good holiday. For those who have difficulties this time of year especially around trauma please do some good self care today. Merry Christmas and Peace Out, World.