I am unable to sleep for two reason. First my mom has stage three lung cancer and second; nobody has heard from my brother for nearly three months. Nobody seems to care about to do a missing person report on my brother but me. My brother came up missing right before the cancer diagnosis of my mom. Not sure if the two are related. I’m worried about both my mom and brother. I would love my mommy and brother to meet my cat Billie. Not sure if that will be a reality now as nobody knows where my brother is and nobody knows how much time my mom has live or if she will survive. I’m hopping a miracle happens some how since my brother has know idea our mom has cancer.
I don’t have much much to say but thank you for reading my blog. If it wasn’t for you reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!
It is five o’clock in the morning Seattle time and still haven’t slept yet. Good ole insomnia is kicking my ass tonight. That besides the point. Today’s my brother’s birthday and I made him a care package but I don’t where to send it as has done his disappearing act again.
Anyway I took a four hour training on First Aid, CPR and AED. I needed the first aid and CPR for work and found out if I’m strained on AED I get a raise so yeah me. On that note the four training could have been down in two hours but that is my opinion.
I better try and get some sleep. Peace Out, World!!!
Good Morning, World!!! My last post was quite concerning if you read it you know there were some gunshots and sadly two people were shot. Thankfully, they are going to survive. I know it scared the shit out of many people including myself and my cat.
Now on to my random thoughts. Well maybe not so random. I’m not sure if I mentioned that my mom has stage three lung cancer. My mom doesn’t appear to worried about it but the rest of the family including myself is worried. Well, all except my brother because nobody has heard or seen him since my mom got diagnosed with lung cancer. I’m worried about both my mom and my brother. It’s unheard of that he hasn’t contacted anyone especially my mom since he is a mama’s boy.
Now on to the real random thoughts that I am having. If you read my blog on the regular basis or even if this is your first time reading my blog you may have noticed I have advertisements. I have advertisements to make money. The only way I get paid is if people click on them. Granted it might be a cent or two or maybe three per click but it adds up. Sadly, WordPress doesn’t pay you till you hit at least one hundred dollars. So if you could kindly click on one advertisement, whenever you read my blog it would be greatly appreciated.
On to more random thoughts, my neighbors a screaming at each other again. Well, one is screaming and the other is just trying to get to their apartment. The one neighbor screaming just needs different type of housing. Personally, the neighbor that is screaming needs to be in supportive housing where there are staff there 24/7 if someone is in need of talking to someone or in crisis. This neighbor appears to be in crisis quite often.
I should get going as my cat Billie Dean is wanting some attention. Oh how I love my cat, Billie. Billie is such a lap cat and loves all the attention he can get. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!
Good Evening, World!!! I just woke up from a four hour nap. I just hope I can sleep tonight. I doubt I will be able to sleep but I will still try to do so.
Other than the late nap, I am doing well. I got my social security stuff taken care of even it it is just a temporary solution for now. I am not going to be complaining about the temporary solution because I am grateful for it.
I talked to brother today. He and I have the same mom but different dads. He hopes he made the right decision in contacting his aunt on his dads side. Jay is an awesome brother. He is extremely protective of me despite him being eleven years younger than me.
I better get going as I don’t have much else to say. Have a great evening. Peace Out, World!!!
I had a great weekend. Yes, I know it’s Tuesday but I am now getting around to writing more about my weekend. I was too exhausted to blog yesterday when I got home.
I really enjoyed my weekend. As I told you in a previous blog my boyfriend and I went to the city where my brother lives to celebrate his birthday. The first night we stayed at his place and the second and third nights we stayed at a hotel. Saturday my boyfriend and I spent most of the day with my brother. We of course had the barbeque at my brothers place. My mom and two of my uncles were there as well as some of brothers friends were at the barbeque. Surprisingly, my mother didn’t cause any drama. After the barbeque was over my boyfriend and I checked into the hotel and then met up with my brother at a local fair/carnival. The three of us of course had a blast.
After my boyfriend and I spent most of Saturday with my brother we decided to spend the rest of the day and pretty much most of Sunday being intimate with each other. For people who have had intensive sexual trauma like I have endured have trouble with sexual intimacy. My boyfriend is always gentle with me and we stop when I need to. It takes a great deal of trust for me or any trauma survivor to be intimate with anyone. My boyfriend has proven time and again that I can trust him. That is a huge deal for me personally and he knows that. Like I have said he is always been gentle with me and I know he wont hurt me. Their is no proof that he will hurt me cause he hasn’t hurt me in the past. I have to believe what the past says about my boyfriend. It has taken a lot of therapy for me to trust a person to be intimate with and I am beyond grateful for that therapy.
After spending most of Sunday being intimate with my boyfriend my brother came over to the hotel we stayed at to watch the fireworks to mark the end of the carnival/fair. I was impressed with fireworks. It takes a lot for me to be impressed with fireworks because of growing up near Disneyland and watching their fireworks. After the fireworks were done my brother and I said our goodbyes and he went home.
My boyfriend and I got home yesterday. We were both extremely tired and that is why I didn’t blog yesterday. I need to cut this blog short because I need to get ready for my session with my therapist. I had to reschedule my session with my therapist because I was out of town. Anyway I hope to blog again later today. Peace out.
Well it’s Thursday and that means its my Sunday. The good thing is when I get off work tomorrow I will be on vacation once again. This time I am actually doing something on my vacation. I am going to go visit my brother for his birthday. Tomorrow (Friday) night my boyfriend and I are going to be stay at my brothers place. Saturday and Sunday my boyfriend and I are going to be staying in a hotel. Anyway, Saturday we are going to be having a barbequing at my brothers place for his birthday. The unfortunate part about my brother party on Saturday is that my mother is going to be there. When the barbeque is over with my boyfriend and I are going to check into the hotel. After we are settled in at the hotel my boyfriend and I are going to meet up with my brother and go to the fair. We might even watch the parade. I’m looking forward to it. My boyfriend and I have plans on Sunday as well. I will tell you more in a blog on Saturday.
If you read yesterdays blog you all know that I was scheduled to have an interview today. Unfortunately, the interview didn’t happen due to no fault of my own. I went and they have to reschedule because the lost the paper work I was suppose to fill out. They even lost the interview questions they were going to ask me. They have all that stuff on the computer however there computer system went down sometime last night and wont be fixed till sometime Monday or Tuesday. You would think they would have extra copies and know where those copies are just in case the computers go down. I was a little frustrated at first but saw the humor in it as well. Hell, I still find it a little humorous. They couldn’t reschedule with me cause everyone’s schedule is on the dam computers. Oh well life happens.
Well, I need to get going. I need to pack for tomorrow so my boyfriend and I can leave after I get off work. I wont be blogging tomorrow because of work and staying at my brothers place. My brother doesn’t have Wi-Fi or internet access. I do hope to blog on Saturday to let you know how everything went with my brother. Hopefully my mother doesn’t start any drama at my brothers birthday party. Anyway, I need to get going. Have a good rest of your Thursday. Peace out till Saturday.
Its another beautiful day in the neighborhood. My boyfriend is barbequing steaks as I am watching the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and Texas Ranger game. Right now its in between eighth and ninth innings and the Angels are up 5 to 2. I of course am rooting for the Angels since I am originally from Anaheim. I miss California. Tonight’s game happens to be in Texas.
Well, I worked earlier today. I actually had a good day a work today. I worked with one of my favorite checkers today. The checker I worked with today is like a second father to me. He has taken me under his wing. The cool thing about this particular co-worker is that he is very non-judgmental of me and my mental health issues. He can usually tell when things are acting up without me even having to tell him. When things are acting up he makes sure that I get my breaks because I usually don’t take my breaks. I take my lunches but not my breaks. Its always nice to have people that have your back. My schedule for this next week is okay. I only work 15 hours but I work Sunday which means I get Sunday pay. That’s a good thing. After my shift on Friday I will be on vacation again.
I will be going to see my little brother on my vacation. It just so happens his birthday happens that every year his birthday falls the same week/weekend of the local fair in his town. I will treat him to the fair like I always do when I happen to be around on his birthday. I love him so much. My boyfriend will be going as well. My boyfriend and brother get along great. I’m looking forward to going the rides, playing the rigged games and most importantly the fair food. Oh how I love fair food.
The Angel vs. Ranger game is now over. The Angels won 5 to 2. I am proud of my Angels. Its a four game series and the have won the last 3 games against the Rangers and have one more game against them tomorrow.
Now back on to my brother. I am looking forward to seeing him and spending time with him. Its hard to believe that he is going to be 24 years old. I am proud of him and everything that he is accomplishing in his life.
As I have told you in earlier blog entries I am reading a psychology text book to better myself as well as to educate myself. I figure since I cant afford to go to college at the moment I might as well as buy and read text books from a used book store. If you know where and when to buy a text book you can get them pretty cheap. In fact you can usually get them under $20. I love educating myself. I love it when I shock the hell out of people when I know what I’m talking about especially when its on a subject that you have to go “to school for.” People assume when they look at me that I don’t know what I am talking about but they soon realize that when I know something I know something.
Well, my boyfriend is almost done with the steaks and I should get going. I am love meat. I love food. I need to help get the rest of the food out and on the table. My boyfriend and I are going to eat on his patio because its another beautiful day out. I love hot weather like today.
I best be going. Have a good rest of your Saturday evening everyone. I hope you have a good weekend. Peace out and have fun.
HAPPY MONDAY!!! Well its a little after 10 o’clock (pacific time) Monday evening and it’s been a long day for me. I worked a four hour shift this morning and it went by so slowly. After work I rushed home to change out of my work clothes because I needed to catch a bus to make it to my appointment with my therapist on time.
My appointment with my therapist went as well as it can be expected. It is therapy after all. I did shed a few tears over a tough topic for me. I don’t cry much and when I do cry it’s a big deal. Crying doesn’t come easy for me. I trust my therapist enough to let her see me cry. I think my current therapist is the only therapist that I ever cried in front of. I trust her.
When I got home from my therapy appointment I decided to go to the neighborhood park and read. I am reading A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. So far I am enjoying book. Reading is one of the things that gives me pleasure in this world. It helps me forget my problems for the time being. Reading gets me out of my own head.
After I was done reading in the park I came home and made me some dinner. I had scrambled eggs, French toast, orange juice and milk. I love having breakfast for dinner. I make sure I eat on the regular basis because it helps regulate my mental illness a great deal.
When I finished with my dinner I talked with my little brother. He is doing quite well. He made me laugh with is corny yet very humorous jokes. I wonder where he gets his jokes from and I know they are not from me. I love my little brother.
After I talked to my brother I watched some T.V. I got bored watching T.V. and realized I didn’t blog yet for Monday so I decided to blog. I am getting a little sleepy and I should get going. Good sleep hygiene is also a good way to stay stable. So that means I’m going to call it a night and go to bed.
Yes, I know it’s only 10:31pm(pacific time) but I am tired. Have good night everyone. Sweet dreams and don’t let the bed bugs bite. (My grandpa said that to me whenever he tucked me in at night when I was a child.) Peace out and sleep well.