Tag Archives: Recovered Borderline

Happy Monday Morning!!!

Posted on by Gertie

     Happy Monday Morning!!! Yes, I know its Monday and its the start of work week but I am on vacation. The sad thing is that I woke up naturally at 5:00 am (Pacific time) and was about to get out of bed when I realized that I was on vacation. I hate when that happens. Oh well. I did try to get back to sleep but was unable to do so, so I got up and read a A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens.

     When I started A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens I did have trouble getting into it however it’s now starting to get good. I am enjoying it immensely. I think I had difficulty getting into it because of dyslexia but I’ve learned to deal with the dyslexia and enjoy reading. After reading for about 45 minutes I decided to watch the local news.

     As I was watching the morning news a story came on that not only angered me but made me laugh. A group of 3 teenagers stole the keys out of a 70something year old woman’s hand in a parking lot to steal her car. That’s what angered me. Why would you steal anybody’s car especially that of an elderly person? Now here comes the funny part. The teenagers got into the elderly woman’s car and realized it was a stick shift car and they couldn’t drive it. They didn’t know how to drive a stick shift. The elderly woman pulled them out of the car and the teenagers ran off. They still haven’t caught the teenagers but the elderly woman was just grateful that she wasn’t hurt. She was even laughing at the situation that they couldn’t drive a stick shift. I hope they find those teenagers because if that was my grandmother I would want them to be punished.

    Speaking of grandmothers, the news story reminded me to call my own grandmother. I talked to both my grandma and grandpa. The set of grandparents that I spoke to are my dad parents or paternal grandparents. My paternal grandparents help my dad out a great deal when I was growing up and helped raised me. They were very involved with my growing up years. My dad is grateful to my grandparents that they helped him out with raising me. I’m grateful that they are still alive. Unfortunately, my maternal grandparents (mom’s parents) are deceased. I miss them a great deal.

     Now that I’m done talking about my family let get back to other things. I am grateful that I am on vacation from work this week. Many people don’t realize how stressful working in a grocery store really is. I am grateful that I am able to work despite having a mental illness. One of the things I plan on doing this week is to look to see if there are in job openings as a Peer Support Specialist/Peer Counselor as well as look into getting involved with NAMI and other such organizations. I figured the more I get involved with mental health organizations the better it looks on the resumé. I’m sure my volunteer work looks good as well.

     Speaking of mental health, I need to get going. I need to get ready to go and see my therapist. Today, I plan on discussing my nightmares with my therapist, Diana. (Side Note: Diana is a pseudonym that I gave my therapist for her privacy and the protection of the her other clients.) Diana has helped me a great deal with my recovery. She is just as invested in my recovery as I am. I hope to tell you later on how my session with Diana went but no promises. It depends how difficult it was for me.

      I hope the rest of your morning goes well. In fact I hope the rest of your Monday goes well and that you have a good work week. I hope to blog again later today even if I don’t blog about my therapy session. Try to at least get out and enjoy the weather today to break up your workday. Peace out and enjoy the summer.

Today Has Been A Good Summer Solstice

Posted on by Gertie

     Well the first day of summer is coming to an end and it turned out to be a good day. I hung out with two very good friends today. My friends and I went to Red Robin on the Waterfront in the city we reside in. I had my favorite hamburger which is The Whisky Barbeque Burger. My friends and I of course shared a desert of Mud Pie. Now that was yummy. The view of the water was beautiful as well as the mountains in the distance. After my friends and I were finished with our meal we decided to walk around the waterfront and enjoy the scenery. About an hour into walking around we realized we needed to get back to our end of the city because the three of us were going to Mass.

    We went to Mass. Yes, going to Mass was quite triggering for me because of my past with the Christian faith. Even though I haven’t had “issues” with the Catholic denomination, going to Mass was trigging. I did make it through the hour long Mass and am proud of myself for doing so. Hell, my two friends were and are proud of me. I don’t know if I would attend Mass again but I am glad I went. The best part was that no one judged me for my scarred up arms. 

    Tomorrow, my boyfriend and I are hosting World Cup party at his place, when the United States plays Portugal. I am looking forward to spending time with my boyfriend as well as our friends. In fact the two friends I hung out with today are going to go to the party as well. Being around supportive people is good for everyone especially for those who struggle with mental illness. That’s why I’m looking forward tomorrow because I will be around people who care about me and support me not matter what. Plus, we (me and all in attendance at the party) will be rooting on the U.S.A in the World Cup when they play Portugal. GO U.S.A.!!!! 

    Well I best be going. I need to finish making snacks for the World Cup party tomorrow. I think making the snacks is going to be an all night thing. Have a good rest of Saturday if it’s still Saturday for you. It’s still Saturday for me. Since it’s officially summer I can now say; Have a good summer. Enjoy your summer. Peace out and hope to blog again tomorrow.

Nightmares Suck!!!

Posted on by Gertie

     Good morning Thursday! It is 1:46 in the morning pacific time and I am awake from a screaming nightmare. Waking up from a nightmare is not very fun. I am tired as hell. Waking up my boyfriend from my nightmares is not my idea of fun. He is helping me through this difficult moment of waking up from a horrific nightmare. PTSD is a daily struggle. In fact it is a nightly struggle as well. If it wasn’t for his support or the support of my friends when my nightmares act up I would have some pretty lonesome nights. I choose to depend on my support system to help me through difficult moments like my nightmares.

     Another way to help myself through rough times like these is read books such as A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles  Dickens. Most of the time I end up reading a comic book. Mainly I read Wonder Woman comic books to get my mind back on track so I can get back to bed. Sometimes watching comedies like The Cosby Show helps me relax enough to get back to sleep. Sometimes I watch comedy movies to help make me laugh. Laughter make me relax to where I can calm myself down enough so I can eventually get some sleep.

    If it wasn’t for the love and support of my boyfriend supporting me right now I would be dealing with it by myself. I also get support from friends when I ask for it. The hard thing for me is asking for the help. So accepting help from my boyfriend is a major accomplishment for me. Depending on your natural support system is a major sign of the recovery process.

    I think it’s time for me to try to go back to bed and get some sleep. I do have a doctors appointment in the morning regarding my burned fingers. They still hurt like hell. Have a good night sleep all. I will let you all know what my doctor says about my burned fingers after my appointment. Peace out and have a goodnight sleep.

Introduction To Gertie’s Journey

Posted on by Gertie

Hey, I’m Gertie!!!! I’m new to this blogging thing and have absolutely no clue on what the hell I’m doing, especially since I accidently permanently deleted my very first blog which was under the same title. I just hope I can come as close as possible to what I said in my original first blog. With all that being said lets start by with me telling you the two main reasons why I am starting this blog. The first reason why I’m starting this blog is to educate “normal” (whatever the hell “normal” means) people on what it’s like to struggle with a mental illness on the daily basis. Not only that, but to show “normal” people that people who deal or struggle with a mental illness can be and is a productive member of society. Every person who struggles or deals with a mental illness has there own way of being a productive member of society just like “normal” people do. Yes, that means I personally struggle with a mental illness. It is my hope that if “normal” people read this that I will help stop the judgments that they may have about the mentally ill. If I help stop judgments regarding the mentally ill then maybe just may the stigma that goes along with mental illness will start to be eliminated. I want to eliminate that stigma. The second reason why I am starting this blog is to show those who do struggle with a mental illness that recovery is possible and that their is hope. Hope is key to the recovery process. I don’t want those who struggle with mental illness to think that they are alone in their struggles. Unfortunately, having a diagnosis of a mental illness is a life long battle however there are a handful of diagnosis that you can not longer meet the criteria for. If I was told correctly it’s most (not all) of the personality disorders. I know this because I no longer meet the criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I tell you this because there is hope and recovery is possible. Now that I have gotten off topic, which I do quite often, let get back on the topic of the introduction to this blog.

As I told you earlier, I am Gertie. No, Gertie is not my real name. Gertie is a nickname that I received in the third grade. How did you get your nickname, you ask. When I was in Brownies (Girl Scouts) their were three of us with the same name. (We were also in the same grade at the same school.) My troop leaders decided they would give me a nickname and was happy to get one. In fact my troop leaders got the idea of my nickname from my last name. The nickname they wanted to give me was Gertrude(which is not my last name) but I told them I wasn’t having it. Well, I told them, “Gertrude sounds like a name of an old fogey.” My troop leaders as well as my troop laughed at that statement when one of my troop leaders asked “how bout Gertie?” I smiled, shrouded my shoulders and said “oaky dokie, artichokie.” That meant I was okay with the nickname Gertie. I chose Gertie’s Journey as a title to name my blog because I’m Gertie and it’s my journey. Plus, Gertie seems to have a better ringtone to the word journey than my given name would. I also chose Gertie’s Journey because I want to be as anonymous as possible because of the stigma that goes along with having a mental illness. Since I’ve gone by my given name during my adulthood (Side Note: Their is one exception to this and that’s when I was a young adult and will be explained at some point in time), I figured Gertie was a safe nickname to use. Plus I like the ring that goes with Gertie’s Journey. I said that already, didn’t I. See, I told you I get off topic and as you can read, I am long winded. Now back to the topic of the Introduction to Gertie’s Journey.

As a thirty-something I’ve realized that I may not be where I want to be career wise but I have figured out who I am and what I am meant to be in this life. See, we as humans, finally figure out in our early thirties, hopefully, who we are and our place in this world. We also figure out what we are passionate about. I know what I am passionate about. I am passionate about mental health advocacy and recovery. Yes, I am passionate about it because of my own struggle with mental illness as well as having family members who struggle with a mental illness. I think my passion for mental health is the reason why I want to go into the field of mental health as a Peer Support Specialist or Peer Counselor. (Side Note: I will definitely explain in a later blog what a Peer Counselor is). I know I am meant to be a Peer Counselor even though I don’t have a job (or career) as one yet even though I do have the certification.  Yes, I have applied to jobs to become one and even have had interviews but no job offers as of yet.  Even though I have not been offered a job as a peer I will NOT let it get me down. I am too far in my recovery to let it get me down. I am passionate about mental health because I want to help eliminate the stigma of mental illness. I hope someday in my lifetime that there will be no more stigma attached to mental illness but realize that is not likely. I figure if I can educate just one “normal” person about mental illness then I’ve done my job and maybe just maybe a domino affect will happen.  Educating just one person will help with the elimination of stigma that goes with mental illness. I’m just as passionate about mental health recovery. Recovery is a core aspect of being a Peer Counselor. If it weren’t for my recovery with dealing with my mental illness this blog would never have been started. I’ve realized that I’ve become off topic once again as well as being long winded.

Since, I’ve been so long winded I’ve decided to end this blog entry. I don’t want you the reader to become bored or uninterested with my blogging. Plus, I’m sure in time with my future blogs that you will get to know me. I hope I have not bored you to death with my blog and hope that you continue to read. I hope to get you interested enough that you follow my blog. Until next time, have a good day or night or whatever the case maybe in whatever part of the world you may be in.