Tag Archives: Grief

Just a Bunch of Randomness

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! Today, I am having a mixture of emotions especially when it is in regards to my paternal grandparents. I am having a huge wave of grief that I am dealing with in regards to my paternal’s grandma’s death on Valentines day of this. Today’s wave a grief hit extra hard because this is the first birthday my paternal grandfather has had my grandma by his side in over seventy years even though they were married for sixty two and a half years. My grandpa is having a rough go at it so I invited him to my place to have a birthday dinner I will make. I don’t know if I can cook meatloaf as good as my grandma but that’s what he wants for his birthday or at least what he wants for his birthday from me.  As I grieve over my grandma even six and a half months later, I celebrate my grandpa’s 88th birthday today.

On the other hand let me update you on the pain of my migraine. I did go to the hospital last night and had a bunch of test run on me because they wanted to make sure that the infection in my mouth hasn’t spread even though I informed the doctors it felt like a regular migraine. They were just be overly cautious because it turns out it was a regular ole pain in the ass migraine. My mouth infection is looking a great deal better and its starting to feel better as well. I’m still in pain from the infection but at least the pain is subsiding.

Now on to the fire alarm system and smoke detector inspection that happens every three months that ended up being a month late this time around happened today. My cat, Lil Gertie, was not a fan of the inspection. Hell, neither was I but I am sure it was worse for her and her poor lil ears. She freaked out a little bit but not as bad as I thought it would have had on her.

On the note of my cat she is helping me deal with my depression and grief at the moment. She is sitting next to me on my favorite chair as I blog this particular post. Having her cuddle up next to me while purring sure helps with both the depression and grief I am dealing with. With my emotions they way they are today, I am grateful for my cat.

I don’t have much more to say at the moment. Thank you for reading me ramble on about a bunch of randomness. I appreciate each one of you. I hope you have a great Thursday. Peace Out, World!!!

A Five Hour Nap & I Am Still Sleepy

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It is just post eleven o’clock at nigh in my corner of the world. I fell asleep for a much need five or so hour nap. I just hope I can get back to sleep so I will be able to sleep through the night. My cat woke me up wanting her litter box cleaned out and most importantly to be fed her wet can food even though she has plenty of dry food to eat. Now that the kitty chores are done, I hope to go back to bed after writing the post.

On a plus note I got a call today regarding a job for a peer position. Still waiting for an email from the lady with full details about the interview but at least I know when and where it is going to be. I just need confirmation on the address and who it is going to be with.

As for the shelter counselor job the person finally emailed me back and informed be it might not be to the end of the week till I find out when I my interview with them is going be. At least she finally got back to me regarding why no interview has been set up yet.

I am still really from the roller coast ride of grief I had today regarding missing my grandma. The grief hit me extra hard today. I am not sure why but it did. I was able to talk to my therapist for a little bit regarding the grief over the phone today and that was quite helpful to me.

Thank you for reading my post. I hope everyone has a good nights sleep. I hope I can get back to sleep after a five hour nap and it being just after eleven o’clock at night in my neck of the woods. Thank you again for reading. Have a good night’s sleep. Peace Out, World!!!

A Roller-coaster of A Day

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Today has been roller-coaster  type of day when it comes to my emotions. I was able to meet my spend down for medicaid due to a comprehensive  dental examination. That means I officially have medicaid back on. Which will help with my dental, mental and physical health care. I also happy that I will be able to get the proper care I need to take care of myself.

On a side note I went to call my grandma on her cell phone to tell her some good news. The sad part of this is I had a lapse in judgement that she passed away just over six months ago which let the flood gates of grief come rushing in. I miss my grandma so much. A plus note, I did have lunch with my grandpa.

I talked on the phone with my therapist about my grief dealing with my grandma and he gave me the support I needed. He suggested that I journal and/or blog about the grief. Dealing with grief is not easy.

On to the positive note. I have an interview on August 31st for a Peer Specialist position. I am looking forward to having an interview and hopefully a job a peer. I should here back later on this week about getting an interview for a shelter counselor position. Not sure what position I would want more put at least I will have some job prospects coming my way.

I am also happy that I will be able to get the much needed dental care I so desperately need. Getting the proper dental care helps your overall health. Having good health will help me with being able to go back to work.

As you can tell I’ve had an emotional roller-coaster type of day. Please send out positive energy or vibes or prayers or whatever good mojo my way about getting the job that is best suited for me.

Thank you for reading. It is greatly appreciative to have readers like you in my life. I hope that my post as of lately gives out some hope to people because some of my post appear a little hopeless and depressing when I read back on them. It means a great deal that I have extremely awesome readers like you to help me keep blogging. If it weren’t for you the reader, I wouldn’t still be blogging. Thank you again for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

Despite A Good Day, I’m Still A Lil Sad

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, again, World!!! I realize that I just posted about an hour ago about being an adult and doing adulting type of stuff then allowing myself to turn into a child. I’ve realized I needed that childhood part of today because I am really missing my grandma right now. She passed away a Valentines Day of this year (2018). My grandpa turns eighty eight on Thursday and my grandma died exactly one month after she turned eighty eight. I think he might not make it more than month past his 88th birthday.

His birthday is this Thursday and I plan on celebrating it with him because its going to be a sad day when it the first time you haven’t had you wife with you over sixty two years. My grandpa and acknowledged this and both cried over it. I really do miss my grandma. However I am sure it is more difficult for my grandfather right now.

I still had my summer fun with my grandpa but it was nice to acknowledge the grief that we still have for my grandma. I love you grandma and hope you are watching over us.

Thank you for reading this sad blog. Have a great rest of your Monday. Peace Out, World!!!

The Elephant In The Room

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I am awake at three o’clock in the morning due to not being able to sleep. Both my insomnia and depression are acting up. Not sure why either are acting up but they are.

When I started to write this post I didn’t know what I was going to write about. So lets discuss the elephant in the room; the two celebrities who died by suicide, Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. Many people are mourning their sudden and untimely deaths. People are grieving over this and I don’t blame them as it is sad news.

As sad as it is to hear about someone’s death especially when it is death by suicide people start to discuss it a little bit more. I personally think we need to talk about both suicide and mental health conditions more so we can lessen the stigma that goes with it.

If anyone is in crisis and needs to talk the United States National Suicide Hotline is 1-800-273-8255. I know this number will work in the United States however I am unsure about the rest of the world. I wish I had other crisis numbers for other countries however I do not. Please if you are in a mental health crisis or thinking of killing yourself don’t hesitate to reach out to someone.

Thank you for reading!!! Peace Out, World!!!

Random Thoughts At Midnight

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It is now midnight in my corner of the world!!! I made it through Mother’s Day without any major problems. It appears that I handled the grief of my grandma better than I thought I would.

It was a beautiful day in Seattle so I decided to go to the Ballard Locks. I did this to enjoy the eighty three degree (Fahrenheit) weather as I love the fact it is finally getting warm outside. While at the Ballard Locks I also read quite a bit. I read a book called Why Buddhism Is True. I am reading this book as I am wanting to figure out if Buddhism is the faith I want to follow.

Spirituality or faith including atheism is key to one being in recovery. Right now I am looking into Buddhism as it appears it might be the best faith for me and my personal goals with my recovery. As many of you know my faith in anything has been one of the the things lacking in my recovery and for me my recovery means the world to me.

Thank you so much for reading. Have a great night of sleep and Peace Out, World!!!

Sunday Night Random Thoughts

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! I am sitting here at my laptop on what I am going to be posting about. Usually, I have some idea but not so much at the moment. I just hope I don’t offend anyone with whatever come out of my head through my hands onto the post. It is my hope that I don’t say anything offensive.

As many of you know today was the first Mother’s Day without my grandma being around. I painted a picture of what is suppose to look like a yellow rose. My grandma’s favorite flower was the yellow rose. My painting didn’t come out as desired but hey it’s that healing part of creating that was helpful to me.

I also read a book called Why Buddhism is True. I am looking into Buddhism to see if it is the right faith for me especially in regards to my recovery. One of the key principles to recovery is faith even if you consider yourself an atheist it counts. I also read some Buddhist Scriptures as well which gave me some peace.

Thank you for reading. You all are quite awesome or reading my blog. Have a good night. Peace Out, World!!!

Pushing Through the Grief

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! I am doing slightly better than I was in my last post. I went for a walk which helped a great deal. I also read the news paper and had tea. I did this to honor my grandma and have been doing this since before she passed away but today was to honor her.

I also did some painting. I am painting a yellow rose to honor my grandma. My Grandma’s favorite flower was the yellow rose. Painting the yellow rose helps me heal and is a way to honor my grandma.

Thanks for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

A Painful Mother’s Day

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! As American’s celebrate Mother’s Day, I sit here dealing with grief and loss. The grief and loss of my grandma and being the first Mother’s Day with out her. Also dealing with the loss of two sets of twins. Not everyone has a good or happy Mother’s Day due to the painful experiences of loosing a child or children in my case as well as grandma.

For me Mother’s Day is also painful for me because my mom was not always there for me. She kept deciding throughout my childhood she couldn’t “handle” me for a multitude of reasons. One reason is because of her addiction to Heroin.

I want to discuss with you more about how things are going for me today but even writing this is have tears roll down my face. I am going to get going and do some mindfulness. Have a great day. Peace out, world!!!

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! As many of you know my family celebrated Mother’s Day today to honor my grandma. It was difficult for all of us as this is the first Mother’s Day without my grandma since she passed away.

As I told you earlier this week, I went to the Social Security office to discuss why I wasn’t getting any money. To find out I was suppose to be getting some money but they “forgot” to give it to me. Thankfully, my provisional checks were reinstated as I wait for Social Security  to make a decision.

I also made the decision to officially look into Buddhism. I have found that folks who consider themselves Buddhist to be at peace with themselves. Plus, I feel like it can help me with my recovery.

Thanks for reading. Have a goodnight. Peace Out, World!!!