Weekly Plans

Sunday

  • Blog
  • Hang out with family
  • Clean apartment

Monday

  • Blog
  • Knitting Group
  • Art Group
  • Therapy
  • Clean apartment

Tuesday

  • Blog
  • Hearing Voices group
  • Errands

Wednesday

  • Blog
  • Therapy
  • Clean apartment

Thursday

  • Blog
  • DSHS
  • Red Robin w/friends

Friday

  • Blog
  • Basketball
  • Therapy

Saturday

  • Blog
  • Pack to get ready to go out of town for grandma’s funeral
  • Clean Apartment

Weekly Check-In

Good Evening, World!!! If you been reading my blog this past week you know that my grandma passed away. It’s been quite difficult for me and my family especially my grandpa. My grandparents were married for 62 1/2 years so of course its going to be difficult for him.

My friends have been a wonderful source of support the last few days. Friends who have no fear of seeing me cry or giving me reality checks when needed. Hell, my friends are stubborn ass mules just like I am. I think that’s what makes my friends awesome. They don’t put up with my bullshit.

Speaking of friends, I went to Red Robin with two of my closest friends. We had some yummy food. Food that is good for the soul.

I didn’t go to my volunteer job this evening primarily because of the grief I am dealing with regarding my grandma. People are pretty understanding about it. Having some awesome peer support is great.

Thank you for reading and Peace Out, World!!!

I Miss My Grandma

Hello, World!!! I’m having a really strong moment of grief. Grief of loosing my grandma. I wish she was still here however I know she is watching over me as my guardian angel.

With the loss of my grandma, I’ve been receiving some great support from friends and fellow peer specialist. Support from people that I didn’t even know that cared. Having folks check in with me has been quite helpful for me.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

The Day After

Hello, World!!! The last twenty four hours have been quite difficult for my family and I. It has been difficult because of the death of my grandma, yesterday.

As difficult as yesterday was for me, I realized on how much support I have. Support I didn’t realize I had much less folks who actually read my blog. For instance, a shout out to my recovery coach for reading my blog to see how I am doing. Thanks!!! Another shout out to both my case manager and therapist who have been reading my blog on the semi-regular basis to “check-up” on me. Even a shout out to my friends who read my blog to see how I am doing when I haven’t check-in with them.

Having the unexpected folk read my blog is a blessing to me. It’s a blessing because to me it shows they care and concerned for how I am doing especially those who identify as people with lived experience. The power of peer support is amazing.

As amazing as peer support is, I am grateful for it as well as grateful for the professionals in my life. My therapist and case manager are putting back on “daily check-ins” as a preventive measure. A preventive measure to help keep me on the path I want to be on. A path of recovery and to get back to work.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World

Tough Valentines Day

Today, has not been the easiest of days for me to say the least. My grandma passed away earlier today. As many of you know she has been in home hospice care for a week and as of today she is no longer suffering.

I had posted on social media about my grandma’s death and well I ended up getting bullied. Bullied because I didn’t acknowledge the shooting that happened in Florida today. I was completely unaware of it as I was at Social Security most of the morning and then my therapist office the rest of the day till I got the news about my grandma.

Thankfully, I have some good friends who stuck up for me and support me when the bullying was happening. Some of these friends live near me and came over with some food to check up on me. They brought me my favorite burger from Red Robin with a butt load of fries and campfire sauce. No matter tough a day a person has, friends and food always help.

Thank you for reading. I know I will get through this with the help of many other including the blogging community. Thanks!!! Peace Out, World!!!

Grief Before Death

I’m not sure what to call it as it’s not quite depression yet I feel like its too soon to call it grief as my grandma is still alive. I’m feeling sad about my grandma as she doesn’t have much longer to live. I don’t want her to die yet I don’t want her to suffer anymore.

To help me through this I have been using my support system a great deal. They have been there for me. I, have realized though this difficult and challenge time is that some folks I thought would be there for me are not but others have stepped up to the plate while other have gone above and beyond the call of duty.

Junior of course being one of those folks going above and beyond the call of duty. He has been making sure I’ve been taking care of my basic needs. When he is at work he has made sure someone checks in on me.

Having friends to help me through this challenging time has been a blessing to me. I am grateful for those individuals. Without friends, life would be that much more difficult for me.

Thanks for reading. Peace Out, World!!

Photo 1; Day 8: Treasure

Good Afternoon, World!!! When I saw today’s topic of treasure I knew exactly what picture to post and why it’s a treasure to me.

IMG_0004The above picture is my beloved teddy bear fondly known as “Ted” or “Teddy” although he now sort of looks like a rat due to the nose. I’ve had Ted since I was born. So he is almost 39 years old. How many people do you know that have had the same stuffed animal for nearly 40 years? Not many. Ted is a treasure to me. He has been there for me through thick and thin. He is my best friend.

Friday Morning Ramblings

Good Morning, World!!! As I think about my week I can’t help but think about my friend who get fired yesterday at one of the agencies I interviewed for. In fact the job my friend got fired from is one I want as it is a part time position. In all honesty, part time work will be a better fit for me than a full time position. The problem is that if this agency offers me the part time position, I’ll feel bad for taking it. I also know this friend would be okay with it.

Right now, I am dealing with a great deal of PTSD symptoms. Symptoms that aren’t helping me with fighting off some dissociation. One of the signs I’m about to dissociate is the feeling of me being a scared young child. This is when I start playing with the toys I have. I usually play with my Hot Wheels, Play Doh, Legos, coloring, and stuffed animals.

Something that I did this morning to help not dissociate is make myself breakfast. I made myself French Toast, scrambled eggs and some tea. As I ate, I read the news paper. The newspaper had the typical bad news but also had stuff about the Winter Olympics. The Olympics is a refreshing part of the news.

Thank you for reading about my ramblings. I hope everyone has a good day. Happy Friday!!! Peace Out, World!!!

Venting My Frustrations

Hello, World!!! I am sitting here frustrated at friend, attempting to not get frustrated with him or the experience he is sharing with me via text. It does appear that he is getting frustrated with himself as well as me and my experience with a similar issue especially since it deals with Social Security and Medicaid. I understand where he is coming from and am frustrated for him. It just rubs me the wrong way when he (and others) demean my own experience. I’ve been dealing with Social Security since for twenty plus years and he only ten or so years. I’m feeling like since he is older than me he thinks I don’t know anything. I informed him of my frustration and he is more frustrated.

I’m thinking I need to put this conversation on hold with my friend so I can get some sleep or attempt to do so. I’m going to do some mindfulness and meditation to help me let go of some of this as it is not my issue to fix and I think my friend wants  me to “fix” it for him. This is where I know mindfulness will be helpful for me and my own recovery.

If it weren’t for me being in recovery I wouldn’t know about my own boundaries and that I need to use my DBT skills in this situation. One of which is Mindfulness. Another is to do get sleep and do good self care like blogging. Hell, mindfulness and meditation are good self care activities or at least for me they are.

It is almost one o’clock in the morning for me and I want to get some sleep. Have a good night everyone. I hope you all have some good sleep. Goodnight and don’t let the bed bugs bite. Peace Out, World!!!!

The Love Between Gertie & I

Hey! As Gertie mentioned last week, they want myself and Mama Bear to post every other Wednesday. I stepped up to the plate to post today and Mama Bear will do it next Wednesday.

I’ve decided to write about the love Gertie and I have. I originally met Gertie when she was found unconscious and unresponsive as well as barely breathing due to a suicide attempt. Gertie’s neighbor found them and called 911 when the engine company was called out to help Gertie. Fortunately, she survived that attempted suicide as well as a handful of others.

If it wasn’t for Gertie being survivor, I wouldn’t have become friends with them. Being friends with them is what helped me fall in with Gertie. Gertie has the endearing way about her that has people go to them as friends and for me it had me fall in love with them.

Thanks for reading. I hope this gives some insight of my love for Gertie. Have a great day.