Tag Archives: Recovered Borderline

Mental Health Awareness Week; Day 2: Knowing My Limitations

Posted on by Gertie

It’s day two of Mental Health Awareness Week. Again, I am not going to do what I had planned. The reason being is that I need to know my limits as well as my limitations I have had it up to my eye balls with different things in my life and know that I would not be able to convey on what I want to convey about mental illness.

Part of the reason why I have had it up to my eye balls is because one; I am hungry, two; I am tired as hell and three; its just been one of the days for me. Knowing this about myself has been a work in progress. If it wasn’t for the many years of therapy I would have just overextended myself and gone ahead and try to convey on the information I want to educate you on. I am in a good place in my life at the moment and am fully aware that if I overextend myself that the symptoms of my mental illness could rear there ugly head. Having the symptoms of my mental illness rear their ugly head would not only not be beneficial to you the reader and/or follower with me trying to educate you but would not be beneficial to me. I really hope that it doesn’t sound like I am being selfish because I am not trying to sound that way. I am just trying to keep myself well so I can be in a good and positive mind set when I go to work tomorrow. If I don’t take care of myself then I cant be there for you the reader and/or follower as well as be there for the clients at my new job as well as the callers on the Warm Line.

Again, I profusely apologize for not be able to inform you on what I was planning informing you on today. I honestly hope that I will be able to blog on what I was wanting to blog tonight tomorrow. Please find in your hearts to forgive me for needing a mental health day from blogging. Thanks for reading and Peace Out!!!

Mental Health Awareness Week; Day 1

Posted on by Gertie

It’s the first day of Mental Health Awareness Week. As I was preparing for this week I realized one major thing. I realized that part of what I wanted to do was give you what the criteria of what the diagnoses are and if I did that then I would be infringing on the copy write law of the DSM 5. So, I decided that I’m not going to put up the criteria for any diagnosis because I don’t want to break any laws. I do have other ways that I will try to educate you all on any diagnosis I discuss.

I plan on discussing the particular diagnoses that I am diagnosed with as well as the one I no longer meet the criteria for. I also plan on continuing the discussion of various types of diagnoses after Mental Health Awareness Week is over. In discussing any diagnosis I hope that I am able to convey what I want to say as well as how I have dealt with the symptoms of a particular diagnosis. If it’s a diagnosis I do not have then I hope to be able to convey on how other have dealt with the particular diagnosis. Being able to convey what I desire to convey in regards mental illness is a pretty huge task for me. I desire to educate people who don’t struggle with mental illness because I hope with education it can stomp out the stigma of mental illness.

Stomping out the stigma of mental illness is a major goal of mine. I know reality is that it wont happen in my lifetime however if I can just be one part of the factor to start the process of stomping out the stigma of mental illness then I have don’t my job. Their are many of us out there in the world trying to stop the stigma of mental illness and we will not stop till it is completely eliminated.

I think I have said enough about what I hope to convey and will continue this discussion tomorrow. I hope that you will continue to read my blog as I continue on my journey with my struggle with mental illness as well as the journey of educating other on mental illness. Peace Out!!!!

Preparing For Mental Health Awarness Week

Posted on by Gertie

Good evening, everyone!!! This Monday (October 6, 2014) is the start of Mental Health Awareness Week.  I am getting prepared for Mental Health Awareness week in many area’s of my life (work, volunteer job, blogging, Facebook groups and personal life which includes friends and family). One way I am preparing for Mental Health Awareness Week in regards to my blog is getting information I want to inform you with in regards to mental health diagnosis. If you been reading or following my blog for a while you know that I’ve been wanting to do this for a while now as well as me starting with the diagnoses I’m diagnosed with or no longer meet the criteria for. I figure that since Mental Health Awareness Week is next week that I will start the educational part of my blog. I started this blog at the end of May of this year (2014) in response to May being Mental Health Awareness Month. I am hoping that having my blog being a little more “educational” that it will bring in more reader and/or followers. In all honesty the reason why I want more followers and/or readers is because I want to stomp out stigma the of mental illness.

The stigma of mental illness is the reason why many don’t seek help. When people do seek out help for there mental illness then there is the stigma from the  insurance companies. Seriously, many insurance companies and employers don’t want to pay for therapy and meds. A friend of mine (who also happened to be a co-worker of mine at my last employer) cant get more that six hours of therapy a year for his mental illness. That’s a half an hour of therapy a month. In my opinion therapy would be a whole a lot cheaper than paying for someone to be in a psych ward for a month and half. Stigma from the work place, insurance companies, media, and society as a whole plays a major role in people getting help even when we want and seek out help.  Stigma is the reason why I started this blog. I want to stomp out the stigma of mental illness.

Those of mental illness deal with stigma everyday and its something we should NOT have to deal with. The reason being is its just plain ole difficult to deal with it and if you add the symptoms of the mental illness that one may struggle with just makes it that much more difficult. In my opinion those who show the most judgment and/or stigma toward people with mental illness wouldn’t even last a full 24 hours dealing with just the symptoms of any given mental health diagnosis let alone the stigma that goes along with it. Sorry, I got on my soap box in regards to mental health and stigma.

Realizing that I am on my soap box also made me realize that I am hungry and that it is dinner time. I am going to go eat some dinner. I hope to blog again tomorrow. Have good weekend everybody. Peace out!!!!

Why I Dread October

Posted on by Gertie

I could have not have said it any better. I as a woman take breast cancer seriously however, I as a person who struggles with a mental illness takes mental illness and advocacy just as seriously if not more seriously.

embracinglife42910's avatarEmbracing life: 4/29/10

Disclaimer: This is not a bashing on those whom have experienced breast cancer or lost a loved one to breast cancer. My prayers and thoughts go out to those impacted. Breast cancer is real and touches a number of lives. However, if you will read this post, you will see it does not touch near as many lives as mental illness yet gets so much more attention.

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Well, it’s started…the onslaught of pink. Pink ribbon work gloves for men. A number of pink ribbon items for sale at my workplace. Pink ribbon items in EVERY mainline store you enter. Profile pictures gone pink left and right. Pink is on the football fields of all levels. The only way to NOT see pink ribbons all month (and all year) is to crawl under the blankets and never come out. All of this is done in the name of Breast Cancer Awareness…

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The Boys Of Summer

Posted on by Gertie

Baseball season is coming to an end. Well, let me clarify the regular season of baseball is coming to an end. To me baseball season coming to an end means the end of summer. Yes, I do realize that Summer has “officially” been over with for a few days now but it still makes me sad. It makes me sad because I love summer and I love baseball.

With the regular season of baseball season coming to an end that means that the playoffs are just around the corner. I already know that my favorite team the Angels are going to the playoffs because they have clinched a play off spot. In fact the Angels have the best record in all of baseball. I am proud of my Angels because they worked there asses off to have the best record in all baseball.

Even though I am proud of the Angels for having the best record in all of baseball, I am disappointed that they lost to the Mariners both tonight and last night. I know I shouldn’t be disappointed in the Angels because they due have the best record of all baseball but I am. My boyfriend is thrilled that the Angels lost to the Mariners because he is a Mariner fan.

The reason why my boyfriend is happy that the Mariners won tonight is because it mean that they (the Mariners) still have a chance of going to the playoffs. To be honest with you I have mixed feelings about the Mariners going to the playoffs. I have mixed feelings because that means that my team will have to loose tomorrow for Mariners to have chance to go to the playoff. As much as I want the Angels to go to the World Series and win it; I think it would be nice for the Mariners to go to the World Series because they are one of two teams that have never been. (Side Note: The other team that has never been to the World Series is the Washington Nationals. Even when the Nationals were the Montreal Expos they never went to the World Series.)

As much as I would love the Angels and the Dodgers to meet up in the World Series, I do have to say it would be kind of cool if the two teams (Seattle Mariners and Washington Nationals) who have never been to the World Series to meet up in the World series. The Angels already have a World Series ring and it would be cool if they could get another one but it would be nice to have a team get one that has never been to the World Series. I do have to say it doesn’t matter how good your record is when you make the playoffs because you never know how far you will make in the playoffs.

I think I have talked enough about baseball for one day. In fact I can talk about baseball all day and just need to shut-up about it at the moment. I need to get going because it’s getting late and I am getting tired. I am going to call it a night. Have goodnight and don’t let the bed bugs bite. Peace out!!!

Figuring Out How To Succeed At Blogging

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Friday!!!! Apparently, I’m not reaching as many people as I hoped I would be. I only have 15 followers and don’t get many views. I am just getting frustrated with myself because I am not blogging as regularly as I was wanting to as well as not doing much educating when it comes to mental illness. I was hoping that I would educate people on particular mental health diagnoses but it appears that something is getting in my way in doing that. That something is me. I’m the one that is hindering the progression of this blog. On the positive side, I know that through my blog that I am showing others that recovery is possible (or at least I think I am).

My thinking was (and still is) when I started this blog was to show others that recovery is possible and that their is hope. I know that my blog is succeeding to a point when it comes to showing others that recovery is possible but it’s not succeeding in other ways. Its not succeeding in the number of followers or views I have or get and I think the reason being is the reason I stated earlier in this blog and that is the education part of it. I am hoping that once things start settling down with the new job as well as the new volunteer job that I will be able to start the education part of this blog. It is my hope that I will educate on the diagnosis’s that I have as well the ones I no longer meet the criteria for. I then hope to do some education on the diagnoses that family members and close friends struggle with and then go on from there.

Now that you heard enough about how my blog is not succeeding let get on to other subjects. I will start with my boyfriend. When he got off from work this morning I had made him breakfast. I made him pancakes, bacon and scrambled eggs. According to my boyfriend I burned the bacon. He pretty much likes eating bacon raw or at least almost raw. He likes all the fat on it. I do have to say that the fat on the bacon is what makes bacon taste good. After eating breakfast and doing dishes we had some intimate moments. Intimacy is something I personally struggle with because of some severe trauma I experienced as a child and even some trauma I experienced as an adult. With that being said my boyfriend makes me feel safe especially during intimate moments. He is gentle with me and extremely loving.

Speaking of loving, I am loving my new job. Yes, I know a loving partner is completely different than loving your job. I not only love my job, I enjoy it as well. My job gives me great joy even though its not the position I desire. In regards to it not being the position I desire its a foot in the door as well as moving up opportunities.

Since we are on the topic of opportunities, my volunteer job at the Warm Line gives me training opportunities as well as possible career advancement at my current employer and possibly at the Crisis Line where the Warm Line is run out of. Yes, I know what I just said sounds a little selfish but if what I do employment wise as well as volunteering gives me a purpose in life then so be it. I’m improving with being a call taker on the Warm Line and am no longer a deer in head lights. I am finally getting in the grove of things as a call taker.

I so want to share more with you right now but I realize I am hungry and need to figure out what I want to cook for dinner. I’m hoping that my boyfriend will give me some idea’s. Actually, I am hoping that he will do the cooking tonight.  Well, have a good Friday evening everyone. I hope everyone enjoys there weekend and has some fun. Peace out.

Difficult Day At Work

Posted on by Gertie

Well, its Tuesday evening and I’m in my third week of my new job. Today has been the most difficult day yet. The reason being is because we as in my co-workers, boss and I had to call the County Designated Mental Health Professionals (CDMHPs) on three of the residents that live in the housing project we work in. One did not get detained (or hospitalized) while the other two did get detained (hospitalized). Being detained means they were involuntarily hospitalized because of the severity of their mental health symptoms. In 72 hours (not counting weekends or holidays) the clients will go to mental health court see if they will be held for another 14 days or released. Unfortunately, there is a possibility of me having to go to mental health court on Friday. I don’t work Fridays but I was told if I have to go to court I get paid for it. I guess is the down side of working in the mental health field.

I really do like my current job. It so beats working at a grocery store for ten cents above state minimum wage and that was after being there 9 1/2 years. In my current employment I earn two dollars above the state minimum wage. I am glad I made the job change.

I should get going because my boyfriend says dinner is ready. I’m hungry so I’m going to go eat the meal my boyfriend made me. Have good Tuesday evening everyone. Peace Out!!!!

There Are No Cats In America

Posted on by Gertie

It’s Friday night and I am watching one of my favorite childhood movies, An American Tale. Watching this movie brings back a lot of happy memories for me. For people who dealt with horrific childhood trauma having a happy memory is a good thing. That’s why I titled this blog There Are No Cats In America. See one of the songs in An American Tail is titled There Are Cats In America and it so happens it’s my favorite song in the movie. I do have to say another song that I like from this movie is Somewhere Out There. In fact that song brings tears to my eyes. I really enjoy watching movies.

I’m looking at the time and in 1 minute it will officially be Saturday. Besides watching movies this weekend, I will be reading. I will be reading A Tale of Two Cities as well as a bunch of Wonder Woman comic books. I plan on having a nice relaxing weekend. I love reading and watching movies.

Well, Its officially, Saturday, and unfortunately I wont be spending most of today with my boyfriend. The reason being is that he is a Firefighter and his shifts are 24 hours. His shift starts at 7:30 am (pacific time) and ends at 7:30 am (pacific time) the next morning.  He leaves at 7am this morning (Saturday) that means he wont be back till 8 am (pacific time) Sunday morning. With him not being home that means I will be able to do a lot of reading like I mentioned earlier.

I am happy with my life. I am happy that I am with a partner that treats me right. I’m happy that he is established in his career as firefighter. I’m even more happier that I am in career that gives me meaning in my life. I really enjoy working as Consumer Aide in a mental health agency. Granted its not the exact position I would like but its a foot in the door. I love the fact that I am in the mental health field and that I can show others on what recovery from mental illness looks like. I’m happy that my boyfriend and I are in careers that we love and were meant to be in. I am beyond happy that my life is finally coming together even through the struggles of everyday life as well as the struggles with symptoms that like to pop up from time to time.

I should get going and finish watching An American Tail. Well have a good Friday night /Saturday Morning everyone. Don’t let the bed bugs bite. Good night and Peace Out!!!!!!!

Ramblings About New Job & Other Stuff

Posted on by Gertie

It’s Tuesday and that means I worked today. Today, I did my shelter orientation. My boss tried to get me out of most of it due to me being a volunteer at the shelter however he couldn’t because its a requirement. He knew I had to be there for some of it but tried to out of the stuff I already knew. I am glad I did the entire orientation today. I saw a great deal of the clients that I miss dearly. When we had to do the coffee counter I dove right in because that’s what I mainly did when I was a volunteer. I also dove right in when I did the lobby office however I got to do employee stuff as well. Unfortunately, a fight broke out between two female clients and I was one of two orienteer’s that were allowed to step in. The only reason why I was allowed to step in was because I was familiar with both clients due to my volunteer work at the shelter. The other orienteer who was allowed to step in was allowed to due to her job title. She is basically on the crisis team. Thankfully, no one got hurt but the aggressor got barred till next Tuesday when the next Bar Review Committee (BRC) happens. Everyone involved had to write a log about it. It was my first time having to write a log and it was a log I really didn’t want to write.   I am really enjoying my job. I am feeling more confident with my new job.

I wish I was as confident with my new volunteer job at the Warm Line as I do with my new job. I’m like a deer in headlights. I don’t know if I have what it takes to be a call taker on the Warm Line. Yes, I know I’ve only had two shifts on the Warm Line but I’m not very good at it. My first night I only took one call and I panicked. My second shift I took three calls. One I didn’t do very well on and the other two I did okay on but need improvement. I’m hoping I do a better job tomorrow evening. The mentor on duty tomorrow is extremely humorous and tells me like it is. I’m happy with that. I really want to do a great job tomorrow. In fact I want to be able to impress mentor however I’m not there to impress him, I’m there to help the callers. My boyfriend told me to not worry about it and that I will get in the grove of things.

Speaking of my boyfriend, when I got home (to his place) he had dinner made for me. He made me enchiladas. I love enchiladas. Its one of my favorite meals. In fact my boyfriend made the tortilla’s for scratch. My boyfriend is an awesome cook. I enjoy cooking however he enjoys it more than I do so I let him cook. His cooking is almost as good as my grandma’s cooking.

I’m getting a little tired and have to get up early to go to appointments and wont be home till late due to my volunteer job at the Warm Line. I’m going to call it a night. Have a goodnight everyone and don’t let the bed bugs bite. Peace Out!!!

Just A Blog About The New Job

Posted on by Gertie

It’s an absolutely beautiful Sunday evening in my neck of the woods. So beautiful that my boyfriend and I are going to have dinner outside. We are going to have a grilled chicken salad. Of course the chicken is going to be grilled and the barbeque. I hope we have leftovers so I can take some to work tomorrow.

Speaking of work, I have to remember to take a few things with me tomorrow. A major part of my job is sitting in a little pod like office to let people in the building and that gets boring. I have to remember to take some things to read. I think I’m going to take the book “A Tale of Two Cities” because I haven’t finished reading it yet. The reason why I haven’t finished reading it is that I’ve been busy with life and trying to get a new job. Well, I have that new job and that new job will allow me to read on the job when I am on door duty. I am also going to take a Wonder Woman graphic novel with me. Its one that I have read already but I love Wonder Woman and enjoy rereading any Wonder Woman comic or graphic novel. I am debating weather or not to take some cross-stitching with me to work. I am almost finished with my current cross-stitching project. I really do think I will enjoy my new job wants I get adjusted to what I need to be doing. Plus, I have two more orientations I need to do and fortunately they are both this week. I also have to go to two trainings but the trainings I have to do are not being offered this month so I have to do them next month or whenever they offer them. The trainings I have to do are in Crisis Intervention and CPR. I have to do both every year even if my CPR card is not expired. I know that my new job isn’t the position I want but at least it’s in the field I desire and a foot in the door. Due to agency and union policy I have to be in my current position before be consider an “in-house” applicant. That’s fine with me because I want to be in my position for at least 6 months if not longer because it looks good on the resume’.

Well, I need to get going because my boyfriend said dinner is done and well I am extremely hungry. I hope to blog again sometime in the next few days. Have a wonderful Sunday evening. Peace out!!!!