Monthly Archives: August 2015

Discussing Politics

Posted on by Gertie

I am sitting here watching The Rachel Maddow Show on MSNBC with Junior. I like how she backs up what she has to says while other shows similar to hers do not. Junior and I enjoy watching various cable news stations despite how some can be quite infuriating most of the time (not going to name the station: FOXNESWS). In fact we like to watch the various cable news stations because we like to hear what all of them (the stations) have to say about what is going on in the world but mostly what is going on politically especially the 2016 Presidential race.

I realize that discussing politics can be an extremely touchy subject to talk about. Yes, it may be a touchy subject but we all have a particular issue that matters to us more deeply than other issues. For instance one of the many issues that is close to my heart is that of mental health and how nobody pays attention to it until a tragedy of some sort happens such of a mass shooting or the suicide of Robin Williams. We all know why I am so passionate about mental health and that is one of the many reasons why I am paying more attention to this election than previous elections.

I love getting involved with politics and am planning on getting involved as soon as I figure out on who I am going to back for the 2016 elections. I am researching the various candidates in both major political parties to see who will best represent on what I am looking for in a President or any other political office for that matter.

Well, I best be going because I want to finish watching The Rachel Maddow Show. Have a wonderful evening and enjoy what this world has to bring you. Peace Out!!!

Thinking About My Career

Posted on by Gertie

It is hard to believe that this time last year, I was waiting to hear back from my current employer if I got my current job. I am more than thrilled that I got it. It is giving me the paid experience some other mental health agencies desire in a peer specialist candidate. I not only love my job as a consumer aide, I also love the agency I work for.

Loving my job and the employer I work for is why I am finding it difficult to do be looking for a job as a peer specialist. Yes, I am looking for peer specialist jobs in the agency I work for but that doesn’t always mean I will get the job. Once, I hit my one year anniversary in my current position, I plan on applying for peer specialist jobs. The reason why I am waiting for my one year anniversary is because it looks better on the résumé when I apply for jobs outside the agency I currently work at.

One thing I find amazing when comes to the entire job search process, including the interview process is on how much experience future employers desire. I’m bringing up this particular issue is because how are you suppose to get experience when nobody will hire you due to the lack of experience. I chuckle at this because I had one mental health agency turn me down for a peer specialist position early last year because I didn’t have enough “paid experience” while other agencies told me the reason I got an interview was because, I have “great deal of experience, whether it is paid or volunteer.”  I don’t think it should matter about the type of experience you have if you have the experience. I realize that some career paths don’t necessarily have ways to volunteer in which leads me to, how in the hell does one gain experience.

I am just grateful that my volunteer experience is one of the many reasons I got my current job as a consumer aide. It goes to show you that what you have in your résumé does count. I just hope that my current position at work as well as my current and former volunteer jobs help me get a peer a support position especially one that would be fit my personality as well the personalities of the future clients that I would be helping.

Another thing that I worry about in regards to looking for a job as a peer specialist are the clients I currently help in the consumer aide position I am in at the moment. I worry about how it will affect them when I leave to a peer specialist position especially since its only been just under a year when I started. I just don’t want it to do more harm than good especially since we have had an extremely high turnover in staff the last three to four months for the particular program I work in. It has been quite difficult for the clients. I know realistically on how resilient my clients are, it’s just a concern of mine that having another staff member leave so soon after so many other staff left around the same time. I know I will have to leave and move on eventually and there is never a good time to leave when it comes to dealing with people who struggle with a mental illness. It is something to think about as I update my résumé and cover letters.

I do know as I update my résumé and cover letters that I will have to do a salary history letter as well. I am not sure if I am comfortable doing a salary history if I’m not 100% sure I am going to at least get an interview. I don’t even know how to do a salary history letter despite my efforts in looking for examples online. I will be asking my therapist the next time I see as well as asking one of the peer specialist that I talk to on occasion when I go to my appointments at the mental health agency I seek my services at. I do know that before I apply anywhere I have to first update everything as well as ask people to be references. Asking for references will not be the difficult part. The difficult part will be the salary letter and I am okay with that.

I think I have bored you all enough with my career and how I am wanting to move up in the world. I best be going because I have an overnight shift at the young adult shelter I volunteer at. In fact it is my first overnight shift. I usually do evenings but think it would be a good experience for me. I hope to do one overnight shift a month and three evening shifts a month. Any way before I get more off topic I will end this entry for now. I hope to blog again tomorrow and tell you how my first overnight shift went. Have a good night all. Peace Out!!

Daily Prompt: Come Fly with Me

Posted on by Gertie

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Come Fly with Me.” Share a story about the furthest you’ve ever traveled from home.

When I saw this particular (past) daily prompt, I automatically thought about my experience when I went to Nashville, Tennessee. This was the first time I had traveled from home when I was not with family or going to see family. In fact it was a much needed travel so I could get much needed help with the eating disorders I was struggling with at the time.

When I was 19, three months before I turned 20, my regular physician at the time told me that if I didn’t seek help for the eating disorders I was struggling with, I would be lucky if I “made it till 21.” Most people cringe and/or tell me that what physician told me was “unprofessional.” I personally don’t think it was “unprofessional” of my doctor at the time because if she didn’t tell me that I personally think I would be dead. That’s why I made the decision I did.

At that age, I considered myself a “Christian” and was a huge fan of “Christian” music. So with that being said, few weeks after my physician told me I needed to seek help for my eating disorders, I went to a Christian concert where the group Point of Grace was performing. Point of Grace is known in the Christian community to support those who may be struggling in some way. At that time (and even present day) Point of Grace was (and is) a big supporter of Mercy Ministries. During their concert they spoke of Mercy Ministries and even had a graduate give her testimony. Listening to the graduates testimony is what got me intrigued. At remission, I talked with graduate and she was able to provide me with more information. In fact she had extra applications to hand out for Mercy Ministries, which I filled out asap.

The thing that appealed to me in regards to Mercy Ministries was that it was Christian and free so of course I sent in the application after I filled it out.  After sending in the application and an intake interview over the phone, I was finally told that, I was accepted into the program. At that time Mercy Ministries had two homes, one in Monroe, Louisiana and the other in Nashville, Tennessee and was happy that I was “assigned” to the Nashville home.

I flew to Nashville and spent eleven months at Mercy Ministries. The average stay was (and think it still is) six months. It may have taken me five extra months to get through the program but it was something I needed. It was needed because, having so much time away from my family is what was best for me. I realized that they were hindering me in getting healthy in regards to my eating disorder. (Side note: I realized a few years later when I was in DBT that my family was also hindering me in my recovery with my mental illness.) I would be lying if I wasn’t scared about being so far from home and family because I was. Being so far from is what ultimately helped me get the help I needed with the eating disorders I was struggling with.

Now that I have told about how far I flew from home, I will end this blog entry for now. I hope that I will be able to continue to do daily prompts every Tuesday like I had discussed in my weekly goals yesterday. Thank you for reading. Have a wonderful day and Peace Out!!!

Weekly Goals

Posted on by Gertie

Good morning!!! It is another Monday and the start of another work week. Not sure how this week is going to turn out work wise but I hope it turns out better for me emotionally. I struggled a little bit last week due to the grieving process with having a miscarriage earlier this year. Now that things are slowly improving with the help of others, let get on to my goals for the week. Like previous weeks I will like to share with you how I did with last weeks goals. Last weeks goals:

1)  Read Speaker of the Dead by Orson Scott Card. I did read this week. I did most of my reading when I was on the bus going to and from work or appointments as well as waiting for my appointments.

2)  See my regular doctor on Thursday. Yes, I did see my doctor. My Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) is not cleared up. That means I have to take more antibiotics and they are stronger antibiotic than the last prescription. This one I have to take three times a day for one week.

3)  Research the topic for my blogging feature. I did some research on the topic for my blogging feature that I will do every Friday starting September 4th of this year (2015). It was difficult to do the research because I was already emotionally drained from dealing with grief. (No, the topic for the first week of my feature is not on grief or loss or even miscarriage.)

4)  See my therapist on Thursday. I saw my therapist on Thursday. It was a tough session. It ended up being a two hour session instead of an hour. The person who was scheduled after me had called and cancelled so my therapist offered me extra time. I gladly accepted the extra time since I was struggling majorly with grief and loss with the miscarriages. Two straight hours of therapy is quite difficult but it was much needed.

This past weeks goals were quite difficult for me, yet I was able to accomplish them. Now it is time to share this weeks goals:

1)  Read Speaker of the Dead by Orson Scott Card. Like I have said in previous weeks this is going to be a continuing goal of mine till I am done with the book..

2)  Work on jigsaw puzzle. I started a jigsaw puzzle over the weekend. I highly enjoy jigsaw puzzles and it helps me deal with overwhelming emotions, just like reading does.

3)  Work on a self-help workbook; The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook by Matthew McKay, PhD., Jeffery C. Wood, PSY.D., and Jeffrey Brantley, MD. Yes, I have been through Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) but I think it is always nice to have a refresher. Even if it is through a self-help book. My therapist thinks it is a good idea for the refresher part of the DBT self-help book.  (Side Note: If you do a self-help book, I highly encourage you to be seeking professional help as well. A self-help alone is not encouraged because it could bring up issues that you are unaware of that can not replace professional help.)

4)  Hang out with friends. I made an effort last week to make plans with people when I was extremely sad and dealing with overwhelming grief from the miscarriage I dealt with earlier this year. When things start acting up in regards to my mental illness or things become emotionally overwhelming, I tend to isolate. That is why I made plans with friends this week.

5)  Research the topic for my blogging feature. Yes, I will continue to do research for my blogging feature. I will be mainly researching for my first topic for my blogging feature but will also be doing research for future topics.

6)  Do a daily prompt every Tuesday. I got the idea over this past week to do a daily prompt every Tuesday starting tomorrow August, 18th. I got the idea as I was researching topics for my blogging feature. This way, I will be eventually, blogging at least three days week if you include the weekly goals, blogging features and a daily prompt once a week. That way I can make sure that you the follower/reader is not wondering where I disappeared to.

Thank you for allowing me to share with you my goals for the week. I know this week I was quite winded with my goals. As you can tell, this weeks goals are obviously geared toward my recovery as well as keeping up to date on my blog. Once again I am appreciative of being part of this blogging event over at: http://greenembe.rs/2015/08/17/building-rome-week-33-for-2015/ Have a great week!!  Peace out!!

Down Right Discrimination

Posted on by Gertie

Living with a mental health diagnosis is not the easiest of task but the discrimination that goes along make it that much more difficult. I bring this up because as I was out and about with my fiancé earlier today, we witnessed some down right discrimination against someone who was obviously struggling with the symptoms of their mental illness. Of course, Junior and myself stepped in to help to help this person. After, educating the people involved and finally able to finding out what the person needed, we were thanked by the person.

I am not telling you this to make myself or Junior look good but to tell you that it happens more than people realize and unless people speak up, it will continue to happen. Discrimination is not only illegal but also sign of ignorance and/or hate for a particular group of people.  Discrimination of any kind toward any group of people is just plain ole wrong.

As you can tell, I am on my soapbox in regards to this issue. Discrimination sucks shit!!! It pisses me off that it even still exists in todays world. You would think that as “advanced” as the human race you would think we could be more compassionate toward each other.

Okay, I am now done with my soapbox or at least for the moment. I should get going for now and will call it an evening. Have a good week and I will blog my weekly goals tomorrow. Peace out everyone!!!

Emotionally Drained

Posted on by Gertie

I saw my therapist, Diana, today, after not seeing her for three weeks because she was on a well deserved vacation. Todays, session was particularly more difficult than usual. One reason being that my normally one hour session lasted two hours. Yes, two hours. The client who had the time right after me had cancelled and I had the rare option of having an extra long session.

An extra long session that was needed which leads to the other reason why it why it was more difficult than usual. Diana and I first talked about my sadness in regards to the miscarriages I had. We discussed how grief works and how at times its demanding my attention and other times, “its not quite front and center but certainly there, a layer down or two.”  We also discussed how processing my emotions in doses that I am able to manage is one of the best I can do so I am better able to come to terms about the miscarriages. While discussing the miscarriages, I cried and as I cried, I noticed that Diana had tears in her eyes. I am grateful that I have a caring and empathetic therapist that isn’t afraid to show her emotions on occasion. It makes me realize that she is human and that it is okay to cry.

Crying is difficult for me because as a child I was “discouraged” from crying. In fact if I cried, I would get severely abused by my brothers father. In fact, Diana and I also discussed the trauma I suffered as a child. Not only did I cry as we discussed some of the abuse I suffered, I allowed  myself to be angry. Being angry was something else I was not allowed to do as a child. In fact the abuse was worse when I showed any type of anger.  Diana reassured me that it was not only okay to cry but more than okay to be angry.

Of course before Diana and I ended our session we did some breathing techniques. Diana is making sure that I am in a “good space” when we end our sessions. That is one of the many reasons why she is a good therapist. I am beyond grateful that I have her as a therapist and that I have had her for over six and a half years. Having a good therapist like Diana in my corner has helped a great deal in my recovery.

I need to get going. I am doing an evening shift at the young adult shelter I volunteer at. I know when I go volunteer there I have to make sure I am in a good space which I am. I am aware that when I get home from volunteering, I will be more emotionally drained but at least I have the skills to keep myself healthy. Have a wonderful evening everyone and peace out all.

A Wave of Grief

Posted on by Gertie

It is hump day (Wednesday) and I am just checking in. To tell you the truth, I am struggling a little bit with some sadness. Sadness due to the miscarriage. Some days are just better than other days and the last four or five days have been not so good. I have had a wave of grief that has hit me. Don’t get me wrong, there is always a part of me that is sad and grieving over the miscarriages, its just a strong wave of sadness has come over me at the moment.

Sometimes I feel all alone in my grief even though I know Junior shares the grief along side of me. Today, I discussed with him how I was feeling and we cried together. Yes, the crying helped a wee bit but not as much as I would have liked it to. I know grief is a process and that I will always miss the babies I lost. It just hurts that I was unable to meet them.

To make things worse, a lot of my friends are showing baby pictures or pictures of their school aged kids getting ready for school to start on Facebook. I don’t expect people to stop posting picture of their kids but it hurts. It hurts a great deal. The greatest pain anyone can face is that of loosing a child or children. I can say this because, I have lost two sets of twins due to miscarriage and as a child suffered years of abuse that included multiple r*p*s. Hell, I even suffered being r*p*d as an adult. Loosing a child hurts deep within my soul.

I am just grateful that I have Junior in my corner who know the pain of a loosing a child. I am also grateful that my therapist is back from vacation tomorrow and that I will be able to see her first thing in the morning. I know discussing the pain and sadness about the miscarriage with my therapist tomorrow will be helpful. No matter how difficult a session with my therapist is, I always seem to feel better.

I best be going. I think I am going to go for a walk and hopefully, Junior will join me. He usually does. Thank you for reading. Sorry for the depressing post. I know thing will get better as I continue to work through the grief. Have a great hump day (Wednesday) everyone and peace out!!

Weekly Goals

Posted on by Gertie

It is Monday and that means it is the start of another work week. So far the work week started off well. Not only is a start of another week but it’s time to share my weekly goals. Before I share this weeks goals, I would like to share with you how I did with last weeks goals. Last weeks goals:

1)  Read Speaker of the Dead by Orson Scott Card. Yes, I did read this past week. So far so good.

2)  Work on cross-stitch. Yes, I actually worked on in this week.

3)  Pick a topic and start date for blogging feature. Yes, I picked a topic but I’m choosing to not share it till I post it on my start date which is Friday, September 4, 2015. Yes, I know that’s while but I want to make sure I word my feature just right.

4)  Make an appointment for my regular doctor and dermatologist. Yes, I did make the appointments. This was the most difficult goal I had this past week. Despite how comfortable my doctors try to make me feel, I still don’t like going to the doctors.

5)  Color. Yes, I did color.

I did really well with accomplishing my goals this past week.  Now on to this weeks goals:

1)  Read Speaker of the Dead by Orson Scott Card. Yes, this is goal again. It will be a goal till I am done with the book.

2)  See my regular doctor on Thursday. This may seem like a simple task but it is difficult for me to do even though I never miss an appointment unless, I’m in the hospital or a family emergency.

3)  Research the topic for my blogging feature. It will take some research.

4)  See my therapist on Thursday. Again, not an easy task and I never miss an appointment. This appointment will be difficult because I need to discuss how much I am missing the babies I lost due to miscarriages.

Thank you for putting up with my weekly goals. They all are geared toward my recovery. I am appreciative of being about of the blogging event over at: http://greenembe.rs/2015/08/10/building-rome-week-32-for-2015/ Thank you for your time. Have a good week. Peace Out!!

11 Months

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Today, marks eleven months since I started my wonderful job as a Consumer Aide at a local mental health agency. I love my job. I know it is not exactly the position I desire to be in but its a foot in the door. When, I applied and interviewed for my current job, I knew that I would start looking for jobs as a Peer Specialist (or Peer Counselor) once I hit my one year anniversary. Not because that’s how long the job last because it doesn’t but because the longer you are at a job (or employer) the better it looks to hiring managers. Yes, that means in a month from now, I will be looking for Peer positions. I will be looking within the agency I am employed with as well as outside the agency.

To be honest with you, I am a little apprehensive to start looking for a peer position. I am apprehensive because I fear I will not be what people expect, desire or worse a let them down. Another reason why I am apprehensive is that I have become fond of my clients. Even though it is highly discouraged to have “favorite clients,” it naturally happens. I am also a little nervous that I will get lots of interviews but no job offers. That is what happened when I was looking for peer jobs that last time, which led me to my current position. As you can tell, I am lacking in self-confidence and that is something I am working. on.

I hope that when I do start applying for Peer Specialist positions that it doesn’t take long for me to get a job a peer. It took sending six résumés and cover letters, five interviews and one job offer over a matter of five months before I got my current job. I’m not going to let that get in the way because, I know what hiring managers a looking for now and I have “paid” experience in the field. Not only that, I have been volunteering at the Warm Line for eleven months now and at the young adult shelter for two and half months. I’m sure that all my work and volunteer experience will help me at least get an interview.

I am just thrilled that I am working in the mental health field even if its not my desired position. I love and enjoy what I do. I am grateful that I am able to be an example of recovery looks like to the clients I serve. I am a little sad that as soon as I get a position I desire I will have to say goodbye to my clients.

I best be going now. I need to get ready for the day. I am looking forward to volunteering at the Warm Line this evening. Have an awesome weekend and have some good ole fashioned fun. Peace Out!!!

Daily Prompt: Offside Memories

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In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Offside Memories.” Do you have any funny/harrowing/interesting memories from a sporting event you attended, participated in, or watched?

I remember like it was yesterday. I was living in Southern California at the time with my dad and paternal grandparents. My grandfather somehow received tickets to go see the San Francisco Giants and Oakland A’s play against each other in the 1989 World Series.  I was ten years old and my grandfather thought it would be a wonderful experience for me to go to the World Series. Not many people have had or will have the experience of attending a World Series and I was lucky enough to have been able to attend not just one game of the World Series but two games.

I remember sitting in the second row on the first base line eating a hot dog when the earthquakes started. Next thing I know my grandfather is handing me off to a San Francisco Giant’s player on the field as an Oakland A’s player is helping another child. The players from both teams made sure myself and the other child didn’t get separated from our family. I bring this up because the players from both teams made sure, to the best of their ability that children were protected. Not many news stations any where in California shared how heroic the players and other staff employed by both teams and Candlestick stadium were that day. Both teams and all staff/employees are heroes because they made sure that the fans safety came before their own safety.

This is one offside memory I will always have in regards to a sporting event. Not because it was the World Series but because of the earthquake and how players from both teams cared more about the safety of their fans than their own. That is why I will remember it. My grandfather will remember this event as well. In fact we still talk about every year when it is time for the World Series.

Now that I shared this with you, I hope you learned a little bit more about me. Something that you did not know before. Happy Friday. Have a good weekend. Peace Out!!!!!!!