Tag Archives: Loss

Rambling About Sh*t

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Today, has had its ups and downs yet I am grateful for both. Grateful, that I am able to be an okay enough place to have gratitude toward both the ups and the downs for the day. If it were December I don’t think I would have been grateful for the downs I experienced.

I discussed this with Gilbert today in our session and he stated that I am making a lot of progress. Progress with my recovery. Progress with my recovery that I am finally starting see in myself. Not only did we discuss the progress but we discuss the physical assault I experienced on Monday evening as well as the death of my grandma last Wednesday. We discussed on what I can do during the down moments when dealing with the death of my grandma and the assault I experienced.

One of those things I came up with was to journal. To journal about the strength my grandma had. Not just journal in any of my journals but my Wonder Woman journal. I journal in my Wonder Woman journal when I think it is going to be about someone who as some form of strength because Wonder Woman is a strong superhero.

Since we are on the topic of Wonder Woman I also discussed with Gilbert that reading my Wonder Woman comics would be helpful. He agreed as he thinks Wonder Woman gives me some form a strength and he is right. Yes, I know Wonder Woman is a fictional character but she does give me strength.

Thank you for reading. It is very much appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!

Gertie & Grief

Posted on by jjuniorz

As many of you are well aware of, Gertie’s grandma passed away last Wednesday. Gertie is having a difficult with the grief. They don’t do well with loss especially the loss of someone who was a major part of their life.

Gertie is allowing themselves to cry over the loss of her grandma. This is a major deal for them as they don’t deal well with pain or crying. I am quite proud of Gertie for the major accomplishment of allowing themselves to cry.

Gertie is doing the best they can with using their skills. Despite being sorrowful over the death of their grandma they are keeping themselves busy and distracted with the skills they have learned over the years. Gertie is being future oriented.

Future oriented enough that they have been playing phone tag with a potential employer.  Lets hope they get the job they are hoping for.

Please keep Gertie in your thoughts as they are grieving over the loss of their grandma. Gertie is the love of my life. Have a great day.

Sleepless in Frigid Seattle

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It is one o’clock in the morning in my corner of the world. Right now I am having trouble sleeping. I am having trouble sleeping for a multitude of reasons. Actually, two reasons. First is due to the fact I am missing my grandma. Today marks one weeks since she passed away. Second is because of the physical assault that happened the other night.

It hasn’t been the easiest week for me yet somehow I am making it though. I am choosing to focus on my recovery. I am choosing to not harm myself when urges arise. I am choosing to live a life worth living for me.

All I can say right now is that it is freezing outside. It is 27 degrees Fahrenheit outside. I am not a big fan of cold weather. Hot weather I can deal with but not so much the cold weather. Maybe it is because I am from beautiful sunny Southern California.

Thank you for reading. It is appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!

Time With Family

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! This is going to be a short post as today has been an emotional day for me and my family. Junior and I hung out with my family today. This was the first time my family has been together since my grandma passed away on Wednesday (February 14th). We went out to eat and shared stories of my grandma. We laughed. We cried. We ate. It was nice having the support of Junior. Having him there helped me a great deal.

The sad thing about this was my dad didn’t attend as it is “too soon” after the death of my grandma. He is struggling a great deal with my grandma’s death. I just hope that his mental health treatment team is aware of what is going so that my dad can grieve in a healthy way.

Thank you for reading. It is much appreciated. Have a great Sunday. Have a great week and peace out world!!!

Saturday Night Ramblings

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It is 11:09 at night in my corner of the world. I have been watching the Olympics quite faithfully this time around. I am finding that watching the Olympics has been helping me with the loss of my grandma. I really miss her.

I’ve also been doing some mindfulness and meditation practices today. I am feeling some peace whenever I do a mindfulness practice. I have come to the conclusion that mindfulness and meditation is helpful for my recovery.

My recovery means the world to me and whatever I find helpful for it, is something I will continue to do. If you are person in recovery, I encourage you to find things that are helpful for you and your recovery.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

 

Saturday Evening Ramblings

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Right now I have a great deal on my mind. Mostly stuff regarding my grandma’s death. Grief is not the easiest things to deal with and the pain is pure agony.

Agony that I am attempting my hardest to escape from. I’m escaping from the agony through reading and that appears to helping some. Or at least while I am reading.

I’ve also been doing a two out of three of my workbooks. It is helping me a great deal. It is helping me deal with emotions I need to deal with even if its emotions not related to grief.

Another thing that has been helping me through today is some mindfulness and meditation practices. This has proven the best of help with the agony I am dealing with.

Thank you for reading and Peace Out, World.

Rough Moment With Missing My Grandma

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! I am having a rough moment. A rough moment with missing my grandma. I miss my grandma’s voice. I miss her smile. I miss her laugh. I miss her very much.

Something that I am going to do after I am done with this post is read. For me reading has been a tool that I am relying to help me escape from the reality of the pain I am in. Yes, I do allow myself to feel the pain no matter how difficult it may be. I just need some way to escape and reading is a healthy way to do it.

Thank you so very much for reading my many depressing post lately. Peace Out, World.

It’s Been A Long Week

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Friday, World!!! As many of you know its been a long week for me. My grandma died on Wednesday. It’s been quite hard for me deal with the grief. Dealing with the loss of my grandma is quite painful.

Gilbert, my therapist, and I talked about the pain, I’m dealing with regarding my grandma’s death. We discussed ways on how I can remember my grandma. I came up with the idea of a tattoo. I love tattoos and hope I can find one to remember my grandma by.

Something else Gilbert and I discussed was what I can do to have some structure this weekend as well as how I am going do some good self care. We talked about blogging and journaling to help with the processing part of my grandma’s death. We also talked about doing art the help me express my emotions. Reading books and comics also came up to help me escape reality in a healthy way for an hour or two at a time. We also discussed music and doing some workbooks.

Doing good self care is key to my recovery and one of those things is to go and eat something. So, I am going to go and get some dinner. Happy Friday. Peace Out, World!!!

A Little Buzzed

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! I’m a little buzzed from drinking some alcohol. I normally don’t drink but thought I would have a couple tonight. I don’t like the feeling of being buzzed. Alcohol and my meds usually don’t mix so I’m not sure if I will take them tonight as I don’t want to cause any problems.

Some people would say drinking alcohol during a painful time in my life is not wise and they would be correct. I realize this as I choose to not drink but on an occasional basis. I’m not drinking to make the pain go away or to escape it. I just thought I would enjoy some Irish Cream in my hot chocolate.

I miss my grandma and want to make her proud. I’m not sure how to do that right now but I want to make her proud of me.

Thank you for reading.

Missing Grandma

Posted on by Gertie

Gooding Evening, World!!! I missing my grandma very much right now. I wish her death wasn’t so fucking painful. So painful that I have become numb. Numb to the emotional pain.

Pain I know I will get through with the help of my DBT skills. Skills like art and reading. Art helps me express my emotions while reading help me get out of my head for while.

I will first do some art. I most likely will color. Coloring is quite soothing for me. I will probably also paint.

After some art I’ll cuddle up in my pajamas with the quilt my grandma made me and read. Read the book I’ve been reading for while but still enjoying.

First and for most I need to get going so I can get something to eat. Thanks for reading. Peace Out, World!!!