Tag Archives: C-PTSD

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It is Saturday evening and time to do my weekly check-in. Or at least I am starting my weekly check-in back up with you the reader. Before I do my check-in I want to say Blessed Yule and Happy Solstice. Today is the first day of winter and the shortest day of the year. I am looking forward to tomorrow as it starts being lighter longer. Granted only by a minute or two but I am so looking forward to more light.

This past week has not been the easiest of weeks for me. My depression and Complex-PTSD (C-PTSD) have been acting up so badly that I have been dissociating and isolating. Neither which are good for me or anyone for that matter. To add to the depression and PTSD, I am dealing with grief of my mom’s death on Tuesday, November 26th which was two days before Thanksgiving. Sadly, Christmas Day of this year is one day before the one month mark of my mom’s death. I miss her so very much.

Since I have been isolating this past week, I have been hanging out at home with my beloved senior kitty, Billie. Billie has been helping me so much with dissociation and not doing it. I am so grateful for my cat as he has a calming affect on me and helps me keep my head on straight.

Despite being in a dissociated state for most of the week, I do remember watching a lot of movies. Specifically, I have been watching a lot of Christmas and holiday related movies. I watch Christmas movies that are nostalgic to me and many other people in the world.

Besides watching Christmas and holiday related movies, I have been reading. I specifically have been reading a Christmas book. In fact, I read a Christmas book every holiday season. It is a holiday tradition for me and I really look forward to it every year.

I do not have anything else to check-in or write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

A Day Full of Emotions Despite Making the Bad Shit Into the Good Shit

Posted on by Gertie

Today did not start off as a good day. I woke up with a nightmare on time of an anxiety attack which sucks but then the depression decided to rear it’s rearing head which sucks shit. Having PTSD, Anxiety attacks and depression sucks but at least I have my cat to help me with my mental health symptoms so I took the day off from work.

Oh the positive side of things I have plenty of coping skills to help me when then things get difficult for me. One thing that helps me is my cat as well as my mindful mindfulness practice. Also going to work helps a greate deal for me. Self care is a huge things for me and it iterates me that my family thinks I an using drugs when i do not do drugs. I love having fun like going to baseball games as well as doing art work such as coloring, painting, crafting such as latch key and cross stitch.

I am grateful that despite a challenging day to my day that everything has worked out. Now it is time to do some lisure time to do some fun fast. Peace Out, World!!!

Taking a Mental Health Day from Work Tomorrow Wednesday 7/26/23

Posted on by Gertie

Right now I am realizing I am needing to take a mental health day off from work tomorrow Wednesday, July 26th, 23. I feel bad for doing this as I don’t want to put more work on my team however my supervisors and team members understand that taking a mental health day is something that is needed from time to time. I am grateful for my team being so supportive.

I realized I need to take a mental health day when I realized I wasn’t doing my regular self care regiment when my PTSD, Depression and Anxiety starts to act up especially when I don’t make it apart my daily self care or just quit doing it because I start to feel better. I know from experience what I need to do for self care.

I have many things to help me through self care regarding my mental health challenges as well as just everyday life. For one I can cuddle with my beloved cat, Billie. I can always read a book that I am quite enjoying. Another thing I can do is make sure I have food on a regular basis. Of course doing art work by painting, coloring and diamond art. Also I can also do crafting by cross stitching and latch hooking. Listening to music is a great help as well as listening to podcasts. Of course there are my friends I can reach out to and go for walks. Mindfulness Meditation has been a great deal of help to me. My family and friends are of great support. Self care is major in helping yourself so you can be able in staying in recovery.

So I am going to end this particular post for now. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated that you the reader, read my blog. It wasn’t for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be writing my blog. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Daily Prompt: If I Could Turn Back Time

Posted on by Gertie

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “If I Could Turn Back Time.” If you could return to the past to relive a part of your life, either to experience the wonderful bits again, or to do something over, which part of you life would you return to? Why?

I personally think we all have moments where we could turn back time to do over or even re-experience something good or joyous in our life. Who wouldn’t want to do an embarrassing day they experienced in junior high / middle school? Who wouldn’t want to experience a time in their life where it was a joyous or wonderful? I know for me that there are plenty of embarrassing moments from junior high I would love to do over again. I also know I would love to re-experience all the wonderful experiences I have had.

But truthfully, I don’t know if there is a time I would want to turn back. I say this because if we go back and change things then it would change the course of our lives. Despite all the pain and suffering I have experienced in my life; it has made me the person I am today. Granted if I could turn back time; I wouldn’t want to struggle with a mental illness. Then again, my mental health diagnosis has helped shaped on who I am as a person. I’m not my mental illness but it has shaped me and for the better. Don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t wish a mental illness on anyone but its helped make me realize who I am as a person and what direction my life is going. It’s just like I wouldn’t wish anyone to get hurt like I did as a child (including those who abused me) nor would I want to re-experience being hurt again but its helped me be the person I am today. As much as I don’t like some of the aspects of what I experienced in my life I am grateful that it has made me who I am today. Yes, the positive experiences have made me who I am today as well and I still wouldn’t want to relive them for the same reason as the negative experiences. Turning back time would just make me a different person and that is why I wouldn’t want to do it at all. I’ve learned that as much as I want to turn back time at times that there is no going back. Enjoy what you have in the moment.

For me enjoying what I have in the moment is the best way to live my life and not turn back time. I hope everyone takes the time today to enjoy the moment that they are living in. Life is too short to not enjoy the current moment. Have a wonderful day and peace out!!

Can I Have Just One Night Without Nightmares

Posted on by Gertie

I woke up about an hour ago with a nightmare. A nightmare that could have possibly turned into a screaming nightmare if Junior didn’t gently wake me up. The above picture is not me but that’s how I tend to end up after a horrific nightmare like the one I had tonight.

Like the loving partner, Junior is, he comforted me. As I was curled up in the fetal position, Junior asked if it was okay to rub my back and I shook my yes. As Junior rubbed my back I slowly felt safe enough to get out of the fetal position to allow myself to be held by Junior. As Junior held me I cried. I cried out the emotions that have haunted me for years.

After a nice long, good cry with Junior, we are now up. Junior put in a movie and decided to bake some chocolate cupcakes as I blog and watch the movie. I know it is going to take some time to recover from the nightmare I had tonight and I am radically accepting that moment.

For those who are not familiar with Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), radical acceptance is a skill. A skill that is defined as: complete and total acceptance of something; accepting reality. Radical acceptance is one of the key components of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT).

Radical acceptance is not the easiest of skills to master. I am speaking from experience. It is something that I will need to continue to practice so I can master it or at least come close to. It is a skill that I find difficult for many reason that I hope to explain at a later date.

I know I am needing to go so I can continue to radically accept the nightmare. I also want to focus on the movie and spend time with Junior. I hope everyone has a wonderful Saturday. Have a great weekend and peace out!!