Tag Archives: Blogging

The Urges To Self Harm & The Skills That Are Helping

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I am having yet another tough moment with dealing with the one year anniversary of my grandma’s death yesterday (Thursday which was Valentines Day). My therapist and I had an hour and a half session today. I cried a bunch. We also discussed on ways I could keep myself safe for today and the rest of the weekend. We came up with the usual stuff of doing art, journaling, reading, spending time with my cat, blogging and actually starting on the workbook I have discussed in previous post. The workbook is called “The Artist Way.”  I have started reading the introduction and other such things like how to use the work book. I hope to officially start it tomorrow (Saturday) or Sunday.

Of course my therapist and I discussed what books I plan on reading and he agreed that the books I have chosen to read most likely won’t be triggering for me as they are Science Fiction and Fantasy books. He thinks that reading books will be helpful for me to get out of my head even for a moment or two. He also agrees the both blogging and journaling will be helpful for me to process the grief and depression I am dealing with in regards to my grandmas passing away and help me with other shit I am dealing with. Art of course is that skill set for me to do so I have a better way to process my emotions in ways words can not help me express. Lets not forget the affection and love my cat gives me on the daily basis even if she wakes me up at four in the morning to play or wanting food.

The workbooks and the letter to my grandma is the two things my therapist really wants me to focus on this weekend as our next session is on Tuesday. My therapist is challenging me in a good and difficult way he knows I am capable of doing at the moment. He wants to see me to continue to improve with my recovery. He is very recovery related which is a good thing in a therapist.

I do not have very much more to say in this post. I hope everyone has an awesome Friday evening and a good weekend.  I want to thank you all for reading my blog as it is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you fro reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Fighting Off Depression With Humor

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I have been up for several hours now and could really use a nap. The problem with taking a nap is if I do take one, I won’t be able to get up in time to go to my volunteer job and will not be able to sleep tonight. The sad thing is I woke up in a very depressive state. A depressive state that is quite concerning for me however if I am able to get through the next few days it is my hope that the depression symptoms with start to subside. I am pretty sure that the grief I am dealing with in regards to the loss of my grandma on Valentines Day of this year (2018) could have a lot to do with the increased symptoms of my depression.

Since I have been fighting off depression and grief I decided to watch the Netflix special that Ellen DeGeneres did and is so happened the show they made into a special was here in Seattle. I wish I was able to attend it in person however I was unable to do so. I am just thrilled that I was able to watch it earlier today on Netflix to help with my mood. Ellen is quite funny and I personally think she is relatable to people or at least she is to me. After watching Ellen’s Netflix special, it was quite helpful in lifting my spirits and not making the decision to call out “sick” for my volunteer job this evening.

Not only did watching the Ellen special on Netflix help me make a good choice to go to my volunteer job tonight but helped to blog about how I am feeling about shit. Shit like the depression and grief I am dealing with at the moment. Blogging seems to help and hope that sharing my story help you my reader some how. Blogging is a great outlet for me just like watching comedy is.

I don’t have much else to say at the moment. So, I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

 

500 Followers

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! Today, I received my 500th follower here on my blog. It has taken me quite awhile to get to my 500th follower but I am beyond grateful to have any followers at all. In fact May of 2019 will mark five years since I started blogging. So, I feel like an average of 100 followers per year is a good number.

Besides getting my 500th follower I went into my local mental health agencies day treatment today as I had nothing better to do. Part of the reason why I went today was because I wanted to attend the Open Communication Group. I feel like it could and will be helpful to attend this group. I attended it today and enjoyed it even though it was on a topic I had to go to a training about for work. To bad I couldn’t get paid to attend the group. Another thing that I did at the mental health agency I am a client of was have a brief check in with my therapist. I had a handful of rough moments today and thought a check in was needed. Thankfully, my therapist was available for a check in or I would have had to have a check in with the on call clinician. My therapist and I discussed what was the cause of the rough moments and came up with a plan to do some good self care.

Well, I was asked today if I could work tomorrow night (Thursday) and I said yes. I really don’t want to work tomorrow (Thursday) and have already done my one on call shift for the month of November but I need the extra money for holiday gifts for my friends and family. Plus, it helps with getting good references when I start applying for new jobs within the next month or two. I might apply for one on Friday but not sure yet. I really cant handle this on call stuff especially when it is a night shift. So since I work tomorrow (Thursday) night, I will attempt to pull an all niter tonight so I can sleep during the day tomorrow (Thursday).

I don’t have much more to say in this particular post. I just want to thank you all for following my blog. It is very much appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a great night. Peace Out, World!!!

 

11:00 pm Randomness

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It is eleven o’clock at night in my corner of the world. I went to a work training this evening and enjoyed it immensely. Talking about work I was asked earlier today (Wednesday) if I could cover someone’s shift tomorrow (Thursday) night and I said yes. I need the hours and extra money. It is going to be my first shift by myself and I am okay with that. At least I know that there will be two other staff members downstairs managing the emergency shelter that if I need help that I will be able to get it. So, even though I am sleepy right now and could maybe fall asleep, I am trying to stay up all night so I can sleep tomorrow during the day. Like I have said before my shifts are at night. They are from 8:00 pm to 8:00 am. So, I figure if I stay awake tonight I can sleep tomorrow and manage to stay awake during my twelve hour night shift tomorrow (Thursday).

Besides attending a training for work today, I also went to a group therapy session. The group was about communication. I enjoyed the group and I plan on going to it next Wednesday. I am hoping it will help me with my communication skills especially when it comes to health communication.

I not only attended group therapy, I saw my therapist today. We discussed the assault that happened to me at the hospital a few days ago. We also discussed the shooting that happened in front of my apartment building earlier today. We discussed how both can affect my mental health specifically my PTSD.  I really like my therapist and he is really good at his job.

Before I forget I emailed my supervisor and three others from work regarding my disability without divulging too much about it. I discussed with them in the email two my accommodations and will let them know my other accommodations by November 2nd which is in a week and two days. I am proud of myself for letting my employer know about my disability and my needs regarding my disability.

I need to figure out away to stay up all night or at least most of the night so I can sleep during the day tomorrow (Thursday) so I can work effectively Thursday night into Friday morning.  So, if I post a great deal tonight, it is because I am trying to stay awake and not sleep. It will have nothing to do with not being able to not sleep. Who knew blogging would help me stay awake for me to sleep during the day.

Well, I am sure I will be blogging again later tonight. Not sure what I will be blogging about later on but I am sure some of it will be a bunch bullshit nobody really wants to read or hear about. So I hope that the blogging through the night will not only help me but help you my reader.

Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. It means a lot to me from the bottom of my heart. Again, thank you for reading. I hope all of you have a good nights sleep as I attempt to stay awake so I can sleep during the day tomorrow (Thursday) so I can stay awake for work Thursday night. Good night everyone. Peace Out, World

Still a Struggle on This Sunday Afternoon

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, once again, World!!! As I mentioned in my last post I was planning on going to both an art store and book store. I did manage to go to both of the stores and bought some things that would be helpful for me in both the good and bad times.

When I got home from the stores, I decided to do some coloring while listening music. It helped temporarily but not enough to make my self harm urges to go away. The urges appear to be getting stronger.

Since they are getting stronger, I decided I would do some mindfulness and meditation practices. They helped slightly but not enough. Doing the mindfulness and meditation practices made me realize that I need to go to the hospital to get evaluated. I most likely won’t end up on in inpatient unit but at least I will be safe for a few hours.

I did call the crisis worker again. You know the one I talked about in an earlier post. So, she said, that going to a hospital is a solid idea however she wants me spend about twenty minutes with my cat. In fact I spent about a half an hour with my cat before I decided to post this.

Now that I am done spending time with my cat and blogging, I’ll be going to the hospital. I will post when I am back from the hospital as I think it is not going to be more than five or six hours if not sooner.

Thank you so much for reading my blog. No need to worry about me. You know I am going to be safe as after I am done with this post, I will be on my way to the hospital. Thank you so much, again for reading my blog. I hope you all have a good rest of your Sunday. Peace Out, World!!!

Seems Like A Sunday Of Struggles

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I am still struggling a great deal with self harm issues. I have done the safety plan, I planned with the crisis worker I talked to before my last post. Yes, I have done some art work as well as reading. Both helped to a degree however, I still feel like self harming. I could call the crisis worker back however I came up with a better idea.

The better idea’s I came up with is to first go to the art store to pick up some art supplies. Art supplies that include canvas, paint, paint brushes and even coloring books as well as colored pencils.

After I plan on going to the art  store, I plan on going to a near by book store. Of course I’ll buy a couple of books and look for coloring books as well. The book I am currently reading will most likely be finished in a day or two so I will need a new book or two to read. Plus, getting coloring books from both the book and art stores will be helpful for me.

Blogging appears to be helping me through this minor crisis I am currently in. Blogging is one of my coping skills and has proven quite helpful for me.

Now that I have discussed how blogging helps me, I am going to go to both the art and book stores. I hope I find what I need and/or want.

Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I hope everyone has a great rest of their Sunday. Peace Out, World!!!

Sunday Morning Blues

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I know its been a couple of hours since I last posted but things changed quite quickly. Yes, I did finish reading the new paper and watching the morning news as well as doing my chores.

Unfortunately, as I was doing my household chores, I started becoming in crisis mode. That means I have urges to self harm. I did call the crisis team of the agency I seek services at and came up with a safety plan. A safety plan that I hope I am able to keep. I can promise you all that if I can not keep my safety plan that I will go to the hospital. I am NOT suicidal. I just feel like self harming. Again, if I am unable to stay safe I WILL take myself to the hospital. Part of my safety plan, I already mentioned in my last post at that is to read the fantasy book that I decided to start reading again since I never finished the book. I am looking forward to spending time in a good book and get my mind off of the shit of self harming. I hope that reading this fantasy book will do the trick

Another part of my safety plan is being around my cat, Lil Gertie. That means playing with her as well as cuddling with. That also means giving her some pets and loves. And of course cleaning out her litter box which I already did this morning. I clean it out twice a day. I have already fed her, her wet food and she has access to her dry food 24/7 so I know she won’t starve. So yes I have already taken care of her needs for the day except for her evening litter box cleaning. Now its time for me to cuddle up to her as well as play with her. That is if she is up to it as she is a cat.

Another thing I came up with the crisis clinician is to work on my art work. We decided that both coloring and painting would be quite helpful to me. I also informed the crisis clinician that I can combine painting and collaging as it mixes genres and is really cool looking. She thought that doing art is a great way to express myself especially with that of the mixture of genres.

The last part of my safety plan was and is to blog. In fact it was the first thing I decided to do as part of my safety plan so I could inform all of you my reader of my current struggles despite getting a good nights sleep and a good start to the day. Sometimes the struggles of a mental health challenge can come out of the blue despite how well it started. Blogging is quite helpful for me to hold myself accountable to others. Just as reminder, if the urges to self harm get stronger there is no need to worry about me as I will take myself to the hospital as well as call the crisis worker I talked to back. So, I do have an added safety plan to the safety plan I am informing you of. So, for me as I already mentioned helps me be accountable to others yet I don’t want others to worry about me.

I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. You my reader are all awesome in my eyes. Again, thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

(Side Note: Yes, I know I have mentioned it already, I am NOT suicidal. If I feel like I am unable to keep myself safe I will call the crisis worker back or take myself to the hospital or in worse case scenario, I will call 911. I just want make sure you all know that I have a back up plan.) 

It’s Been a Busy Couple of Weeks

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It has been almost two weeks since I last posted. I have been busy with a lot of things lately especially job related. I’ve done my three shadowing shifts that I needed to do. In fact it is suppose to be six shadowing shifts however everyone I shadowed informed my supervisor that I don’t need all six shadowing shifts. I still have other training’s I need to do as part of my job. Despite having to do more training’s for work, I still yet to be called to do a shift for someone as I am an on call shelter counselor.

On top of work stuff I have been volunteering at the Warm Line as well as a group facilitator at a peer run agency. Not only am volunteering two places and working I am also volunteering for two local politicians. I am the annoying person who calls you to remind you to vote and to endorse the candidate I am volunteering for. So, yes, I am getting more involved with politics this year. I loved it the last time I did it and have decided to do this year.

I have also been going to doctors appointments every two weeks. This is to help me not go to the emergency room for minor health issues as well as mental health stuff. It appears to be working a great deal as it is keeping me from going to the emergency room for minor health issues.

On top of seeing my regular doctor every two weeks, I am seeing my therapist twice a week.  He is doing this to help me stay out of the emergency room as well the extra support I need right now in regards to my new job. My therapist is amazing. He is just as amazing as Gilbert and Diana were.

Thank you for reading. I hope to be more vigilant when it comes to blogging on the more regular basis. I am grateful for all of you who read my blog regularly. Have a goodnight everyone. Peace out, world!!!

Sleepy Sunday Morning Randomness

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I meant to blog yesterday about my first shift as a shelter counselor however I slept most of the day due to my shift being twelve hours at night. I was planning on doing it last night but I was still a little groggy from working and trying to take in my first shift and couldn’t find the words to write about my first shift. I still can’t find the right words for my first shift. I could have attempted to post about my first shift sometime during the middle of the night as I didn’t sleep on purpose so I can sleep today as I work tonight.

As I sit here blogging I am watching the morning news as I wait for my sleeping meds to kick in. I just want to get enough sleep today so my shift doesn’t go as slow as it did Friday night going into Saturday as I didn’t sleep at all on Friday. I am not sure if watching the news is the greatest idea before going to bed as the news can be quite triggering to fall asleep. The news can trigger my PTSD which could cause no sleep at all.

Before I go, I want to remind everyone who reads my blog that I have advertisements on it so I can earn some extra money. The only way I can earn extra money from the advertisements is if you my reader click onto the advertisement. Each click of the advertisements gives me a few extra cents to my name. The extra money I earn from the advertisements will help me pay for gifts when the holidays come up in December. So I hope you click on the advertisements so I can earn a few extra cents so I am able to buy gifts for people to give to people during the holidays.

I should get going and try to relax so I can get to sleep so I can function at work tonight when I do a twelve hour night shift. I hope everyone has a great Sunday. I hope to blog before going to work tonight but no promises. I also hope to attempt to blog tomorrow about my job but I don’t know how tired I will be.

I hope everyone has a good restful Sunday. Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!

 

Weekly Plans

Posted on by Gertie

Sunday

  • Blog
  • Co-Facilitate Group (A volunteer gig I have)
  • Spend time with family

Monday

  • Blog
  • Therapy
  • Head to Hotel for conference
  • Help set up last minute stuff for peer conference
  • Spend time with friends (who are fellow peer specialist/counselors)

Tuesday

  • Blog
  • Attend and Volunteer at Peer Conference
  • Spend time with friends (who are fellow peer specialist/counselors)

Wednsday

  • Blog
  • Attend and volunteer at peer conference
  • Head home after conference is over
  • Spend time with cat when I get home from the conference

Thursday

  • Blog
  • Go to doctor’s appointment
  • General lazy day
  • Spend time with cat, Lil Gertie

Friday

  • Blog
  • Job interview
  • Spend time with family

Saturday

  • Blog
  • Read
  • Spend time with friends
  • Volunteer at the Warm Line