Tag Archives: Recovery

Let the ____ Countdown Begin

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I was looking at the calendar and realized that today is June 25th. That means that Christmas is six months away. It also means that a friend of mine will start posting on Facebook on what he calls “The Christmas Countdown” every single day till Christmas. As much as I really don’t like being reminded of how much time we have left till Christmas, I am glad that it brings my friend joy to post a daily countdown till Christmas on his Facebook page.

Now on to other topics. Lets discus, sleep and insomnia. I highly dislike having insomnia but at least I got some sleep last night. Not as much as I would have liked but at least I got some sleep.

Now on to my work situation. I am planning on quitting my current job because the schedule is not the best for me or my mental health. See my job is an on-call position and it is a twelve hour night shift so I can get called in two hours before the shift is suppose to start so I cant really prepare myself especially in regards to sleep. Yes, I know I can say no and I have but sadly I am the only on call and can’t be the one to keep taking people’s shifts if they can’t make it in for some reason. Sometimes I have had to cancel appointments with my therapist so I could get some sleep and cancelling a therapy appointments is never good for me. So, since I still qualify and get disability I can quit my job and work on my mental health as I apply to for other jobs.

Speaking of applying for other job a friend reached out to me via Facebook private messaging, that the mental health agency she works for has a part time peer position that she thinks would be “an awesome fit” for me. Right now the job posting is only for internal applicants but since my friends former supervisor is now the supervisor for the program needing the peer specialist, my friend was given permission for me to send in my cover letter and resume via my friends work email. So, I am going to be writing a cover letter and tweaking my resume and sending to my friend. Granted the location of the job isn’t ideal for me but I know I can manage getting to work if I get the job and it working in housing with formally homeless individuals which is what I am passionate about and have experience in. Not only do I have this friend who works at the agency as a peer but I have a former colleague who works at this same agency as the friend so I know I have two allies.

I better get going as I realize it is time for some food because I am hungry. It is time for me to get some breakfast. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a good Tuesday. Peace Out, World!!!

A Post As I Wait for My Ambien To Kick In

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It is nearly midnight in my neck of the woods and I am watching The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. I love watching The Tonight Show as in makes me laugh. I love the fact that humor helps me a great deal.

As I write this blog post I am waiting for my ambien to kick in so I can get to sleep. I didn’t sleep last night and it sucks shit. In fact I didn’t sleep Saturday night either. I just hope that I can get some sleep tonight or I am not going to be able function at all tomorrow (Tuesday). Sleep has been issue for me as long as I can remember and wish it wasn’t.

My cat, Lil Gertie is being affectionate right now and I am grateful for it. With Lil Gertie being affectionate I am realizing that I am starting to have some PTSD symptoms. Specifically, flashbacks and body memories. I really dislike PTSD but I realize most of the time that it’s the past and not happening now. As far as my cat, Lil Gertie, I am petting her and trying to type at the same time.

I should get going as I think my ambien is starting to kick in and I am wanting to pay attention to my cat, Lil Gertie. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from end of things. I hope everyone has a good night of sleep. Good Night and Peace Out, World!!!

So Far a Good but Uneventful Day

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Today has been pretty uneventful which I consider a good thing. I consider it good thing because I was able to do some things that I was able to enjoy as well as a couple of things that I needed to do.

The things I needed to do weren’t exactly the most fun things to do but thankfully didn’t take much of my day to do. I needed to do my daily check-in with my therapist. Today’s daily check-in was via phone and lasted for a half an hour. My therapist and I didn’t have our check-in till just after four in the afternoon due to him having to “deal with multiple crisis’s with other clients.” That is okay with me because at least I know I am not in crisis and the check-in’s are to help prevent a crisis especially since my mental health symptoms are increasing. We discussed how my weekend was and what I did over the weekend. We also discussed meds and the potential of needing to pick them up two to three times a week instead of weekly. I am pretty sure picking up my meds more often is going to happen which I am not a fan of but am okay with it as long as it is at the pharmacy I have been going to for the last nineteen years. My therapist did ask if I had picked up my meds for the week and I informed him that I did pick them up. In fact picking up my meds were the only other thing that I actually needed to do besides that obvious of taking care of my cat, Lil Gertie.

I love my cat, Lil Gertie. Lil Gertie has been laying on my chest or lap more as of lately. I am not sure why but I am grateful for it. I do know when she sits on my chest it is because I am having an anxiety attack or about to have one. This helps me to realize this and makes me aware of my breathing. In fact as I am writing this blog on my laptop, Lil Gertie is laying on my chest purring up a storm. I love that fact the she has been laying on my lap or chest more often. It appears to be helping the both of us and the best part is that my anxiety hasn’t been as high as it has been in the past.

I pretty much only did two things today besides my check-in with my therapist, getting my meds and blogging. Those two things were doing some form of art while listening to a podcast. In fact I am listening to a podcast that discusses the topic of philosophy. I find the topic of philosophy very interesting. The specific podcast I am listening to is Philosophize This. I am personally enjoying it especially when I am doing art. In fact while listening to Philosophize This today I have been doing some art. Mainly, I have been coloring but did complete one painting and started another painting. I think maybe taking a picture or two of the art work I have been doing to show you all would be a good idea as whenever I include a picture of anything on my blog post I tend to get more traffic on my blog but I want to post my art work so you can enjoy it and not for the increased traffic to my blog.

I do not have much more to say except I should get going so I can eat some dinner as it is dinner time. I also want to thank you for reading my blog as it is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a great work week ahead of them. Again, thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Back to Basics in Recovery

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! Over the last few weeks I have realized that I really need to get back to basics. Back to basics in regards to my recovery as it appears that the last two and half years haven’t been the best for me in regards to my mental health symptoms and how I have been dealing with them. I haven’t been dealing with my symptoms in a way that that I would personally like to so that means that for the sake of my recovery I am needing to go to basics. Going back to basics also means having a routine.

Anyone in recovery especially in the early stages, or when symptoms increase, or when relapse happens routine is key to helping the person get to the life the want to live. In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) terms; a life worth living. For me personally, routine has always been something I need throughout my life. Routine is something that has been quite helpful for me and my recovery and I think having more of a routine is something that will help me get to where I was when I was doing much better and be in a better place than when I was at my best.

When I was at my best I wasn’t isolating as much as I am now which means going back to basics not only means building more of a routine but going the basic DBT skills I did when I first made a decision to be in active recovery back in late 2003. For me those basic DBT skills include music and art. When I talk about music not only do I mean listening to music but playing music on my flute. Music has been a major part of my recovery. In regards to art and my recovery, coloring is the most basic thing I did because it was and still is one of my go to skills.

As for other skills that I have learned along my road of recovery is mindfulness. Mindfulness has been quite helpful for me. Yes, it is challenging at times but it is quite helpful for me to get into a better state of mind. A better state of mind that helps me use other skills needed to continue on the road of recovery.

Since I am on the topic of mindfulness and going back to the topic of routine something that I have thought long and hard about as well as started doing as a part of my morning is a mindfulness exercise. Usually, the mindfulness exercise I do is on the Calm app. I find doing mindfulness first thing in the morning quite helpful to start my day.

As I was thinking of other ways to build more of a routine throughout the day is to incorporate various things that I know will be beneficial to me, my life and me building a life worth living. The things, I will be incorporate into my daily routine is of course doing some art by coloring, music by setting a time to practice my flute, doing mindfulness exercises at least three times a day, reading a book or comic for a minimum of thirty minutes a day, walking twice a day for at least mile and listening to one episode of a podcast that I am currently enjoying a day. I realize that listening to a podcast, practicing my flute, reading, coloring, walking and mindfulness doesn’t sound much of a routine but I know it will help me get back to where I want to be in addition to going to appointments and making other plans for the day.

I don’t have much more to say. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I am grateful for you my reader. I hope everyone has a good Monday and work week. Peace Out, World!!!

Update on Self-Care Saturday

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It is early evening in my corner of the world and am having a relatively good day. I think I am having a relatively good day because I have focused today solely on self-care today. A self-care day that I desperately needed and am beyond grateful that I decided to do it and follow through with it.

So far today, I have mostly listened to a philosophy podcast on Spotify called “Philosophize This” while doing other things. I am thrilled that started listening to “Philosophize This” again because I am learning a great deal. I am learning a great deal about philosophy and other things from “Philosophize This” because when I finish an episode, I look up things that Stephen West discusses in his podcast. I look up the information Stephen West discusses on his podcast “Philosophize This” not because I don’t belief him but because I further want to educate myself on the topics he discusses. I feel like listening to “Philosophize This” and educating myself on the topics being discussed helps me find things to talk to other about besides the typical things I discuss with others. So, I guess you can say it will help with my communication skills.

One of the things I did while listening to “Philosophize This” was go for several walks. Walks that have helped me a great deal with getting some excess anxiety and energy out of my system. Anxiety and energy that isn’t exactly helpful for me especially when I am having a self-care day. I love to go walking for many reasons. One reason I enjoy walking is it gets me out of my apartment as well as out of my head.

Another thing I have been doing while listening to “Philosophize This” is art. I have been both painting and coloring. I did both genres of art because I enjoy doing both genres. I also did both because I was needing to have the paint dry before adding to the painting and coloring was also a way for me to think on what else I wanted to add to the painting or what I wanted to paint next. Plus coloring is a type of mindfulness practice for me.

Since it’s just barely five in the evening in my corner of the world I realize I am needing to eat dinner as I am hungry. I am trying to figure out what I want to eat. What type of food am I craving. I am not sure what type of food I exactly want at the moment. I know that there is a specific dish I really want from a restaurant in my neighborhood but I am not sure if I want to spend that much money on food. But I want something different from mac and cheese or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Maybe I could go walking around my neighborhood to see what type of food calls out to me even if I am spending money I don’t want to spend. I don’t go out to eat all that often. I think going to get food is something I need to do.

I do not have much else to talk about at the moment. I want to thank you for reading my blog. I greatly appreciate you reading my blog. I hope you have a great rest of your Saturday. Peace Out, World!!!

Plans for a Self-Care Saturday

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! My sleep has been off lately and it sucks. My sleep normally sucks but as of lately is sucks even more. It appears as of lately that I have only been able to fall asleep around dawn and sleep for my usual three to four hours. As much as I don’t like getting up before five in the morning, I would rather get up before five than start falling asleep around five or six. Well, this morning I fell asleep around five and then woke up at eleven thirty which means I had about six and half hours sleep but I feel like I have wasted most of my day with sleeping a good portion of the daylight.

I may feel like I have wasted my day away with sleeping most of the morning but realistically I know that I had planned to not do much today. My plans for today is mainly because I have realized that I need to do good self-care day for myself that are both intentional and spontaneous. I say both intentional and spontaneous because I need to be intentional about doing good self-care for myself today and have some spontaneity to it as well because you never know what opportunities that might come up for good self-care.

One of the things on my self-care list is to do some reading. I am wanting to catch up on reading the latest Wonder Woman comics. My grandpa bought me the last twelve issues of Wonder Woman because I haven’t bought them due to trying to save money for things that are more of a necessity like rent, food, meds and other such things than comic books. My grandpa realizes that keeping up to date on Wonder Woman comic books is a necessity for me and my mental health so he bought the (recent) issues I don’t have for me. Not only will be I reading Wonder Woman comics I will be also reading one if not both of the books I have been reading off and on for a couple of months. I love to read and hope that I can make a dent in reading at least one of the books I am reading.

Of course another thing I plan on doing today for good self-care is doing some art. Actually, the type of art I am planning on doing today is painting. The reason why painting is because I am trying to teach myself a few things a friend suggested I try when it comes to painting. Not only that another friend wants me to a paint a few things for her to sell at a farmers market she sells her art work at. She thinks some of my paintings will sell. I don’t paint to sell it, I paint to get out my emotions that I have trouble communicating with words.

While doing art and something I am doing now as I write this post is listen to a podcast. Specifically, a podcast on philosophy called “Philosophize This.” I started listening to this particular podcast a few years ago in hopes to catch up to the most up to the last episode but sadly I stopped listening. Not really sure why I stopped listening because I really enjoy “Philosophize This.” I learn a great deal from this podcast about philosophy. I learn my listening to it and then looking up the information I hear from the podcast. I listen to “Philosophize This” podcast on Spotify and am grateful that Spotify has podcast.

I don’t have much more to say. I want to thank you for reading my blog as it is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope you all have a great day and weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

Blessed (Summer) Solstice

Posted on by Gertie

Blessed Solstice, World!!! It is the first day of summer in the northern hemisphere while it is the first day of winter in the southern hemisphere. I am so grateful that it is now summer and the longest day of the year. Sadly, tomorrow the days start getting shorter but am going to enjoy the summer either way.

As summer starts, I realize that this last week hasn’t been the easiest of weeks for me and that I have my mental health treatment team worried about and rightfully so. Monday started off like any other Monday. I had an appointment with my psychiatric nurse practitioner and that we okay. It only went okay due to the fact that I withheld information from her and that ultimately didn’t help me on Tuesday but thankfully, I found out on Monday that I didn’t need to work on Tuesday night which I was and am thrilled about.

Now on to Tuesday. Tuesday was not a good day for me. I am not exactly sure why but it wasn’t. Long story short, I attempted to die by suicide by overdosing on one of meds. Thankfully, my psychiatric nurse practitioner has me pick up my meds once a week at my pharmacy so it was only a weeks worth of one medication. I was in the emergency room for about eight hours according to the medical records that were sent to my therapist. Sadly, I only talked with the social worker for about ten minutes and she informed me that it was MY duty to notify the after-hours crisis team of the mental health agency I am a client of to let them know I attempted to die by suicide. She didn’t even call them to let them make the decision to come evaluate me to see if hospitalization was needed. So when I got discharged from the emergency room and got home I called the after-hours crisis line and let the crisis clinician know. The after-hours clinician was upset at the social worker in the emergency room I was at because she was there twice evaluating two different people while I was there and the social worker didn’t even inform her. Thankfully, the after-hours clinician wasn’t upset with me and she told me that it is her (the hospital social worker) duty to notify her and not mine which I already knew. We talked for about forty-five minutes to make sure I was okay enough to be safe at home.

On Wednesday, my therapist called me and we discussed my attempted suicide and what happened with the emergency room social worker. He wanted to make see what my side of the story was as the after-hours crisis clinician ended up going back to the same emergency room I was in to evaluate another client and “had some words” with the emergency room social worker about me. Apparently, the after-hours crisis clinician is “extremely protective” of me in particular because she “sees a lot of” me in her. So, I informed my therapist of my extremely limited interaction with the emergency room social worker. After my phone call with him I guess he got my medical records from the emergency room and talked with a social worker who is familiar with me but was not on when I was in the emergency room and from my understanding that social worker wasn’t exactly happy with her colleague and how she handled my care.

Thursday (yesterday), I had my session with my therapist and we discussed at length about my attempted suicide. We also discussed how my psychiatric nurse practitioner want me to get my med two to three times a week at the pharmacy located on the campus of the mental health agency I go to. I informed my therapist that I am not liking the idea but understand that is it for “safety reasons” and that even though I don’t like the idea I would prefer to go to the pharmacy I have been going to for the last nineteen years. I informed him that I won’t “put up a fight” about getting my meds two to three times a week if we could compromise on me getting my meds from the pharmacy of my choosing, if not then I will “put up a fight.” He said he would discuss it with my psychiatric nurse practitioner about it and I know it will all work out. Another thing I did yesterday was go to DBT group and am grateful for the group. DBT has been quite helpful for me and have been making an effort to do the skills that don’t come automatically to me. The DBT skills is one of the things the has been one of the most helpful things for me and my mental health recovery.

Something, I have noticed since coming home from the emergency room is that my cat has become more clingy. She has been laying on my lap or chest when I am sitting my recliner more frequently and for a longer period of time. I think she knows that I am struggling and is doing what she thinks is helpful in comforting me and it is quite helpful. I am so grateful for my cat and that she has picked up quickly without any training on what helps me emotionally. Animals are so smart that way. I love my cat so much and am beyond thrilled that she is my emotional support animal. Getting my cat, Lil Gertie, is one of the best decisions I have made.

I do not have much else to say. I am NOT currently suicidal am NOT at risk of any self harm acts. If I do have self harm urges or feel suicidal I will take myself to the emergency room and/or call the after-hours crisis line that my mental health agency provides for their clients. I want to thank you for reading my blog. I greatly appreciate your readership. I hope everyone has an awesome summer and great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

A Creative Type of Day Due to Mindfulness

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! Well, it must be one of those days where I am able to be creative and I am enjoying this immensely. I am extremely grateful that I have been able to be creative today.

One of the ways I have been creative today is by painting. I, finished two painting that I am really proud of. In fact of the paintings my cat accidentally helped me with. She stepped in some paint and then walked on the canvas which I think is very cool and unique. Sadly, I had to give her a quick bath in the sink before paint fully dried on her paws and fur. She is not a big fan of taking a bath but at least she “helped” me create an awesome painting even though that was not her intention. Maybe, one day I will share this painting with you someday.

Another way I have been creative today is that I have written several poems. Something I love to do yet struggle to do because I never feel like they are good enough. Sadly, I tend to throw away a good portion of my poetry due to the fact that I don’t think they are worthy of being read. I have been having others such as a good friend of mine hold on to my poetry as I hope that someday I can create a book full of my poetry.

Another way I have been creative today is play my flute. I love playing my flute and just like coloring, it is form of mindfulness for me. Playing the flute has been a life saver for me since I started playing at age twelve. It has helped and still helps me with my mental health challenges. It also helped me make friends in school as I was in the junior high and high school bands. And being in band is what helped me graduate high school. So you can say that playing the flute helped me graduate high school even though I am really not that good at playing it.

I think the reason why I have been so creative today is because I have done several mindfulness exercises today. I have done some much mindfulness today because of my anxiety and am learning that mindfulness not only helps with my anxiety but helps me be creative. I am grateful that I am slowly getting back into mindfulness on the daily basis.

I do not have much else to say. I hope to blog again this evening and if not then tomorrow. Have a great rest of you day. Peace Out, World!!!

A Sort of Lazy Type of Day

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! It has been one of those days that I have not really done much. It has been one of those days that I have been lazy and sitting on my ass. I haven’t exactly been “lazy” because I have done some shit. I started working on my resignation letter for my current employer but haven’t completed it for not finding the right words to put into it. Besides working on my resignation letter, I have also put in a handful of resume’s for jobs that would better for me to work.

One thing I have also been doing is art work. I have been painting and am almost done with one. One that I hope to give to someone but not sure who yet. Another form of art I have also been doing coloring. I love to color and is a form of mindfulness for me.

Since coloring is a mindfulness action for me, I have also done other mindfulness techniques. Mindfulness is quite helpful for me especially for my anxiety and PTSD. I highly recommend doing it at least twice a day.

Before, I end this post, I would like remind you all about the advertisements on my blog. The advertisements are a way for me to earn some money. The only way I am able to earn that money is if you click on the ad. The only way I can collect the money is once the money is at $100. I only earn a cent or two per advertisement and hope that you my reader will do that for me so I can reach the one hundred dollars. I only need to reach two more dollars for it to reach one hundred dollars so I can collect the money. Please to this as a favor me. It would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Have a great day. Peace Out, World!!!

An Update on How Life is Going

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It has been about a week and a half since my last post and I have been dealing with a great deal. First and fore most my mental health hasn’t been the best and sadly my job is not helping. In fact my job is not the best fit for me because it is an on call twelve hour night shift position and reeks havoc on my already horrific sleep schedule. Plus not knowing from day to day if I am going to need to drop every to go home and get some sort of sleep to be able be able to semi function at work and for me this is not helpful. Sadly, I am the only on call for this position so I get called in more times than I am able to work per my disability. I realize it is not my colleagues fault nor my direct supervisors fault as none of those individuals are the ones that have a direct say on who gets hired. And on that note, I am going to be putting in my two week notice at some point in the next couple of days due to the fact I know this job is not the best fit for me especially when it comes to sleep. Not only has my job been affecting my sleep, it has been affecting my physical health and this not a good thing. Worst of all it has been affecting my mental health disability which is not a good thing.

As far my job affecting many areas of my life I have decided I will be turning in my two weeks notice in the next few days. I am not really wanting to do so but since it is effecting my mental health, sleep, health and mental health, it is the best thing for me to do. Yes, I will be looking for a new job even if it is going back to working at a grocery for the time being.

Another thing that has happened is that the Beginning Comics Storytelling art class I have been taking has ended this past Friday (June 14th) which was really sad for me because I really enjoyed it. The best part of the class that everyone in the class got a copy of the comic book we put together. It has various types of comics in it as everyone had their own comic to put into the book and it is really cool. It is something I will cherish for the rest of my life. I am really going to miss my classmates as well.

I do not have much more to say so I am going to end this post. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading and/or following my blog as it is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope you all have an awesome day, Hell, I hope your week goes extremely well. Again, thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!