Tag Archives: Family

Missing My Parents

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I woke up this morning with some intense sadness. Sadness over losing both of my parents within a two-month period. It sucks that they died so close together but there is nothing I can do about it but radically accept the situation or be in denial. Some moments I am in denial and numb while other moments I radically accept the sadness of losing both of my parents.

Despite dealing with the grief and sadness of losing my parents I am thinking of all the little moments that they tried to make good happy memories for me and with me especially as a child to have as an adult. I have so many of those small moments that it is helping with the sadness. It’s those memories that are helping me accept the fact that my relationship with my parents had been rocky over the years and that we work through a good chunk of the issues we had. I am so happy that I was able to work through some issues I had with my parents.

I do not have anything else to discuss or write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Sad News, Once Again

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It is Saturday evening here in Seattle and I am at a loss of words as I found out this past Wednesday that my dad died in hospice Tuesday night in his sleep. I didn’t post sooner because last Sunday marked two months since my mom died and last Saturday was my mom’s funeral. I don’t know how to feel right now but I have been mostly numb.

My mom’s funeral went well and was lovely. I saw my brother which was awesome but I wish it wasn’t due to my mom’s funeral. The urn my mom’s ashes are in is absolutely beautiful. My uncle and is “sweetie” did a wonderful job planning the funeral.

As far as my dad goes, my grandpa is struggling with the loss of my dad. My uncles and grandpa planned the funeral and it is in a week and half and I am glad I don’t have to wait two months for his funeral like I did for my mom’s. It is just really hard that my dad died two months and two days after my mom.

I do not have much more to discuss or write about in this particular blog post because it is too hard to write right now because I miss my parents. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Today Would’ve Been My Grandma’s 95th Birthday

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Today would have been my paternal 95th grandma’s birthday if she were still alive. Sadly, she passed away exactly a month after her 88th birthday. That meant she died on Valentines Day. So this Valentines Day will mark seven years since she died. She and my grandpa helped my dad raise me. I owe my grandmother a lot of gratitude and appreciation as she was a motherly figure to me. I miss her so much but I am glad she is no longer suffering.

I do not have much else to write about or discuss in this blog post except that I am glad she and my grandpa helped my dad raise me. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Another Sleepless In Seattle Type Of Night

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I am once again sleepless in Seattle. At least there was no family drama involved this time around like last night. Sadly, my depression and PTSD symptoms have not decreased much due to being so hypervigilant from last nights family drama. I really dislike hypervigilance and wish I did not have PTSD.

Since I am unable to sleep again and dealing with the aftermath of the family drama of last night I have been cuddling with my cat, Billie. In fact he is all curled up in my lap as I type this particular blog. My cat, Billie has been curled up sleeping as I do some artwork. The type of artwork I am doing is coloring a gigantic coloring poster. I love coloring and enjoy doing it especially when my cat, Billie is curled up on my lap or beside me.

I do not have anything else to talk about nor to write about in this particular blog post except that I hope that I can get some sleep. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Family Drama + Middle of Night + PTSD + Insomnia = Sleepless in Seattle Type of Night

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! Sadly, more family drama has been occurring and this time in the middle of the night. My aunt is upset with me at the moment due to the fact that I will now no longer be paying for her train ticket to go my mom’s funeral at the end of this month. I asked multiple times via phone calls and text messages and she made it clear to me that she “doesn’t need help paying for a stupid train ticket.” So, when I bought mine, I didn’t buy hers. My aunt has been calling me and my other aunt who lives in Texas all night. My aunt in Texas is on my side due to the fact that I offered multiple times and was told “no” multiple times. My aunt in Texas is extremely angry with my other aunt because of being woken up multiple times. In fact my aunt in Texas blocked my other aunt so she could get some sleep. In fact I took my aunt who lives in Texas lead and blocked my other aunt as well. Sadly, my angry aunt called my two uncles and sadly got them involved. One uncle is on my side while the other uncle is upset but thinks I should pay for my aunts train ticket to “keep the peace” even though my aunt has said “no” multiple times but understands why I am not. Sadly, my uncles have now blocked my aunt so they can get some sleep.

Even though I blocked this aunt I am not able to get back to sleep due to insomnia and an increase of PTSD symptoms due to the family drama. Since I am unable to sleep I am cuddling with my cat, Billie. As I cuddle with my cat, Billie, I am reading an awesome book. The book I am reading is Sacrifice by Nikole Knight. Sacrifice is book two in the Fire and Brimstone series by Nikole Knight. I am really enjoying the book. In fact cuddling with my cat, Billie, and reading has been helping with the PTSD symptoms.

I do not have anything else to write about or even to discuss in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you my reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Family Drama + PTSD = A Sh!tty Trauma Response

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! I am currently dealing with some shitty and intense trauma response due to family drama and PTSD symptoms. I am pretty sure the family drama with my aunt is what caused the PTSD symptoms and ultimately the trauma response that I had.

This will be a long post due to it being a long story. As I have posted before, my mom died two days before Thanksgiving Day here in the United States. It’s been extremely challenging for me for many reasons. Sadly, I posted an angry and pain filled post on my Facebook wall under my given name which started some family drama. I apologized many times to many people in my life especially my family. I know I hurt many people and most understand and have forgiven me or at least started to forgive me in their own time and own way except one aunt. That one aunt is the person I offered to pay for their train ticket from Seattle to where my mom’s funeral is going to be which is Olympia at the end of this month. I offered to pay for her train ticket due to her having car issues as well as having some financial issues and wanted to be helpful. My aunt lives in the Bremerton area and could easily take the ferry from Bremerton to Seattle and take the train. So, I have to text back and forth with her a handful of times regarding tickets which leads to the drama this evening.

I texted my aunt about the train tickets close to 8:30 this evening Seattle time. She informed me that she doesn’t need me to pay for her tickets and is unsure if she is going to take the train if she does she will pay for her own. She also stated that she doesn’t respond to phone calls or text after 7:30 unless it is urgent. I texted an apology and let her know that I usually text people after 8:00 due to peoples bedtime routines and that I won’t do it again. She then texted me to next her again tonight which I wasn’t going to do nor will I do now that I know her boundaries. Anyway, this aunt then calls me up and screams at me and has mentioned every thing I have done wrong in her eyes that she heard through the “grapevine” or witnessed yet she hasn’t been in my life very much for various reasons. She brought up so painful shit that I experienced which caused some anger in me as well as an anxiety attack or two. I ended up hanging up on her and blocking her phone number temporarily for my own sanity.

Since my aunt caused so much anger I did what my therapist had suggested and wrote out my anger. I wrote my anger and anxiety in my journal I bought myself for Christmas. So, I wrote six pages in my journal regarding my anger and trauma response regarding my aunt calling and screaming at me. After journaling I reached out to some of my natural support system of friends like my therapist suggested in therapy. I reached out to two friends who were happy to talk with me and I am so grateful for their listening ear.

After journaling and talking with two friends I of course cuddled with my cat, Billie and as I am writing this particular blog post Billie my cat is still cuddling with me. I think after I am done with this particular blog post I will color as I love to color.

I know my mom wouldn’t want all this drama after her death or regarding her funeral. I just wish she was still alive. I miss my mom so very much. I hope she knew how much I loved her even though we didn’t get along at times.

I do not have much more to write about or discuss in this particular blog post except to say I am sorry for posting about my family drama and my anger. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Daily Prompt; What Gives You Direction in Life?

Posted on by Gertie
Daily writing prompt
What gives you direction in life?
View all responses

Many people and things give me direction in life. In fact my family gives me inspiration even though they are quite dysfunctional some of the time. Well the majority of the time my family is dysfunctional. My friends also give me direction in my life. Friends and family have helped a great deal with giving me direction in my life.

Another thing that helps give me direction in my life is my meditation practice as well my new faith in Buddhism or at least what I am learning about Buddhism. I am grateful for learning about Buddhism.

Of course my recovery and my cat help me give direction in my life.

Holiday Traditions

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I would like to inform you of my own personal holiday traditions as it was suggested to me to start my own early on in my mental health recovery. The reason why it was suggested to me is because of some of the unrealistic holiday traditions that were placed on me by my family. No disrespect to my family as I love them very much but creating my own holiday traditions have helped me cope with my family as well helped me cope with my PTSD and depression.

When it was suggested to me by my therapist at the time early on in my mental health recovery the only thing I could think of regarding traditions for myself was comic books. Specifically two comic books that focused on Christmas. In fact the comic books I am speaking of are Christmas with the Superhero’s volume one and two by DC comics.

Over the years I have added to my holiday traditions. I have included the typical traditions of watching movies and listening to music. I have also included with the help of friends of the Jewish faith of spending a night or two or three celebrating Hanukkah with my friends who celebrate it. I am grateful that I can help celebrate Hanukkah with my friends who celebrate it. Besides watching holiday movies, listening to holiday music and spending two or three nights celebrating Hanukkah, I have included the following traditions to my list: reading holiday focused books, doing holiday or wintery focused jigsaw puzzles, doing holiday focused logic puzzles, doing Christmas dot to dot, and doing artwork focused on holidays or wintery scenes which includes coloring and diamond art/painting.

Now that I informed you of what I do for my own holiday traditions, it is challenging to know how my family traditions will change this year and next year due to my mom passing away two days before Thanksgiving. I say this year and next year as this year it is so fresh. I know I will keep some of the Christmas traditions my mom instilled upon me. As far as my dad’s side of the family they will still celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve as one of my uncle’s birthday is on Christmas and celebrate his birthday on Christmas.

I do not have anything else to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out and Happy Holidays, World!!!

A Sad Life Update

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! Last Tuesday (November 26, 2024) my mom died. She died from lung cancer two days before Thanksgiving. It is never easy to lose anyone especially during the holidays. I miss my mom and dealing with funeral arrangements is not easy but at least have family helping me out with all that especially my two uncles on my moms side.

To make the grief that much hard Thursday, November 28, 2024 marked exactly five years since my last cat, Lil Brooke crossed over the rainbow bridge which happened to be Thanksgiving this year. In fact Lil Brooke crossed over the rainbow bridge on Thursday, 28, 2019 which also happened to be Thanksgiving that year. Here in the United States lands on the fourth Thursday of November which means it is never the same date.

Anyway, this past Thanksgiving was not the easiest for me to deal with. At least I had friends to spend it with. I also spent it with my current cat, Billie. I am grateful that I have family and good friends checking in on me even though I have no family that lives close by. I am also beyond grateful for my cat, Billie.

I don’t have much more to write about in the particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Today Would Have Been 69 Years of Marriage

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Today is a bittersweet day. It is bittersweet because today is my grandparents anniversary. They would have been married 69 years if my grandma sadly didn’t pass away in early 2018. I miss her greatly. In fact I called my grandpa this morning to wish him a happy anniversary and he began to cry because he is happy that I remembered and sad because he misses my grandma. I am grateful that I was able to witness the love between my grandparents. In fact my grandpa visited my grandma’s grave site today and put a dozen yellow roses on her grave. My grandma’s favorite flower was yellow roses.

I do not have much more to say in this post except to wish my grandparents a Happy 69th Anniversary. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!