Tag Archives: DBT

Middle of the Night Struggles

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is one seventeen in the morning here in Seattle and I am struggling. I am struggling with the lack of sleep. The lack of sleep is due to insomnia and PTSD. The lack of sleep is also causing me to struggle more with my PTSD and some increased depression symptoms. Both the depression and PTSD is causing some anxiety and anger. Neither emotion is an emotion I like to deal with. Hell, I try my best to avoid both emotions.

On the note of emotions, I have been using the coping skills in the Emotional Regulation module of Dialectal Behavioral Therapy (DBT). These skills are very helpful for me especially right now. In fact, all the DBT skill in all four modules are helpful for me. As I do my DBT skills I remember that when I made an active choice to be in active mental health recovery it was when I decided to be in an intensive outpatient DBT program and that gives me hope that things will get better, and this too will pass.

I do not have anything else to discuss or share or to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Daily Prompt; Describe One Positive Change You Have Made In Your Life?

Posted on by Gertie
Daily writing prompt
Describe one positive change you have made in your life.
View all responses

A positive change I made in my life was when I went I decided to go into a two outpatient Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) program. I went into this program because I needed some help learning new skills to help with my emotional and verbal outburst as well as my self harming behavior and multiple suicide attempts. At first I was extremely wary of it however I am beyond grateful that I went through this DBT program and graduated from it. This was the second major adult decision I made for myself and my recovery. The first major adult decision I made was when I went to Mercy Ministries (now Mercy Multiplied) like I described in yesterday’s Daily Prompt post. Going into the DBT program was one of the most important decisions I made in my life and I am grateful for it as it helped me make bettered decisions in my life.

Mixtures of Emotions of Not Going to Work Today

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World from Seattle!!! Right now I am having some mixed emotions about not going to work today as I don’t start work till 12:00noon on Mondays and it is 2:22pm in the afternoon. I didn’t go to work due to vomiting most of last night which is most likely due to food poisoning. Not only my depression and PTSD is severely acting up. Going to work when my mental health challenges are acting up seems to help when I am at work as I am not focusing on my own shit. I love my job and love helping the clients I serve as well as helping out my colleagues.

To catch you up from my last blog post, I ended up doing a mindfulness meditation with the Calm App with my cat Billie, on my lap purring. I think he gets as much of the Calm App as I do. I am grateful that Billie, my cat joins me with my mindfulness meditation with the Calm App a good eighty percent of the time. In fact even when I don’t do the Calm App, I still am able to do mindfulness meditation with Billie my cat when he lays on my lap and purrs. It’s amazing how both the Calm App and my cat, Billie help me with my mindfulness meditation practices.

After doing mindfulness meditation practices, I ended up going back to sleep since I woke up pretty early and vomited most of the night. I must have needed the sleep as I think I still need the sleep because I am still tired as hell. I think the lack of sleep was a combination of vomiting most of the night as well as insomnia and PTSD symptoms related to the most recent trauma I experienced as well as other past traumas I experienced in the past as child and young adult.

So, enough about other boring crap and back to more boring shit. When I woke up from a nap, I decided to make sure I ate some lunch. As I tend to not eat due to trauma related shit as well as being depressed. I really think the PTSD and trauma is what is causing the depression symptoms which highly sucks shit. After eating, I took a shower which helped me feel slightly better but not better enough to feel like going to work would be helpful for me, my clients or my colleagues.

As much as I wish I felt well enough to go to work as it could be helpful but I am partially happy that I didn’t go. My plan for today is to do some arts and crafts while listening to music. One of the art projects I plan on doing is coloring and of course while listening to music. Another art project I will attempt to do is Diamond Art while listening to music. I am also planning on doing craft projects that include Latch Hook and Cross Stitch. Of course music will be playing in the background.

In fact everything, I am doing today is a part of my DBT Skills. DBT skills help me a great deal when I don’t sleep well as well as when my PTSD, Trauma issues and Depression happens to be acting up. I would be lying if I told you that I wasn’t struggling with self harm because I am. That is why I am planning on doing everything I mention in this particular blog post but will not self harm.

I don’t have much more to discuss in this particular blog post except that spending time with my cat Billie, doing mindfulness meditation practices and being creative will be quite helpful for me. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

A Bundle of Emotions

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! Right now I am dealing with many various emotions. Some emotions I wish I didn’t have to deal with however I know if I don’t sit with them and radically accept them as they are things tend to get worse for me. On that note, my mental health team and doctor think that I am doing “okay” mental health wise considering what I went through two weeks ago even though I feel like I am going backwards with my mental health. It has been brought to my attention by a friend that I am having “unrealistic expectations” of myself and where I feel like I should be regarding my recovery after being hurt like I was and my mental health agrees. Hell, I agree because I wouldn’t expect my friend or my clients to be in a good place after being assaulted.

I am currently excited and anxious about going back to work this Sunday (August 20th). I am excited because I love my job and the people I work with as well as love the people I am able to serve. I am also excited to go back to work because I feel like the structure of work will help me get back to some form of normalcy of my life. Plus, structure tends to be something I need and crave due to my mental health disability as well as other disabilities such as ADHD. I am anxious to go back to work because I feel like I am going to be in trouble and that my supervisors will be more focused on how I am doing emotionally versus how I am doing the job. I know that my supervisors are super supportive however I am extremely self-conscious.

Being hurt like I was, it has brought up a lot of past traumas I have experienced in my life. It feels like I am experiencing most of the traumas all over again. I realize this is completely normal but I feel like I am abnormal. My therapist’s direct supervisor told me last Friday that “feelings are not facts.” Kind of hard to argue with that fact. Having C-PTSD sucks shit but at least I know what to do to help myself. One thing is to read as it helps me get out of my head and focus on something that doesn’t cause emotional pain. Another thing that helps in listening to music as I color. Also doing a mindfulness meditation is quite helpful. Something else that is helping is making sure I eat regularly as well as drinking plenty of water. Drinking plenty of water right now is key as the weather here in Seattle is hot and experiencing a heat wave. Of course my cat, Billie is quite helpful.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottome of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration, Day 2; Write a List

Posted on by Gertie

What I’ve Learned

  • I’ve learned to play the flute.
  • I’ve learned the basics of playing the harmonica.
  • I’ve learned that the Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) skill help me when life is unmanageable or just a little stressful.
  • I’ve learned to laugh at myself and that humor goes a long way.
  • I’ve (re)learned several times over that cats are always forgiving and full of unconditional love.
  • I’ve learned from my cat how to be a better human and how to have more patience with humans.
  • I’ve learned that my artwork doesn’t have to be perfect for others to enjoy it.
  • I’ve learned from my cat how to love myself.

Struggling & Making an Effort to Feel Better Emotionally

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I’ve been struggling with PTSD and Depression the last couple of weeks. Partly because I lost my new job and mainly due to some traumatic events in my life that don’t count losing a job. I’ve been applying for new jobs because I need the money to pay the bills even though I know of resources I can go to to help.

I’ve been applying to jobs in fast food even thought I don’t want to work fast food or retail but I need the money to pay the bills. I would rather work as a peer specialist or in the human service feild but right now a job is job and I can’t be too picky right so I can pay bills.

Things that I plan on doing are DBT skills and new hobbies like Latch hooking or attempting to teach myself. I also plan on doing some art by coloring and reading some books. And of course reading some books. I also have a twenty minute check in via phone with my therapist later today. Last but not least doing art work with coloring and spending time with my cat Billie.

I don’t have much more to say. I do want to thank you for reading my blog and hope I’m not boring anyone of you. If it wasn’t for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. So thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Check In

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Caturday, World!!! It is Saturday aka Caturday which is when I usually do my weekly check ins. I personally feel like I haven’t bed doing the weekly check ins on the regular basis and I have plenty of legit excuses I can use but not going to use them as I know what I can do to overcome the struggles of doing the weekly check ins.

It has been a challenging few weeks or a I should say a challenging month and a half at work. I love my job with a passion and really hope the county can find a way to to keep us open. There is a very small glimmer of hope it can stay open but the reality is, it most likely will close.

Something that helped me this week was taking yesterday (Friday) off from work and go to my grandpa’s after work on Thursday to spend a couple of days with him and my two uncles. Of course my cat Billie Dean came with me. He enjoyed the extra attention but everyone knows that I am his human.

As far as my own recovery and knowing, I will be laid off but no official lay off date as of yet, I’ve been using my DBT skills. Specifically, the Radical Acceptance skill. Not an easy skill to do but it is helping me a great deal.

On the plus note, it is finally baseball season. I am hoping to make it to a came this season. Preferably one where the Angels are in Seattle. I love my home town team of the Angels. I really hope they do well this season.

I don’t have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my post. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World

Taking the First Two Hours Off of Work

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, once again, World!!! This should be a relatively short post. I am taking my first two hours of my work shift off due to the reasons why I need some extra sleep. I am a little pissed that I have to do this but I need the sleep yet I need to do much needed notes but at least I have time to do notes this afternoon. I just want to make sure I see my clients. They are the important part of my job. The supervisors all contacted be back “thanking” me for being so “on top of things.” I’m only doing my job. I just want to make sure I am present with my clients and not a cranky bucket.

I wish my neighbors would realize that their actions affect everyone in the apartment building. Some of us do have jobs and most of have us have a mental health issue and or addiction issue. It is something I am going to have to radically accept from DBT. Thankfully my cat has been helpful with emotional ups and downs or the morning.

I don’t have much more to say except thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I hope you have a great Wednesday ahead of you. Peace Out World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 2: Write a List

Posted on by Gertie

Things I’ve Learned

  • I learned coping skills to deal with the symptoms of my mental health diagnoses
  • I learned Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) skill which helped save my life
  • I learned the meaning of recovery and how to be in recovery with the help of others
  • I learned how to be resilient
  • I learned how to hope for better things in my life
  • I learned how to play the flute
  • I am learning to play the harmonica
  • I am learning about philosophy by listening to a podcast about philosophy

Everyday Inspiration; Day 2: Write a List

Posted on by Gertie

Things I’ve Learned

  • I’ve learned the beauty of recovery
  • I’ve learned the value of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) skills
  • I’ve learned it’s nots the other person responsibility on how I react to their behavior
  • I’ve learned the value of having a cat being around the home
  • I’ve learned the value of friends
  • I’ve learned to enjoy each moment I have with family
  • I’ve learned that it is okay to see a therapist
  • I’ve learned that it is okay to ask for help when I need especially if it is regarding my mental health and my recovery