Monthly Archives: January 2018

Sleepless In Seattle

Posted on by Gertie

It is two o’clock in the morning and I am unable to sleep. I’m blaming the no sleep on PTSD and insomnia. To help me through right now besides blogging is a multitude of things.

Music is one of them. I’ve been listening to some form of music most of the night even when I was trying to fall asleep. In fact everything I have done tonight included music.

As I listened to music, I started out doing some form of art. I did multiple collages. Some of which were poetry related. I also finished a painting that I have been working on. I am thinking about giving it to a friend but I’m not sure because I really like it and want to hang it up in my apartment. I also did some coloring.

Another thing I did as I listened to music was read Ship of Magic by Robin Hobb. I’m really liking the book. I realized that I’m really getting into the book and had to put it down or else I most likely would be up all night reading. When I realized this I decided to pick up my comic books to read. I, of course, read about four Wonder Woman comics before realizing I could spend all night reading comics all night.

That’s when I decided to start a Wonder Woman puzzle I received as a gift for Christmas from my brother Jay. All I have done right now of the puzzle is the sorting of end pieces from all the other pieces. I do have some of the end pieces put together. I think I would have stuck with it if the stupid fire alarm didn’t go off. In fact I might go back to my puzzle after I’m done blogging.

Thank you for reading my blog. Have a good night all. Peace Out, World!!!

A Long Yet Productive Day

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It’s been a long yet productive day. I started off the day with blogging my weekly check-in before heading to the Women’s March. I, of course got to the start of the march early. So, I read.

I am reading the Ship of Magic by Robin Hobb. In fact Ms. Hobb is from the Pacific Northwest (PNW) and still lives in the Washington State. So far I am enjoying the book. I’m only on chapter six but so far so good. I hope to be able to do a book review on Ship of Magic however I can’t promise I will because I might forget to do so.

The march went well. As far as I know there weren’t any issues here in Seattle. I saw many people I know including extended family I hadn’t seen in years. I marched with my dad’s cousin, his friends as well as a number of my friends, and former colleagues. It felt good marching with people from all aspects of my life.

After the march I went and volunteered at the Warm Line. I was the only one on tonight and was “encouraged” to go home early by one of the supervisors of the Crisis Line so I did. It felt good being able to help others even though I was by myself. Being to help others always makes me feel happy and good about myself.

Everything I did today was helpful to my recovery and mental health symptoms despite it being a long ass day. I don’t regret doing anything I did today. In fact when it comes to regrets my the quote I live by is: “When I look back on life, I rather regret the things I did than the things I didn’t do.” I’m not sure who said that but I try to live by it.

As always, I appreciate all of you reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great evening. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I am doing my weekly check-in early today because I’m going to be busy today and I have no clue how tired I may or may not be when I get home tonight.

It’s going to be a busy day for me because I’m going to be going to the women’s march again this year. I went last year and enjoyed myself and was happy that I went. This year I expect the same thing expect the weather is not as nice as last year. I will be marching for a multitude of reasons that I may share in a later post.

After the march I will be volunteering. I’m looking forward to this as I missed the last two weeks of volunteering due to being in the hospital as well as just barely out of the hospital.

As many of you who live the United States (U.S) know, it appears that the government is going to shut down once again. The Democrats are blaming the Republicans while the Republicans are blaming the Democrats. I’m blaming both parties as they are both to blame for not working together. I am unable to comprehend why politicians still get paid if the government shuts down while many other government employees do not get paid.

As many of you know this past week I start a workbook on resiliency regarding my gender identity as being gender nonconforming as well as few other things I identify with regarding gender. The resiliency part of the workbook regarding gender and being queer can play a major part of other aspects of our lives. Which is a part of why I’m going to be marching today; resiliency. If it wasn’t for my resiliency with my mental health recovery I don’t think I would be marching today much less working on the workbook.

I also did a lot of art this week. I painted and collaged a great deal as well as colored. Art appears to be quite helpful for me as it helps me relax and is a great distraction. I wish I started painting earlier in my life however I am beyond grateful that I am doing it now.

Thank you for reading. I really appreciate that I have people who regularly read my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reader I don’t know if I would have continued my blog. Have a wonderful weekend as well as a great Saturday. If you plan on marching today please keep it peaceful as if it is not then our voices won’t be heard like we would like it to be heard. Peace Out, World.

Friday Evening Ramblings

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Friday, World!!! Overall, today has been a good day. I have had some difficult moments today but who doesn’t from time to time.

Despite having difficult moments today, I made the best of the day. First and fore most I briefly saw my case manager for about fifteen minutes. She wanted to “check-in” with me since I’ve been out of the hospital for a full week now. She gave me some homework. Something I already am doing for the most part however she added something to it. My case manager wants me to do my mindfulness/meditation practice twice a day instead of once a day everyday till I see her again for our regularly scheduled appointment on the 29th of this month. On top of that she would like me to write how I am feeling before and after doing the Calm app which I do for my daily mindfulness. In all honesty, I’m glad she is having me do this. Hopefully, it will help me keep track on how helpful it is for me and how it is helping my mental health symptoms improve.

Something else that has helped me today is that I went to DBT group. I found out this past week that I am finally accepting a skill I highly disliked for the longest time which it being mindful of current thoughts. I actually like doing this skill now especially if I use nature imagery along with it. I was also able to help teach this particular skill in group today.

After I got home, I decided to do some art work. I started of collaging one of the paintings I had finished. I collaged with words and those words created a poem. After finishing up the poem, I then started on another painting.

Now, that I’m done with my art as well as fed, I am blogging. As I sit here blogging, I am figuring out what I’m going to do next. I think I’m going to do my workbook on Queer & Trans resiliency. I’m actually enjoying it even though its quite challenging for me to do at the moment. Anything to help with my recovery and me to accept my gender identity.

Before I go and do my workbook, I want to thank you for reading. I really appreciate you all reading and/or following my blog. Have a great day. Happy Weekend, World!!!

Finding the Calm of the Night

Posted on by Gertie

Right now, I am having a rough go at it due a nightmare from PTSD and voices due to severe depression that is slowly getting better. So, I decided  to use a meditation and mindfulness app called; Calm. Using this app has proven quite helpful for me.

It’s helps me so much that Junior thought he would give it a try. In fact he finds it quite helpful as well. He even uses it after each call at work. As I mentioned in other post, Junior is firefighter and after he get back to the station after each run he uses the Calm app to help him regain composure.

I guess what I am saying is that I have found something that helps me with my recovery and helps those I care about be the best they can be on their jobs. As I informed you in earlier post this week I am finding and using things that will be helpful for my recovery.

Now on to trying to get some sleep after using that Calm app and blogging. I will also have some cuddling time as Junior goes to work later this morning. Peace Out, World!!!

Therapy, Education, Books, Religion & Recovery

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I saw my temporary therapist today. We discussed a melt down I had earlier today in day treatment at my request. My therapist and I talked about what I could have done differently. We came up with some wonderful ideas collectively and I am happy with what we came up with.

My therapist and I also discussed me going back to school and how it could affect my disability checks. To find out it wont affect it all. He will help me fill out the proper paper work to get money such as grants and/or scholarships. I’ll start out taking one class at a time to see how things go. I plan to go to a local community college that offers both two and four year degrees. I plan on getting an Associates of Applied Science degree in Social and Human Services and then transfer to their (the community college) Bachelor’s of Applied Science degree in Applied Behavior Science. My therapist likes the idea on how I am setting small goals with my education to ultimately reach my bigger educational goals. I am hoping that one day to get my Masters in Social Work from either the University of Washington (UW) or Smith College.

Another topic my therapist and discussed was my blog and blogging. We talked about giving him pseudo name. My therapist “doesn’t care” if I use his real name however out of respect for his former, current (counting me) and future clients I am choosing to give him a pseudo name. He “respects” my choice in giving him a pseudo name. I am going to give him the pseudo name of Gilbert. The name Gilbert in the name of one of my favorite characters in one of my favorite books; Anne of Green Gables. Yes, Gilbert is being named after the character, Gilbert Blythe of Anne of Green Gables. So, when the name Gilbert comes up in any of my post, I am talking about my temporary therapist.

Changing the topic drastically, I am switching it to religion. Earlier this evening I met with the Mormon missionaries. In fact the missionaries I met with were female which is unusual but not all that uncommon especially in a major metropolitan area. We discussed Joseph Smith and all that jazz regarding the Mormon faith. I was upfront with two young ladies that I most likely wont join their church but might visit it on occasion. They were “thrilled” that I was “being honest” with them about that.

Now switching back to the topic of recovery. It appears that my recovery is starting get back on track. I am saying this because I finally have hope back and I am being future oriented. Both are very good signs in recovery.

Speaking of recovery part of mine is making sure I eat on the regular basis and I am realizing I haven’t had dinner yet. That means I’m going to end this post and get some food. Thank you for reading. It’s very much appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!

Here’s Hoping The Will Help Me w/the Year of Change

Posted on by Gertie

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Good Morning, World!!! The above pictured items are four of the six items I ordered from Amazon and received in the mail yesterday. The items above include a gratitude journal, colored pencils and two workbooks. One workbook is about dealing with insomnia while the other is on resilience and being Queer and/or Trans. The two items I have not received yet are a mindfulness workbook and a coloring book.

Last night I started the Gratitude Journal which I think will be quite helpful for me. I think it will be helpful for me due to the fact it will help me turn my mind from my negative thoughts into positive one while accepting of and letting go of the negative thoughts and emotions. It even has a few coloring pages in it that will be quite helpful in times of stress.

I also started The Queer & Transgender Resilience Workbook last night or at least started reading it. I actually started working on it earlier this morning when I woke up from a nightmare. I’m finding it challenging yet helpful. I’m sure as time goes on, the workbook will become more challenging and I am up for a challenge and the hard work.

As for the Quiet Your Mind & Get To Sleep I’ll wait to I’m done with the current workbook I am doing. As for the workbook on Mindfulness, I have yet to receive in the mail, I’m not sure if I’m going to do that in conjunction with any other workbook I may or may not being doing at the moment.

I am hoping that as challenging as the current workbook is, so far, that the other workbooks I do this year will be as challenging and helpful to my recovery. For me my recovery is quite important to me. Plus, I am hoping that I can count on my resiliency to bounce back from this really long and prolonged bump in the road.

Thank you so much for reading. It is much appreciated. I hope everyone has a wonderful day full of gratitude. Peace Out, World!!!

 

A Year of Change

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It has been two weeks and three days since 2018 started and have decided that this year will be a year of change. A year of positive change. In fact in October of this year (2018) it will mark fifteen(15) years since I made an active choice and decision with being in recovery. Yes, fifteen years. It’s difficult to wrap my mind around that I chose to be in active recovery back in 2003.

As I look back at 2003, I wasn’t where I wanted to be at in my life when I was 24 years old and am finding myself in a similar spot at almost 39 years old. The difference between now and then is that I have the skills and insight to know what to do to help and advocate for myself. Knowing how to help and advocate for myself is why I am making the decision to make this yet another year of change.

As many of you know, 2017 was not the easiest of years for me which is why I am wanting to make an active choice and decision to make an effort in my life regarding my recovery. I am making this year, a year of change in the positive direction with my recovery. I am planning on doing this in various ways which I plan to tell you how I’m going to this.

Many people have various ways on they get help for their mental health. Without sounding redundant, I’ll keep doing what I’ve been doing with going to see my psychiatric nurse practitioner, (temporary) therapist, case manager and attending groups. On that note, I’m going to add on somethings that will be yet a year of positive change for me. Some of what I’m going to mention are things others around the world have done to better themselves and their mental health.

One of the various ways I’m going to do to make this year a year of change is to set out a time to do mindfulness and/or meditation. I am doing this because I have found it quite helpful in the past as well as in the present. It helps me refocus what needs to be done when I’m dealing with an anxiety attack as well as help me focus on the day to come.

Another way I’m going to make this a year of change is to journal. I’ll continue to free write journal however I’ve decided I’ll do guided journaling. It is my hope that the guide journaling will help me remain positive or get me in a positive mindset. Yes, I know being positive or in a positive mindset isn’t going to happen every moment of everyday however I don’t want to be the one who bring negativity into this world.

The last thing I’m going to be doing to help myself make it a year of change is something many around the world have done. That something is doing self-help workbooks. Yes, I know that sounds corny and maybe even superficial however if it is something that has helped me in the past then it can’t hurt to try again.

In fact I ordered some self-help workbooks and a guided journal from Amazon and received most of the items I ordered today. I plan on starting on of the workbooks as well as the guided journal this evening.

Before starting on a working book and the guided journal, I need to make dinner and eat. I also need to do laundry however I can do laundry and workbook and/or guided journal at the same time.I hope that you found that me making an active change in my recovery refreshing from many of my past post over the last year. It is my hope to tell you more about the guided journaling and workbooks I am doing as I am doing them. Have a great evening, everyone. Peace Out, World!!!

A Ray of Hope

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I haven’t had the opportunity to blog for the last week due to the fact I was voluntarily admitted to a local psych hospital. I went and saw my Psychiatric ARNP as well as my temporary Therapist on Wednesday, January 3rd and everyone, including myself, agreed that I needed to be hospitalized. I desperately needed that help I received at the hospital and am grateful for it.  I got discharged Thursday, January 11th and am feeling quite hopeful.

After spending one week and one day in the hospital I have a ray of hope even two days after discharge. For me having some hope is better than having no hope at all. I started off this year with no hope and after a short stay in a psych hospital, I finally have the hope I’ve been searching for since late 2016ish.

Before I end this post, I am beyond grateful that 2018 is starting out better than last year. Yes, I had to spend a week in the hospital due to being severely depressed while having hallucinations of voices that nobody else could hear and being suicidal however I have hope. Hope that will help me get through this year.

I hope that you all have good rest of your evening. Have a great weekend! Peace Out, World!!!

2018; People Have Been Waiting For You

Posted on by Gertie

Happy New Year, World!!! 2018; You’re finally here and people have been waiting for you. 2018, people have been waiting for you because 2017 wasn’t the best of years for many of us; myself included.

As many of you know, 2017 wasn’t the best of years for me. It was a year of trials for me. I am attempting to look back at 2017 to look at any successes or triumphs I may have had and unable to find any. As much as I wish I had some sort of success or triumph in 2017, I realize that 2018 is a New Year.

A New Year to focus on what I need to do to continue on my road to recovery as well as to have the success and accomplishments I so desire to have. That’s why my goals for 2018 are simple or at least simple sounding. My goals sound simple in theory but in reality not so simple to do.

My goals for 2018 are as follows:

-Do a meditation or mindfulness exercise daily. (Preferably in the morning.)

-Do guided journaling daily. (This is on top of the free write journaling I do. The guided journaling is to help me focus on what is challenging me at the moment.)

-Do self-help workbooks. (This is to help me with my recovery and not take the place of what my mental health treatment teams helps me with.)

-Read books that are related to the mental health field. (This is to help me keep up to date on the field I choose to work in. I of course will still read books for fun.)

I do have other goals for 2018 but the above goals are the ones that I feel like that will help me the most to have a more successful and accomplished year than last year. I will have the help of my mental health treatment team as well as my friends with my 2018 goals.

Thank you for reading. As we begin 2018 I hope that this is a year that we are able to have a year of improvement and accomplishments we all can be proud of. I hope you continue to read and follow my blog. Happy New Years. Peace Out, World!!!