Monthly Archives: January 2018

A Tough Morning Turning Into A Relaxing One

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I woke up this morning with an increase in my Depression and PTSD. When I realized this I realized what I needed to do. I needed to start my morning routine instead of just laying around.

So, I made some tea, read the news paper, had a bowl of cereal and took my meds. As always the news paper had nothing but bad news in it. I would like to be able to read some positive or heartwarming stories more often. I know of course I’m not the only one who feels like this.

After my morning routine I decided to read some comic books. Specifically, I read Wonder Woman comic books. I spent about an hour reading about a dozen Wonder Woman comic books. I’ve been collecting Wonder Woman comics since I was about six years old.

After reading Wonder Woman comics I decided to read Ship of Magic by Robin Hobb. I am really enjoying this book. When I am finished with this book I am looking forward to reading the second book in the series. Below is yet another picture of the book I am reading with two of my stuffed animals.

IMG_0247Well I think I’m going to get going and get back to reading. Have a great day everyone and Peace Out, World!!!

Needing Consistency W/My Mental Health Treatment Team

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I’m a little sad as I’m having yet another change in my treatment team. It involves one of my DBT Group leaders is leaving. She was one of the biggest supports I had right after Diana left suddenly due to a life threatening illness. So it came to a shock to me when the female group leader said she was leaving. I am feeling sad. This makes the fourteenth change in my treatment team in as many months. As much as I am sad I know this group leader is going to make sure I have a goodbye with her.

Even though she is not a clinician who works with me a good portion of the time she has worked with me a great deal. That is why she is wanting to have a half an hour goodbye session with her. She say and I quote “You deserve goodbye from me. We have always had a good rapport and you deserve to have a goodbye and proper goodbye” unquote. I’m glad I’m having a goodbye with her.

I just want to have some consistency in my treatment team and not have so many changes in as many months. Realizing I was getting upset with the lack of consistency I decided to do a mindfulness exercise using the Calm app as I was on the bus home. After the mindfulness exercise I listened to music. So more or I used my DBT skills to help me not be so upset and/or angry with the inconsistency in my mental health treatment which helped reduced the urges to self-harm. So I am proud of myself for reducing my anger and self harm urges by using skills.

Thank you for reading about my not so good news. I am truly proud of myself for using my DBT skills. Peace Out, World!!!

Poetry; Day Two: Faces

Posted on by Gertie

Monster’s Eyes Within The Face

by Gertie

Face’s amongst us.

Look at their face and you can not tell.

Look into their eyes.

Look deep into their eyes and you can tell there is a monster within them.

A monster that may have hurt me but helped me.

Helped me by making me stronger despite them trying to make me weak.

 

A Lot on My Mind

Posted on by Gertie

Good Moring (again), World!!! I have a lot on my mind. Some of it has to do with blogging, while some of it has to do with other aspects of my life. The two kind of go hand and hand as my blog has a lot to do with me writing about my struggles and triumphs of my life.

I’ve been thinking on how I can get more people reading and/or following my blog. Some of it means that I have to put more effort into reading the post of the blogs I follow. If that means scheduling a time do so then I am more than willing to do so. The reason for me to start reading the blogs I follow is to like post and commenting on them. I have found that if I comment and/or like post I tend to get more traffic even if I don’t post on my blog that day. Another way is to get more traffic on my blog is tags. I’ve notice quite frequently that if I use tags I normally don’t use I tend to get more traffic. Tags appear to help a great deal. I know that is how I started following many of the blogs I currently follow. I also realized a long time ago is that if I post a picture on my blog post I get more traffic. That’s why I make every effort to read post without pictures. Not everyone has the luxury to post pictures for whatever reason. Another way that I’m trying to increase my traffic is to do free courses WordPress has to offer. Plus having a guest blogger will be helpful as well as me having a schedule on when I blog. I have found that if I blog on a regular basis folks tend to keep their interest more.

My mind is also reeling because of mental health symptoms. Specifically PTSD symptoms. Having flashbacks and body memories are not my idea of fun. Having both of these symptoms at the same time makes it feel like the trauma is happening all over again.

Something that helps me with the symptoms of PTSD is reading. I love to read especially book series as I hate to say good bye to characters. Yes, I know the characters are fictional but you can help but they become part of your life even for a short while. The book I am reading is by Robbin Hobb and is the first of a trilogy; Ship of Magic. I highly recommend it. The picture bellow is a picture of it as well as stuffed elephant a friend made me:

IMG_0244Thank you for reading this post. A post full of woes. Its much appreciated. Have a wonderful day. Happy Friday. Peace Out, World!!!

Wide Awake

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I should really try to get back to sleep however I am not really sure if I will be able to do so. The reason why I say this is because I fell asleep early and now a I am wide awake.

Since, I’m wide awake I’ve been reading. Reading Ship of Magic by Robin Hobb. I am really enjoying the book. A book that I am surprised to be liking due to the fact it took the first two chapters to finally get into. If you like the genres of Sci Fi and Fantasy you would like this book. I hope to be doing a book review at the end of the book. It’s the first book of the Liveships Trader trilogy.

I love reading book series. I love series due to the fact I end up really connecting with the characters. Connecting enough to where I don’t want the story to end. In fact I’ve had folks tell me I should read The Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan. People of suggested this series because it has a total of fourteen books. I though about reading it however I think it might be a wee bit long for me. It’s something to think about. If I do start to read it, I know I wouldn’t be bored for a while.

I should get going to I can get back to reading. Thank you for reading my blog. I plan on writing my next poem for my next assignment for the course I am taking with WordPress later on today. I hope everyone enjoys their Friday. Peace Out, World!!!

Holding On To Hope Like My Life Depends On It

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I’m sitting here at my laptop realizing that due to the lack of structure I’ve had today is making the symptoms of my depression increase. Even though its ever so slightly. Depression sucks shit yet I’m still holding on to the hope that I finally got back. Holding on to it like my life depends on it because it does.

Something that helps me with hope is music. So most of today, I’ve been listening music. If I wasn’t listening to it, I was playing my flute or harmonica. For some reason I needed to depend on music to help me through.

Listening to music helped get into a creative mindset to where I did some art. I did some collaging and coloring. I also did some painting. It appears with all the collaging, coloring and painting I’ve been doing I can create my own art gallery in my apartment. The picture below is the most recent painting I did today.

IMG_0217

After doing some art I read Ship of Magic by Robin Hobb. If you’re a Science Fiction or Fantasy genre fan I truly believe you will like this book. Its the first book in The Liveships Trader’s Trilogy. I read several chapters today and needed to take a break from it for a few moments.

Those few moments of breaking from reading turned in a couple of hours. A couple of hours updating my resume’ and cover letter so I could apply for jobs. I did in fact apply for jobs. I even got a response back today to have a phone interview on Tuesday. Its hard to believe I have an interview for Tuesday.

After updating my cover letter and resume’ I realized I wanted to look at some educational opportunities. So, I emailed and called a few folks about the educational opportunities and still waiting to hear back.

Thank you for reading. I hope everyone has a good rest of their day. Peace Out, World.

 

Poetry, Day One: Water

Posted on by Gertie

Peace Like a Brook

by Gertie

Water is peaceful.

Peaceful to our spiritual selves.

Selves that must flow like a brook.

Choosing To Not Worry

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning (again), World!!! As, I told you briefly in my last post I was going to see my dermatologist today which I did. He is concerned about a couple of moles on my back. He removed them and sending them out for an biopsy. Yes, I am a lil fearful about the biopsy as skin cancer runs in my family however I am hopeful about it as well. I am hopeful because I have had other moles biopsied before and there was no hint of cancer. So right now, I’m going to choose to not worry about the biopsy until I get the results and even then there is a high chance I won’t have to worry.

I’ve decided that I’m going to start doing the Intro To Poetry course the WordPress puts on. This is to help me stay focused on blogging. For me staying focused on my blogging helps me have the structure I need and desire. I’m going to post my first poem for the course this evening.

I hope everyone as a good rest of the day and Peace Out, World!!!

 

Another Post About Blogging Sh*t

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I’ve been thinking about my blog a lot lately. Maybe because I’ve been posting more as of lately and getting my support system to finally follow through on the guest post they will do every other week. It is my hope that I can create a regular schedule on when I will have regular post as well the usual way of how I am already doing thing as posting whenever I feel like it. So the schedule I plan to have is as follows:

Sunday: Weekly Plans. This seems pretty self explanatory. It’s where I plan to tell you what I have planned for the week.

Monday: Weekly Writing prompts. This is where I can write both fiction and nonfiction stories. More or less I hope to be creative in this post as it is my hope for it to be fiction versus nonfiction as I usually write about my own personal experiences.

Tuesday: To Be Determined (TBD)

Wednesday: Guest Post. This is the day where my support system will write what its like to deal with a loved one who has lived experience. The primary guest bloggers will be Junior and Mama Bear. Junior and Mama Bear worked it out to where Junior will post on the first and third Wednesdays of the month and Mama Bear will post on the second and fourth Wednesdays of the month. As for the rare fifth Wednesday, I’ll get a special guest. Hopefully, someone who has been an inspiration to me, the peer community or the blogging community.

Thursday: To Be Determined (TBD)

Friday: Fun Facts. Fun Facts will include weird and/or random facts about things around the world as well as about me.

Saturday: Weekly Check-in. This is where I inform you how my week went and what I did. It’s more or less a post about how my week went.

As you can tell I have high hopes regarding keeping a regular schedule with blogging. I don’t want to not post and lose you as reader yet I don’t want to overwhelm you feed or email with too many post. I’m attempting to find a happy medium with blogging.

Something else I am going to do is take free courses that WordPress does. I’ll being doing everything from poetry to photography to inspired writing. I’m doing this in hopes to keep myself interested in blogging as well as you interested in reading my blog.

In fact keeping you my reader interested is why I am creating a schedule as well as having special guest and weekly writing prompts that hopefully will be fictional along with weekly plans and check-ins. Having a blogging schedule will also give me the structure I so desperately need and desire.

Thanks for reading about my blogging woes once again. I need to get going and get ready for the day as I have a doctors appointment with my dermatologist. I hope everyone has a great day and enjoys life. Peace Out, World

Things I’m Learning From The Queer & Transgender Resilience Workbook; Chapter 1

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It’s been a long day for me. I started of the day having breakfast at place called Biscuit Bitch with former colleagues who I have become close friends with. Food and friends is always a good thing even if its at 7:30 in the morning. I, then went to Day Treatment today and saw my temporary therapist Gilbert. Todays session with Gilbert was more difficult than it usually is. I might talk about the session in a later post.

If you been reading my blogging regularly as of lately, you will know that I started a workbook called The Queer & Transgender Resilience Workbook by Anneliese Singh. I’m going to make every effort to tell you what I have learned after each chapter.

CHAPTER 1; GETTING REAL: DEFINING YOUR LGBTQ SELF IN A WOLD THAT DEMANDS COMFORMITY:

As the title of the chapter states, it has you define your LGBTQ self in the world around us. The chapter starts off asking how one identifies their sexual orientation and their gender identity. As it continues it starts asking about what you’re comfortable with sharing. This is the part where it started getting challenging for me as I think it depends on the situation I may be in.

Another part of chapter one that was difficult was searching within myself about affirmations I have toward myself and not just as an LGBTQ individual. This was difficult because I have very low self esteem and some if it is because of my gender identity and sexual orientation and some of it is not. Affirmations is something I need to work on and Gilbert agrees. He wants me to acknowledge that I have great affirmations and say them out loud.

Affirmations which I will say eventually. Maybe even after the end of this post. I should go and eat. Peace Out, World!!!