Tag Archives: Mental Health

Getting Back In The Habit

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It is me again. I did end up fixing some spaghetti for dinner and invited my friend from across the hall from me in my apartment building over. My friend was extremely grateful for the invite, the food and the company. We discussed a lot of topics. One which is crucial for my mental health and that is structure. As we discussed structure it occurred to me that I need to blog more and make sure it is scheduled into my day. In fact I brought up my blog to my neighbor and how I need to schedule it into my daily life. He a great suggestion of having an accountability partner and he offered to be my accountability partner for my blog and I his accountability partner for him exercising.  So, not only did I have great company for dinner, it turned into something that will be helpful for me in regards to my blog and mental health, an accountability partner.

So, now that I had time to do the dishes and to think about how to get back into the habit of blogging on the regular basis, I realize that if I do one of WordPress’s courses, it would and will be helpful. I know this from past experiences. I am planing on doing a course I have already done and plan on starting it on Monday. I plan on doing the course “Finding Your Everyday Inspiration.” It is a twenty day course and I have been told that it takes at least twenty one days to create habit. Some studies say it can take sixty days to create habit but the twenty day course will help me either way with creating a habit of blogging on the more regular basis.

Another thing I will start doing in regard to blogging is doing a Weekly Plans post every Sunday and a Weekly Check-In every Saturday. The Weekly Plans will start tomorrow (Sunday) and the Weekly Check Ins will start back up on Saturday March 9th. When I did this in the past I found it helpful for my mental health as well as keeping you my reader interested in continuing to read my blog.

I don’t have much more to say about my plans to blog more as many of you have hear this before from me. The only difference this time around is that I have an accountability partner. Oh yeah, I am also scheduling it and putting it into my calendar. I hope this time I actually follow through with it and hope you all can hold me accountable as well.

I don’t have much more to say. Thank you for reading my blog. It is very much appreciated from my end of things. I appreciate each one of you for reading. Thank you again for reading my blog. Have great rest of you Saturday night. Peace Out, World!!!

It’s Been A Surprisingly Peaceful Day

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It has been a beautiful sunny yet chilly day here in Seattle. In fact it was such a beautiful day I went on a walk at the Arboretum here in Seattle. It was beautiful as always. I, unfortunately forgot my camera to take pictures with. I guess, I could have used my phone but the pictures wouldn’t be the same.  While at the Arboretum, I did some mindfulness and meditation practices. Much needed meditation and mindfulness exercises. I forgot how helpful they are and doing them while being in the fresh air and beauty was that much more rewarding.

When I got home after my time at the Arboretum, I decided to listen to music. I listened to the music so loudly that a neighbor asked me to turn it down. My music is normally not turned up so high it bothers my neighbors. The loud music was extremely therapeutic for me while it lasted. Yes, I did turn down my music and continued to enjoy the music I was listening to.

After spending a couple of hours listening to music, I decided to visit with some neighbors in my building who I have been good friends with. We chit chatted for about an hour and then play a couple of games for another hour or two. It was nice to get together with friends and just hang out.

All in all today has turned out to be a surprisingly peaceful day. A day that started out with me ruminating and worrying about something I really have no control over even though I know I am telling the truth. I think I am now going to fix some spaghetti and invite a friend over who happens to be a neighbor that lives in my building. Food and friendship is always a good thing. I want my day to continue to be peaceful.

I don’t have much more to say in this post. I hope you all have a wonderful Saturday evening. Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

It’s the Little Things That Will Help

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! Right now I am not sure how to feel or what to think. As I mentioned in a previous post that I posted on February 26th, I had a meeting with the supervisor of the peer run help line I volunteer at. I was informed that someone that sound like me has been calling the peer run help line and well as the crisis line. I inform them that it wasn’t me and gave them a list of why it wasn’t me. The supervisor then said I could volunteer again on my regular shifts of Saturdays. I get an email yesterday (Friday) telling me to “hold off” as they “investigate.” I understand where this person is coming from as you don’t want a call taker answering phones on help line if they are not doing well themselves. If I were calling these help lines I would have admitted to the supervisor however I didn’t call them and feel like I am being punished. I also feel like I am not being believed and that feeling comes from the trauma I suffered as a child. The thing that frustrates me the most is this person said I could come back and then said to hold off as they investigate. I really like volunteering on the peer run help line and it has helped me a great deal to remain recovery focused and if I loose this gig because of something the folks at this organization think I am doing something I am not doing then I will be extremely hurt. Like I said I understand where the supervisor is coming from however I know without a shadow of doubt that I am NOT calling in. In all honesty, I wouldn’t be surprised if the supervisor reads my blog if they remember I blog. I mention as they are trying to figure out if I am stable enough to volunteer. Now, I am starting to sound a little paranoid but I really want to volunteer at this peer run help line as it has been quite helpful for me to remain focused on my own recovery. As you can tell this specific topic is causing me to have conflicting emotions and I need to use some of my skills.

On to another subject that isn’t so emotional for me, the weather. It is a beautiful sunny day here in Seattle. It may be sunny outside but it sure is colder than hell. I am not a big fan of the cold weather. Despite the chilly weather outside, I think part of my plan for today is to take two extra walks. I usually walk twice a day for a least a mile for each walk. However, I think today I will put in two extra walks, walking a least a mile. It is a beautiful yet chilly day here in Seattle and since the plans I had for this evening were pretty much cancelled, I have time for two extra walks.

I think another thing I will do is read comic books. I really need to catch up on the latest Wonder Woman comic books as I have fallen behind in reading them. If you have been reading my blog for a while you are well aware of that I am a huge Wonder Woman fan. I started reading and collecting Wonder Woman comics since I was in Kindergarten. Wonder Woman comics have been one of the constants in my life. One of the things I turn to on both the good and the bad days.

Something else that comes to mind that is a no brainer for me to do today is spend some quality time with my cat, Lil Gertie. I am one hundred percent sure that she has been picking up on the emotions I have been dealing with in regards to the volunteer job. Lil Gertie has been cuddling more than she usually does. She tends to do this when my emotions are starting to get the better of me and it helps a great deal. I love my cat so much.

Another thing I am planning on doing in place of volunteering tonight is watching The Umbrella Academy. I am really enjoying the show. I am hoping I can binge watch the rest of the show before the end of the weekend and if I can’t I hope to finish it before I see my therapist on Tuesday.

One last thing I plan on doing is reaching out to friends. Talking to friends has always been helpful to me. Plus it helps me not focus on my own problems. Friends have a way of helping you out even when they don’t realize they are helping you out.

As you can tell, it is a bunch of little things that will help me through all the various emotions I am feeling today. Sometimes it is all about the small things. Small things that can brighten someone’s day. And sometimes you have to create the small things to help brighten your own day.

I don’t have much more to say in this already long post. I just want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you for reading. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. If you have beautiful weather go out and enjoy it. Peace Out, World!!!

A Blasé Type of Day

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It has been a blasé type of day.  More or less it has been a boring ass day with appointments that got me in late or didn’t even happen or barely even happened. Lets start with the first appointment with the oral surgeon. I had an appointment with him today as he needed to check the roof of my mouth as it had reopened he needed to to stitch back up so this was just a follow up to that. Unfortunately, he was a no show due to family emergency. I then went to my appointment for my dentures. He was running behind with his appointments which is rare for him. I then went to the mental health agency I am a client of to hang out at the day treatment program before my appointment with my therapist. Ten minutes after I arrive my therapist calls me on my cell phone saying he would have to cancel our appointment due to overbooking. I informed him I was already there and he was able to fit me in for a forty minute session instead of an hour session but at least I had an appointment. I am thanking my lucky stars that I was there or I wouldn’t have had a session at all.

After my appointments, I decided come home. When I got home I played with my cat and had some snuggle time with her. Lil Gertie, my cat, has been quite helpful today as well in recent days. Hell, she has been quite helpful to me since day one. I don’t regret getting her at all as she has been a life saver for me especially in regards to my mental health.

After spending some quality time with my cat, I decided to take a nap. A nap that helped me feel more rested. I do think that nap I took will prevent me from sleeping well tonight which is not a good thing. As you know if you read my blog regularly, sleep does not come easily to me. So, I really hope I get some sleep tonight even though I don’t have anything going on tomorrow.

Before I finish this post, I would like to ask you a favor and remind you all of something. As you may have noticed, I have advertisements on my blog. The advertisements help me earn extra money. There is one thing to the advertisements and that is people must click on the advertisements for me to make money from them. I don’t make much money from the advertisements.  I only make up to four cents per ad but that is four cents I didn’t have before. The unfortunate part in all this is I can’t collect the money till I hit a $100 and I am at $90 so if you can so kindly click on the ads it would be greatly appreciated.

I don’t have much more to say. I want to thank you for reading blog as it is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope to blog again later tonight if I am unable to sleep. Have a wonderful rest of your Thursday. Again, thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Slept the Day Away

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! If you read my last post you already know that I did not sleep at all last night. I did end up sleeping today. In fact I pretty much slept the day away. I haven’t done much today as I have only been up for almost two hours. I am not sure if I will get sleep tonight but I sure in the hell hope I get some. Having insomnia sucks.

Anyway, since I have been up, worked on my workbook, The Artist Way. It is extremely challenging. Part of the workbook activities is to journal three pages daily. Doesn’t have to be about anything specific just as long as it is everyday. The other suggested things the work has me doing is challenging as well. Once I am done with the first chapter, I will hopefully remember to inform you on what I learn. I hope to do this which chapter.

The journaling part of the work books a good thing for me as it has me getting into a good practice of self care. I feel like journaling is good self care. Self care is extremely important for everyone especially for those who struggle with a mental health challenge.

As fun self care act I do for myself almost everyday is some form of art. Usually, it is painting, coloring or collaging. Sometimes I even mix the genre of collaging and painting together. Now that is fun or at least it is for me. Art is a great form of self care for me.

I am thinking that I now need to fix me some food as I haven’t really eaten all day. Unless you count having a banana and Pepsi this morning. I need to fix me an actual meal. I am not sure what I am going fix myself for dinner but I need some food in my hungry tummy.

I do not have much more to say. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Have a great evening everyone. Peace Out, World!!!

A Sleepless in Seattle Type of Night

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is barely six forty five in the morning in my corner of the world and I have not been to sleep yet despite many attempts at sleep. I even took my as need (PRN) sleeping pill and that didn’t even work. I am annoyed that my sleep in inconsistent and that there is much my psych doctor and regular doctor can do except refer me a sleep study. I was referred yet I am unable to make an appointment due to the fact the medical review board at the office I was referred to has to review the referral first which make now sense to me especially since they haven’t even notified my insurance yet. I guess, I just want to figure out why I am not sleeping and am at a loss on what to do as the one thing that could possibly give any ideas has to review the referral and that could take up to six weeks which mean my insurance wont pay for it. I have to have an appointment scheduled within the first four weeks of the referral or my insurance won’t pay for it. And that frustration is whole other story I won’t even get into.

One of the things I have done to entertain myself was watch the Umbrella Academy. I am not finished with the season yet but it is getting extremely interesting. I am finding it very intriguing and entertaining. I am hoping to finish season one by the time Friday comes around.

The other thing that helped me get through yet another sleepless night is reading. I read comic books. Not just any comic books. I read Wonder Woman comic books. I love Wonder Woman. In fact I collect Wonder Woman comics as it is a hobby of mine. It is not just only a hobby but reading them is also a skill that helps me with challenging times. I read Wonder Woman comic books even when I am not having challenging times.

I am now watching the morning news. Not very much going on in the news that I am really interested with the exception of the weather. Everything else in the news in pretty bleak. The news is so freaking depressing.

I do not have much else to say. I just hope that when I attempt to go back to bed that I can actually fall asleep. Sleep is extremely important to ones mental health. I should get going so I can try to get some sleep since I didn’t have a wink of sleep all night. Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated.  Have a wonderful Wednesday. Peace Out, World!!!

Words to the Emotions

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! I didn’t do much of anything for a good portion of the day. I did go in for a meeting with the supervisor for the peer run help line I volunteer for. They wanted to “check in” with me because they got information from the crisis line that I had been calling frequently as well as the peer run help line I volunteer on. They said “it sound a lot like you.” I informed this person it was not me and asked him seriously, “why would I call the crisis line or this line when I have a distinctive and unique voice?” He replied “I don’t know why you would.” I informed him that I did not call the crisis line the peer run help line however I did call the after hours crisis team of the agency I am a client of on Valentines Day due to the anniversary of my grandma’s death. I went to show him my phone to prove to him I didn’t and I offered to sign an ROI for him to talk to my therapist. He declined both and said “I am at a loss of what to day.” More or less I validated him that he was in a tough spot no knowing who to believe. So, he is “cautiously” letting me back to volunteering on the help line for a handful of reasons. I guess, I am bothered that he thinks that I have been calling both lines but I understand him wanting to “check in” to make sure I was doing well. I just can’t get out of my head that I am being told that I am call helps lines when I am not but this is something I need to stop ruminating over as I was told I could go back to volunteering.

When I got home from my meeting I decided to paint. I decided to paint due to the mixture of emotions I was dealing with in regards to the meeting. It helped me get the emotion out that needed to get out. It helped me realize that I needed to find the words for my emotions.

That is when I decided to journal. Granted, I am still trying to find the right words to put to my emotions but journaling did help. In fact it helped a great deal just like the painting did.

I do not have much more to say except I am grateful that the supervisor is letting me back to volunteer. I hope everyone has a great rest of their evening and night. Peace Out, World!!!

Bump In The Road

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! It hasn’t been the easiest of weeks for me emotionally. Having dealt with the one year anniversary of my grandma’s death just over a week ago is challenging enough but when other shit pops up makes it that much more challenging. Granted it is small shit but it is a bunch of small shit that has been building. Sadly, some of the small shit involves family. Specifically my mom and brother. I love them both but when I can’t get both side of the story, I can’t give the “advice” my mom wants me to give her. Anyway, there is other small shit that I won’t bring up but the mom and brother shit has been the most challenging as my mom won’t let up.

Anyway, when I saw my therapist for our scheduled appointment on Tuesday we discussed what was going on and he said “this doesn’t appear to be a crisis but just a bump in the road” and I have to agree with him. We discussed how the anniversary of my grandma’s death and all the small shit that has been building has increased my urges to self harm. We, of course discussed ways for me to keep myself from harming myself when the self harm urges get strong. Before my session with my therapist ended on Tuesday we made a “check-in appointment” for yesterday (Friday) to see how things were going. I of course went to the appointment and we did a check-in. We discussed plans for the weekend as well as ways to manage self harm urges. During my “check-in” session with my therapist, I brought up the fact that one of the things I would be doing was binge watching a Netflix show called The Umbrella Academy as I watched the first show on Thursday. I found out that he binged watched it with his wife and loved it. In fact one of the things my therapist is having me do this weekend when I watch Umbrella Academy is to write a paragraph or two on each show. I am not exactly sure why he is having me do this but I am thinking he seeing how some things can be beneficial  to me.

In fact last night (Friday) re-watched the first episode and did what my therapist wanted me to do. I also watched episodes two and three. I am really enjoying the show. In fact it is a show that is up my alley. The cool thing about it is when I watched the first episode on Thursday, I have discussed it with various people and I didn’t realize how popular it was. The best part of it being a popular show is that I didn’t start watching it because everyone was watching as I didn’t realize that most people I know were watching it as well.

One of the things I have been doing this weekend thus far is some art. In fact I am working on a piece of art work for a friend of mine as a birthday present. His birthday is the day after mine. I am painting him something as he is the one who got me into painting. It is not a big painting but a painting that I think he will enjoy and appreciate.

The other things I have been doing is a workbook called “The Artist Way.” In fact one of the things of the workbook is to journal everyday.  Journaling isn’t difficult but doing it everyday and it needing it to be three pages is challenging. In fact this is a workbook my therapist suggested for me to get and work on so I decided to do so. I have only been working on this workbook for a week and I find it challenging but I am also finding it helpful so far. In fact I plan to work on it some more today.

The one thing I have been doing this entire weekend except when I am watching Umbrella Academy and the news is listening to music. I have been mainly listening my Recovery Playlist but have also been listening to some emo music. Both have been quite helpful with reducing my self harm urges. Music is very soothing to the soul or at least it is for me.

I don’t have much more to say in the post. But before I end the post I want reassure everyone that I am not a risk to do any self harm acts. I am also not at risk to attempt suicide. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. Have a great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

An Eventful Outing

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I went to the pharmacy to pick up my medicine that I pick up once a week. I have been going to the same pharmacy in my neighborhood for nearly nineteen years and have seen my fair share of characters in the store. Anyway, I was chatting with the pharmacist and pharmacy tech when we all noticed a customer get shoved to the floor by the Loss Prevention (LP) dude for “shoplifting.” When the store manager came over to see what was going on he ended up needing to look at video photo-age to make sure the person who was tackled actually took something. While doing this the LP (or security officer) sat on the person and called 911. Seattle Police showed up and by this time the store manager informs the LP dude that the person he just tackled did not take anything and now the person has a broken arm due to being tackled and trying to break their fall. Needless to say the person who got tackled was taken to the hospital and Seattle Police talked with witness’s and looked at the video. So, after I talked with the police I finally got my meds and the LP dude was getting handcuffed. I am assuming for excessive force  or something along those lines. I am not against Loss Prevention as I use to work at a grocery store for ten years but I am against LP’s putting their hands on people when it is not necessary. Same goes with the police but in this case the police actually did something right and arrested the LP dude.

After seeing all this, I realized I needed to take the long way home. By the long way home I mean taking the scenic route home for a longer walk. Walking helps me with my anxiety. After picking up my meds and an extra long walk, I decided to make me lunch. As I was eating my lunch the building fire alarm decided to malfunction once again. So, I put Lil Gertie into her carrier and we went downstairs to the lobby. As the fire department was doing what they needed to do to turn off the alarm and make sure there was no fire a couple of my neighbors decided to get into a fist fight. So, one of the firefighters got in between the two that were fighting while another called dispatch to get the police to the building. Thankfully, nobody got hurt and the police arrived quickly. Neither one of the people fighting were arrested and neither one of them wanted to press charges which I personally think both parties should have been arrested.

Now that, Lil Gertie and I are back in my apartment, Lil Gertie is curled up in her hiding place as I blog and finish eating my lunch. I should really get going and finish my lunch. I didn’t sleep well last night and need to take a nap. So, after eating, I will take a nap and try to post later on today. I hope everyone has a better day than I have had so far. Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!

The Urges To Self Harm & The Skills That Are Helping

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I am having yet another tough moment with dealing with the one year anniversary of my grandma’s death yesterday (Thursday which was Valentines Day). My therapist and I had an hour and a half session today. I cried a bunch. We also discussed on ways I could keep myself safe for today and the rest of the weekend. We came up with the usual stuff of doing art, journaling, reading, spending time with my cat, blogging and actually starting on the workbook I have discussed in previous post. The workbook is called “The Artist Way.”  I have started reading the introduction and other such things like how to use the work book. I hope to officially start it tomorrow (Saturday) or Sunday.

Of course my therapist and I discussed what books I plan on reading and he agreed that the books I have chosen to read most likely won’t be triggering for me as they are Science Fiction and Fantasy books. He thinks that reading books will be helpful for me to get out of my head even for a moment or two. He also agrees the both blogging and journaling will be helpful for me to process the grief and depression I am dealing with in regards to my grandmas passing away and help me with other shit I am dealing with. Art of course is that skill set for me to do so I have a better way to process my emotions in ways words can not help me express. Lets not forget the affection and love my cat gives me on the daily basis even if she wakes me up at four in the morning to play or wanting food.

The workbooks and the letter to my grandma is the two things my therapist really wants me to focus on this weekend as our next session is on Tuesday. My therapist is challenging me in a good and difficult way he knows I am capable of doing at the moment. He wants to see me to continue to improve with my recovery. He is very recovery related which is a good thing in a therapist.

I do not have very much more to say in this post. I hope everyone has an awesome Friday evening and a good weekend.  I want to thank you all for reading my blog as it is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you fro reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!