Tag Archives: Holidays

Two O’clock in the Morning Bullshit

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is two o’clock in the morning in my corner of the world and all I have to say is a bunch of bullshit for being in the middle of the night. Bullshit that is nothing but a bunch of randomness. I, of course obviously can not sleep if I am blogging at this time of night. I did get a few hours of sleep in since I posted my last post which is a good thing.

Right now, with the way I things are going I have to make sure I use my Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) skills. My DBT skill have helped me a great deal over the last seventeen years. Yes, the DBT skills helped me in both the good a bad times. Right now my DBT skills are helping me with being somewhere in the middle of good and bad.

One of the things I am going to do is do some art work. I have been working a great deal on combining two genres of art and this painting and collaging. As awesome as it has been combining the two genres, I feel like now is not the time to work on neither painting or collaging and even both. So the art the I am going to focus on right now is coloring. Coloring is a mindfulness skill for me and it is quite meditative to me.

Speaking mindfulness and meditation I will also be doing some mindfulness and meditation practices. As they help me put me in a better place than I am in even if I am in a great place.

I, of course will be doing some binge watching some television tonight. Not sure what show I will be watching but it will be on one of the streaming sites a subscribe to. That will either be Netflix or Hulu but again not sure what type of television I will be watching. Hell, I might even watch a movie instead of television. I am pretty sure you don’t like the ads on my blog as I don’t either but I don’t get paid till I hit $100 and I am barely at $50. So once I get paid I will take of the advertisements off of my blog. So please click on the advertisements once or twice a week so I can get the $100 I need to get paid so I can get gifts for friends and family for the holiday season.

Again, I want to bring up some bullshit I keep bringing up in recent post and hope that you can do me the favor of clicking on the advertisements that appear on my blog. Every time someone clicks on an advertisement and lets it load all the way, I get anywhere from a few cent to a couple of dollars.

I want to thank you all for reading my post especially this one since it is a bullshit post. The main bullshit of this post is me asking you to click on the advertisements on my blog as each click does give me money but I don’t receive that money till it hits $100 which sucks but what can I do about it. Nothing. Thank you again for reading my blog as it is much appreciated. I hope you continue to read my and even click on an advertisement or two. Peace Out, World!!!

Sleepy Sunday Morning Randomness

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I meant to blog yesterday about my first shift as a shelter counselor however I slept most of the day due to my shift being twelve hours at night. I was planning on doing it last night but I was still a little groggy from working and trying to take in my first shift and couldn’t find the words to write about my first shift. I still can’t find the right words for my first shift. I could have attempted to post about my first shift sometime during the middle of the night as I didn’t sleep on purpose so I can sleep today as I work tonight.

As I sit here blogging I am watching the morning news as I wait for my sleeping meds to kick in. I just want to get enough sleep today so my shift doesn’t go as slow as it did Friday night going into Saturday as I didn’t sleep at all on Friday. I am not sure if watching the news is the greatest idea before going to bed as the news can be quite triggering to fall asleep. The news can trigger my PTSD which could cause no sleep at all.

Before I go, I want to remind everyone who reads my blog that I have advertisements on it so I can earn some extra money. The only way I can earn extra money from the advertisements is if you my reader click onto the advertisement. Each click of the advertisements gives me a few extra cents to my name. The extra money I earn from the advertisements will help me pay for gifts when the holidays come up in December. So I hope you click on the advertisements so I can earn a few extra cents so I am able to buy gifts for people to give to people during the holidays.

I should get going and try to relax so I can get to sleep so I can function at work tonight when I do a twelve hour night shift. I hope everyone has a great Sunday. I hope to blog before going to work tonight but no promises. I also hope to attempt to blog tomorrow about my job but I don’t know how tired I will be.

I hope everyone has a good restful Sunday. Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!

 

Photo 1; Day 6: Solitude

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! Today’s topic is of solitude and I thought of the perfect picture from Christmas of 2017 in Olympia, Washington.

IMG_0115The above picture is from my hotel room I stayed at while visiting family for the holidays. As you can see I had a white Christmas. I stayed in Olympia, Washington as mentioned which is the state capital. You can see tiny bit of it three quarters of the way up on the left. So the solitude part of this picture was when I walked around the lake while listening to the sounds around me. I went back to the hotel room and had hot chocolate while looking out the window to the scene that is pictured above.

Thank you for reading. Have a great day. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! It’s hard to believe that as I sit here typing this post that this is going to be my last weekly check-in of the year. 2017 has not been the best of years for me and many other people I know.

Enough about how horrible 2017 has been because this is a weekly check-in and not a yearly check-in. As many of you are well Christmas was this past Monday. Christmas wasn’t the best I’ve had. I celebrated Christmas with my dads side of the family on Christmas Eve like I do every year. It went well even though it’s most likely going to be my grandma’s last Christmas due to Parkinson’s related issues.

Now on to the not so good part of Christmas. Junior and I went to my mom’s place to celebrate with her, my brother and uncle on Christmas. As always Junior and I stayed in a hotel due to the drama my mom caused due to her having Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). On top of my mom having BPD she has other mental health challenges as well as a Substance Use Disorder (SUD). My mom is actively using heroin. Unfortunately, she overdosed on Christmas Day and I had to administer Naloxone (aka Narcan).  Administering Naloxone (Narcan) isn’t something anyone wants to do much less having to make sure they have it handy at family events. Other than my mom overdosing on Heroin, time with my brother and uncle went great.

After spending time with my moms side of the family, Junior and I state a few more days to hang out with some friends. We had some great fun with our friends as well as great food. Food that we were able to come home with and eat at later time. Leftovers are always yummy.

This year I received some great gifts. I received a handful of books as well as gift cards to bookstores. I also received a lot of art supplies which I am thrilled about. I am excited to be able to read and do some art.

As I end this post, I want to thank you for reading. I hope to post at least one last post of 2017 at some point tomorrow, the last day of the year. I hope everyone has a great day. Peace Out, World!!!

Merry Christmas!!!

Posted on by Gertie

Merry Christmas, World!!! As I sit here at my laptop in my hotel room I realize that as difficult as Christmas is, I am extremely lucky to have a good support system. A support system to help me through some tough shit. A support system that not only helps me with shit but with having a challenging family.

Dealing with a difficult family is not an easy thing to handle especially around the holidays.  As I start my day, I am mentally preparing myself for than challenges I will be dealing with today. Thankfully, I will have Junior to help me deal with my family.

It’s not just my family that Junior will be helping me with today. He will be helping me with the challenges of dealing with the trauma of my past. Trauma that happened to me as child at Christmas time.

As difficult as my childhood was during the holidays, having snow on the ground on Christmas Day seems to fulfill a childlike space in my heart. I may not like snow but there is something special about snow on Christmas. In fact having a White Christmas in the Seattle area isn’t all that common which is why it’s something special.

You may not have a White Christmas however, I do hope you have a Merry Christmas. Thank you for taking time out of your holiday to read. Have a great holiday. Merry Christmas & Peace Out, World!!!

Hauntings of Christmas Past

Posted on by Gertie

Merry Christmas, World!!! It is officially Christmas Day in every part of the world. In fact its barely two and half hours into Christmas in my neck of the world.

I am unable to sleep due to hauntings of Christmas past. Hauntings of Christmas past is trauma related severe abuse that happened to me as a child. Every time I try to go to sleep my body goes into automatic PTSD mode. For me that usually means flashbacks and body memories. When this happens when I am going to sleep it means I most likely wont get any sleep. Sleep is something everyone needs and hopefully I can get so I can make the best out of Christmas.

Experiencing childhood trauma around the holidays pretty much ruined the holidays for me except I am creating ways to have the holidays become more pleasant for me. There are many ways I am doing this and hope to discuss this topic more later on today or sometime tomorrow.

As I end this post, I hope everyone who celebrates Christmas has good holiday. For those who have difficulties this time of year especially around trauma please do some good self care today. Merry Christmas and Peace Out, World.

 

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It’s late on Saturday night. This is the time of year that is the most difficult for me even when I am doing well. Its difficult due to trauma related shit which is the reason I have PTSD. When you add Depression to the mix it just makes things worse.

So more or less Christmas is a shitty time of year for me due to trauma but Christmas is even more difficult this year. I found out late last night (Friday) that one of my cousins died yesterday. She was only 48 years old. She passed away suddenly due to health issues as she slept taking a nap. Her two sons found her and did CPR on her till the paramedics showed up. The difficult thing was that I needed to tell another cousin that my cousin died as well as an uncle. To make matters even more difficult I had to inform a mutual friend of mine on my cousin that my cousin died. Telling three people that someone passed away is not a great way to start off the holiday weekend.

As difficult as yesterday was especially with the holiday weekend at least my Yule or Winter Solstice went well. I spent it with Junior and some of our closest friends. We had fun. We ate lots of food and played some awesome board games.

That’s all have for now. I’m struggling with some PTSD symptoms and need to do some relaxation skills. I hope everyone has a great holiday. Peace out, World.

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! The last few weeks hasn’t been the easiest for me especially since therapy services was abruptly pulled from my mental health treatment. Which is something many people on my treatment team are “not too thrilled about.” Yes, it’s been two and a half since therapy services were abruptly pulled from my mental health treatment yet my case manager, her supervisor, my group leaders have been giving me the support I need through this. In fact my case manager’s supervisor is now seeing me three times a week for an hour each time I see him. Granted, it’s not exactly the therapy I need however, I think he realizes with the rest of my treatment team that what the program manager did was unethical and in my opinion he is trying to smooth things over. He does appear to care.

Speaking of caring he suggested that I take the advice of some of my friends (and fellow peers) in getting a recovery coach at local peer run community center. So, I did. I met with my recovery coach for the first time this past week. I will be meeting with my recovery coach weekly for about six months. It’s a time limited service which is a good thing or at least I think its a good thing.

The same place I get the recovery coach from does an annual fund raising event by selling Christmas Trees. This peer run origination ask for folks to volunteer at the Christmas Tree lot so, I’ve decided I would volunteer at the lot as I think it will be helpful to my recovery. Especially to my recovery regarding trauma around the holidays; specifically, Christmas.  I did my first volunteer shift at the Christmas Tree lot yesterday evening. I really enjoyed myself despite having wet, cold feet at the end of my volunteer shift.

I informed Mama Bear about me volunteering at the Christmas Tree lot and she stated that she is “proud” of me. She also gave me a much need reality check. A reality check I desperately needed regarding my recovery. Having friends like Mama Bear in my life is a blessing for me. A much needed blessing. Friends who are able to tell you like it is and keeps it real is something everyone in this world needs.

Speaking of needs, I need to get going so I can get ready for my volunteer job at a help line. A volunteer job I’ve been at for just over three years now and love with a passion.

I hope to blog again in the next few days to let you all know how things are going.  I hope you all have a wonderful day. Peace Out!!!

Feeling Supported & Heard In An Angering (& Unethical) Situation

Posted on by Gertie

Long time, no blog. It’s been a few weeks since I last blogged. Actually, its been neatly a month since I last blogged since that last time I did was on Halloween.

I’ve actually attempted to blog a great deal this past week or at least since last Wednesday but failed to do so as I was (and still am) pretty angry. Angry over what happened last week. Actually, it happened a week ago today which would make it last Wednesday (November 15th).

The thing that got me so angry was that I was informed by my therapist that I no longer am a part of the therapy services per her supervisor who happens to be the program manager of the program I am a client of. Needless to say I was angry. I was angry on how it was communicated to me. I unfortunately (figuratively) shot the messenger, who happened to be my therapist by yelling and screaming at her. She didn’t find out about me not being able to continue with therapy till the day before by her supervisor. So needless, to say my unexpected last session with my new therapist didn’t go all that well. I truly believe that my therapist heard what I was telling her. Not because I was yelling at the poor woman but because of her body language, what she was saying as well as her tone of voice. I do NOT blame my therapist whatsoever in this as this was NOT her decision as she was only made aware of it the day before. Unfortunately, I was not able to thank her for all her help.

Another unfortunate part of this, is that the other members of my treatment team were NOT made aware of this till I left them an angry voicemail. I left my case manager a voicemail as well as her supervisor a voicemail. Both of which had no clue about it. The supervisor of my case manager called me and he said that I must have misunderstood my therapist and would look into it and call me back when he looked into it. He did call me back to inform me that I did in fact not misunderstand what my therapist had said. He and my case manager were not informed of this drastic change in my treatment team nor the timing of it.

My case manager and her supervisor as well as my now former therapist are acutely aware that the timing couldn’t have come at a worse time for me. Finding out the news that I am no longer able to get therapy services at this moment in time came three days before the four year anniversary of the miscarriage of the first set of twins. It also came a few weeks shy of the one year anniversary of me finding out that Diana left the mental health agency I’m a client of due to cancer. It also comes during the holidays as well as other anniversaries regarding traumatic events. In fact both my case manager and her supervisor agree that what the program manager did is extremely unethical for anyone to do in the mental health field.

As angering and unethical as this situation is, I don’t blame my case manger, or her supervisor or even my now former therapist. I blame the program manager one hundred percent on this. In fact because of this I have lost trust in my treatment team.

Despite feeling unsupported by the program manager and being angry with the asshole, I do feel supported by all the other staff on the team. My case manager, her supervisor, and my group leaders have been quite supportive of me the last week. My treatment team is working hard to gain my trust back.

As I end this post I hope to let you all know in a later post on the “reasoning” behind why I lost therapy but right now is not the best time due to me still being highly angry. Thank you for reading and I hope to blog on the more regular basis. Happy Thanksgiving and Peace out!!!

Halloween, 2017

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Halloween!!! It’s been a couple of days since my last post. Overall, today has been a good day despite a few set backs. Set backs I hope to talk to my therapist about tomorrow.

As many of you know, today is Halloween which means I dressed up in a costume. I don’t care what others thought of me as it is only one time of year. On that note, I went to see my psychiatric nurse practitioner today dressed as Eeyore. My psychiatric nurse practitioner was “impressed” that I had the “courage” to dress up. I don’t think it takes courage to dress up in a costume on Halloween. Anyway, my meds got changed slightly. One med got increased while my sleeping med got completely changed. Part of the reason he changed is because its a benzo and it can feed two birds with one grain. It can help me sleep as well as help with anxiety. Not sure if I like the idea as it is a benzo and my dad was addicted to benzo’s  when I was a kid. But I am willing to give it a try. Worse case scenario, it doesn’t work and I get put back on my other med.

Before I end this post, I am looking forward to attending a Halloween party with my partner that our friends are hosting. Junior is going as a Zombie. Don’t ask me why but he is. For him that an easy costume so I guess that’s why he is going as a Zombie. We are both looking forward to spending time with each other and our friends. I am having some anxiety about attending the party however getting out and not isolating with be helpful to me.

Thank you so much for reading. I hope you all have a great rest of your Halloween. Please stay safe. Peace Out, World!!!