Tag Archives: Emotions

A Sad Life Update

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! Last Tuesday (November 26, 2024) my mom died. She died from lung cancer two days before Thanksgiving. It is never easy to lose anyone especially during the holidays. I miss my mom and dealing with funeral arrangements is not easy but at least have family helping me out with all that especially my two uncles on my moms side.

To make the grief that much hard Thursday, November 28, 2024 marked exactly five years since my last cat, Lil Brooke crossed over the rainbow bridge which happened to be Thanksgiving this year. In fact Lil Brooke crossed over the rainbow bridge on Thursday, 28, 2019 which also happened to be Thanksgiving that year. Here in the United States lands on the fourth Thursday of November which means it is never the same date.

Anyway, this past Thanksgiving was not the easiest for me to deal with. At least I had friends to spend it with. I also spent it with my current cat, Billie. I am grateful that I have family and good friends checking in on me even though I have no family that lives close by. I am also beyond grateful for my cat, Billie.

I don’t have much more to write about in the particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Hello World!!! I don’t know how much I am up for blogging my weekly check-in today. I am just so overwhelmed with the election results. I am also overwhelmed by how other people’s behavior is affecting me due to the election. I am also angry and frustrated with myself for reacting the way I did when someone misgendered me again and it is the same person that keeps misgendering me. Sadly, I feel like this particular person gets away with shit but that is how I feel and I know I should not react the way I did.

On that note I went to therapy this past Wednesday and of course we discussed the election results as my last session with my therapist was the Wednesday before the election. I see my therapist every other week. We discussed the fact how I fear for my safety as a disabled non-binary person with a uterus that is a part of the LGBTQ+ community and queer communities due to the fact that America voted in someone who is full of hate. We discussed ways to cope and take a pause as I am having a tough time pausing at the moment.

One of the ways I will be coping is doing art work especially the way Seattle weather is currently with it being stormy and yucky outside which is normalish for this time of year. I have been doing diamond art/painting as it is something I can do inside with the yucky weather. I have also been cuddling with my cat, Billie. I love being able to cuddle with my cat especially when the weather gets yucky here in Seattle. I love my cat so very much.

I do not have much more to write about in my Weekly Check-In. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Daily Prompt; How Are You Feeling Right Now?

Posted on by Gertie
Daily writing prompt
How are you feeling right now?
View all responses

Right now I am feeling anger, fear and some anxiety. The reason for these emotions is due to some PTSD symptoms. I am not a big fan of these emotions especially due to stupid PTSD symptoms. I just wish that PTSD would not interfere with my life and my emotions. I also have a difficult time expressing anger, fear and anxiety especially anger. I was not allowed to express most emotions growing up especially anger. Now, I am slowly learning how to express my emotions in an appropriate way for society.

Mixtures of Emotions of Not Going to Work Today

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World from Seattle!!! Right now I am having some mixed emotions about not going to work today as I don’t start work till 12:00noon on Mondays and it is 2:22pm in the afternoon. I didn’t go to work due to vomiting most of last night which is most likely due to food poisoning. Not only my depression and PTSD is severely acting up. Going to work when my mental health challenges are acting up seems to help when I am at work as I am not focusing on my own shit. I love my job and love helping the clients I serve as well as helping out my colleagues.

To catch you up from my last blog post, I ended up doing a mindfulness meditation with the Calm App with my cat Billie, on my lap purring. I think he gets as much of the Calm App as I do. I am grateful that Billie, my cat joins me with my mindfulness meditation with the Calm App a good eighty percent of the time. In fact even when I don’t do the Calm App, I still am able to do mindfulness meditation with Billie my cat when he lays on my lap and purrs. It’s amazing how both the Calm App and my cat, Billie help me with my mindfulness meditation practices.

After doing mindfulness meditation practices, I ended up going back to sleep since I woke up pretty early and vomited most of the night. I must have needed the sleep as I think I still need the sleep because I am still tired as hell. I think the lack of sleep was a combination of vomiting most of the night as well as insomnia and PTSD symptoms related to the most recent trauma I experienced as well as other past traumas I experienced in the past as child and young adult.

So, enough about other boring crap and back to more boring shit. When I woke up from a nap, I decided to make sure I ate some lunch. As I tend to not eat due to trauma related shit as well as being depressed. I really think the PTSD and trauma is what is causing the depression symptoms which highly sucks shit. After eating, I took a shower which helped me feel slightly better but not better enough to feel like going to work would be helpful for me, my clients or my colleagues.

As much as I wish I felt well enough to go to work as it could be helpful but I am partially happy that I didn’t go. My plan for today is to do some arts and crafts while listening to music. One of the art projects I plan on doing is coloring and of course while listening to music. Another art project I will attempt to do is Diamond Art while listening to music. I am also planning on doing craft projects that include Latch Hook and Cross Stitch. Of course music will be playing in the background.

In fact everything, I am doing today is a part of my DBT Skills. DBT skills help me a great deal when I don’t sleep well as well as when my PTSD, Trauma issues and Depression happens to be acting up. I would be lying if I told you that I wasn’t struggling with self harm because I am. That is why I am planning on doing everything I mention in this particular blog post but will not self harm.

I don’t have much more to discuss in this particular blog post except that spending time with my cat Billie, doing mindfulness meditation practices and being creative will be quite helpful for me. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

My New Year’s Goals at a Glance

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It is nearly nine thirty at night in my neck of the woods known as Seattle. I don’t think I have mentioned my goals for this year. I have a ton of them but will share just a handful of my goals for tonight.

First, I will be continuing to volunteering at PAWS Cat City as it helps me keep grounded. Not only does it help me keep ground but I get to help the cats find furrever homes which brings me a great deal of joy.

Another thing I plan on doing is mindfulness meditation practice on the daily basis. This, too keep me grounded. It also helps me keep my emotions under control.

Another thing that will help me with my emotions is doing self help workbooks. Workbooks that can help me with my emotions and help me be a better peer specialist.

I also plan on doing art as art helps me be creative and be able to express my emotions in a positive way. I love the fact the art can help me be a more positive person and less angry.

Reading is another way to help with my emotions and is great goal for me. Reading helps me escape from the realties of what is going on in the hard and harsh world we live in. Reading is a great escape for me and helps me come up with idea’s to do art work.

I have more New year’s goals for 2022 and will share them in another post. I do want to say that my cat, Billie Dean is one of my goals for this year. Billie is a goal for this year to make sure he stat heathy due to hi kidney disease. Thankfully it is under control and not exactly at stage one yet which is a great thing. He is such a love bug that loves to cuddle. I love him so much and I am sure he loves me back.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. It means a great deal that you read my blog. Peace Out, World and have a great night of sleep.

Being Angery in Grief While Doing Self Care

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I am angry. I am angry that I am still grieving over my grandma almost four years ago as well as grieving the two year anniversary of my last cat, Lil Gertie tomorrow. Tomorrow (Thursday) is Thanksgiving here in the United States. I miss both my grandma and my last cat Lil Gertie. I know anger is part of grief but I wish it wasn’t part of grief.

I am missing my current cat, Billie Dean at the moment. Billie is spending about a week with my grandpa and uncles as I do some deep cleaning of my apartment. Deep cleaning with chemicals that could be damaging to both cats and humans. Anyway, I miss Billie very much and I love him so much and hopes he misses me.

On that note, I will be going to grandpa’s tomorrow which is Thanksgiving here in the United States. I get to spend it with my dad, grandpa, two uncles and of course my beloved cat, Billie. I’m really happy that I will be spending time with those who love me or try to love me to the best of their ability.

Since my emotions have been all over the place today especially in anger mode, I’ve been doing some self care. I’ve been listening to a podcast on philosophy and I am happy that I am being educated on the topic of philosophy. The philosophy podcast I am listening to is “Philosophize This” and I find it very educational. I love being educated on something I am no knowledgeable in.

While listening “Philosophize This,” I have been doing some art work. Specifically, the type of artwork I am doing is coloring. Coloring and listening to a philosophy podcast has helped me deal with my emotions of today. I’m not so angry at the moment. I am still sad because I miss my last cat, Lil Brooke as well as my grandma, I know that they love me. I also know that doing art work and listening to a podcast on philosophy has be helpful to improve my emotions and lessen my anger. I still have people and my cat, Billie that love me.

I do not have much more to discuss in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog as if it wasn’t for you the reader, reading my blog I wouldn’t be writing my blog. It is greatly appreciated that you do read my blog because if it wasn’t for you the reader, I would not be writing my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Getting Some Sleep but Not Much

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I have finally gotten some sleep but sadly it has been interrupted sleep. It wasn’t interrupted due to insomnia but due to three of my neighbors not getting along and having many arguments in the hallway. Sadly these three neighbors have been arguing with each other in the mental of the hallway as the live in separate apartments and it felt like they were doing to annoy the rest of the floor I live on.

Anyway, it got worse to where violence got involve and it was noticeable to I looked out my door to makes sure. At this point in time, I came back into my own apartment and call the police. I was informed that I was the sixth person to call about it and it could be up to an hour. When I informed the police dispatcher that there was a weapon involved I was lectured for not saying something sooner about that when I thought it was their job to ask. Weather it was the dispatcher fault or mine about the weapon involved the police showed in less than five minutes.

The cops showed up and finally did something right and arrest the rest person and without causing violence despite my neighbors anger caused violence on another neighbor. The violence was caused by high emotions due to a misunderstanding that caused multiple arguments. The neighbor who caused the violence went to jail while the neighbor that got the crap beat out or them went to the hospital. The third neighbor was informed to call the police the next time around and not get involved.

After all this my own emotions are all over the place. I am hoping my emotions will level out so I can get some sleep. Of course my cat has been helping keep my emotions not as bad as they would be without my cat. Oh how I love my cat, Billie so much.

I don’t have much more to say in this particular post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you my reader do read my blog. If it wasn’t for you, the reader, reading my blog, I would not be reading my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my hear for reading my blog. I hope you have a great Sunday ahead of you. Peace Out, World!!!

A Buttload of Emotions

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! Today, I have had a buttload of emotions. The main emotion that bothered me today was anger. Anger over a training at work. I know why I was angry and it really didn’t have anything to do with the training itself but the trainer. Even though the trainer didn’t do anything negative in the training today, I have had some pretty negative experiences with this person. The negative experiences I had with this person was about fifteen years ago and thought I was over it till I saw this person and realize that I wasn’t over it.

So, when the training was over I did a five minute mindfulness meditation practice. A mindfulness meditation practice that helped a great deal and did two more times before the end of work. All three times I did the mindfulness meditation practice helped a great deal.

After work I called a friend as a well as my grandpa. After talking with both my friend and grandpa on the phone, I visited a neighbor in my building who has become a friend. Talking with friends and family helped a great deal. I felt the love from friends and family and that helped with my anger.

Speaking of love, I felt the love from my cat, Billie Dean. He could tell I was have a challenging time so he sat on my lap. Billie being on my lap also helped my anger. I am so grateful that my cat, Billie, can tell when I am having tough moments like today. He is an amazing kitty and I love him so much.

I do not have anything else to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. If it wasn’t for you my reading I wouldn’t be blogging. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Dealing With Uncomfortable Emotions

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Right now I am dealing with some uncomfortable emotions. Emotions most people, including myself, don’t want to deal with. I am dealing with anger, anxiety and depression which sucks but at least I know how to deal with these unwanted emotions. They may not go away as quickly as I would like but at least I know how to deal with these undesired emotions.

I have pretty much been doing some form of mindfulness and/or meditation practice most of today. I started out the day like I normally do by doing a mindfulness meditation from the Calm App which is quite helpful for me. Other ways I have been practicing mindfulness and meditation is by reading magazines that focus on mindfulness and/or meditation. I have also been journaling about what I am learning regarding mindfulness and meditation. Something else I have been doing is working on a workbook that’s main focus is mindfulness.

Something that I have realized through all this mindfulness and mediation practice is how much my cat, Billie Dean, helps me with mindfulness. In fact I realized this the first day I brought him home when I adopted him. Billie has many ways and behaviors he does to help me with realizing I need to slow down and be in the current moment. Billie has been quite helpful to me with this.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reader, I wouldn’t be continuing to blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great evening ahead of you. Peace Out, World!!!

Traditions & The Holidays

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! I am not sure how to feel at the moment as I have many emotions that are swarming around. Some emotions I am dealing with are not all the pleasant and really wanting to avoid them while other emotions more pleasant and obviously more willing to not avoid them. This is the time of year where things don’t go so well for me in regards to my mental health challenges. Specifically, my depression and PTSD. Thankfully, I have plenty of ways to take care of myself this time of year.

One of the things that was suggested to me early on in my recovery during the holidays was to start my own traditions that I can do with or without people. The only thing I could think of at the time was the two comic books that I had; Christmas with the Superhero’s, Volumes One and Two. So, every year, starting the day after Thanksgiving, I read those two comic books several times during the holiday season. On Christmas Day I read both twice.

Another tradition I started about eight or so years ago was to do a holiday themed jigsaw puzzle. I usually start the puzzle on November 25th or Thanksgiving Day, whichever arrives first. I have several holiday themed jigsaw puzzles I do and sometimes I am able to do two or three depending on the size while other years I only complete one. The one I am doing this year is a thousand pieces and I know from experience that it most likely will be the only holiday puzzle I do this year due to the size. The best part of this tradition is I get to see the “fruits” of my labor by the time Christmas arrives and enjoy it till January 2nd. Of course when I do several smaller holiday puzzles in a holiday season I see more than just one accomplished puzzle. Being able to see an accomplished puzzle helps with my personal morale for the season.

Even though the two traditions I mentioned already have been great traditions to keep and will continue to keep, I decided to add a new tradition this year. That tradition is to do some art. Specifically, coloring a holiday poster or two depending on size and detail. I have decided this tradition will be like the puzzles and start on November 25th or Thanksgiving, whichever arrives first. I have started coloring a holiday poster as of yesterday (November 25th). I am positive I will have at least one accomplished by Christmas Day.

For me starting my own holiday traditions has been a lifesaver for me and my recovery. The reason being is because most of the other holidays traditions I follow through with has some form of trauma or sadness tied to them and needed some that didn’t have either. Most of the other traditions I do includes family as my family is big on traditions. The holidays are not the best time of year for me due to the trauma I have experienced around the holidays so having traditions of my own helps me redefine what the holidays are for me.

I could go on and on about traditions however I won’t as I am getting a little sleepy and plan on going to bed. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a good night of sleep ahead of them if it is nighttime for you. If not I hope you have a good day ahead of you. Peace Out, World!!!