Monday Of Mourning R.I.P Robin Williams

     It’s another Monday and in all honesty is a Monday of Mourning. As many of you have heard or read; Robin Williams passed away at the age of 63 from a suspected suicide. The news has said that he suffered from Depression but in all actuality he suffered from Bipolar Disorder, ADHD and couple of other things I cannot remember. I waited a few hours after I heard the news about Robin Williams to blog about it because I wasn’t sure what to say. I realize there is really nothing much to say than what others have said however I will share my memories regarding Robin Williams.

     My first memory of Robin Williams is watching reruns of Mork & Mindy on Nick & Nite in the middle of the night as a child. Mork & Mindy helped me through some rough moments when things got really bad with the abuse I suffered as child. Sometimes I wished I was an alien from another planet with a life for that cared. His humor helped me through out my life.

     Robin Williams got me through my childhood with Mork & Mindy while in my late tweens and early teen he got me through with Hook, Aladdin, Fern Gully, and Mrs. Doubtfire. In my mid to late teens the movies The Birdcage, Good Will Hunting, Patch Adams and the discovery of Dead Poets Society helped me through being a teenager. Plus, the numerous other movies he has made through my twenties and into my thirties has touched my life. All the movies I’ve mentioned plus many more I have watched time and again because I know that they help out with some part of my life or just a simple movie night with friends. 

    We all have moments we will remember where we were when we heard the news of something major. For me, Robin William’s death is one of those moments. I had come home and turned on my computer and looked on my Facebook when I heard the news at 4:15pm (pacific time). I found out on Facebook. Robin Williams has had a profound impact on my life. I have met him on several occasions as well as received hand written letters from him. In those letters he encouraged me with my recovery process with my mental health issues. I just wish he was still here so he could encourage others in their recovery process. Robin Williams was a very important person in my life regarding my recovery. Hell, he still is.

    Robin Williams I know you are know longer with us but I know you are somewhere out there reading this. Just know you have had a profound influence on my life. Thank you so much for being a positive influence in my life. Thanks for making me and billions of others laugh till we peed our pant. We will miss you very much. You are so very much loved.

    I am ending this blog in tears. I hope to blog tomorrow about how the rest of today went. I normally don’t cry but I feel like its a good time to cry when a person who influenced your life passes away. Again I hope to blog again tomorrow. I hope the rest of you Monday turns out happier. R.I.P ROBIN WILLIAMS

It’s A Beautiful Sunny Wednesday!!!

     It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood. So beautiful that my boyfriend and I went rollerblading around a lake. In fact the lake is a local park. We went around the lake twice and each time is 3.3 miles so that equals 6.6 miles. All I can say is that I got my exercise in today. We also had a picnic at this park. We had fried chicken, macaroni salad and lemonade. It was all very tasty. All I know is I am tired now. I’ve had a busy day.

     I started out the day by going to see my shrink. My shrink in not a psychiatrist, he is a Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner. I discussed with him about the increased PTSD symptoms due to the 5 year anniversary of a trauma and how it triggered eating disorder urges and self harm urges. He of coursed asked if I acted on any of those urges and I said no because I didn’t act on those urges. He has a good since of humor and I like that. I’ve only been working with him for a little of a year when my last psychiatric nurse practitioner retired. I had worked with her for 7 years and grew to trust her. I specifically asked my therapist for a male prescriber because I usually only work with women when it comes to doctors and mental health stuff due to my trauma history. Diana my therapist was happy to oblige to my request and new who to suggest and thankfully he had room for another client. Anyway my shrink and I discussed if we needed to change meds or if a med increase needed to happen and thankfully he agreed with me that neither needed to happen. Like I said my shrink has a great sense of humor and it turns out that we have a similar sense of humor.

    After I saw my shrink I went to my volunteer job. I love my volunteer job. Like I’ve said in previous blog post, I volunteer at local homeless shelter that specializes in Mental Illness and Co-Occurring Disorders. The clients there are always so appreciative of everything they get. Well most of the clients are. I enjoy my volunteer job.

   When I get back from my volunteer job that’s when my boyfriend and I went and had our picnic in the park and rollerbladed around the lake in the park twice. We got back to his place in time to watch the news. The big topic is still the legalization of being able to sell pot in my state. It became legal yesterday. In fact it even made NBC’s Nightly news  again tonight. That makes two nights in a row. I just want them to not make a big deal about it. I just don’t care. I don’t smoke the crap but that’s me.

    Anyway my boyfriend is finding it difficult to pick out a movie to watch. I’m thinking I might just pick one out before his head explodes. I’m thinking a comedy is in order. I love comedies.

    I should get going because my boyfriend and I want to watch a movie. I hope you all enjoy the rest of your Wednesday. Enjoy the nice warm weather everyone. Peace out and don’t get sun burned.

An Accomplished Week

     Well another Saturday is coming to a close and I am looking back on the week to see what I accomplished. I’ve accomplished a great deal. I worked 3 days this week which equals to 13.5 hours. I went to a 3 day training regarding Co-Occurring Disorders. I also went to a 4th of July party. So I accomplished a great deal this week.

      I had a great time at the 4th of July party I went to yesterday. Yes, I did get overwhelmed a little due to PTSD however I was surrounded by people who care about me. I enjoyed watching the fireworks. They were surprisingly good this year. Still not as good as Disneyland. I really enjoyed all the food I ate. I do have to admit that I had urges to binge and purge with all the food I ate. Its been a while since I had any urges regarding the Anorexia and/or Bulimia. I think the urges popped up because of the PTSD. Overall, I enjoyed my time at the 4th of July party,

     My PTSD symptoms are acting up because tomorrow (Sunday, July 6, 2014) is the five year anniversary of me being date r*p*d by my boyfriend at the time. My current boyfriend has been extremely supportive of me regarding this horrific anniversary. Unfortunately, my boyfriend is working at the moment. He wont get off work till tomorrow morning. He is doing an overtime (OT) shift. I am going to be honest with you. I have been fighting urges to cut today. I still get urges to self harm quite frequently but I choose not to because it just makes the situation worse.

     I know I spoke about this yesterday but I’m going to bring it up again. I really enjoyed the Co-Occurring Disorders training I attended. I loved learning the science of addiction. Its quite fascinating on what the brain does and how it reacts to different things including how drugs and/or alcohol effects it. I reread the material again. In fact I know I will reread it again because I can always learn something new every time I read it.

     Speaking of reading, I continued reading A Tale Of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens. It helped me a great deal today because it got my mind off of things. It got my mind off of the urges to cut. Yes, I may be a Recovered Borderline but unfortunately I still get urges to self harm. Its what do with the urges. I have to use my DBT skills. Reading is one of those skills. I love to read.

     Another thing I did today was go to Half Priced Books and bought two psychology text books for only $13.51. I’m not in school but I love to learn. I bought the psychology books in hopes to learn more. I also want to see what colleges and universities are teaching future therapist and social workers because they maybe helping me someday in the future. I didn’t make it through my first year at a community college because of my mental illness. So I’ve been trying to educate myself by buying various types of text books when they are cheap and out of date.

      I best be going because the local news is now over. That means Saturday Night Live is on next. SNL always make me laugh. Humor make me feel better. Well I best be going. I hope to blog again tomorrow. Enjoy the last 25 minutes of your Saturday. I’m glad I’ve accomplished so much this past week. Good night and peace out.

Happy Monday Morning!!!

     Happy Monday Morning!!! Yes, I know its Monday and its the start of work week but I am on vacation. The sad thing is that I woke up naturally at 5:00 am (Pacific time) and was about to get out of bed when I realized that I was on vacation. I hate when that happens. Oh well. I did try to get back to sleep but was unable to do so, so I got up and read a A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens.

     When I started A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens I did have trouble getting into it however it’s now starting to get good. I am enjoying it immensely. I think I had difficulty getting into it because of dyslexia but I’ve learned to deal with the dyslexia and enjoy reading. After reading for about 45 minutes I decided to watch the local news.

     As I was watching the morning news a story came on that not only angered me but made me laugh. A group of 3 teenagers stole the keys out of a 70something year old woman’s hand in a parking lot to steal her car. That’s what angered me. Why would you steal anybody’s car especially that of an elderly person? Now here comes the funny part. The teenagers got into the elderly woman’s car and realized it was a stick shift car and they couldn’t drive it. They didn’t know how to drive a stick shift. The elderly woman pulled them out of the car and the teenagers ran off. They still haven’t caught the teenagers but the elderly woman was just grateful that she wasn’t hurt. She was even laughing at the situation that they couldn’t drive a stick shift. I hope they find those teenagers because if that was my grandmother I would want them to be punished.

    Speaking of grandmothers, the news story reminded me to call my own grandmother. I talked to both my grandma and grandpa. The set of grandparents that I spoke to are my dad parents or paternal grandparents. My paternal grandparents help my dad out a great deal when I was growing up and helped raised me. They were very involved with my growing up years. My dad is grateful to my grandparents that they helped him out with raising me. I’m grateful that they are still alive. Unfortunately, my maternal grandparents (mom’s parents) are deceased. I miss them a great deal.

     Now that I’m done talking about my family let get back to other things. I am grateful that I am on vacation from work this week. Many people don’t realize how stressful working in a grocery store really is. I am grateful that I am able to work despite having a mental illness. One of the things I plan on doing this week is to look to see if there are in job openings as a Peer Support Specialist/Peer Counselor as well as look into getting involved with NAMI and other such organizations. I figured the more I get involved with mental health organizations the better it looks on the resumé. I’m sure my volunteer work looks good as well.

     Speaking of mental health, I need to get going. I need to get ready to go and see my therapist. Today, I plan on discussing my nightmares with my therapist, Diana. (Side Note: Diana is a pseudonym that I gave my therapist for her privacy and the protection of the her other clients.) Diana has helped me a great deal with my recovery. She is just as invested in my recovery as I am. I hope to tell you later on how my session with Diana went but no promises. It depends how difficult it was for me.

      I hope the rest of your morning goes well. In fact I hope the rest of your Monday goes well and that you have a good work week. I hope to blog again later today even if I don’t blog about my therapy session. Try to at least get out and enjoy the weather today to break up your workday. Peace out and enjoy the summer.