Tag Archives: Suicide

It’s Been An Interesting But Good Wednesday

Posted on by Gertie

     It’s been an interesting but good Wednesday. Today didn’t start out all the pleasant. I woke up with a nightmare. Waking up to nightmares sucks big time.

     Shortly after I woke up from a nightmare this morning I got a call from a childhood friend. My friend ended up calling me at 4:30 in the morning pacific time. She forgot that she is three hours ahead of me. That means it was 7:30 her time. Anyway it was good to talk to her. Its always good to reminisce. She updated me with her life as I updated her with my life.

     As I told you all yesterday, I applied for a position as Consumer Aide. Well, I got a call this morning asking if I could come in for an interview tomorrow. The thing is I got the call for the interview 23 hours after I sent the email. It’s extremely rare to get call back for an interview so soon much less get an interview 48 hours after sending in a résumé’ and cover letter. I am a little nervous about the job interview but I am confident that it will go well even if I don’t get the job. I know that a Consumer Aide isn’t exactly a Peer Specialist position but its a start in the right direction. Maybe it will help me eventually get a Peer Specialist job in the future. I just  hope that I am not getting my hopes set too high. I am just frustrated that I’m in a job that I don’t like and am eager to move on to another job. I really hope I get the job because I’ve been employed at the same employer for nine years now and it getting a little old and boring at times. The cool thing is that I already know what I am going to wear to my interview because I have an outfit that I wear to most of my interviews.

     Enough about my job interview. I volunteered today. I told the staff at the homeless shelter that I have an interview tomorrow and they wished me luck. If I get the job I will have to quit my volunteer job because the agency that runs the shelter  runs the transitional/supportive housing site I applied to. That’s okay because I believe in what the agency does. The staff are happy for me and the hope I get the job even though it means I will not be able to volunteer at the shelter. If I get the job I will miss the clients in the shelter but I know that I will get to know and enjoy the clients at the transitional housing site I might be employed at. Part of the reason why I got the interview is because I volunteer at the agency and have been employed at my current employer for nine years. I really enjoy working with the homeless population. I was able to talk with one of my favorite clients for about a half an hour today. I know we aren’t suppose to have favorites but its kind of difficult not to at times. I really enjoy volunteering at the homeless shelter.

     Speaking of volunteering, I start training for another volunteer job in about two weeks. Its for a local peer run Warm Line. I am looking forward to it. The training is two days week for four hours each day for about six weeks. They want to make sure we get the proper training if we are going to be taking calls for a peer run Warm Line. Talking with people who struggle with mental illness is not an easy thing especially if there is the potential that the caller might be suicidal.

    Anyway I need to get going. My boyfriend is barbequing for a goodbye party for one of my elderly neighbors who is moving in with one of her children in a different state. My boyfriend said he would be willing to come over and barbeque for the going away party. I need to help out before others start showing up to say goodbye the elderly neighbor.

    I hope to blog again tomorrow and tell you how my job interview went. I really hope I get the job. Like I said I hope to blog again tomorrow. Peace out and enjoy the rest of you Wednesday evening.

Love Is A Beautiful Thing

Posted on by Gertie

     Love is a beautiful thing. Today, I was the Best Woman (instead of the Best Man) in one of my closest friends wedding. She got married to her long time girlfriend. They are now Wife and Wife. My friend wore a white tux with a purple vest and bowtie while her now wife wore a white wedding dress. They were both beautiful. I was in a black tux with a purple comber bun and bowtie. Even though wearing black in 86 F degree weather is quite hot, its better than wearing a dress. I’m not a big dress fan. I’m a “tom boy.” Anyway it was a beautiful wedding. The reason why my friend and her now wife chose to get married today was because of the date, 7/7/14. They not only think its lucky but they are both math teachers. They chose today because 7+7=14 or if you look at it date wise 7/7/14. They said their I dos at 7:07pm and 14 seconds. I am so happy my friend was able to get married to the woman of her dreams.

     Well, I worked this morning and it wasn’t a very good day at work. It wasn’t a good at work because I found out that one of my favorite elderly customers passed away. Her daughter came into the store this morning and told me and my co-workers. In fact I went to her 91st birthday back in May. I was told by this customer that I’m part of her family. That’s why her daughter and other children want me to give the eulogy at the funeral. I said yes. It’s going to be tough on me. Let’s get on a happier topic. I may not like my current job and it has nothing to do with death. I don’t like it because its not a career that I want to be in. Since I feel like I am in a dead in job, I’m going to review my resume’ tomorrow as well as look at jobs in the field that I want to be in. If I find a job opportunity to apply to I will not only apply but write a cover letter for that particular job.

     Speaking of a job opportunity I finally heard back for an organization I applied to, to become a volunteer. That particular organization is American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). I’m hoping things go well with becoming a Field Advocate for them. Not sure what’s in store. I’m still waiting on more information. They do a lot of work regarding suicide prevention as well as try to get laws passed to help those who struggle with mental illness. I’m now waiting to hear back from National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). I’m wanting to volunteer for them as well. In a couple of weeks I’m suppose to start training for a local Peer Support Warm Line. In all honesty, I fear that I might me taking too much on too quickly. I just want to not work a grocery store anymore. Nine years just seems way too long to be working at one and I feel like if volunteer in the mental health field then I’m more than likely to get a job as a Peer Counselor. You would think that volunteering at homeless shelter that specializes in mental illness is enough but I don’t think so. I’m hoping that I will be able to give of my time because I don’t have money to give. Plus giving of your time means much more than giving money a great deal of the time.

     Any way another thing I did was go and see my therapist. I of course got there an hour early like I do a lot of the time. While waiting to see my therapist I read A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens. I’m enjoying the book immensely. Diana (my therapist) and I talked about the 5 year anniversary of the trauma I experienced. We talked about the increase PTSD symptoms and the self harm urges I’ve been having. We also discussed the minor urges regarding the eating disorders. Diana is a little concerned about the self harm urges as well as the eating disorder urges and we discussed ways on how I can continue to NOT harm myself my cutting or starving myself or binging and purging. We discussed on what skills I could do. We discussed what could help in conjunction with my DBT skills. I told her I can look over my WRAP. WRAP stands for Wellness Recovery Action Plan.  Thankfully she has enough confidence in me that I wont relapse with the cutting or the eating disorders that we didn’t have to do a safety contract. Diana says that I am making “Wise mind” decisions and that I don’t have to worry about becoming Borderline again. She says I’m still a recovered Borderline because I’m far from meeting the criteria again. She tells me just as long as I am doing what I am suppose to be doing in my recovery I don’t have to worry. Plus I am far from being Borderline again or least that’s what she tells me. I am extremely fearful of becoming Borderline again. Diana keeps reassuring me that I don’t have to worry about it. She also told me that she was proud of me for all the hard work I am doing with my recovery process. Its difficult to hear someone tell me that they are proud of me but its cool to hear at the same time.(Side Note: Diana is a pseudonym for her protection and the protection of her other clients.) Oh boy its 11:00pm pacific time.

    Speaking of what time it is I better end this blog entry for now. I am a little tired. I’ve been up since 4am pacific time because of work. I hope I didn’t bore you all with this extremely long blog. Enjoy the last hour of your Monday. Oh yeah Happy 7/7/14. Goodnight and don’t let the bedbugs bite. Peace out everyone.

Becoming an Advocate For Mental Illness

Posted on by Gertie

     Today, I’ve been thinking a great deal about advocacy and mental illness. How does one become an advocate for those who struggle with a mental illness. Usually it’s because the person themselves struggles with mental illness or has a friend or loved one with a mental illness. Then their are those people who choose to be advocates for the mentally ill out of the kindness of their hearts. Most of those who do it out of the kindness of their hearts are usually the professionals like Social Workers, Therapist, Psychologists, etc.. Advocacy for mental health has been out there in world for a while now

     I’ve always been an advocate for myself and my mental health struggles even if I wasn’t aware of it especially in the early years of the diagnosis’s as well as in the height of my struggles with mental illness. It wasn’t until the last two or three years that I’ve realized that I was advocating for other with mental illness and was good at it. In fact the being good at it part was pointed out to me. The realization of advocating for those with mental illness is part of the reason why I started volunteering at a homeless shelter that specializes in those who struggle with mental illness and/or drug & alcohol addictions. Plus the advocating realization is the reason why I got my Peer Counselor certification. Being a peer counselor is basically being an advocate for them and showing your fellow peer who is struggling how to advocate for themselves. I may not be employed as a peer counselor yet but that doesn’t mean I cant still advocate for those who are not able to advocate for themselves yet.

    That is why I have decided to embark on a new journey. Well it’s not so much a new journey but a continuation of the journey I’m already on. I mailed in a volunteer application to National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). I also emailed a volunteer application to American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). I did this because I want to speak up for those who are not able to speak up for themselves. I know it might sound like I am taking a lot on especially since I got an email about an hour ago saying that my volunteer application for a local peer run Warm Line was received and asked to attend a training for it in late July through August but all this feel right for me at the moment. Yes, I’m working at a job I don’t like and am looking for a job as a peer counselor however all this that I am doing feels like its what I am suppose to be doing. Maybe it is a lot to take on at one time and its something to think about as well as discuss it with my therapist and other people in my life that support me. Yes, my boyfriend thinks I’m doing what is right for me and what is right for those who struggle with mental illness.

     Another thing I am going to be doing is writing the politicians who represent me and the area I live in. I’m hoping that the politicians I write or email will listen to what I have to say in regards to mental illness and treatment or in a lot of cases the lack of treatment. Lack of treatment is a big issue. Boarding in E.R’s have become a major issue for those who have been involuntarily committed because there are not enough beds. See, now I am getting on a soap box. This is why it is my hope that someone listens to people like me who want better mental health care for those struggling with mental illness.

     Now that I have bored you with my hopes regarding becoming an advocate for those who struggle with mental illness I am going to end this particular blog entry. I am sorry it is so long. It is my desire that some day the stigma that goes along with having a mental illness with be eliminated. Well, have a good rest of your Thursday evening and hope to blog again tomorrow. Peace out all.

YIPPEE IT’S MONDAY!!!!

Posted on by Gertie

     YIPPEE IT’S MONDAY!!!! (Stop your moaning, Mondays are my Fridays.) Now that I’ve got your attention with the title of the this particular blog entry lets get on to a serious topic of religion and mental illness and my personal experience with it. The particular religion I will be talking about is my experience with Christianity. My intent is not to speak ill of Christianity but to make those who are Christians aware of the type of harm you may be doing without meaning to. I do realize that there are those “Christians” that realize what they are doing and this blog is for them as well as those who don’t realize what harm they maybe doing. I’m also hoping that pastors read this particular post in hopes that they can maybe have sermon on judgment, healing and mental illness. Now with that being said let me get on to what I want to discuss regarding mental illness and Christianity.

     At one point in time I considered myself a Christian. I now consider myself Agnostic. I believe that their is a higher power whomever he, she or they may be. I became Agnostic because of how I was treated at a number of different Christian Churches. Anytime I go into a church and wear short sleeve shirts that’s when the Calgary comes barging in. See, I use to cut myself in the height of my struggles with mental illness and have scars on my arms. I’ve been told that I need to go to healing service’s to have demon’s prayed out of me. I’ve been told that I was NOT welcomed because they don’t allow “crazy people” at their church. My response to that was and still is, “Didn’t Jesus say come as you are?” The response varies from person to person as well as church to church. I’ve also had people tell me that I didn’t have enough faith because if I did then I would have been healed from my mental illness. How in the hell do they know how much faith I do or do not have. They don’t know what’s in my heart or mind. I even had one pastor tell me that I couldn’t attend their church until they were able to talk to my therapist and that was the first time I even attended that church. I never went back to that particular church.

    The thing that made me loose my faith in Jesus was a particular incident that happened. See I was dating a guy from the church I was regularly attending. I ended up getting date r*p*d by this guy. I do have to say that he had a psychotic break when he r*p*d me. When the pastors of the church got wind of this, they asked me to not prosecute him because it would ruin his life. The pastors also said that they would pay for his attorneys and make sure that his newly found illness would get him off and use my illness against me. They also said they would take it to the media. Due past trauma in my childhood and camera’s them threatening going to the media is what got me to NOT prosecute. I don’t like camera’s of any kind. The pastors told me that it was my fault that I caused him to not only r*p* me but that he had a psychotic break. Yes, I realize that it’s NOT my fault but it felt like my fault for the longest time.

     Now that you all know why I lost my faith, I want Christians to realize what they say and do to anyone especially those with mental illness can determine weather or not they believe in Jesus. I personally think the r*p*  would have not been an issue of me loosing my faith in Jesus if it were not for my previous experiences with various different Christian churches. Like I said I’m not trying to speak ill of all Christians or churches. Some of my closest friends are Christians. I just want to educate Christians that the mentally ill go to Church like the rest of you. People who struggle with mental illness are searching for what you are searching for. My goal here is to not offend but to educate.

    I have come to terms with the r*p* with a great deal of therapy. I am now trying to come to terms on what spirituality looks for me now. Spirituality is another strong component in recovery with mental illness. Like I said earlier, I am Agnostic. I believe that their is some higher being out there guiding me. Not sure who he, she or they are but I know that there is some higher spirit out there.

    Well, its time to end this entry and hope that this blog entry does not cause a debate. This entry is to educate Christians about the judgments they have toward the mentally ill. Yes, I know they are human like me but telling them your judgments and not educating yourselves about mental illness does more harm than good. Have a good evening all.

Boyfriend, Brother and Books

Posted on by Gertie

     Hey! It’s a beautiful sunny Saturday where I live. After I got home from work I received a text from my boyfriend, seeing if I wanted to do something. I of course said yes. He came and picked me up and we went to a local park that has a lake and we had a picnic. He made some fried chicken, potato salad and chocolate chip cookies for us to eat our picnic. It was all really delicious. After we ate we walked around the lake which 3.3 miles. We of course held hands. I honestly thought I would never fall in love because of the struggles I have with having a mental illness. My boyfriend a normie. A normie is a normal person. In my opinion it takes a great deal of strength on his part to be my partner. I’ve known my boyfriend for 14 years now but we have only been dating for a year. He has been a great support for me over the years and is a pretty amazing dude. I know without a shadow of doubt that if I didn’t choose to be in recovery I would not be in a positive romantic relationship at the moment.

     After our time at the park my boyfriend dropped me off at my place where I decided to call my lil brother. He is a sweet kid even though he is a grown man. Despite our 11 year age difference we are close. I like to call him two or three times a week to check up on him. I check up on him because he has his own struggles with a disability or two. I still haven’t asked him if I can tell you all what his disabilities are. I think the reason why I haven’t is because I am being the protective older sister. That’s why I haven’t shared his name with you. I’m debating if I want to use his real name if I have his permission or a pseudonym. In all honesty I probably will end up using a pseudonym for his protection. My brother means the world to me. He is the only family member I trust with my life. My brother is one of the funniest people I know. He should be a stand up comedian.

     So after talking with my lil brother, I picked up the book I am currently reading and read a couple of chapters. I’m still reading the memoir, The Center Cannot Hold; My Journey Through Madness, by Elyn R. Saks. It’s about her struggle with schizophrenia and how she managed to get her education at three of the most prestigious colleges in the world. I don’t want to give too much away. I’m almost done with the book. I have only about a hundred pages left and am kind of sad that I am almost finished with it. Whenever I end a book if feel like I’m saying goodbye. I’m not to keen on goodbyes. For me reading helps me a great especially if I am struggling. Thankfully I am not struggling at the moment but I do read on the regular basis because I enjoy it immensely. Elyn R. Saks story is extremely inspirational.

     I hope that someday I can be an inspiration to others like Elyn R. Saks is to me and many others. Elyn R. Saks is also in recovery from mental illness. I started this blog in hopes that I can show others struggling with mental illness that recovery is possible. I also hope that normies (or “normal” people) can see that people with mental illness are just like. I hope that I can change someone’s negative thoughts toward the mentally ill to become neutral or positive because I was to eliminate the stigma of mental illness.

    I’m wanting to get back to reading so I’m going to end this blog entry for now. I hope you have a good Saturday evening and enjoy whatever you are doing at the moment. Peace Out.

Finding The Humor In Things

Posted on by Gertie

     Happy Friday!! Well, Happy Friday to those who happen to be lucky enough have the weekends off. Unfortunately, Fridays are my Mondays. As you can tell I worked today. As I told you in an earlier blog I work at a national chain grocery store. Well, for some reason they wanted me to clean the cart corals. You know those things in the parking lot of grocery stores where you put your carts in after you’re done unloading your groceries. Well, when my assistant manager told me that corporate wanted me to clean them and clean them with bleach I laughed and said “you gotta be kidding me.” He shook his and said he wasn’t joking. I told him that I would do it but I didn’t see the point in cleaning them especially since they are outside. He didn’t see the point either but was only relaying the message. Come on, don’t I have better things to do like help customers. What in the world is corporate thinking? If they want those cart corals cleaned then why don’t they come to the store level and do it themselves. To tell you the truth I think it’s kind of funny that corporate it want me to do this. The customers even thought is was funny. Some of them even asked if they could take a picture of me and put it up on Facebook because it’s so ridiculous. I don’t like having pictures taken of my but in this case I made an exception. The two reasons why I was even willing to clean the cart corals was because of it being so humorous and it’s nice outside.

     I think humor plays a big part of my recovery. No, I don’t think in plays a big part in my recovery, I KNOW it plays a MAJOR part in my recovery. If I didn’t have my humor then I would have completely lost my mind all together and I sure in the hell wouldn’t be in recovery.

     I should end this blog entry for now. I hope that I was able to give you the reader/follower at least a little chuckle if not full fledged laugh out loud moment. I’m all for finding the humor in things. Have a good afternoon everyone.

Not In My Ideal Job

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Thursday!!! As you all know it’s Thursday and that means most people are getting excited about the weekend. I don’t get excited about weekend because I work the weekends. I’m not trying to sound like I am complaining because as much as I dislike my current employment, I really do enjoy being able to work. I realize that there are people who are not able to work due to their disability. I guess I’m just frustrated with myself because I’m stuck in a job that is that is not personally going anywhere for me and my career path.

I know that I am meant to be a peer support specialist/peer counselor. I have applied to five places and out of those five places, I got four job interviews and no job offers. I am beyond grateful that I even got an interview much less four. I know that many people don’t have those kind of odds. I’m having anxiety that I wont get a job as a peer support specialist/peer counselor because of not getting any job offers. I just to need to realize that I’m lucky that I got four job interviews out of the five places I applied to.

This is the typical anxiety I go through almost on the daily basis. I have a lot of self doubt about myself and my abilities. I know without a shadow of a doubt that if I wasn’t in recovery with my mental illness that I wouldn’t be having self doubt or doubting my abilities. My recovery means the world to me and if self doubting and doubting my abilities is one of my biggest struggles with mental illness then I will take it. Its better than how I used to be when I was at my worst.

Speaking of recovery, I need to get going. I have to get ready to go to my therapy session. I am grateful that I have such a great therapist who is more than willing to be invested in my recovery process. Well I best be going now. Have a good Thursday. I hope to blog later on today. Enjoy the rest of your morning everyone.

A Little Insight Of What I Am Passionate About.

Posted on by Gertie

Hey! It’s another Wednesday and it’s absolutely beautiful outside. It’s been a trying day but I muddled through and took care of the situation that made the day trying. With that being said my day has been an overall good despite the trying moment I dealt with earlier.

I had good time at my volunteer job today. I volunteer at a homeless shelter that specializes it dealing with the those who are the most severely disabled by mental illness and/or addictions to drugs and/or alcohol. I enjoy it. In fact homelessness is becoming one of my passions. What I mean by that is I want to help those who are chronically homeless and struggle with mental illness and/or addiction issues. In fact I’m starting to do my own research on mental illness and homelessness and the effects it has on society. I’m also looking into the effect that being homeless has on a persons mental illness. No, I’m not doing this for school or work. I’m doing it to increase my knowledge and maybe gain some wisdom and insight. I another reason why I am passionate about homelessness is because I was homeless myself at one point in time. Thankfully, it was a short period of my life and was only for a short period of time. I am hoping that one day that I can be an advocate for the mentally ill as well as the homeless and intertwine the two. I’m hoping that maybe my personal research can affect people in positive way and maybe change some laws.

Speaking of politics, I’m starting to realize that I want to start volunteering in it again. I use to volunteer in politics and absolutely loved it. I enjoy having healthy debated related to politics. I also like learning how bills may or may not pass in the house and senate. I’m thinking that maybe getting involved more with my union will be a get start in getting involved with politics again. If I really look deep inside of myself I am passionate about politics as well.

As I sit here writing this blog I realize that I shared with you some things that I am passionate about. I also realize that the things that I’ve shared with you regarding what I am passionate about can go hand in hand. I have many other passions and most of them are intertwined and go hand in hand. I don’t have the time at the moment to share with you my other passions but hopefully I will be able to share them with you soon.

Well like I just said I don’t have much more time to continue this particular blog entry and wish you all well. I hope you all have a good evening, night or day for whatever part of the world you maybe in.

It’s Been A Good Tuesday

Posted on by Gertie

Hey!! It’s another Tuesday!! Today, didn’t start off in the most desirable way. I woke up with a nightmare. Not the way anyone wants to start off their day. Apparently and unfortunately it was a screaming nightmare. I found this out when the police showed up at my door. Once again, I was highly embarrassed that they were called and that I disturbed my neighbors again due to the PTSD I struggle with on the daily (and nightly) basis. The police did their jobs and thanked me for understanding. When the police left, I decided to stay up and get ready for the day.

As I was getting ready for my day my boyfriend called me to make plans for the day. I was more than pleased that we made plans because having such a rude awaking from a nightmare can cause my day to be rocky. We made plans to meet up Downtown to have lunch after his doctors appointment. So I met up with my boyfriend and we decided to go to Johnny Rockets. I love the atmosphere of Johnny Rockets and their food is absolutely awesome. I had the Houston while my boyfriend had the Smoke House Double and we shared a Chocolate Shake. As, we ate we made plans to do with the rest of our day.

After we ate we walked around the Downtown area of the city we live in. We decided to go into Barnes & Noble to look around. There I bought three books. In fact all three book are classics and I personally think they are books that I should have been assigned to read in school despite being in a special education English class. (Don’t get me started on the education I received in high school or the lack there of it.) It is my humble opinion that even though I was in a Special Ed English class I should have been required to read the three books that I bought today. The books I bought today are: Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte, Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens and A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. I love to read and enjoy it immensely despite having dyslexia and other reading issues. After buying books we decided to come home to his place.

When we arrived to his place we worked on a jigsaw puzzle together. We both love to do jigsaw puzzles. After that we both decided to read. I of course picked up the book that I am currently reading. The that I am reading is The Center Cannot Hold: My Journey Through Madness by Elyn R. Saks. The book is a memoir of Elyn R. Saks life. She writes about her struggle with Schizophrenia and her struggle with the illness as well as her recovery and how her education helped her through her struggle. While I was reading my mom called from my little brother’s place.

When my mom calls that means it’s 6pm on Tuesday. I had to set a specific time for her to call because she would (and still tries to) call me multiple times a day. I talked with her. Thankfully, she wasn’t as full as drama as she usually is. I think the reason being is because she was over at my little brother place. My little brother and I extremely close despite our 11 year age difference. He is my hero. He too struggles with his own disabilities but I wont share them here unless I have his permission. Since my mom was at my brothers place I talked to him as well. I love his sense of humor. After about an hour of talking to my mom and brother I decided to call my dad and talked with him for about a half an hour.

After my conversation ended with my dad at 7:30pm (Pacific Time), Josh asked what I wanted to eat. We agreed on Spaghetti, so he is started fixing dinner as I blog. The spaghetti sure smells great. My boyfriend is an awesome cook. His food is almost as good as my grandmas food. Of course nobodies food is ever as good as grandmas food. Well I better end this entry and help my boyfriend finish dinner since it is now 8:07pm (Pacific Time). Have good rest of your evening, night or day wherever you maybe in the world.

The Typical Week For Me

Posted on by Gertie

Hey!! Happy Monday! I just want to share with you guys what a typical week looks like for me. I’m doing this in hopes to have you the reader/follower get to know me better especially since I am new to the blogging thing. It is my goal for this particular entry to show “normal” people that they encounter people who struggle with mental illness on the daily basis even if they may not be aware of it. Mental illness is a hidden disability that many “normal” people don’t realize that they encounter people who struggle with a mental illness while they are going about their daily activities. I also hope that this post can show “normal” people that people who live with a mental illness are not lazy and live a productive life. Another goal for this particular entry it to show those who struggle with a mental illness that recovery is possible and that their is hope.

SIDE NOTE (info relevant for this post):

I work at a major grocery store chain as a courtesy clerk. A courtesy clerk is a bagger or box boy or in my case a box woman. A courtesy clerk bags groceries, cleans, brings in the carts, helps customers out to their cars, price checks, helps customers find items and is basically the peon of the store and gets all the disgusting jobs to do. All times I post are Pacific Time.

For me this is what a typical week looks like.

SUNDAY:

On Sundays, I sleep in and take it easy in the morning. As of lately I’ve been working the early afternoon to evening shift at work. Most Sundays I’m the closing courtesy clerk. Closing courtesy clerks tend to have more responsibilities than other courtesy clerks do. My Sunday afternoon/evening shifts are usually my longest shifts and they seem to go by more quickly than my other shifts at work. The reason being is because that’s when the particular store I work at is the busiest with customers.

MONDAY:

I am the opening courtesy clerk on Mondays. Opening courtesy clerks have the most responsibility than the other courtesy clerks including the closing courtesy clerks. I am usually off by 11am on Mondays which is great because Mondays happen to be my Fridays. When everyone else dreads Mondays, I look forward to them. When I get off on Mondays, I go home and watch the 12noon news and have a small snack. I also use Monday afternoons to make doctor appointments since it is the start of my weekend. I also usually do my laundry on Mondays so I can just get it out of the way and enjoy my weekend.

TUESDAY:

Tuesdays are the days I don’t have anything scheduled or planned. I keep Tuesdays open to do errands if I have any to do as well as to make appointments for the dentist or doctor. Most Tuesdays I end up with nothing scheduled or planned and that’s not always a good thing especially when its a difficult time of year for me regarding my particular diagnosis of the mental illness I deal with. That’s why I end up doing things I enjoy. When the weather is good I usually go someplace where I can be outside preferably by a body of water. That way I can people watch or read. Most of the time I end up reading and on occasion I cross-stitch. Yes, I cross-stitch. I also go to a local comic book store and get the latest Wonder Woman issue. If I already have the issue, I look around and get an issue that I don’t have. If the weather is not so good, I end up doing indoor things such as going to the movies or going to Gameworks. Gameworks is an arcade. I also usually do my weekly grocery shopping done on Tuesday. I also talk to my mother at 6pm every Tuesday. I had give her some boundaries on when she could call me for reasons you will find out in later blogs.

WEDNESDAYS:

Mornings are usually nice and relaxing. My boyfriend and I go and have lunch with one or both of his parents. There are times where both of his parents are working but that’s rare. Even when my boyfriend is working I go and have lunch with his parents. After lunch I go volunteer at a local homeless shelter. There is the occasional Wednesday morning that I will go see my psychiatrist or in my case psychiatric ARNP. After my volunteer job I go to local mom and pop video rental store and rent movies to watch throughout the week. It’s 2 for 1 meaning rent 2 movies for the price of 1.

THURSDAYS:

Thursday mornings are sometimes high anxiety for me because I see my therapist in the early afternoon for an hour. Although, the next two months or so the day I see my therapist is going to change I am already thinking of what to schedule for Thursdays. Since, Thursday mornings are sometimes anxiety provoking my boyfriend and I go walking around a local man-built lake which is 3.3 miles around. We even do it on Thursdays my boyfriend have to work. I then head off to my appointment. Before my appointment I eat lunch at nearby salad place where my appointment is. After my therapy appointment I usually take it easy because therapy and talking about shit is not easy.

FRIDAYS:

I work Fridays. In fact once again I am the opening courtesy clerk. When most everyone else gets excited about Fridays, I dread them because they are my Mondays. I am usually of no later than 1pm on Fridays. Friday evenings I end up going to dinner parties at friends places when I am not hosting them at my place or my boyfriends place.

SATURDAYS:

I again work on Saturdays and once again I am the opening courtesy clerk. I’m usually off by 12:30pm. After work on Saturdays, I usually go to lunch with an old high school friend who teaches high school English. It’s always nice to hang out with good friends.

EVERYDAY:

There are things that I do everyday that I did not mention in the particular days. I spend an hour everyday practicing my flute. I also spend about 45minutes teaching myself how to play the harmonica. I read about 3 to 7 chapters(depending the length) a day in the book I happen to be reading as well as at least 1 comic book. I cross-stitch at least a 1/2 an hour a day.

I hope that my goals for this blog become successful. I also hope that I have shown to “normal” people that they come into contact mentally ill people everyday who don’t appear or act “crazy.” I am sorry that I was so long winded. Have a good Monday everyone.