Tag Archives: Music

All I Want Is Sleep

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I have not slept all night and it is now eleven o’clock in the morning in my corner of the world. At this point in time attempting to go to sleep will be useless as I have plans with friends to go eat lunch. Hopefully, after lunch with my friends, I can try to get a nap in.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I was going to binge watch a couple of television shows. I did binge watch a couple of television shows. I watched the Big Bang Theory and laughed my ass off. It feels good to be able to laugh.

Something else that I did to keep myself busy due to insomnia was art. I finished one painting that I will be giving to a friend for his birthday on Friday. I also started another painting and so far it is coming along nicely with a bit of a twist. I also did some coloring.

I, of course read some comic books. Specifically I read Wonder Woman comic books. I am in desperate need to catch up to the latest issue of Wonder Woman. I have been reading and collecting Wonder Woman comic books since I was five years old.

When I was doing some art and reading Wonder Woman comic books, I was listening to music. Music tends to help me be in the creative mind as well as to help me focus on things. In fact as I am writing this post, I have my music on. Currently, I am listening to my Recovery playlist on Spotify. Music tends to soothe my soul and heal my soul at the same time.

I do not have much more to say in this post. I really should start getting ready to go to lunch with my friends as it is eleven o’clock in the morning and we are leaving to go to lunch at twelve noon. I want to thank you all for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope you all have a great Sunday. Peace Out, World!!!

It’s Been A Surprisingly Peaceful Day

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It has been a beautiful sunny yet chilly day here in Seattle. In fact it was such a beautiful day I went on a walk at the Arboretum here in Seattle. It was beautiful as always. I, unfortunately forgot my camera to take pictures with. I guess, I could have used my phone but the pictures wouldn’t be the same.  While at the Arboretum, I did some mindfulness and meditation practices. Much needed meditation and mindfulness exercises. I forgot how helpful they are and doing them while being in the fresh air and beauty was that much more rewarding.

When I got home after my time at the Arboretum, I decided to listen to music. I listened to the music so loudly that a neighbor asked me to turn it down. My music is normally not turned up so high it bothers my neighbors. The loud music was extremely therapeutic for me while it lasted. Yes, I did turn down my music and continued to enjoy the music I was listening to.

After spending a couple of hours listening to music, I decided to visit with some neighbors in my building who I have been good friends with. We chit chatted for about an hour and then play a couple of games for another hour or two. It was nice to get together with friends and just hang out.

All in all today has turned out to be a surprisingly peaceful day. A day that started out with me ruminating and worrying about something I really have no control over even though I know I am telling the truth. I think I am now going to fix some spaghetti and invite a friend over who happens to be a neighbor that lives in my building. Food and friendship is always a good thing. I want my day to continue to be peaceful.

I don’t have much more to say in this post. I hope you all have a wonderful Saturday evening. Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Bump In The Road

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! It hasn’t been the easiest of weeks for me emotionally. Having dealt with the one year anniversary of my grandma’s death just over a week ago is challenging enough but when other shit pops up makes it that much more challenging. Granted it is small shit but it is a bunch of small shit that has been building. Sadly, some of the small shit involves family. Specifically my mom and brother. I love them both but when I can’t get both side of the story, I can’t give the “advice” my mom wants me to give her. Anyway, there is other small shit that I won’t bring up but the mom and brother shit has been the most challenging as my mom won’t let up.

Anyway, when I saw my therapist for our scheduled appointment on Tuesday we discussed what was going on and he said “this doesn’t appear to be a crisis but just a bump in the road” and I have to agree with him. We discussed how the anniversary of my grandma’s death and all the small shit that has been building has increased my urges to self harm. We, of course discussed ways for me to keep myself from harming myself when the self harm urges get strong. Before my session with my therapist ended on Tuesday we made a “check-in appointment” for yesterday (Friday) to see how things were going. I of course went to the appointment and we did a check-in. We discussed plans for the weekend as well as ways to manage self harm urges. During my “check-in” session with my therapist, I brought up the fact that one of the things I would be doing was binge watching a Netflix show called The Umbrella Academy as I watched the first show on Thursday. I found out that he binged watched it with his wife and loved it. In fact one of the things my therapist is having me do this weekend when I watch Umbrella Academy is to write a paragraph or two on each show. I am not exactly sure why he is having me do this but I am thinking he seeing how some things can be beneficial  to me.

In fact last night (Friday) re-watched the first episode and did what my therapist wanted me to do. I also watched episodes two and three. I am really enjoying the show. In fact it is a show that is up my alley. The cool thing about it is when I watched the first episode on Thursday, I have discussed it with various people and I didn’t realize how popular it was. The best part of it being a popular show is that I didn’t start watching it because everyone was watching as I didn’t realize that most people I know were watching it as well.

One of the things I have been doing this weekend thus far is some art. In fact I am working on a piece of art work for a friend of mine as a birthday present. His birthday is the day after mine. I am painting him something as he is the one who got me into painting. It is not a big painting but a painting that I think he will enjoy and appreciate.

The other things I have been doing is a workbook called “The Artist Way.” In fact one of the things of the workbook is to journal everyday.  Journaling isn’t difficult but doing it everyday and it needing it to be three pages is challenging. In fact this is a workbook my therapist suggested for me to get and work on so I decided to do so. I have only been working on this workbook for a week and I find it challenging but I am also finding it helpful so far. In fact I plan to work on it some more today.

The one thing I have been doing this entire weekend except when I am watching Umbrella Academy and the news is listening to music. I have been mainly listening my Recovery Playlist but have also been listening to some emo music. Both have been quite helpful with reducing my self harm urges. Music is very soothing to the soul or at least it is for me.

I don’t have much more to say in the post. But before I end the post I want reassure everyone that I am not a risk to do any self harm acts. I am also not at risk to attempt suicide. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. Have a great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

No Sleep In Seattle

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! As expected, I am unable to sleep. I expected that I would not be able to sleep tonight due to sleeping a great deal for about three days due depression related to grief. Grief related to my grandma’s passing away on Valentines Day of last year (2018). It is hard to believe that in a little over three weeks it will be a year since my grandma passed away.

Since I am unable to sleep, I am listening to music. Specifically, I am listening to Sleater-Kinney. They are a great local band from the Seattle area. They are actually, if I am not mistaken from the Olympia / Lacey area of Washington. I tend to favor local musicians from where I live as well as where I grew up as I tend to relate to them a bit more than other musicians.

Another thing I have been doing tonight is reading. I started reading “Lost Boys” by Orson Scott Card. I really like him as an author as I have read other books he has written. I thought I would give this book a try. I usually only read book series but thought I would read a stand alone book. Reading is a great distraction from the reality I am facing.

In fact both reading and music are great distraction from the reality I am facing in regards to dealing with my grandma’s death. Yes, it has been nearly a year since she passed away but she was a motherly figure to me. She helped raise me.

I don’t have much more to say. I will try to blog again later on today. I hope I can get some sleep so I am not a cranky bucket. I hope everyone has a great Monday. Enjoy you week everyone. Peace Out, World!!!

No Excuse For Not Blogging

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It has been a few weeks since I last posted. I have no excuses. I have had plenty of time to post especially since I have not been called into work since Christmas week which I didn’t work at all in December either except for a stupid staff meeting. I do have to say the last few days I have been in a depressive state to where I have been sleeping a great deal. Now, I am a little worried that I won’t be able to get any sleep for a few days.

Let me catch you up on what has been going on with me the last few weeks besides not getting called into work and sleeping a lot the last few days due to being in a depressive state. So, my therapist and one of his colleagues came by my apartment to check on the cleanliness of it and both of them were “impressed” by my apartment. They however weren’t surprised on my music selection as when they showed up, I was playing Sleater-Kinney. My therapist did notice I have some things that I need to throw away and have come up with a plan to get rid of the stuff I don’t need and he suggested by getting rid of the access stuff while listening to music.

Another thing that has been happening is that I have been preparing myself for some dentures. I am getting oral surgery done this Wednesday and will be getting dentures. Yes, I realize that being less than two months away from being forty years old and needing dentures is rare but considering that when I was young I was a hard core anorexic and bulimic, I did a number on my teeth. Something I am not proud of and twenty years after I stopped the eating disorders I am paying for the consequences. Consequences I don’t like but at least it is my teeth that I am loosing due to the eating disorders I dealt with as a child, teenager and young adult instead of my life.

As stressful as the upcoming oral surgery is, I think the reason why the last few days I have been dealing with depression and sleeping too much is because my grandma would have been eighty-nine years old on the fourteenth of this month (January). So, I guess I was dealing with some grief.  Grief that I am still dealing with and will continue to deal with. My therapist and I have been discussing it in bits and pieces. Dealing with grief sucks shit.

I don’t have much more to post about at the moment. I just hope everyone has a good rest of their Sunday evening. I hope everyone has a good night. Peace Out, World!!!!

Nothing Like A Nightmare Early On A Monday Morning

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! Well, it is Monday morning and people are starting to get up to get ready for their work day. I have been awake since two thirty this morning due to a nightmare and it is now five o’clock in the morning in my corner of the world. Waking up to a nightmare is absolutely no fun. At least my cat did her job and woke me up from the nightmare before it got any worse. Some how she trained herself to wake me up from a nightmare by either licking my nose or licking one of my big toes. Not sure how she trained herself to do that but I am grateful for it.

Since I woke up from a nightmare, I have been reading comic books and listening to music. Specifically, I have been reading Wonder Woman comic books and listening to Christmas music. For some reason reading Wonder Woman comic books and listening to Christmas music has been quite helpful for me the last two and half hours which I am extremely grateful for.

Now that it is five o’clock in the morning, I will be watching the morning news as I haven’t kept up to date on the news via television all weekend. I did however read the newspaper over the weekend. Sometimes staying away from the news is quite helpful for my mental health and this past weekend it was quite helpful as my depression symptoms have been increasing which sucks shit.

I don’t have much more to talk about at the moment. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a great start to the work week. I also hope everyone has a great Monday. Peace Out, World!!!

 

Friday Night At Home In My PJ’s

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Friday Evening, World!!! I have been home for a few hours and have decided to spend my Friday evening in my pajama’s spending time with my cat, Lil Gertie. I spent the night at my grandpa’s last night. I got to my grandpa’s yesterday afternoon and didn’t get back home till this afternoon and it feels great to be home. In fact, it is nice to spend time by myself with my cat. My cat has pretty much been sitting on my lap most of the evening which is very relaxing for me.

I have pretty much done absolutely nothing productive. I have taken a shower and clean the kitty litter box but that is as productive as I am getting this evening. I have been listening to Christmas music as I read comic books. I am reading A Superhero’s Christmas volumes one and two. It is a holiday ritual that I do every year even when I am severely depressed as it is one thing I know I can do as a personal tradition. A tradition I have been doing for about eight years now. I read these two comic books multiple times during the holiday season.  The superhero’s are all DC superhero’s in the comic books.

I thing my Friday evening has been quite relaxing. I have a cat on my lap while listening to Christmas music and reading a Superhero’s Christmas volumes one and two from DC comics. How much more relaxing can a night be? I think I might even watch a Christmas movie but not sure yet.

I don’t have much else to say in this post. I hope you all have a relaxing Friday as well as relaxing weekend. Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is very much appreciated from my end. Peace Out, World!!!

Still a Struggle on This Sunday Afternoon

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, once again, World!!! As I mentioned in my last post I was planning on going to both an art store and book store. I did manage to go to both of the stores and bought some things that would be helpful for me in both the good and bad times.

When I got home from the stores, I decided to do some coloring while listening music. It helped temporarily but not enough to make my self harm urges to go away. The urges appear to be getting stronger.

Since they are getting stronger, I decided I would do some mindfulness and meditation practices. They helped slightly but not enough. Doing the mindfulness and meditation practices made me realize that I need to go to the hospital to get evaluated. I most likely won’t end up on in inpatient unit but at least I will be safe for a few hours.

I did call the crisis worker again. You know the one I talked about in an earlier post. So, she said, that going to a hospital is a solid idea however she wants me spend about twenty minutes with my cat. In fact I spent about a half an hour with my cat before I decided to post this.

Now that I am done spending time with my cat and blogging, I’ll be going to the hospital. I will post when I am back from the hospital as I think it is not going to be more than five or six hours if not sooner.

Thank you so much for reading my blog. No need to worry about me. You know I am going to be safe as after I am done with this post, I will be on my way to the hospital. Thank you so much, again for reading my blog. I hope you all have a good rest of your Sunday. Peace Out, World!!!

No Sleep In Seattle

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is just after two o’clock in the morning in my corner of the world. Not my idea of a good way to start off a Monday. This marks two nights in a row where I have not been able to sleep. I wish I wasn’t wide awake.

I received an email earlier today regarding a volunteer job at Benaroya Hall which is the home of the Seattle Symphony. I applied for a volunteer job their and hope that when I have the ‘interview” that I get a position that is best suited to my skill set. Plus, volunteering at Benaroya Hall and for the Seattle Symphony will look good on the resume’. It will show that I have interest outside of the mental health field. Plus, it will give me the structure I so desire and need.

Another thing I will like to bring up is the advertisements on my blog. I know they can be quite annoying however if you click on them, it gives me a little income. Not much but some. So, I ask you my loyal readers and followers to click on an advertisement or two once or twice a week so I can get money. Yes, its only a few cents per click but at least it is something.

I am going to go back to bed and try to get some sleep. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!

It’s Midnight & I Can’t Sleep

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is twelve midnight in my corner of the world and I can not sleep. I am not sure why I can not sleep. I highly dislike not being able to sleep. I have a great deal on my mind but I think I can not sleep due to the fact that it is a combination of PTSD and insomnia.

Right now my depression and PTSD are acting up and I am not sure why. I am pretty sure my poor health isn’t helping the symptoms of my mental health challenges. This stupid weird ass mouth infection is just not conducive to what I have planned.

Maybe, I will turn on some music and do some art. Actually, the genre of art I will be doing is coloring. Not sure what genre of music I will be listening to yet but the decision is in the works.

Have goodnight and hope everyone has a good nights sleep. I hope everyone has a good Monday and work week when they get up for work. Thanks for reading. I really do appreciate people reading my blog. Having regular readers is what helps keep this blog going. Peace Out, World!!!