Tag Archives: Crisis

A Bit Pissed at the Moment

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is almost five o’clock in the morning here in Seattle and I am a bit pissed at the moment. I am pissed due to the fact that right after I posted my last blog post a neighbor in crisis decided the building fire alarm. I, of course evacuated my apartment with my cat, Billie. As my neighbors and were evacuating the building many of us saw this neighbor throw his cat out his seventh-floor apartment. Sadly, the cat did not make it. Anyway, Seattle fire department showed due to the fire alarm, and they called Seattle police.

The police showed up right as the neighbor in crisis decided to throw pool balls through the first-floor community windows which are double pained. Sadly, one of the pool balls ended up hitting another neighbor in the head. She went to the hospital to get medically evaluated and is planning on pressing charges against the neighbor in crisis as this isn’t first time he has done something like this. Sadly, I heard a Seattle police officer discourage this neighbor from pressing charges due to the other “neighbor being in crisis.” This is why I am pissed as hell especially at the Seattle police officer who said that. Why should my neighbor who got hurt by the neighbor in crisis be discouraged from pressing charges?

Anyway, long story short as of this writing of this particular blog post, my neighbors and I are allowed back in our apartments as the neighbor in crisis is in front of the building in handcuffs screaming at the Seattle police officers. From what I am understanding the neighbor in crisis going to the hospital to get a psych evaluation. As far as the neighbor in crisis dead cat, the Seattle Animal Control is investigating and planning on pressing charges for animal cruelty.

I do not have anything else to discuss or write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

A Mixture of Middle of the Night Emotions & Ideas

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World from Seattle and it is still the middle of the middle of the night here in Seattle. In fact as I write this blog, my cat Billie is purring on my lap. I am technically on crisis coverage till eight in the morning Seattle time and will complete my crisis coverage.

On that note there is a family emergency regarding my grandpa and thankfully my uncle is taking care of it till I am off of crisis coverage at eight o’clock this morning Seattle time. I did let the appropriate people know at work about it however I totally remembered I can deal with my family emergency while finishing up my much needed notes. I will send the email about catching up on notes while helping my grandpa once I know my supervisors are awake and aware of the situation regarding my grandpa. Either way I most like will do my notes, I just want to be able to get paid for them but like I mentioned before I want to make sure the supervisors are made aware that I will being finishing my crisis coverage shift and missing my regular shift and will bring up the idea of seeing if I can get paid catching up on notes while dealing my grandpa’s emergency. I am so grateful that my uncle is currently dealing with my grandpa’s emergency as I am crisis coverage for work right now.

Right now, I am struggling with some intense emotions regarding my mental health challenges. Specifically my depression and PTSD which both suck shit.Since doing mindfulness meditation appears to help my mental health symptom help a great deal, it is one of the skills I go to first. The next thing I plan on doing is doing something creative. I plan on doing both arts at crafts. The art I plan on doing is art work by coloring and doing diamond art. When it comes to diamond art I will have to sort some stuff out which is cool. As far as crafting goes, I will be doing some cross stitching. I love being able to use my self care to help with my recovery.

I just hope when I email my supervisors again later that they will allow me to work on my notes and still get paid for it as help my grandpa with his emergency. My work is not one hundred okay with me right now but that is okay as I know I am doing the best I can. At least they treat me with respect.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. If it was not for you reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Struggling Through My Work Day With Self Care

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World from the wonderful city of Seattle. As I am starting this particular blog post, I am technically on my regular work shift and I am supposed to be working from home doing notes. I did do some notes but still need to work on them. Sadly, I have been dissociating which suck shit. To make matters slightly worse I am on crisis coverage till eight in the morning till tomorrow. I am knocking on wood that I don’t get any crisis calls especially since I had to take some of my anti-anxiety meds to help. Having taking mdeds for anxiety while on shift is not always a good thing.

On a plus not only I ordered some Taco Bell via Grub Hub to help make sure I have something in my stomach to help make good decisions for clients that I help can to the best of my ability. In fact my Taco Bell from Grubhub just arrived. Be back in a few minutes to add more to this blog post.

The food helped a great deal and am grateful for the food. I am now on to doing some mindfulness meditation to help for the work day as well as being a crisis coverage. I really hope I don’t get any crisis calls tonight.

Working is somewhat helpful with the PTSD, Depression and Anxiety but other stuff helps like mindfulness meditation and something creative such as art work by coloring and doing diamond work. I love being able to do creative things regarding my recovery and work.

I am have some issues at work but I am dealing with them with the help of my union and my therapist. I think it is now some time to read a comic book or two to help calm my mind down.

Thank you fore reading bly blog..

Still No Sleep for Me

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World from my corner of the world known as Seattle, Washington. Tonight I am on crisis coverage for work but thankfully, most if not all the calls happened earlier in the evening as well as earlier in the middle of the night. It is still the middle of the night here in Seattle and I am unable to sleep. If I can get to sleep it’s a light sleep or a sleep that wakes me up from a nightmare where I am crying, paralyzed from the body memories and scared shitless.

Honestly, part of me is glad I am on crisis coverage tonight for work but I am also thrilled that the calls have subsided a lot so I can refocus. Now lets hope I am not sticking my foot in my mouth and I get a shit ton of calls from clients and/or social workers from hospitals.

On a good note that is not too surprising Billie has been keeping company and giving me his undivided attention and of course his unconditional love. I love my Billie so very much and how he knows when I need the extra attention and love even when I can tell when he would rather have his own space. My cat truly knows how to take care of me and I hope he knows how much I truly love him. He is my best friend and yes animals can be best friends.

Speaking of friends, a friend introduced me to Diamond Art after she finished a piece for a mutual friend of ours. So, I ordered a bunch for myself and honestly got really frustrated and throughout the first two I started and gave up. Part of the reason is that I didn’t read the instructions and did not ask my friend questions. So, for the last week or so I have read the instructions and have been doing diamond art. I am finding it fun, frustrating, time consuming and a lot of progress. Which I can all correlate to not just my recovery but the recovery of other people. So, I decided to thank my friend tonight in the middle of the night on social media, specifically Facebook. My friend responded back asking if I would want to meet in the community room of our apartment building for a short while so she could give me some pointers on diamond art. I learned a lot from the education my friend gave me about Diamond Art. I love learning new things especially when it comes to creativity. I am great that this neighbor has become a great friend. After spending an hour together we came back upstairs to our own apartments.

When I got back to my apartment I was and am still feeling like harm by hitting a brick wall but I will not act on the urges of self harm especially since I am about to do a mindfulness meditation practice with my cat Billie in my lap as I do it through the Calm App.

On that note, I am going to hopefully get some sort of sleep after I am done writing this particular blog post. I don’t have much more to say except I am tired a fucking hell. I also want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Not the Best Night for Sleep for Me

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World from Seattle. It is the middle of the night here in Seattle, Washington and I have not received much sleep tonight. Partly because I am on crisis coverage for work on the team I work on. There have been a handful of clients calling in crisis needing to talk and I totally understand. Life can and is challenging at times.

In fact life is challenging for me at the moment due to me dealing with my own type of crisis due to a recent trauma which is the other part of why I am unable to sleep. I am unable to sleep due to insomnia as well as PTSD symptoms such as nightmares which doesn’t help my depression whatsoever.

On that note since I have not been able to sleep due to being on crisis coverage or dealing with my own shit, I have been doing quite a bit. Lets start with the obvious of me spending time with my kitty cat, Billie. Not only do I love Billie but Billie provides unconditional love as well as helps me with mindfulness meditation practices.

Not only does Billie help me with mindfulness meditation practice, Billie also reminds me to do mindfulness meditation practice with the Calm App. I do several mindfulness meditations with the Calm App as well as with Billie and other ways I have learned to do mindfulness meditation practice.

Besides doing mindfulness meditation practices, I have been doing some art as well as some crafts. I have been doing art work by coloring as well as diamond art. The crafts I have been doing happen to be latch hook and cross stitching. Both diamond art and latch hook, I am finally sort of kind of getting the hang of it. I am really enjoying being able to do various types of arts and crafts.

I am also learning something else besides new types of arts and crafts. I am learning about Tarot and Tarot Cards by reading about it in a couple of books. Specifically books for beginners. I also have three sets of Tarot Cards as well as a Tarot Workbook. I also have three or four Tarot Card journals to put in my Tarot Card readings; specifically on myself and once I get comfortable with other people’s readings.

Since I mentioned journals and workbooks I got a couple of new journals I will start writing in. One of which will help me get myself out of my comfort zone. I also have several recovery workbooks, that I have had over the years and have never started and/or finished. So, It is my plan to not just work on the journal stuff along with the tarot stuff but the recovery workbook stuff as I feel like most everything I have mentioned has and will help me with my recovery. That includes working yesterday as well as being crisis coverage till eight in the morning Seattle time today (Monday).

Good thing I don’t have to work later today (Monday) like I normally do but I had three doctors appointments that were all sadly cancelled last Thursday and Friday. I do have a “fourth” appointment which is a follow up appointment due to a recent emergency room visit from self harming myself by hitting a brick wall. My hand still hurts like hell and the bruise is nastier than hell but at least the swelling is going down.

I do not have much more to discuss in this particular blog post. I am sorry it is such a long post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great Monday ahead as I have the day off even though I am going to see my doctor. Peace Out, World!!!

Pondering on What the Hell to Do

Posted on by Gertie

I WILL BE DISCUSSING MY CURRENT STATE OF MIND IN THIS POST. I CAN REASSURE YOU THAT I WILL NOT ATTEMPT TO DIE BY SUICIDE NOR HARM MYSELF IN ANYWAY. I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW WHAT I AM CURRENTLY GOING THROUGH AND DON’T WANT PEOPLE TO WORRY!!!

Right now it is six o’clock Monday morning in my corner of the world and I have not slept for three nights now. I am extremely tired and just wish I could get some sleep. I honestly think that the lack of sleep is what’s causing the symptoms of my mental health diagnosis to have increased in a negative way.

I am a good ninety nine percent sure that due to the lack of sleep is what is causing me to be in a slight case of crisis. A crisis I do not want to be in. Right now I have extremely high urges to self harm and am slightly suicidal. I WILL NOT ATTEMPT SUICIDE NOR WILL I HARM MYSELF. Since I am feeling the way I am feeling I called the after hours crisis line that the agency I go to as a client, has. I did a safety plan with the crisis clinician and one of the things on that safety plan was to blog and well that is what I am doing now. The crisis clinician and myself came up with a long enough list for me to do till the agency opens up at eight o’clock in the morning. We did this in hopes that I can get myself to the agency to see my therapist or the clinician who is the on-call crisis clinician for the day. The reason for this is so if I need to be hospitalized the people on the team I am client of will be better familiar with the situation. I honestly don’t like the fact I could be hospitalized but if it keeps me safe from doing any harm to myself then I am willing to go.

Since my last post not only did I call the after hours crisis number, I also read. I read Yesternight by Cat Winters. I am really enjoying the book. I am almost half done with the book. It is an awesome book so far. I highly recommend it. It might not be everyone’s cup of tea but it is a good read so far. In fact reading is what has been helping me keeping myself safe from doing any harm to myself.

The crisis clinician suggested that I continue to keep reading but also suggested that I do some art. Specifically, she recommended that I color. She knows I love to color as I have talking to this particular crisis clinician before. So, when I get done writing this post, I will do some coloring. Coloring helps me a great deal and is a type of mindfulness and meditation practice for me. It helps me calm the fuck down.

The one thing that has helped me a great deal from harming myself in any way is my cat, Lil Gertie. She is a constant reminder to not self harm and to not take my own life. I don’t want Lil Gertie, to be orphaned once again. She has been through a great deal and I don’t want her to go through anything else if I can help it. My cat, Lil Gertie, has been snuggling up to me a lot last night as I am pretty sure that she is acutely aware of how I am doing at the moment.

As I mentioned above, Lil Gertie, my cat, has been helpful in keeping myself safe. She is also the reason why I have not gone to the hospital to get an evaluation. Getting an evaluation at the hospital takes way too fucking long. That is why the crisis clinician I talked to suggested that I go into the agency to see if I really need to be in the hospital or to see if touching base with my therapist more often would be best.

So, at this moment in time I am wondering what the hell I should do. The reason being is that two hours is a long time to wait to talk to someone. On the other hand, it will take a good three hours before I could talk with a social worker at the hospital because I would need to be medically cleared first. So, at this point in time I am thinking waiting two hours is the better option however if the urges to self harm increase or my suicidal thoughts get worse or I end up with a plan to die by suicide I will take myself to the emergency room. AS A REMINDER I WILL NOT SELF HARM OR ATTEMPT TO DIE BY SUICIDE. IF THE URGES INCREASE I WILL TAKE MYSELF TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM. Seeing somebody who knows my history and has access to both my crisis plan and treatment plan is the best option for me at the moment. I will be less triggered this way. 

I do not have much else to say as I have been long winded in writing this post. I just hope I did not worry anyone as the state I am in is not the best place to be in at the moment. It scares the shit out of me when I am suicidal and have intense urges to self harm. I will continue to keep you in the loop about how things are going. If you don’t see me post it is most likely that I will be in the hospital for psych reasons. I really don’t want to be in the hospital but if that is what is needed then that is what I will do. I just hope I can get some sleep as that will most likely decrease the symptoms that I am currently having.

I am thinking that I am done writing this post as I have been long winded. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a great Monday or at least a better Monday than I am currently having. Again, thank you for reading. I hope you all have a great day. Happy Monday!!! Peace Out World!!!

SIDE NOTE: I WILL NOT ATTEMPT TO DIE BY SUICIDE NOR WILL I HARM MYSELF.IF THE URGES GET TOO INTENSE I WILL GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM.PLEASE REST ASSURE I HAVE NOT HARMED MYSELF IN ANYWAY AND THAT I WILL NOT HARM MYSELF. 

Words to the Emotions

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! I didn’t do much of anything for a good portion of the day. I did go in for a meeting with the supervisor for the peer run help line I volunteer for. They wanted to “check in” with me because they got information from the crisis line that I had been calling frequently as well as the peer run help line I volunteer on. They said “it sound a lot like you.” I informed this person it was not me and asked him seriously, “why would I call the crisis line or this line when I have a distinctive and unique voice?” He replied “I don’t know why you would.” I informed him that I did not call the crisis line the peer run help line however I did call the after hours crisis team of the agency I am a client of on Valentines Day due to the anniversary of my grandma’s death. I went to show him my phone to prove to him I didn’t and I offered to sign an ROI for him to talk to my therapist. He declined both and said “I am at a loss of what to day.” More or less I validated him that he was in a tough spot no knowing who to believe. So, he is “cautiously” letting me back to volunteering on the help line for a handful of reasons. I guess, I am bothered that he thinks that I have been calling both lines but I understand him wanting to “check in” to make sure I was doing well. I just can’t get out of my head that I am being told that I am call helps lines when I am not but this is something I need to stop ruminating over as I was told I could go back to volunteering.

When I got home from my meeting I decided to paint. I decided to paint due to the mixture of emotions I was dealing with in regards to the meeting. It helped me get the emotion out that needed to get out. It helped me realize that I needed to find the words for my emotions.

That is when I decided to journal. Granted, I am still trying to find the right words to put to my emotions but journaling did help. In fact it helped a great deal just like the painting did.

I do not have much more to say except I am grateful that the supervisor is letting me back to volunteer. I hope everyone has a great rest of their evening and night. Peace Out, World!!!

Tired As Hell

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I am still tired as hell from last night with no sleep.I did get a two hour nap in when I came home from day treatment. I was a little disappointed that Art Group was cancelled today as I was looking forward to it.

When I was at the mental health agency I am a client of for day treatment, I ended up talking to the therapist who was the crisis clinician on call for the day during business hours. I talked to her for about twenty minutes and came up with a safety plan. After about twenty minutes my own therapist was available to talk with me for about another fifteen minutes. We continued to safety plan. We discussed a little about what happened at the hospital yesterday.

Anyway, after coming home from day treatment, I played with my cat for about an hour before she got annoyed and wanted to be alone. I ended up taking a nap and guess who joined me for my nap. That’s right, my cat Lil Gertie.

I still feel like self harming and after I am finished with this post, I plan on going to the hospital again. I am going because I am not feeling safe with myself and the injuries that accrued from another patient last night are getting worse and want to get them checked out again.

Yes, I have used my DBT skills. One of the skills I used was my art work. I did a great deal of coloring with my new colored pencils and coloring books. I also did some collaging. I actually added some of the collaging to some of the paintings I did over the weekend.

Before I end this post, I am going to ask you again to do me a huge favor. I have advertisements on my blog. If you click on the advertisements and let them fully load, I can earn anywhere from a few cents to a few dollars. I figure each add clicked will be helpful for me to buy gifts for people I love for the holidays which ever holiday they celebrate.

As I end this post, I want to reassure you that I will be safe as I am taking myself to the hospital. Mainly to get my injuries looked at that happened yesterday at the hospital but also to help keep myself safe from myself with having urges to self harm. Again, I will be safe as I take myself to the hospital. Who knows maybe I will be able to take a little nap in while getting checked out at the hospital as I am still tired as hell.

Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end. I hope that I am not worrying any of you with how things are going with me as of lately. I do feel like things are starting to slightly improve which is a big deal for me. Again, thank you for reading and I hope to update you when I get up from the hospital and if I don’t I hope to update you tomorrow. Have a great evening. Peace Out, World!!!

Still a Struggle on This Sunday Afternoon

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, once again, World!!! As I mentioned in my last post I was planning on going to both an art store and book store. I did manage to go to both of the stores and bought some things that would be helpful for me in both the good and bad times.

When I got home from the stores, I decided to do some coloring while listening music. It helped temporarily but not enough to make my self harm urges to go away. The urges appear to be getting stronger.

Since they are getting stronger, I decided I would do some mindfulness and meditation practices. They helped slightly but not enough. Doing the mindfulness and meditation practices made me realize that I need to go to the hospital to get evaluated. I most likely won’t end up on in inpatient unit but at least I will be safe for a few hours.

I did call the crisis worker again. You know the one I talked about in an earlier post. So, she said, that going to a hospital is a solid idea however she wants me spend about twenty minutes with my cat. In fact I spent about a half an hour with my cat before I decided to post this.

Now that I am done spending time with my cat and blogging, I’ll be going to the hospital. I will post when I am back from the hospital as I think it is not going to be more than five or six hours if not sooner.

Thank you so much for reading my blog. No need to worry about me. You know I am going to be safe as after I am done with this post, I will be on my way to the hospital. Thank you so much, again for reading my blog. I hope you all have a good rest of your Sunday. Peace Out, World!!!

Seems Like A Sunday Of Struggles

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I am still struggling a great deal with self harm issues. I have done the safety plan, I planned with the crisis worker I talked to before my last post. Yes, I have done some art work as well as reading. Both helped to a degree however, I still feel like self harming. I could call the crisis worker back however I came up with a better idea.

The better idea’s I came up with is to first go to the art store to pick up some art supplies. Art supplies that include canvas, paint, paint brushes and even coloring books as well as colored pencils.

After I plan on going to the art  store, I plan on going to a near by book store. Of course I’ll buy a couple of books and look for coloring books as well. The book I am currently reading will most likely be finished in a day or two so I will need a new book or two to read. Plus, getting coloring books from both the book and art stores will be helpful for me.

Blogging appears to be helping me through this minor crisis I am currently in. Blogging is one of my coping skills and has proven quite helpful for me.

Now that I have discussed how blogging helps me, I am going to go to both the art and book stores. I hope I find what I need and/or want.

Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I hope everyone has a great rest of their Sunday. Peace Out, World!!!