Monthly Archives: October 2017

Halloween, 2017

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Halloween!!! It’s been a couple of days since my last post. Overall, today has been a good day despite a few set backs. Set backs I hope to talk to my therapist about tomorrow.

As many of you know, today is Halloween which means I dressed up in a costume. I don’t care what others thought of me as it is only one time of year. On that note, I went to see my psychiatric nurse practitioner today dressed as Eeyore. My psychiatric nurse practitioner was “impressed” that I had the “courage” to dress up. I don’t think it takes courage to dress up in a costume on Halloween. Anyway, my meds got changed slightly. One med got increased while my sleeping med got completely changed. Part of the reason he changed is because its a benzo and it can feed two birds with one grain. It can help me sleep as well as help with anxiety. Not sure if I like the idea as it is a benzo and my dad was addicted to benzo’s  when I was a kid. But I am willing to give it a try. Worse case scenario, it doesn’t work and I get put back on my other med.

Before I end this post, I am looking forward to attending a Halloween party with my partner that our friends are hosting. Junior is going as a Zombie. Don’t ask me why but he is. For him that an easy costume so I guess that’s why he is going as a Zombie. We are both looking forward to spending time with each other and our friends. I am having some anxiety about attending the party however getting out and not isolating with be helpful to me.

Thank you so much for reading. I hope you all have a great rest of your Halloween. Please stay safe. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It’s been a few weeks since I last did a weekly check-in. As many of you know, I’ve been struggling lately. Despite my recent struggles, I’ve decided to make an effort to do some things this week.

One thing I did do this week was go to my appointments. Attending my appointments is what helped me NOT isolate as much as I would have done. When I saw my case manager I informed her of what was going regarding the isolation as well as the voices I’m hearing. We discussed going to a group specifically about hearing voices. At this point in time I am putting that on hold for various reason that I might tell you at a later time. We also discussed me isolating. My case manager and I talked about ways on how I can not isolate. Most of which I am willing to do yet have difficulty doing so.

Another thing I did this week was today. I went and visited my grandparents. My dad was there as he is staying over at their place for the weekend. It was nice to my dad a grandparents. My grandparents helped my dad raise me. I love my dad and grandparents so much. I feel lucky (and blessed) that I still have a set of grandparents at the age of 38. Not many folks my age have one grandparent still alive much let a set.

As I mentioned earlier, I’ve been isolating a great deal. That usually means, I do introverted types of things. One of those things I tend to do when I am isolating is play one of my musical instruments. My instrument of choice is my flute as I’ve been playing it for 25 years however it needs some major repairing so I go to the two I’m teaching myself to play. I’ve been practicing my recorder a great deal the last few weeks. Still not very good but its helping a great deal.

Another thing I tend to do a lot when I isolate is art. I’ve been doing some coloring, collaging and water colors. One of these days, I’m going to need to take some picture to show you all. With all the art work I have been doing lately, I’ve realized that I can give the art as holiday gifts especially if I frame it.

The other thing that I do when I isolate is read. I usually read comic books when I am in isolation mode as my concentration is usually low however this time around I am actually able to read a regular book. I am reading Ship of Magic by Robin Hobb. In fact I met her at the Emerald City Comicon this year. She signed a four books for me. She is from the Pacific Northwest. I’m on 30 pages into the book but so far so good.

Thanks for reading and I hope to give a book review on Ship of Magic when I am finish with it. I hope everyone has a good rest of your weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

Baseball & How It Helps

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! As I sit here at my laptop, I have the World Series on. Normally, during the World Series, I root for the American League team with two exception; 1) The Dodgers are playing any A.L team but the Angels and 2) The Yankees are the A.L team.

I’m a huge baseball fan. For some reason it’s one of the few pro sports that has kept my attention for as long as I can remember. It’s surprising that having a diagnosis of ADHD since the age of seven that baseball can keep my attention because its not that “action packed” like football, hockey or even basketball. You would think another sport with more action would keep my attention. But, no. For some reason it was baseball that kept my attention.

In fact in was my fifth grade teacher that realized that I understand statistics quite well. She realized this when we were having a class discussion about the Oakland A’s playing against the Cincinnati Reds in the 1990 World Series. Most everyone was of course rooting for the A’s as they are a California team. My teacher let the resource teacher know of this and I was tested yet again. The test stated that I was able to do statistics at the tenth grade level when the rest of my math skills were at the fourth grade level and I was in fifth grade level. Needless to say everyone was shocked. So, with the help of my teacher and the resource teacher I was able to get the rest of my math skills up to my grade level using statistics. My teacher had baseball to thank for that.

Not only has baseball helped me with my education, it has helped me with my recovery. It’s the one thing I can focus on when I am not doing well. Unfortunately, baseball’s regular season ends at the end of September or early October with the World Series at the end of October. When it’s not baseball season, I pay attention to what is going on in the world of baseball. I even think about what the teams will do in the off months with trades and so on. I look at the stats of the all the teams and try to guess on who will be the World Series winner for the next season. I’m rarely right on it but it helps me with my recovery with my mental health condition.

I should get going if I want to want enjoy tonight’s World Series game. I hope everyone has a good Friday. Have a wonderful weekend. Peace Out!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 20: Wrap It Up

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It’s the final day of Finding Everyday Inspiration. Today’s assignment has given me a handful of prompts to end this final assignment. I’m not sure if I’m exactly going to do the prompts. If I happen to answer a prompt or two with this last assignment that it happens.

Just like that last time I took this course, I fun with it. It’s helped me get back in the grove of blogging once again. In fact I plan on doing the Intro To Poetry course that WordPress does. I think I will wait a few days before I start it as I might need a break for a day or two. This course has helped me get back into the grove of things in regards to blogging.

Thank you for reading. It is my hope that you continue to read what I have to say. Peace Out!!!

 

Everyday Inspiration; Day 19: Feature A Guest

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! today’s assignment for Finding Everyday Inspiration is to feature a guest. I have two very special guest I’ve interviewed. They are my partner, Junior, and the person who is a motherly figure to me, Mama Bear.

Do you remember the first time we “met?”

Junior: Yes, I remember our first interaction. Although, I’m pretty sure you don’t remember it.

Mama Bear: How in the hell can I forget our first interaction. I’m with Junior on this regarding you most likely don’t remember.

What was our first interaction?

Junior: Our first interaction was when I was apart of the crew that got called out to your place. You had attempted to take your own life. We (the crew) really didn’t think you were going to make it as you were so close to death.

Mama Bear: I might as well as say refer to Junior’s answer as I was apart of the same crew Junior was on. You did surprise the hell of us a few weeks later when we saw you walking around the neighborhood.

When you say “crew” what do you mean?

Junior: When I say crew I mean the crew that I work with. I am a firefighter.

Mama Bear: Refer to Junior’s answer as we are both firefighter. In fact we are still on the same shift at the same station. Most of the crew has changed.

How long have we “known” each other if you count our first in encounter?

Junior: Seventeen very interesting years.

Mama Bear: Again, refer to Junior’s answer.

Out of the last 17 years what have you learned from me?

Junior: I’ve learned that recovery is possible when dealing with a mental health condition. I learned a great deal of patients.

Mama Bear: To not be so judgmental especially toward individuals in a mental health crisis. More empathy and compassion.

Is there anything else you would like to say that I didn’t ask?

Junior: I love you with all my heart and am so grateful that you weren’t successful with your attempting to take your own life. I will always be here for you.

Mama Bear: Hmmm….Boy, you’re sure trusting with this question. I love you like you are my own daughter (even though I’m not officially old enough to my you mom). I, too am grateful that you weren’t successful with your (many) attempts with dying by suicide. This world would not be the same without you.

I interviewed Junior and Mama Bear as I hope that starting in the next couple of weeks to have them start posting on the monthly basis. I’m hoping for this so you all can get a different perspective on mental health conditions. Thank you to both Junior and Mama Bear for answering my questions.

I hope that everyone has a great evening. Peace Out, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 18: Anecdotes

Posted on by Gertie

It’s nearly ten o’clock at night in my neck of the woods. I’ve been struggling to do todays assignment. I’m not exactly sure why I’ve been struggling to come up with anecdotes because they usually come easy to me. I’ve only come up with two very short anecdotes relating to two of my diagnosis.

Depression:

Staying in bed with the covers over ones head being served breakfast in bed. Not getting up all day with a book in ones hands. It appears to be a lazy day. Not at all so. Can’t get out of bed. There’s a weight on my chest. The weight of world. The weight of the world pressing down. Pressing down so hard that life was too tiring to face.

PTSD:

Its like its happening all over again. Its like a movie but its playing your head. You can feel it on your skin.

Sorry, I can add more to the PTSD but I’m struggling at the moment. I hope to be able to do this particular assignment when my symptoms aren’t so high. I hope everyone has a good night. Peace Out, World

 

Everyday Inspiration; Day 17: A Map As Your Muse

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Today’s assignment is finding your inspiration through a map. Last time I took this course, Finding Your Everyday Inspiration, I decided to have fun with the map assignment and decided to do the same, this time around. Last time, I found a “map” for “career planning” as a way to have the topic of my career goals. This time around, I’ve decided to use “Self Management” to bring up the topic of how I am needing to come up with some goals for my life or least when it comes to my recovery, emotions and behaviors.

We don’t get a “map” for life and choosing to map out my own life can be challenging at times which is why I want to discuss this “Managing Self” (Self Management) map. Self management means different things to different people. For me self management is similar to self care. Self management means that we are the managers of ourselves.

To me self management means being in control of my emotions and behaviors as well as my reactions to other peoples emotions and behaviors. I may not have “control” over all my emotions when my symptoms of my mental health condition are high however I am in control of how I behave and react to them. Self management is not any thing for anyone but everyone’s self management plan looks differently for each individual.

My self management plan right now is to focus on my recovery. I may be in a “middle of a relapse” however I am choosing to continue to be in recovery by focusing on what I need to do to get back to do well. Going to and participating in my appointments and groups is something I am doing to get back to do well. Doing good self care like eating, sleeping (or at least having a good sleep hygiene schedule), showering, taking my meds and so on are is another way I am focusing on my recovery.

I do the above stated things so I can go back to the career I worked my ass of for as well as maybe get an education related to the mental health care field. The educational aspect of my career could and will be helpful for career advancement. Its a matter of figuring out how to fund my education. Or at least looking in grants and/or scholarships.

So, as you can see self management is about reaching for goals. Goals that might be interrupted or detoured due to unexpected events but goals to aim for. The big goals need to have small goals so one doesn’t give up on the ultimate goal. So that what my self management map looks like.

Again thank you for reading. I hope everyone continues having a good day and weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 16: Mine Your Own Material

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Todays, Finding Everyday Inspiration’s is to mine our own material. More or less its having us look at unfinished (and unpublished) drafts to use as todays post. I am more than will to finish a draft and post it as part of this assignment however I have a number of drafts in my “drafts folder” and am having trouble choosing which one to finish. So the idea I came up with is to write a brief paragraph (or two) about the subject matter of the majority drafts I have in my “drafts folder.”

The post I was working on last was about the Los Angeles Dodgers winning the National League pennant and going to the World Series. I being from Southern California am thrilled to see the Dodgers going to World Series. Now, maybe an L.A baseball will be taken seriously again. Last time any baseball team was taken seriously in L.A was when the Angels beat the Giants in the 2002 World Series. Hell, the Angels were the underdogs and shocked the hell out of everyone including their own fans. I am so looking forward to see who the Dodgers play against. I really hope its the Houston Astro’s for a multitude of reasons. One reason is because nobody likes the Yankees except for Yankee fans. Another reason is that I have an Aunt that lives in Houston, it I think it will be fan to have a little family rivalry going.  Weather the Dodgers play the Yankees or the Astro’s play against them, I really want the Dodgers to win the World Series.

Another post I have in my “draft folder” is about my session with my therapist on Wednesday. It was about how it went and how I felt and continue to feel after my session. I’ve been slowly working on it and hope to have it posted sometime over the weekend. It might be in my Weekly Check-in but I doubt it because of how much time I’ve already spent drafting the particular post. I really like my therapist. She is challenging me on a lot of things which is having me think. I’m still getting use to her therapy style but I’m okay with adjusting to it.

Something that was brought up in my session with my therapist was that of yet another blog post draft. That is my sleep or the lack there of. The post is about how the lack of sleep (insomnia) that I am experiencing is due to combination of the symptoms of my PTSD and Depression diagnosis. Right now there really isn’t anything I can do about my insomnia but the things I am already doing. So, yeah, sleep doesn’t appear to be my friend at the moment.

Now that I’m finished with my assignment and the interpretation of how it was post be done, I’m going get something to eat. I hope that everyone has a good weekend. Thank you again, for reading and Peace Out, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 15: Take a Cue from Your Reader

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! Today’s assignment for Finding Your Everyday Inspiration is to take a cue from you my reader. A few days ago I asked you to give me some suggestions. I didn’t get as many suggestions as I would have liked however I did get some.

It appears from what I received from the feedback I got is that the answers were all different however one thing everyone was in agreement with. That something is to continue with what I do in regards to sharing my journey. I guess it gives people “hope” even those individuals who “don’t struggle with mental illness.”

Another common theme amongst most of the feedback I received was the education piece of my blog. The part of my blog that I’ve pretty much failed to do. Something, I hope to start doing it again. It is my plan to start it no later than the New Year (2018). Yes, I realize that the New Year is two and half months away but it gives me time to do research. Research that realistically will be hindered by the upcoming holidays which is why I’m giving myself two and half months. An idea I have is to get suggestions from you on what type of educational topics you would like me to discuss regarding anything to do with mental health (i.e. Treatments, Peers, Clinicians, Diagnosis).

Education and sharing my personal journey may have been a common theme amongst the suggestions, I received however I got some ideas that are all great. Some are a little bit controversial however those topics are necessary to the subjects of mental health and/or a persons recovery.

One such controversial topic is one’s faith, spirituality, and/or religion. One thing that is in agreement among those who have a mental health diagnosis is that one’s faith is key to one’s recovery. Yes, faith or religion can be a controversial topic however spirituality is a topic that needs to be continued to be discussed. Discussed so those who don’t have lived experience know that it plays a major role in recovery and the treatment they may need and/or desire.

Another such controversial topic is politics. Politics play a major role in mental health. Maybe not directly to one’s diagnosis but in other ways. Ways that it could and have effected those with a mental health diagnosis. In one such political topic related to mental health is health care. Having the proper health care and insurance is key to one’s recovery and treatment.

Since we are on the topic of health care someone did bring up the topic of it and how both mental health and physical health can effect each other. This is a topic that is near and dear to my heart. It’s near and dear to my heart for many reason and I am more than sure that when the physical health topic is brought up again, those reasons will be more clear.

As I end this particular post, I want to remind you that if you have any suggestions on any topics or educational topics related to mental health you will like me to bring up, please don’t hesitate to reach out. I want to thank you for reading. I hope everyone has a great rest of their day. Peace Out!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 14: Recreate a Single Day

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! Today’s Finding Everyday Inspiration’s assignment is to recreate a single day. I can think of many day’s I could recreate however, I choose not for various reasons. If I recreate a single day even one of the best days of my life that means I would have to relive some of the worst days of my life.

Don’t get me wrong, I remember and recreate some of the great moments in my life when things get tough especially when PTSD symptoms occur. I just don’t want to recreate a single because everyday has made me who I am today and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Yes, I would have loved to not experienced the trauma I endured throughout my life however those trauma’s helped shaped who I am today. I most definitely wouldn’t want to recreate the trauma’s I endured. I don’t think anyone would want to recreate the trauma’s they endured.

Yes, I would love to have certain positive moments recreated at the moment especially since I have been struggling as of lately however I know I will get through this despite the doubts I currently have. I guess what I am saying is all the experiences I have had in my life is what made me who I am today. As much as I want to recreate a single day; it means it would recreate who I am at this moment in time.

I should really get going. It’s four in the morning and I haven’t been to sleep yet. I have to be up in three hours. I have to be up in three hours so I can get ready for the day and attend my therapy appointment. A much needed appointment. As I end this post I want to thank you for reading. I hope everyone has a great Hump Day (Wednesday). Peace Out, World!!!