Tag Archives: PTSD

Experiences Have A Beginning & An End

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I’m feeling slightly calmer than I was an hour or two of ago. That is because I used the Calm app and did a few pages in my mindfulness workbook. It appears that todays topic in both avenues of my mindfulness was experiences have a beginning and an end. Mainly talking about letting go of emotions. Both the app and the workbook was discussing on how to let go of emotions and they don’t last forever. Even the good emotions.

This is helping me come to terms with both the negative and positive emotions that a coming up for me in my life. Such as my grandma being in hospice and me having job interviews. I’m hoping that with continued mindfulness and meditation practice that I will just be able to let go of emotions or at least be accepting of them.

Thank you for reading. Have a wonderful evening and Peace Out World!!!

Another Early Awaking W/Something To Do

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Friday, World!!! I didn’t sleep all that well last night. I woke up from a nightmare as well as feeling slightly more depressed. A depression I’m not too worried about because I realize its there and I see my therapist Gilbert today.

Since, I’ve been awake and up since three o’clock this morning with only three hours of sleep I decided to do some reading. I, of course love the book I am reading and grateful that its a trilogy. I love book series.

Another thing I did was to go through my memory card from my camera to start the photography one course WordPress offers for free. I have found some fond memories and some weird photos wonder why I took them. I’m glad I did this as helped my PTSD a little bit.

Thank you for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a good Friday. Happy Friday and Peace Out, World!!!

 

Therapy & Job Opportunities

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Today, I had therapy with Gilbert. We discussed how I have been improving with my mental health. He agrees that things are going well and that he see’s that I’ve been working like hell to get back to my baseline. We also discussed how we both think that it would be wise for me to go back to work.

Which leads me to my next topic of job opportunities. I applied to multiple jobs and had an interview yesterday and have three next week. I’m looking forward to the interviews next week. One is at my previous employer and will be interviewing for two jobs at the same time. The other job interview is going to be at an agency that is pro peer. Which is really good.

Thank you for reading my blog. Have a great evening everyone. Peace Out, World!!

Waking Up Depressed

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I woke up depressed this morning. Waking up depressed just has me being acutely aware of what I need to do to be actively acting in my recovery.

Knowing that waking up depressed can put me in a tailspin, I have to be aware on what I need to do to not end up in a tailspin. So I started with my usual morning routine by having some tea and reading the news paper. I then made myself some breakfast. I made myself some French toast and scrambled eggs. I enjoyed my breakfast.

After enjoying my breakfast I decided to do some art. I mainly colored and collaging. Coloring helps me a great deal. As mention I did some collaging. I ended collaging three poems. I love when I am able to be creative like that.

Collaging reminded me that reading helps as well. So I read a few chapters in my book. I really am enjoying the book. A book that has helped me get out of my head.

Speaking of get out, I need to get going. I have to get ready as I have therapy today. Have a great day everyone. Peace Out, World!!!

Poetry; Day Six: Screens

Posted on by Gertie

Untitled Poem

by Gertie

At first its like a movie. A movie that wont stop.

A movie that cant be put on pause.

A movie that makes you feel like you a re-experiencing what’s in the movie.

A re-experience nobody wants to deal with to begin with.

 

Not A So Good Night

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I’m not having the best of nights. Nightmares are not my idea of a fun way to wake up any time. Dealing with trauma is not an easy thing for anyone to deal with especially the after effects of the initial trauma. Dealing with trauma is something a person will deal with the rest of their lives.

For me right now, dealing with my PTSD symptoms, I’ve been reading. Reading a great deal. Specifically, I am reading Ship of Magic by Robin Hobb. I think if it wasn’t for reading I would be stuck in my head dealing with the undesired events of my past.

As much as reading helps I really need to have a way to process. That’s where blogging comes in. So thank you for allowing me to process even though its so vague.

I think I’m going to go and read. Thank you for reading my blog in the middle of the night. It’s appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!

A Tough Morning Turning Into A Relaxing One

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I woke up this morning with an increase in my Depression and PTSD. When I realized this I realized what I needed to do. I needed to start my morning routine instead of just laying around.

So, I made some tea, read the news paper, had a bowl of cereal and took my meds. As always the news paper had nothing but bad news in it. I would like to be able to read some positive or heartwarming stories more often. I know of course I’m not the only one who feels like this.

After my morning routine I decided to read some comic books. Specifically, I read Wonder Woman comic books. I spent about an hour reading about a dozen Wonder Woman comic books. I’ve been collecting Wonder Woman comics since I was about six years old.

After reading Wonder Woman comics I decided to read Ship of Magic by Robin Hobb. I am really enjoying this book. When I am finished with this book I am looking forward to reading the second book in the series. Below is yet another picture of the book I am reading with two of my stuffed animals.

IMG_0247Well I think I’m going to get going and get back to reading. Have a great day everyone and Peace Out, World!!!

Poetry; Day Two: Faces

Posted on by Gertie

Monster’s Eyes Within The Face

by Gertie

Face’s amongst us.

Look at their face and you can not tell.

Look into their eyes.

Look deep into their eyes and you can tell there is a monster within them.

A monster that may have hurt me but helped me.

Helped me by making me stronger despite them trying to make me weak.

 

Holding On To Hope Like My Life Depends On It

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I’m sitting here at my laptop realizing that due to the lack of structure I’ve had today is making the symptoms of my depression increase. Even though its ever so slightly. Depression sucks shit yet I’m still holding on to the hope that I finally got back. Holding on to it like my life depends on it because it does.

Something that helps me with hope is music. So most of today, I’ve been listening music. If I wasn’t listening to it, I was playing my flute or harmonica. For some reason I needed to depend on music to help me through.

Listening to music helped get into a creative mindset to where I did some art. I did some collaging and coloring. I also did some painting. It appears with all the collaging, coloring and painting I’ve been doing I can create my own art gallery in my apartment. The picture below is the most recent painting I did today.

IMG_0217

After doing some art I read Ship of Magic by Robin Hobb. If you’re a Science Fiction or Fantasy genre fan I truly believe you will like this book. Its the first book in The Liveships Trader’s Trilogy. I read several chapters today and needed to take a break from it for a few moments.

Those few moments of breaking from reading turned in a couple of hours. A couple of hours updating my resume’ and cover letter so I could apply for jobs. I did in fact apply for jobs. I even got a response back today to have a phone interview on Tuesday. Its hard to believe I have an interview for Tuesday.

After updating my cover letter and resume’ I realized I wanted to look at some educational opportunities. So, I emailed and called a few folks about the educational opportunities and still waiting to hear back.

Thank you for reading. I hope everyone has a good rest of their day. Peace Out, World.

 

Slightly Struggling in Seattle

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I am struggling at the moment. I’m struggling with self harm urges. I WILL NOT ACT ON MY URGES TO SELF HARM!!! (I AM NOT SUICIDAL!!!) I am struggling because of my Depression and PTSD symptoms. Symptoms I talked to Gilbert about in my session with him today. I’m starting to trust him which is a major deal since he identifies as male. I usually have trouble trusting men especially in the therapeutic relationship.

Gilbert and myself came up with a safety plan. One of the items on the safety plan is blogging. Blogging is quite helpful for me. It helps me get out of my own head.

Gets me out of my head enough to focus on art work. I’m going be focusing on coloring today since I got a new coloring book today. I also have colored pencils I haven’t used yet due to waiting for this coloring book.

Coloring helps me focus to where I will be able to read. I’ll most likely  be reading Ship of Magic by Robin Hobb. I’m really loving the book. If you are a Sci Fi and/or Fantasy genre fan I highly recommend it.

Now that I’ve told you my safety plan, I’m going to go and eat. I want to reassure you that; I’M NOT SUICIDAL & WON’T ACT ON MY URGES TO SELF HARM. I hope everyone has a good evening and good week. Peace Out, World.