Tag Archives: Mental Health

Lil Gertie’s Health Scare & Other Randomness

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I realize that I have not blogged since New Years Day. I don’t really have any excuses as I know I could have found time to blog. I do have some excuses for the evening of Friday the fourth till yesterday. I mention this as my cat, Lil Gertie, had two minute period to where she was struggling to breathe. I immediately took her to my vet who was out sick however the vet techs looked at her and said it would be a good idea to take her in to another walk in vet clinic which they referred me to. The vet techs sent over Lil Gertie’s records and I went to the referred vet clinic. There, Lil Gertie was checked and she has asthma. The vet put Lil Gertie on steroids, antibiotics and just in case a de-worming med. The vet put her on a de-worming med just in case she has parasites which she says it is extremely unlikely but precautionary especially since I would have seen worms in her stools. The vet said parasites could be the reason for Lil Gertie’s asthma but she highly things it is asthma that was aggravated by a respiratory illness is why she is on an antibiotic. Lil Gertie, is also on steroids to help with the inflammation due to asthma.  Taking Lil Gertie to the vet caused me a great deal of anxiety especially since she had another asthma attack right in front of the vet. Thankfully, I didn’t need to get x-rays done on Lil Gertie since she ended up having another episode of struggling to breathe. The vet said if she has another episode, that I might have to get her an inhaler for the asthma. Seeing Lil Gertie struggling to breathe is anxiety provoking. She does appear to be feeling better. She is upset with me because two of her meds are in liquid form and she doesn’t like to be held still to have some nasty tasting stuff being forced in her mouth. I know I wouldn’t like it.

Now on to my own health issues. First and fore most I made an appointment with an oral surgeon to get my teeth taken out. I will be getting dentures which is something I am not looking forward to but it is something that needs to be done desperately. I have high anxiety regarding dentist. Mainly because I am unable to see what the hell they are doing. But in reality I will feel better about myself once I get a new set of teeth which would be dentures.

Besides my dental issue, I too have been having some asthma attacks which highly sucks. It sucks even more that I think I am coming down with a cold or something like a could. I think I am just worn out and need some rest but I do have sore throat which is not a good thing. I have been drinking plenty of water and orange juice. I am trying to stay healthy especially since I have to make sure Lil Gertie gets healthy. I really do love my cat, Lil Gertie, cause I don’t know what I would do if she were not around.

Anyway, I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I am grateful that you read my blog. I don’t have much more to say. Again, thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Welcome To 2019

Posted on by Gertie

Happy New Years, World!!! It is hard to believe that it is 2019 in most of the world including my neck of the woods. I spent the New Years looking out my window toward the Space Needle as fireworks shot off of it. I don’t live near the Space Needle but I am still able to see it from my apartment. My cat didn’t freak out as much as she did when the Fourth of July fireworks went off over Lake Union and no I don’t live near Lake Union either but can still see it from my apartment. Anyway, I brought in the New Year with Lil Gertie and am grateful that I was able to bring it in with her.

Since I am talking about my cat, Lil Gertie, I can’t help but wonder where she was and what she was doing last year at this time. I try not to think about it very much but I hope she was happy and safe. I just hope that she is happy living with as this year starts. I know I am happy to have her.

It is hard to believe that last year at this time, I had absolutely NO hope at all. Having no hope left me extremely suicidal to where I ended up in the psych ward on the second day of the year. Now, I can say that this year I have no hope and that I won’t end up in the psych ward on the second day of the New Year. So, this year as started so much better than last year. I am so grateful that I am so much more hopeful this year than I was last year.

So, I as I sit here blogging, I am drinking some sparking apple cider thinking about the triumphs and trials of last year and what this year is going to bring. I know that when Valentines Day comes around this year that it will be difficult as it will mark the one year anniversary of my grandma’s passing away. Yes, it will be hard but I know that a few weeks later I will be celebrating my 40th birthday. Something I didn’t think will happen because I thought that I would have died by suicide. But thankfully, I am going to make it to my 40th birthday. So yes, I know I will have tough moments but I will also have some awesome moments as well.

I do not have much more to say in this post. I just want to thank you all for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. You are all awesome. I hope all  of you continue to read my blog well into the New Year. Again, thank you for reading my blog. I hope everyone has has an awesome New Year and that 2019 brings you some joy as well as some hope. I also hope this you brings you what you want and what you need. Happy New Years, World!!!

Randomness of 2018

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is hard to believe that last year at this time I was wish 2017 to go to hell and had absolutely no hope coming into 2018. This year I am not wish the year to go to hell even though it was difficult and I have hope going into 2019. As bad as 2017 going into this year (2018) was, I am grateful that 2018 going into 2019 is on a more positive note and that I have had a great deal of growth this year.

Growth that I really wasn’t expecting but wanting so badly. Growth that has helped given me a sense of hope and purpose. Purpose that has once again given me the reason to continue to live. And having a reason to live is what helps a persons recovery with a mental health challenge. I am beyond grateful for my growth in 2018.

2018 may have not begun well for me but I am grateful for it ending on a better note than it started. In fact it didn’t start well for many people and sadly is not ending very well for people. Granted 2018 isn’t ending as well for as other years but it is ending better than it started and that is all one can ask for.

I am really not sure how I will bring in 2019 but most likely will be spending it at home with my cat or with neighbors. Neighbors that have been there for me this year. Through the good, the bad and the (very) ugly. People who helped make 2018 end on a better note.

I don’t have much more to post about as it appears to me that I am rambling on about a bunch of randomness. I want to thank you all for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you for reading my blog. I also want to wish you all a Happy New Years. I hope 2019 is a good year for all of you. Peace Out, World!!!

Thinking About New Years Goals

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It is the last Friday of the year and it is hard to believe that 2018 is pretty much over especially since it has been a pretty tough year for me. Yes, things have improved a great deal for me this year however I am grateful beyond my wildest dreams that it is ending better than it started. Anyway, since it is that time of year where many people start thinking about New Years resolutions, I start thinking about New Years goals. Yes, I realize they are the same thing however I tend to accomplish my goals and not the resolutions. Not sure why but I think it is all about the wording and people expect you to not follow through with resolutions but people do expect to follow through with goals.

As I think about what I want to accomplish during 2019 or at least start to accomplish, I am having a tough time figuring out what I want my goals to be. I want and need them to realistic. I know I want to accomplish goals in regards to both my physical and mental health. I also want to accomplish getting a job with a more consistent schedule, preferably in the social services field but at this moment in time I might be happy with going back to working at a grocery store even if that isn’t really what I want to do. One thing I do know what I want to do is put in an effort of doing meditation and/or mindfulness on the daily basis again. Anyway, goals are ever changing and can be tweaked from time to time.

I don’t think I have much more to say except that I will be thinking a great deal about my goals for 2019. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I hope that everyone has a great rest of your Friday. I also hope everyone has a great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

Good Things In Therapy + Whining About 911 Outage

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! As many of you know who live in the United States there was a 911 outage due in most of the nation due to a network problem with Century Link. I am a Century Link customer for my land line and internet service and am grateful that my phone line and internet was not interrupted and have only had one issue with them in eighteen years of service. But for me a customer service issue is far different than a 911 outage and the 911 outage has me livid as hell. I won’t change companies because of the outage but have 911 go out in one city much less much of a nation is NEVER a good thing as people lives are at stake.

The worst part about the 911 outage is that the fire alarm system went off in my apartment building twice due to neighbors burning food and both time it didn’t alert the fire department. The alternative numbers that were given to us were busy so some of us, including myself, walked to the closet fire station which is only seven blocks away to let them know. The battalion chief was grateful for me and my neighbor for letting them know about the alarm system going off both times and the back up number not working both time. She even called “the powers at be” to let them know about the back up emergency numbers were not working.

I know that most of the 911 outages are taken care of here in Washington but it is still affecting parts of Seattle. It is effecting my neighborhood in Seattle which sucks. But at least the state and county are at least keeping people updated.

Now on to my session with my therapist today. We discussed what happened to my dad with his seizures as well as my mom overdosing on Heroin and how I able to not be in crisis myself after such a stressful holiday. He stated “with all the family crisis’s going on and the grief of your grandma, I am proud of you that you didn’t let you it put you into a crisis. You deserve to be proud of yourself.” We discussed how well I have been doing and that not calling the crisis team of the holidays shows major improvement in my recovery. Which is true. Even when I was doing extremely well, I had to call the crisis team at least once over the holidays and this year was the first time in over a decade that I didn’t have to.

I don’t have much more to say except that I have a great therapist. A therapist that is awesome. Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. Happy Friday!!!  Peace Out, World!!!

A Post With More Randomness

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I thought today was going to be one of those laid back type of days but I ended up getting some motivation to clean some of my apartment. I decided to clean my kitchen. It is not completely clean but at least it is mostly clean. I guess part of the reason why I am suddenly getting spurts of motivation to clean my apartment is because I am starting to feel better regarding my mental health symptoms and I want to end 2018 on a better not than it started. Plus, starting 2019 with a clean apartment or at least a mostly clean apartment will start the new year on a good note. I think if I take fifteen to thirty minutes a day cleaning my apartment I will start to feel better about myself and have more motivation to keep it clean. Plus, if I keep it clean it won’t take as long to clean it.

Since it is almost the New Year, I am realizing I have more motivation than I have had in a really long time. In fact this is the most motivation I have regarding most area’s of my life in a little over two years. I’ll take all the motivation I can at the moment and I do what I can with the motivation. I am beyond grateful for the unexpected motivation and I owe it to the improved symptoms of my mental health challenges.

Not only did the motivation help me clean most of my kitchen, I also emailed my therapist regarding the drama over the Christmas holiday. If you want to know more about the Christmas drama read my post “Nothing Like A Lil Drama On Christmas Eve” and “Merry Christmas.” As I was saying I was saying I emailed my therapist regarding not needing to call the after hours crisis number that the agency I am a client of as well as not needing to safety plan with anyone including both natural and professional supports. I still haven’t received an email back form him nor do I expect to as he is in all day training today. He informed me of this when we were scheduling our appointment for this week which is tomorrow.

Before I end this post I want to ask you all a favor. As you may have noticed, I have advertisements on my blog. I have advertisements on my blog to earn some extra money. The only way I make extra money from the advertisements is if you click on them. I hope that you all click on them as I won’t get the money from people clicking on them till I hit one hundred dollars which sucks but I just need to earn twenty more dollars. So, please click on the advertisements so I can hit the one hundred dollar mark. I only get a few cents per ad clicked. So, please click on as many as you can before the end of December. It will be greatly appreciated.

Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope you all have wonderful rest of your Thursday. Again, thank you for reading my blog. I hope to blog again before the end of the year to wish you a Happy New Year. Peace Out, World!!!

There Is No Place Like Home

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I am home from spending time with my family. I, actually arrived home yesterday (Wednesday, December 26th) evening but was not up to blogging or doing much of anything. The only thing I was up to doing when I got home was getting into my pajama’s and hanging out with my cat. I am so grateful to be home and I think, Lil Gertie, my cat, is glad to be home as she stayed at my grandpa’s when I was at my moms.

With all that happened over Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, I am surprised that I didn’t need to call the after hours crisis number for the agency I am a client of as it is something that usually happens with less drama. I did briefly talk with my therapist Christmas Eve for a short five minutes about my dad and his seizures. My therapist couldn’t talk longer as the agency was closing early and it was impressed upon them that they leave no later than a half an hour after closing. I informed him that if I needed to I might need to email him over the holiday and thankfully, I didn’t have to. Well, I did have to but was too busy dealing with family drama with my mom on Christmas Day to do so.

Anyway, when it was my plan to see my therapist today but when we went schedule for today during our last session he looked at his calendar and saw he had a training today so, I have an appointment with him tomorrow. I am looking forward to it as there is much I need to tell him about. I most likely will email him at some point today to update him on what happened with my mom on Christmas Day. I just want to make sure he is aware of things that are going on.

I really don’t have much more to say without repeating myself. I hope to blog again later today but I can not promise anything. Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a great rest of their day. Peace Out, World!!!

Merry Christmas

Posted on by Gertie

Merry Christmas, World!!! It is Christmas evening in my corner of the world and have had a pretty okay day. My mom, uncle and I opened presents. I then did face time with my brother as I opened one of the gifts he gave me. He is at his dads for Christmas this year. After opening gifts, my mom, uncle and I watched a Christmas movie. We then went out to an early dinner and to walk around the lake.

Unfortunately, when we got back to my mom’s place, my uncle went next door to his place and well my mom decided to overdose on Heroin. Thankfully, I had some Naloxone (Narcan) on hand and administrated and then called 911. After calling 911 I went next door to his place to get him. When the first responders came, they took my mom to the hospital where she is staying the night.

I will be going home tomorrow even if my mom is still in the hospital. If she is still in the hospital when I leave, I will stop by to say bye to her. I am a bit disappointed that my mom decided to overdose on heroin again. I will be staying the night at my moms again tonight even though she is in the hospital. Thankfully, my uncle lives in the apartment next door to my mom so I feel safe even if he didn’t live next door I would still feel safe. My uncle has been checking up in on me and I am okay with that.

My PTSD and Depression symptoms are acting up at the moment. Some of the PTSD was triggered by my mom’s overdose and some was triggered by childhood memories due to trauma I experienced as a child at Christmas time.

I did reach out to some friends who live in my mom’s city and they have come by to visit with me. It feels good to have friends that live near my mom as if I need them when I am in town visiting my mom I have people to turn to. Having my friends and my uncle around has been a blessing today. As much as I wish my brother was around for Christmas, I am grateful he was not around this Christmas to see mom overdose once again. My brother is a great support to me but I usually am a support to him in regards to issues regarding my mom. So, I am grateful for my friends and family that were around today and am grateful my brother was not around for the drama of my mom.

I best be going as another friend is about to stop by to say hi. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is much appreciated from my end of things especially this time of year. Again, thank you for reading my blog. Have a Merry Christmas everyone. I hope that if you are already done with Christmas that you had a good one. Again, Merry Christmas. Peace Out, World!!!

Christmas Eve Grief & Depression

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, once again, World!!! It is still Christmas Eve and I still have not been able to sleep. The lack of sleep that is not helping with the emotions I am dealing with at the moment. Emotions I would rather not be dealing with at the moment.

Today, I will be celebrating Christmas with my dads side of the family and it happens to be the first Christmas without my grandma. I am dealing with the grief and sadness that goes along with it. Despite dealing with the difficult emotions of dealing with the first holiday without my grandma, I am looking forward to spending time with my dads side of my family.

I am however am dreading later this evening and tomorrow as I will be spending it with my mom’s side of the family. Sadly, my brother won’t be there as he will be spending the holiday with his dad. I am not looking forward to spending Christmas with my mom due to her being in active addiction.

Despite all of this my depression is acting up which sucks shit but it feels and looks like a typical Seattle Christmas minus the rain which is a good thing. I am not a big fan of rain but it wouldn’t be Christmas in the Northwest without rain so maybe we will get rain. Just as long as we don’t get snow, I will be okay with it as we had a white Christmas last year. The grey dreary Seattle weather fits my mood of being depressed. I hope that I somehow my spirits will be lifted some how and not by alcohol.

I am just really tired and hope I am able to take a nap at some point today. The lack of sleep sure is not helping my mood or my negative emotions. Sleep is crucial to having improved mental health symptoms or at least it does for me.

I better be going. I need to take a shower and eat small breakfast. I also need to pack some last minute things for my trip to my moms after I spend Christmas Eve with my dads side of the family. I hope that those of you who celebrate Christmas have a great holiday. Peace Out, World!!!

Sleepless In Seattle

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is just after four in the morning in my corner of the world and I have not slept a wink all night. It is kind of frustrating as I will be celebrating Christmas with my dads side of the family today and then head off to my moms later this evening. I just don’t want to be a cranky bucket for anyone in my family.

I most definitely don’t want to be a cranky bucket when I am at mom’s as she and my uncle want me to go to the midnight church service with them to bring in Christmas. I don’t consider myself Christian but if my mom wants me to go to church as part of her Christmas gift from me to here I might as well. It won’t hurt me going just this once.

In fact I have been looking into Buddhism for awhile now and am going to start attending a Buddhist temple in the new year. Or at least that is my goal at the moment. I know Buddhism and Christianity don’t go hand and hand but I can respect other people’s religion. My mom doesn’t like the fact that I have been looking into Buddhism which is why I think she want me to go to church as part as my gift to her.

I best be going. I am hoping to at least get some sleep in. I hope everyone has a good holiday if you celebrate Christmas. Thank you for reading my blog. It is much appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!