Tag Archives: Suicide Prevention

Tuesday Night Rambling

Posted on by Gertie

     Today was another beautiful day in the neighborhood. Before I go on about my ramblings I want to tell you about my celebration last night regarding 1,000 day of being out of an inpatient unit. Well it turned out that roughly 50 people showed. Some of the people that were there came as a shock to me because I didn’t realize that cared. It is nice to know so many people care about me and my recovery. The best part was that my own dad was there. It was nice that my dad is supports me in my recovery process.

     Something I did today in regards to recovery was start training for a peer run Warm Line. A Warm Line pretty much always run by Peers. When I say peers I mean people who are in recovery from a mental illness and/or co-occurring disorders. A Warm Line is designed to help others struggling with a mental illness and/or co-occurring disorder. The training for the Warm Line is 5 weeks long at 2 days a week and 4 hours each day. If you do the math that is 40 hours of training before you are a call taker on the Warm Line. I love being of service to people and if being of service to people means volunteering then I am more than happy to volunteer.

     I unfortunately am not going to be able to go to my volunteer job at the homeless shelter tomorrow because I have an interview with another program at the agency that runs the shelter. I don’t like missing my volunteer shifts at the shelter for any reason because I really enjoy volunteering in the shelter. At least missing the shift is for a good reason which is for the interview. My interview is 10 o’clock in the morning and it will last about two hours which why I am not going to make it to my volunteer shift. I wont make from my place and back in time because I would want to change and I take the bus. I really hope I get the job even if that means that I have to quit my volunteer job at the shelter. See I cant be a volunteer and a employee at the same agency even if its in a different program because of conflict of interest and L&I laws. Even though I will be sad to have to quit volunteering at the homeless shelter if I get the job, I really want the job. If I get the job then the volunteer job at the Warm Line couldn’t have come at a better time. I really want this job because its time for a career change for me. Wish me luck with the interview.

     Well, I should get going because I want to be well rested for my interview as well as being as prepared as possible tonight so I am not rushing tomorrow morning. I really don’t like feeling rushed. Its one of the worst feelings one can have.  Anyway, have a good night everyone. Enjoy the rest of you Tuesday night. Peace out!!

Everything From Hiking to Intimacy to Blogging & Other Such Things

Posted on by Gertie

     It’s still Saturday and it has been an amazing one at that. My boyfriend and I went hiking and had a picnic in the woods. It was romantic having a picnic in the forest. This wasn’t the first time we had a picnic in the woods. Being out in nature with the person you love tends to bring you closer together.

     Being closer to my boyfriend is always a good thing especially when it comes to intimacy (sex). When we got back to his place after hiking we became intimate. It feels so good to be able to trust someone enough be intimate with. See, when you have suffered severe childhood abuse and other traumas you tend to not trust people especially when it comes to intimacy. For me trusting my boyfriend with sex and intimacy is a major deal and he knows that. That is why when we are intimate with each other he is gentle and patient. He is amazing in bed. Yes, I do have his permission blog about intimate moments with you all.

     The reason why he is cool me sharing about the intimate moments is because he likes what I am trying to do with this blog. He likes the fact that I am not only trying to help people who struggle with mental illness and show them that recovery is possible and that hope is out there but to educate “normal” people (like him) about mental illness. In fact my boyfriend is one of the people who encouraged me start this blog. He is what I call a normie. A normie is a normal person.  A normal person is someone who doesn’t struggle with a mental illness or any other disability. My boyfriend really hopes that this blog reaches normies because he wants it to prove to them that people who struggle with a mental illness do live productive lives and are loveable. Yes, he says some moments are more difficult than other moments but he is more than willing to stick it out with me. All I want with this blog is to show people who struggle that there is hope and recovery is possible. I also want to educate those who don’t struggle with mental illness that we are like everyone else and that we live productive lives. Yes, everyone who has a mental illness has a different way to be productive but so does everyone else in this world.

     Speaking about being productive, this next few weeks are going to be quite productive. I go back to work this Monday after being on vacation for a week. This Wednesday (July 30th) I have a job interview. Then this Tuesday (July 29th)  start volunteer training for a peer run Warm Line. The training is twice a week; Tuesdays and Thursdays for five weeks. Each day of training is four hours. So eight hours of training each week for five weeks equals to 40 hours. I am looking forward to this training. For me being productive is going to work, volunteering and going to various training in regards to peer counseling and volunteering. Another way that I am being productive is by voting. I voted in the primary elections. I want to make sure that my voice is heard and one way for it to me heard is to vote.

      Being heard is a big thing for those who struggle with a mental illness. I want to be a voice for those who cant speak up for themselves. I hope that I am that voice on this blog. I am hoping that one day I can educate you all on the particular diagnoses that I struggle with or have struggled with. I want to make sure I have the correct information before I share it. For example what the DSM 5 says about the diagnosis as well as the definitions from the dictionary. My desire is to educate those who may not understand what it is like to deal with a mental illness.

     With all of that being said, I should end this blog for now. I kind of want to have more adult fun with my boyfriend. I hope everyone had a good Saturday like I have had. Peace out and enjoy the rest of your Saturday.

Being Proactive About My Future

Posted on by Gertie

     Happy Friday!!! I have enjoyed my vacation immensely. It was great to see my brother for his birthday. Hell, I had fun seeing my brother. I always have fun seeing my brother. I’ve also been having fun with my boyfriend. In fact my boyfriend and I went hiking today and we both had a blast. We both enjoy going out in nature. It was nice that both my boyfriend and I had our vacations together and spent in it with each other. My boyfriend goes back to work on Thursday and I go back on Monday.

     I may not like my job but I am looking forward to go back to work. I am looking forward to going back to work because at the end of the day (no matter how good or bad it was) I have a sense of accomplishment. That is a big deal for someone who deals with a mental illness. Working at a grocery store is not easy and it is a thankless job a good portion of the time. Another unfortunate part about working in a grocery is that your schedule changes every week. I just wish the schedule didn’t change week to week. I’ve been working in the grocery store business and at the same employer for 9 years now its it time for a change.

    In fact I hope that change comes soon. I have a job interview on Wednesday for the agency that runs the homeless shelter I volunteer at. I really hope I get the job. Its a set schedule. I would only have to work two days a week which would be 15 hours plus get paid at least $2 more an hour than I do now. If I do get the job I will be a little nervous about changing jobs because I have been at my current employer for 9 years. Another thing is that if I do get the job I will miss my co-workers and some of my customers. My co-workers have become like family. I really want this job. I am trying to not get my hopes up because I haven’t even had the interview yet. I know the job I have an interview for is only a Consumer Aide and not Peer Counselor position, its at least a step in the right direction to get a job as a peer counseling.

   Speaking of a step in the right direction I am going to be starting training to be a volunteer call taker at local peer run Warm Line. The training is four weeks long, two days each week and five hours each day which equals to 40hours. I am wanting to volunteer on the Warm Line for many reasons. The first and main reason is that I want to help others. The second reason is that it looks good on a résumé. The third reason is that if I do get the job as a Consumer Aide that means I have to quit my volunteer job at the homeless shelter. You cant be employed and a volunteer at the same agency due to the job description and legal reasons with liability. I can understand that. I have really wanting to volunteer for the Warm Line for quite some time now and haven’t felt ready to do till now.

    Another thing I got involved in this past week is that I became a volunteer advocate for American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). A field advocate for AFSP basically emails there senators and congressperson(s) to encourage them to support or not support bills regarding mental health as well be a resource for the politicians. I figure that I want to be involved with politics some how that this a good way to get involved plus it regarding another thing that I am passionate about which is mental health. I am still debating weather or not to put this on my résumé. I know it will look good on one but not sure how future employers would take to it since it involves politics. Its something to consider. In fact I sent my first emails to my congressman and both of my senators introducing myself. I hope I can be a good resource for them.

    Another good resource is NAMI. I am a little frustrated with them right now because the just cancelled the peer to peer class I was suppose to take. This is the second time they cancelled it and both time they cancelled it was because the lack of interest. I find that difficult to believe because I live in major metropolitan area. Actually, I live in a major city. Another reason why I am I am frustrated with NAMI is because I am still waiting to hear back about volunteer with them. I sent them a volunteer application a month ago. I don’t know how long I should wait on about becoming volunteering with them. I think when Monday comes around I will call them to see if they even got my volunteer application. I know that if I do eventually start volunteering for NAMI that I will put it on my résumé.

     Well, now that I bored you all with about being proactive about mental health I will end this particular blog entry. Plus I want some intimate time with my boyfriend. Well, have a good rest of you Friday everyone. Peace Out.

It’s Been An Interesting But Good Wednesday

Posted on by Gertie

     It’s been an interesting but good Wednesday. Today didn’t start out all the pleasant. I woke up with a nightmare. Waking up to nightmares sucks big time.

     Shortly after I woke up from a nightmare this morning I got a call from a childhood friend. My friend ended up calling me at 4:30 in the morning pacific time. She forgot that she is three hours ahead of me. That means it was 7:30 her time. Anyway it was good to talk to her. Its always good to reminisce. She updated me with her life as I updated her with my life.

     As I told you all yesterday, I applied for a position as Consumer Aide. Well, I got a call this morning asking if I could come in for an interview tomorrow. The thing is I got the call for the interview 23 hours after I sent the email. It’s extremely rare to get call back for an interview so soon much less get an interview 48 hours after sending in a résumé’ and cover letter. I am a little nervous about the job interview but I am confident that it will go well even if I don’t get the job. I know that a Consumer Aide isn’t exactly a Peer Specialist position but its a start in the right direction. Maybe it will help me eventually get a Peer Specialist job in the future. I just  hope that I am not getting my hopes set too high. I am just frustrated that I’m in a job that I don’t like and am eager to move on to another job. I really hope I get the job because I’ve been employed at the same employer for nine years now and it getting a little old and boring at times. The cool thing is that I already know what I am going to wear to my interview because I have an outfit that I wear to most of my interviews.

     Enough about my job interview. I volunteered today. I told the staff at the homeless shelter that I have an interview tomorrow and they wished me luck. If I get the job I will have to quit my volunteer job because the agency that runs the shelter  runs the transitional/supportive housing site I applied to. That’s okay because I believe in what the agency does. The staff are happy for me and the hope I get the job even though it means I will not be able to volunteer at the shelter. If I get the job I will miss the clients in the shelter but I know that I will get to know and enjoy the clients at the transitional housing site I might be employed at. Part of the reason why I got the interview is because I volunteer at the agency and have been employed at my current employer for nine years. I really enjoy working with the homeless population. I was able to talk with one of my favorite clients for about a half an hour today. I know we aren’t suppose to have favorites but its kind of difficult not to at times. I really enjoy volunteering at the homeless shelter.

     Speaking of volunteering, I start training for another volunteer job in about two weeks. Its for a local peer run Warm Line. I am looking forward to it. The training is two days week for four hours each day for about six weeks. They want to make sure we get the proper training if we are going to be taking calls for a peer run Warm Line. Talking with people who struggle with mental illness is not an easy thing especially if there is the potential that the caller might be suicidal.

    Anyway I need to get going. My boyfriend is barbequing for a goodbye party for one of my elderly neighbors who is moving in with one of her children in a different state. My boyfriend said he would be willing to come over and barbeque for the going away party. I need to help out before others start showing up to say goodbye the elderly neighbor.

    I hope to blog again tomorrow and tell you how my job interview went. I really hope I get the job. Like I said I hope to blog again tomorrow. Peace out and enjoy the rest of you Wednesday evening.

Love Is A Beautiful Thing

Posted on by Gertie

     Love is a beautiful thing. Today, I was the Best Woman (instead of the Best Man) in one of my closest friends wedding. She got married to her long time girlfriend. They are now Wife and Wife. My friend wore a white tux with a purple vest and bowtie while her now wife wore a white wedding dress. They were both beautiful. I was in a black tux with a purple comber bun and bowtie. Even though wearing black in 86 F degree weather is quite hot, its better than wearing a dress. I’m not a big dress fan. I’m a “tom boy.” Anyway it was a beautiful wedding. The reason why my friend and her now wife chose to get married today was because of the date, 7/7/14. They not only think its lucky but they are both math teachers. They chose today because 7+7=14 or if you look at it date wise 7/7/14. They said their I dos at 7:07pm and 14 seconds. I am so happy my friend was able to get married to the woman of her dreams.

     Well, I worked this morning and it wasn’t a very good day at work. It wasn’t a good at work because I found out that one of my favorite elderly customers passed away. Her daughter came into the store this morning and told me and my co-workers. In fact I went to her 91st birthday back in May. I was told by this customer that I’m part of her family. That’s why her daughter and other children want me to give the eulogy at the funeral. I said yes. It’s going to be tough on me. Let’s get on a happier topic. I may not like my current job and it has nothing to do with death. I don’t like it because its not a career that I want to be in. Since I feel like I am in a dead in job, I’m going to review my resume’ tomorrow as well as look at jobs in the field that I want to be in. If I find a job opportunity to apply to I will not only apply but write a cover letter for that particular job.

     Speaking of a job opportunity I finally heard back for an organization I applied to, to become a volunteer. That particular organization is American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). I’m hoping things go well with becoming a Field Advocate for them. Not sure what’s in store. I’m still waiting on more information. They do a lot of work regarding suicide prevention as well as try to get laws passed to help those who struggle with mental illness. I’m now waiting to hear back from National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). I’m wanting to volunteer for them as well. In a couple of weeks I’m suppose to start training for a local Peer Support Warm Line. In all honesty, I fear that I might me taking too much on too quickly. I just want to not work a grocery store anymore. Nine years just seems way too long to be working at one and I feel like if volunteer in the mental health field then I’m more than likely to get a job as a Peer Counselor. You would think that volunteering at homeless shelter that specializes in mental illness is enough but I don’t think so. I’m hoping that I will be able to give of my time because I don’t have money to give. Plus giving of your time means much more than giving money a great deal of the time.

     Any way another thing I did was go and see my therapist. I of course got there an hour early like I do a lot of the time. While waiting to see my therapist I read A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens. I’m enjoying the book immensely. Diana (my therapist) and I talked about the 5 year anniversary of the trauma I experienced. We talked about the increase PTSD symptoms and the self harm urges I’ve been having. We also discussed the minor urges regarding the eating disorders. Diana is a little concerned about the self harm urges as well as the eating disorder urges and we discussed ways on how I can continue to NOT harm myself my cutting or starving myself or binging and purging. We discussed on what skills I could do. We discussed what could help in conjunction with my DBT skills. I told her I can look over my WRAP. WRAP stands for Wellness Recovery Action Plan.  Thankfully she has enough confidence in me that I wont relapse with the cutting or the eating disorders that we didn’t have to do a safety contract. Diana says that I am making “Wise mind” decisions and that I don’t have to worry about becoming Borderline again. She says I’m still a recovered Borderline because I’m far from meeting the criteria again. She tells me just as long as I am doing what I am suppose to be doing in my recovery I don’t have to worry. Plus I am far from being Borderline again or least that’s what she tells me. I am extremely fearful of becoming Borderline again. Diana keeps reassuring me that I don’t have to worry about it. She also told me that she was proud of me for all the hard work I am doing with my recovery process. Its difficult to hear someone tell me that they are proud of me but its cool to hear at the same time.(Side Note: Diana is a pseudonym for her protection and the protection of her other clients.) Oh boy its 11:00pm pacific time.

    Speaking of what time it is I better end this blog entry for now. I am a little tired. I’ve been up since 4am pacific time because of work. I hope I didn’t bore you all with this extremely long blog. Enjoy the last hour of your Monday. Oh yeah Happy 7/7/14. Goodnight and don’t let the bedbugs bite. Peace out everyone.

Becoming an Advocate For Mental Illness

Posted on by Gertie

     Today, I’ve been thinking a great deal about advocacy and mental illness. How does one become an advocate for those who struggle with a mental illness. Usually it’s because the person themselves struggles with mental illness or has a friend or loved one with a mental illness. Then their are those people who choose to be advocates for the mentally ill out of the kindness of their hearts. Most of those who do it out of the kindness of their hearts are usually the professionals like Social Workers, Therapist, Psychologists, etc.. Advocacy for mental health has been out there in world for a while now

     I’ve always been an advocate for myself and my mental health struggles even if I wasn’t aware of it especially in the early years of the diagnosis’s as well as in the height of my struggles with mental illness. It wasn’t until the last two or three years that I’ve realized that I was advocating for other with mental illness and was good at it. In fact the being good at it part was pointed out to me. The realization of advocating for those with mental illness is part of the reason why I started volunteering at a homeless shelter that specializes in those who struggle with mental illness and/or drug & alcohol addictions. Plus the advocating realization is the reason why I got my Peer Counselor certification. Being a peer counselor is basically being an advocate for them and showing your fellow peer who is struggling how to advocate for themselves. I may not be employed as a peer counselor yet but that doesn’t mean I cant still advocate for those who are not able to advocate for themselves yet.

    That is why I have decided to embark on a new journey. Well it’s not so much a new journey but a continuation of the journey I’m already on. I mailed in a volunteer application to National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). I also emailed a volunteer application to American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). I did this because I want to speak up for those who are not able to speak up for themselves. I know it might sound like I am taking a lot on especially since I got an email about an hour ago saying that my volunteer application for a local peer run Warm Line was received and asked to attend a training for it in late July through August but all this feel right for me at the moment. Yes, I’m working at a job I don’t like and am looking for a job as a peer counselor however all this that I am doing feels like its what I am suppose to be doing. Maybe it is a lot to take on at one time and its something to think about as well as discuss it with my therapist and other people in my life that support me. Yes, my boyfriend thinks I’m doing what is right for me and what is right for those who struggle with mental illness.

     Another thing I am going to be doing is writing the politicians who represent me and the area I live in. I’m hoping that the politicians I write or email will listen to what I have to say in regards to mental illness and treatment or in a lot of cases the lack of treatment. Lack of treatment is a big issue. Boarding in E.R’s have become a major issue for those who have been involuntarily committed because there are not enough beds. See, now I am getting on a soap box. This is why it is my hope that someone listens to people like me who want better mental health care for those struggling with mental illness.

     Now that I have bored you with my hopes regarding becoming an advocate for those who struggle with mental illness I am going to end this particular blog entry. I am sorry it is so long. It is my desire that some day the stigma that goes along with having a mental illness with be eliminated. Well, have a good rest of your Thursday evening and hope to blog again tomorrow. Peace out all.

YIPPEE IT’S MONDAY!!!!

Posted on by Gertie

     YIPPEE IT’S MONDAY!!!! (Stop your moaning, Mondays are my Fridays.) Now that I’ve got your attention with the title of the this particular blog entry lets get on to a serious topic of religion and mental illness and my personal experience with it. The particular religion I will be talking about is my experience with Christianity. My intent is not to speak ill of Christianity but to make those who are Christians aware of the type of harm you may be doing without meaning to. I do realize that there are those “Christians” that realize what they are doing and this blog is for them as well as those who don’t realize what harm they maybe doing. I’m also hoping that pastors read this particular post in hopes that they can maybe have sermon on judgment, healing and mental illness. Now with that being said let me get on to what I want to discuss regarding mental illness and Christianity.

     At one point in time I considered myself a Christian. I now consider myself Agnostic. I believe that their is a higher power whomever he, she or they may be. I became Agnostic because of how I was treated at a number of different Christian Churches. Anytime I go into a church and wear short sleeve shirts that’s when the Calgary comes barging in. See, I use to cut myself in the height of my struggles with mental illness and have scars on my arms. I’ve been told that I need to go to healing service’s to have demon’s prayed out of me. I’ve been told that I was NOT welcomed because they don’t allow “crazy people” at their church. My response to that was and still is, “Didn’t Jesus say come as you are?” The response varies from person to person as well as church to church. I’ve also had people tell me that I didn’t have enough faith because if I did then I would have been healed from my mental illness. How in the hell do they know how much faith I do or do not have. They don’t know what’s in my heart or mind. I even had one pastor tell me that I couldn’t attend their church until they were able to talk to my therapist and that was the first time I even attended that church. I never went back to that particular church.

    The thing that made me loose my faith in Jesus was a particular incident that happened. See I was dating a guy from the church I was regularly attending. I ended up getting date r*p*d by this guy. I do have to say that he had a psychotic break when he r*p*d me. When the pastors of the church got wind of this, they asked me to not prosecute him because it would ruin his life. The pastors also said that they would pay for his attorneys and make sure that his newly found illness would get him off and use my illness against me. They also said they would take it to the media. Due past trauma in my childhood and camera’s them threatening going to the media is what got me to NOT prosecute. I don’t like camera’s of any kind. The pastors told me that it was my fault that I caused him to not only r*p* me but that he had a psychotic break. Yes, I realize that it’s NOT my fault but it felt like my fault for the longest time.

     Now that you all know why I lost my faith, I want Christians to realize what they say and do to anyone especially those with mental illness can determine weather or not they believe in Jesus. I personally think the r*p*  would have not been an issue of me loosing my faith in Jesus if it were not for my previous experiences with various different Christian churches. Like I said I’m not trying to speak ill of all Christians or churches. Some of my closest friends are Christians. I just want to educate Christians that the mentally ill go to Church like the rest of you. People who struggle with mental illness are searching for what you are searching for. My goal here is to not offend but to educate.

    I have come to terms with the r*p* with a great deal of therapy. I am now trying to come to terms on what spirituality looks for me now. Spirituality is another strong component in recovery with mental illness. Like I said earlier, I am Agnostic. I believe that their is some higher being out there guiding me. Not sure who he, she or they are but I know that there is some higher spirit out there.

    Well, its time to end this entry and hope that this blog entry does not cause a debate. This entry is to educate Christians about the judgments they have toward the mentally ill. Yes, I know they are human like me but telling them your judgments and not educating yourselves about mental illness does more harm than good. Have a good evening all.

Boyfriend, Brother and Books

Posted on by Gertie

     Hey! It’s a beautiful sunny Saturday where I live. After I got home from work I received a text from my boyfriend, seeing if I wanted to do something. I of course said yes. He came and picked me up and we went to a local park that has a lake and we had a picnic. He made some fried chicken, potato salad and chocolate chip cookies for us to eat our picnic. It was all really delicious. After we ate we walked around the lake which 3.3 miles. We of course held hands. I honestly thought I would never fall in love because of the struggles I have with having a mental illness. My boyfriend a normie. A normie is a normal person. In my opinion it takes a great deal of strength on his part to be my partner. I’ve known my boyfriend for 14 years now but we have only been dating for a year. He has been a great support for me over the years and is a pretty amazing dude. I know without a shadow of doubt that if I didn’t choose to be in recovery I would not be in a positive romantic relationship at the moment.

     After our time at the park my boyfriend dropped me off at my place where I decided to call my lil brother. He is a sweet kid even though he is a grown man. Despite our 11 year age difference we are close. I like to call him two or three times a week to check up on him. I check up on him because he has his own struggles with a disability or two. I still haven’t asked him if I can tell you all what his disabilities are. I think the reason why I haven’t is because I am being the protective older sister. That’s why I haven’t shared his name with you. I’m debating if I want to use his real name if I have his permission or a pseudonym. In all honesty I probably will end up using a pseudonym for his protection. My brother means the world to me. He is the only family member I trust with my life. My brother is one of the funniest people I know. He should be a stand up comedian.

     So after talking with my lil brother, I picked up the book I am currently reading and read a couple of chapters. I’m still reading the memoir, The Center Cannot Hold; My Journey Through Madness, by Elyn R. Saks. It’s about her struggle with schizophrenia and how she managed to get her education at three of the most prestigious colleges in the world. I don’t want to give too much away. I’m almost done with the book. I have only about a hundred pages left and am kind of sad that I am almost finished with it. Whenever I end a book if feel like I’m saying goodbye. I’m not to keen on goodbyes. For me reading helps me a great especially if I am struggling. Thankfully I am not struggling at the moment but I do read on the regular basis because I enjoy it immensely. Elyn R. Saks story is extremely inspirational.

     I hope that someday I can be an inspiration to others like Elyn R. Saks is to me and many others. Elyn R. Saks is also in recovery from mental illness. I started this blog in hopes that I can show others struggling with mental illness that recovery is possible. I also hope that normies (or “normal” people) can see that people with mental illness are just like. I hope that I can change someone’s negative thoughts toward the mentally ill to become neutral or positive because I was to eliminate the stigma of mental illness.

    I’m wanting to get back to reading so I’m going to end this blog entry for now. I hope you have a good Saturday evening and enjoy whatever you are doing at the moment. Peace Out.

Finding The Humor In Things

Posted on by Gertie

     Happy Friday!! Well, Happy Friday to those who happen to be lucky enough have the weekends off. Unfortunately, Fridays are my Mondays. As you can tell I worked today. As I told you in an earlier blog I work at a national chain grocery store. Well, for some reason they wanted me to clean the cart corals. You know those things in the parking lot of grocery stores where you put your carts in after you’re done unloading your groceries. Well, when my assistant manager told me that corporate wanted me to clean them and clean them with bleach I laughed and said “you gotta be kidding me.” He shook his and said he wasn’t joking. I told him that I would do it but I didn’t see the point in cleaning them especially since they are outside. He didn’t see the point either but was only relaying the message. Come on, don’t I have better things to do like help customers. What in the world is corporate thinking? If they want those cart corals cleaned then why don’t they come to the store level and do it themselves. To tell you the truth I think it’s kind of funny that corporate it want me to do this. The customers even thought is was funny. Some of them even asked if they could take a picture of me and put it up on Facebook because it’s so ridiculous. I don’t like having pictures taken of my but in this case I made an exception. The two reasons why I was even willing to clean the cart corals was because of it being so humorous and it’s nice outside.

     I think humor plays a big part of my recovery. No, I don’t think in plays a big part in my recovery, I KNOW it plays a MAJOR part in my recovery. If I didn’t have my humor then I would have completely lost my mind all together and I sure in the hell wouldn’t be in recovery.

     I should end this blog entry for now. I hope that I was able to give you the reader/follower at least a little chuckle if not full fledged laugh out loud moment. I’m all for finding the humor in things. Have a good afternoon everyone.

Not In My Ideal Job

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Thursday!!! As you all know it’s Thursday and that means most people are getting excited about the weekend. I don’t get excited about weekend because I work the weekends. I’m not trying to sound like I am complaining because as much as I dislike my current employment, I really do enjoy being able to work. I realize that there are people who are not able to work due to their disability. I guess I’m just frustrated with myself because I’m stuck in a job that is that is not personally going anywhere for me and my career path.

I know that I am meant to be a peer support specialist/peer counselor. I have applied to five places and out of those five places, I got four job interviews and no job offers. I am beyond grateful that I even got an interview much less four. I know that many people don’t have those kind of odds. I’m having anxiety that I wont get a job as a peer support specialist/peer counselor because of not getting any job offers. I just to need to realize that I’m lucky that I got four job interviews out of the five places I applied to.

This is the typical anxiety I go through almost on the daily basis. I have a lot of self doubt about myself and my abilities. I know without a shadow of a doubt that if I wasn’t in recovery with my mental illness that I wouldn’t be having self doubt or doubting my abilities. My recovery means the world to me and if self doubting and doubting my abilities is one of my biggest struggles with mental illness then I will take it. Its better than how I used to be when I was at my worst.

Speaking of recovery, I need to get going. I have to get ready to go to my therapy session. I am grateful that I have such a great therapist who is more than willing to be invested in my recovery process. Well I best be going now. Have a good Thursday. I hope to blog later on today. Enjoy the rest of your morning everyone.