Tag Archives: Advocacy

Love Is A Beautiful Thing

Posted on by Gertie

     Love is a beautiful thing. Today, I was the Best Woman (instead of the Best Man) in one of my closest friends wedding. She got married to her long time girlfriend. They are now Wife and Wife. My friend wore a white tux with a purple vest and bowtie while her now wife wore a white wedding dress. They were both beautiful. I was in a black tux with a purple comber bun and bowtie. Even though wearing black in 86 F degree weather is quite hot, its better than wearing a dress. I’m not a big dress fan. I’m a “tom boy.” Anyway it was a beautiful wedding. The reason why my friend and her now wife chose to get married today was because of the date, 7/7/14. They not only think its lucky but they are both math teachers. They chose today because 7+7=14 or if you look at it date wise 7/7/14. They said their I dos at 7:07pm and 14 seconds. I am so happy my friend was able to get married to the woman of her dreams.

     Well, I worked this morning and it wasn’t a very good day at work. It wasn’t a good at work because I found out that one of my favorite elderly customers passed away. Her daughter came into the store this morning and told me and my co-workers. In fact I went to her 91st birthday back in May. I was told by this customer that I’m part of her family. That’s why her daughter and other children want me to give the eulogy at the funeral. I said yes. It’s going to be tough on me. Let’s get on a happier topic. I may not like my current job and it has nothing to do with death. I don’t like it because its not a career that I want to be in. Since I feel like I am in a dead in job, I’m going to review my resume’ tomorrow as well as look at jobs in the field that I want to be in. If I find a job opportunity to apply to I will not only apply but write a cover letter for that particular job.

     Speaking of a job opportunity I finally heard back for an organization I applied to, to become a volunteer. That particular organization is American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). I’m hoping things go well with becoming a Field Advocate for them. Not sure what’s in store. I’m still waiting on more information. They do a lot of work regarding suicide prevention as well as try to get laws passed to help those who struggle with mental illness. I’m now waiting to hear back from National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). I’m wanting to volunteer for them as well. In a couple of weeks I’m suppose to start training for a local Peer Support Warm Line. In all honesty, I fear that I might me taking too much on too quickly. I just want to not work a grocery store anymore. Nine years just seems way too long to be working at one and I feel like if volunteer in the mental health field then I’m more than likely to get a job as a Peer Counselor. You would think that volunteering at homeless shelter that specializes in mental illness is enough but I don’t think so. I’m hoping that I will be able to give of my time because I don’t have money to give. Plus giving of your time means much more than giving money a great deal of the time.

     Any way another thing I did was go and see my therapist. I of course got there an hour early like I do a lot of the time. While waiting to see my therapist I read A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens. I’m enjoying the book immensely. Diana (my therapist) and I talked about the 5 year anniversary of the trauma I experienced. We talked about the increase PTSD symptoms and the self harm urges I’ve been having. We also discussed the minor urges regarding the eating disorders. Diana is a little concerned about the self harm urges as well as the eating disorder urges and we discussed ways on how I can continue to NOT harm myself my cutting or starving myself or binging and purging. We discussed on what skills I could do. We discussed what could help in conjunction with my DBT skills. I told her I can look over my WRAP. WRAP stands for Wellness Recovery Action Plan.  Thankfully she has enough confidence in me that I wont relapse with the cutting or the eating disorders that we didn’t have to do a safety contract. Diana says that I am making “Wise mind” decisions and that I don’t have to worry about becoming Borderline again. She says I’m still a recovered Borderline because I’m far from meeting the criteria again. She tells me just as long as I am doing what I am suppose to be doing in my recovery I don’t have to worry. Plus I am far from being Borderline again or least that’s what she tells me. I am extremely fearful of becoming Borderline again. Diana keeps reassuring me that I don’t have to worry about it. She also told me that she was proud of me for all the hard work I am doing with my recovery process. Its difficult to hear someone tell me that they are proud of me but its cool to hear at the same time.(Side Note: Diana is a pseudonym for her protection and the protection of her other clients.) Oh boy its 11:00pm pacific time.

    Speaking of what time it is I better end this blog entry for now. I am a little tired. I’ve been up since 4am pacific time because of work. I hope I didn’t bore you all with this extremely long blog. Enjoy the last hour of your Monday. Oh yeah Happy 7/7/14. Goodnight and don’t let the bedbugs bite. Peace out everyone.

It’s Still Sunday

Posted on by Gertie

     It’s still Sunday and its going better than I thought it would be going. Yes, the PTSD is still acting up however my boyfriend  is being very supportive. He is so amazing and extremely patient with me. Sometimes I wonder why my boyfriend loves me so much.

     Speaking of love one of my best friends is getting marred to her long time partner tomorrow (7/7/2014) evening. My friend and her girlfriend of 15 years asked me to be in the wedding and I of course said yes. I am so looking forward to it. Its going to be a small backyard wedding. I am grateful that I live in a state that allows my friends in the LGBT community to marry. It just baffles my mind why some people of faith have issue with others marrying the people they love when they are the same gender. It shouldn’t matter just as long as you love each other. I have friend who says that she is a Christian and she is telling me that I’m going to hell because I’m in a “gay” wedding. I don’t see what the issue is. I just don’t understand why people are so judgmental. Well, like I said earlier, I am looking forward to it.

     Tomorrow is going to be a busy day for me. I work tomorrow morning. Its only a four shift. I’m glad its an early shift because I have the rest of the day to do things like go to my friends wedding and go see my therapist. I may not like my job but I’m grateful I work tomorrow. I’ve been at my current employment for 9 years now and my co-workers have become family to me. In fact some of my customers have become like family to me. Working gives me a sense of community and that is a good thing for someone who deal with a mental illness. Like I was saying earlier my co-workers and some of my customers have become like family to me. We go to each others major events such as kids birthday parties, weddings, college graduations and stuff like that. Even though I am looking for a new job as a Peer Counselor I will miss my current co-workers because I’ve worked with some of them for the last 9 years. I really hope I can get a job as a Peer Counselor soon.

     Like I said earlier I see my therapist tomorrow. I will be talking to her about the 5 year anniversary of the trauma I experienced. I will also be talking to her about the strong urges I’ve had with cutting. No, I did not cut because I used my Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills. I will be talking about the minor urges I had regarding the eating disorder stuff. Mainly the bulimia but I should talk about the anorexia as well. I’m grateful that I’ve been in recovery from the eating disorders for 15 years now. I think that will take up an entire hour.

     Unfortunately, my boyfriend has to work tomorrow. He has been so supportive of me today regarding the PTSD. He is now telling me dinner is almost done and that I should finish up this blog entry soon. His cooking is fabulous. He is making spaghetti for dinner. We are having strawberry short cake for dessert. Strawberry shortcake is my favorite dessert. 

      I think I should get going now since dinner is almost done. I will blog tomorrow to tell you how work and therapy went as well as how the wedding went. I’m sure its going to be a beautiful wedding. Well, I hope to blog again tomorrow. Have good evening everyone. Peace out.

Good Morning!!!

Posted on by Gertie

     Good Morning!!! It’s another Sunday morning and its another rare Sunday I have off. In a way I wish I worked today because if I work Sundays, I get paid time and a third. I know that doesn’t sound like much but that extra money helps a great deal. 

     Well my boyfriend called me after he got off from work this morning. He invited me over for breakfast. I love the fact that loves to cook for me. He fixed me bacon, scrambled eggs and hashbrowns. I also had orange juice and chocolate milk to drink. Oh how I love chocolate.

     My plans for the rest of the day are to clean my apartment. It’s a disaster area in my opinion. Another thing a plan on doing to reading. I plan on reading A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens as well as some of the psychology text books I bout last night. I still cant believe I bought two psychology text books for $13.51 at Half Priced Books. I love learning. My boyfriend and I are going have dinner together as well. We might even watch a movie together. I just need to get my apartment clean. I also hope to blog again later. It all depend on how things go.

     I am trying to keep myself busy today because its the five year anniversary of a traumatic event. Even though I want to blog later on I may not be in the best head space. That’s why I need keep myself busy. I want to stay in at least an okay head space. That’s another reason why I’m going to be spending a lot of time with my boyfriend today. He is a great support to me.

     I need to get going. I need to clean my apartment. I’m hoping to blog again later. I hope that you all have good rest of your Sunday. Peace out.

An Accomplished Week

Posted on by Gertie

     Well another Saturday is coming to a close and I am looking back on the week to see what I accomplished. I’ve accomplished a great deal. I worked 3 days this week which equals to 13.5 hours. I went to a 3 day training regarding Co-Occurring Disorders. I also went to a 4th of July party. So I accomplished a great deal this week.

      I had a great time at the 4th of July party I went to yesterday. Yes, I did get overwhelmed a little due to PTSD however I was surrounded by people who care about me. I enjoyed watching the fireworks. They were surprisingly good this year. Still not as good as Disneyland. I really enjoyed all the food I ate. I do have to admit that I had urges to binge and purge with all the food I ate. Its been a while since I had any urges regarding the Anorexia and/or Bulimia. I think the urges popped up because of the PTSD. Overall, I enjoyed my time at the 4th of July party,

     My PTSD symptoms are acting up because tomorrow (Sunday, July 6, 2014) is the five year anniversary of me being date r*p*d by my boyfriend at the time. My current boyfriend has been extremely supportive of me regarding this horrific anniversary. Unfortunately, my boyfriend is working at the moment. He wont get off work till tomorrow morning. He is doing an overtime (OT) shift. I am going to be honest with you. I have been fighting urges to cut today. I still get urges to self harm quite frequently but I choose not to because it just makes the situation worse.

     I know I spoke about this yesterday but I’m going to bring it up again. I really enjoyed the Co-Occurring Disorders training I attended. I loved learning the science of addiction. Its quite fascinating on what the brain does and how it reacts to different things including how drugs and/or alcohol effects it. I reread the material again. In fact I know I will reread it again because I can always learn something new every time I read it.

     Speaking of reading, I continued reading A Tale Of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens. It helped me a great deal today because it got my mind off of things. It got my mind off of the urges to cut. Yes, I may be a Recovered Borderline but unfortunately I still get urges to self harm. Its what do with the urges. I have to use my DBT skills. Reading is one of those skills. I love to read.

     Another thing I did today was go to Half Priced Books and bought two psychology text books for only $13.51. I’m not in school but I love to learn. I bought the psychology books in hopes to learn more. I also want to see what colleges and universities are teaching future therapist and social workers because they maybe helping me someday in the future. I didn’t make it through my first year at a community college because of my mental illness. So I’ve been trying to educate myself by buying various types of text books when they are cheap and out of date.

      I best be going because the local news is now over. That means Saturday Night Live is on next. SNL always make me laugh. Humor make me feel better. Well I best be going. I hope to blog again tomorrow. Enjoy the last 25 minutes of your Saturday. I’m glad I’ve accomplished so much this past week. Good night and peace out.

Happy 4th Of July!!!

Posted on by Gertie

     Happy 4th of July!!! Today is Independence Day here in the United States of America. I am grateful for our Military Personal because if it wasn’t for them fighting for my freedom’s I wouldn’t be living in one of the best countries in the world. Thank you all for your service!!! 

     I worked today. Yes, that’s the unfortunate thing about working at a grocery store, having to work holidays, even Christmas and Thanksgiving. At least I get paid double time for working today. Today at work we weren’t just busy with our regular customers and customers preparing for their holiday celebrations but busy with a Jehovah Witness convention at a near by college/university football stadium. I guess it is a 3 day event. I didn’t realize this until I wished one of them a Happy 4th of July and it offended them. I wasn’t trying to offend anyone. Sometimes I get frustrated with Political Correctness. See Jehovah Witness’s don’t celebrate holidays or birthdays and I can respect that because its a part of their religious beliefs. In fact I told on myself to my manager when I was told that I offend the person I was helping. My manager told me not to worry about it because we cant make everyone happy and that we cant know everyone’s religious beliefs unless they tell us or they wear a sign someone on their person.

     Yes, I will be celebrating the 4th of July. In fact I’m at my boyfriends parents house for a 4th of July party they are putting on. Their a lot of people here. Lots of food, fun, games and swimming. In fact my boyfriends parents house has a great view of where the fireworks are going to be shot off. My favorite part is always the fireworks. I do have to say that the firework show in the city I currently reside in is not as good as Disneyland’s fireworks. I grew up in Anaheim and was able to watch the Disneyland fireworks from my backyard, roof and even my front yard. I miss being able to watch the Disneyland fireworks every weekend. Disneyland’s firework show for the 4th of July is always their best firework show. Like I said I’m at my boyfriends parents house at the moment. I’m just taking a break from the crowd. It gets overwhelming at times especially since the symptoms of my PTSD are acting up. I figure that blogging will help ease the overwhelming feeling I am having at the moment. I am enjoying the food. I’m all about being All American when it comes to food on the 4th of July. Just give me a hot dog and I am happy. I had 3 hot dogs and plan on having a steak later on. I cant wait for the fireworks.

     Enough about the 4th of July for moment. I want to discuss the Co-Occurring Disorders training I attended for 3 days. We (me and the other trainee’s) learned about the science of the effects of addiction on the body and brain. I found the science part of it interesting. We also learned a new skill in the training called OPA. OPA stands for Organize. Prioritize. Act. It was created and copyrighted by Martin K. Abdo. To learn more about OPA I encourage you to go to his website http://www.opamentalhealth.com. I  have to say a disclaimer and that is if  that you want to do an OPA group in your practice or mental health agency that you contact Martin K. Abdo yourselves so he can train you to do it properly. In fact I can see myself doing the OPA skill in my everyday life. I learned so much from the training that I’m still trying to process everything I have learned. I guess you can say that I’m still on information overload. I’m grateful that now I can put the training on my resume’.

     Now that I have bored you with my day at work and celebration of the 4th of July as well as the 3 day training I attended, I’m going to end this blog for now. I hope I didn’t bore you with the events of my day and week. I am going to apologize for not blogging yesterday. I feel bad when I don’t blog everyday because I feel like if I don’t then I’m not helping fight the stigma of mental illness nor am I helping those who I struggling with a mental illness. I want to show those who struggle with a mental illness that there is hope and recovery is possible. I also want to show “normies” (normies is just term that means normal people) that people with mental illness live productive lives and are people just like them. I want to eliminate the stigma of mental illness. Well I better end this blog entry for now because I need to go show my face at the party again. Happy 4th of July everyone. Peace out and enjoy the fireworks.

Enjoying Training

Posted on by Gertie

     Happy Wednesday!!! I want to apologize for not blogging yesterday. I got busy yesterday. I went to the training yesterday then went to a barbeque at friends place with my boyfriend. It got warm yesterday and was more than grateful that the barbeque my boyfriend and I went to had a swimming pool. It got warm yesterday and I loved the warm weather.

      Well I’m learning a great deal in the co-occurring disorders training I am attending. I feel like I’m on information overload. I am enjoying the training a great deal. I’m making new friends as well. I am grateful that I am able to go to this training. Yesterday we learned about the science of addiction as well as how it effects the brain. Today we learned a good way to help those with co-occurring disorders. Tomorrow I think we are learning group techniques.

      I’m a little tired and want to share more about my training but like I said I am on information overload regarding what I am learning in the co-occurring disorders training. Plus the way the change to the way it looks when you are typing the blog has thrown me for a loop and I’m not sure why. Maybe its cause I am so tired. Anyway, I don’t have much more to say. I just hope that all the tags I put in appear. I’m still trying to get a hang of this blogging thing. Have a good night all. Enjoy the last 2 hours and 14 minutes of your Wednesday. Peace out!!

Speaking Of…..

Posted on by Gertie

     Well, it another Monday evening and am reflecting on my day. Overall, it has been a good day. Today was my first day back to work after being on vacation for a week. I realized walking through the doors of my job this morning on how much I desperately needed my vacation last week despite the lack of structure. I guess maybe that lack of structure every once in awhile is a good thing.

     Speaking of structure, this current week is full of it. Today, worked and went to see my therapist. Tomorrow (Tuesday), Wednesday, and Thursday I am going to be in a training regarding Co-Occurring Disorders. I then work again on Friday and Saturday. I am looking forward to the training that I will be going to the next three days. I’m looking forward to it because it’s a subject that I am passionate about. Anything that has to with mental health and/or alcohol & drug addiction is something that I am passionate about. Maybe its because of my own issue with mental illness and witnessing my parents struggle with both metal illness and drug & alcohol addictions. My parents have co-occurring disorders. The difference between my dad and my mom is that my dad is seeking treatment and unfortunately my mom is not. It is tough on a family member when the person is choosing to not seek treatment especially when the family is in recovery themselves.

      Speaking of recovery, I saw my therapist today. We worked a little on my treatment plan. I wish the mental health system as a whole would change the wording from treatment plan to recovery plan. I wish this because it makes recovery more real to those who don’t think recovery is possible. When I was a teenager and young adult I struggled with the fact that recovery was possible. I struggled with working with my treatment today because of how I was feeling today. I was being hard on myself and felt like a failure because of where I am in life and where I think I should be in life. Diana (my therapist) being the stubborn woman she had me dig deep into myself which is quite difficult for me to do. She had me dig deep within myself because she knows I am capable of doing so. I am so grateful that Diana is just as stubborn as I am because I need that stubbornness at times such as today. She also has a fierce sense of humor like I do. I don’t know if my humor is as fierce as hers but I’m grateful non the less. Diana used that fierce sense of humor today during our session. Diana has been extremely invested in my recovery. It’s always nice to have a therapist invested in your recovery. Sometimes it’s difficult to find a therapist invested in your recovery especially in the community mental health system. In fact my therapist and I talked about my blog today. She doesn’t follow my blog but reads it daily even on her days off. In fact I was shocked when she said she read it everyday including her days off. I had asked her if she could read it every once in while to see if she can see how I am doing. We had talked about me starting a blog for a few months because I was so hesitant to start one. We talked about why I was so hesitant and how blogging could not only help others in their recovery process but could help in my recovery process as well. If it wasn’t for her encouragement as well as the encouragement of others I wouldn’t have started this blog.

     Speaking of blogging I think I should end this particular blog entry for now. Before I end this blog for now I want to say a few things regarding blogging. I am truly hoping that this blog is reaching the people I hope its reaching. I hope its reaching those struggling with mental illness because I want them to know that there is hope and recovery is possible. I also hope that it’s reaching “normal” (whatever the hell “normal” means) people because it is my hope that this blog can show them (“normal” people) that people with mental illness are living productive lives like they are. I hope that when “normal” people read this it lessens the stigma of mental illness. Well, I need to get going. I need to get up at 5:30 am pacific time to get ready for my training tomorrow. Enjoy the remaining 1 hour and 24 minutes that is left of your Monday. I hope to blog again tomorrow. Peace out and enjoy the summer heat.

Happy Sunday!!

Posted on by Gertie

     Happy Sunday, to everyone out there!! I am looking forward to this next week. Yes, I am actually looking forward to go back to work tomorrow even though there is a chance that I might feel differently tomorrow when I have to get up at 5 in the morning. I think part of the reason why I’m looking forward to work tomorrow is because I didn’t have much structure last week because I was on vacation. For me structure is good thing. In fact for most people who struggle with a mental illness structure is a good thing.

     I am also looking forward this next week because I am going to a three day training regarding Co-Occurring Disorders. I am hoping that this training will give me some insight on those who struggle with Co-Occurring Disorders. I’m also hoping that will look good on my resume’ because I am still looking for a job as a peer counselor. In all honesty, I enjoy learning new things and I think that is why I am looking forward to this training. Any type of education and/or training in the field I desire to be in is a good thing. In fact any type of education is a good thing.

     I have to admit as much as I am looking forward to going back to work as well as going to the training, I am getting a bit stressed out by how busy I am going to be this week. Even though I am get a bit stressed out by this week, I am looking at it in a positive way. I am looking at it in away that if I am able to make it through this next week without a day off then I know am meant to be a Peer Counselor. See, I work on Monday, Friday and Saturday and then on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday I have the training. I most likely will have to work next Sunday and Monday as well so that means I wont have a day off till Tuesday, July, 8, 2014. But then again I wont get my work schedule for next week till Friday so I wont know if I have to work next Sunday or Monday till then. Even though I am bit stressed out I am using some relaxation skills as well as meditating. In fact I will be using relaxation technique’s through out the week as well as meditating. Relaxation techniques and meditation is not an easy thing for me to do. I figure they can only help throughout this next week no matter how difficult they are for me to do.

     I am hoping to blog about my training each day. If I am unable to blog each day regarding the training I will definitely blog about it at the end of the week. I just hope that this blog is reaching people. All, I want is to lessen the stigma of mental illness as well as show those who struggle with one that hope is out there and recovery is possible. I’m also trying to figure out how to reach more people with this blog. I should give this blogging thing more time. I have only been doing it for a month now.

     I should really get going and end this blog entry for now. I hope to blog again tomorrow after work and my therapy session. I hope everyone has a good week. Peace out and enjoy your week.

Comfort

Posted on by Gertie

     Hey, it’s still Saturday and its been good day. I did end up having a picnic by myself at my neighborhood park. The PB&J sandwich was absolutely delicious and comforting. Their something comforting about eating a PB&J sandwich. Not sure why PB&J sandwiches are so comforting but they are. In fact eating the sandwich helped me through a rough moment. The rough moment was dealing with the symptoms of PTSD. PTSD sucks a great deal. After eating my PB&J, I read some of A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens. I am enjoying the book a great deal. 

      As, I was reading in my neighborhood park my mother called. My mom is not a very comforting person in my life. She says some pretty harsh and mean things to me in almost all of our conversations. In fact with my mom I have had to set boundaries with her calling me. In fact that day and time is Tuesday at 6pm. I did decide to pick up today when she called. Don’t get me wrong I love my mom but she is not a very nice person when she has been drinking and/or using. She is an alcoholic and drug addict. My moms parenting skills when I was growing up weren’t exactly the best. I answered the phone in hopes that maybe that she might be some comfort to me because of my PTSD symptoms acting up. Unfortunately, like usual, she was unable to comfort me like I’ve desired her to do my entire life. Sometimes you just need your mommy even as grown adult. She told me to “get over it because it happened decades ago.” Sorry but I wish I could “get over it.” When she told me to “get over it” I told her, “Mom, I love you and need to go. I will talk to you Tuesday.” Thankfully, she respected my boundaries and didn’t call me back.

     After getting off the phone with my mom I decided to call my boyfriend because I know he is comforting person. So I talked to him for about 15 minutes when we decided that I come over to his place. When I got here he held me for about 45 minutes. Sometimes being held is all I need. It helped a great deal. After being held my boyfriend cooked me my favorite dinner of mac & cheese, ham and corn on the cob. The meal he fixed me is my comfort meal. As he fixed me dinner, I called my little brother. We talked for about 20 minutes before he had to go and meet up with some of his friends. My brother is a sweet heart.

     My boyfriend finally finished making dinner and we of course ate it. After we ate we put on some music and ended up dancing. Dancing with my boyfriend in house is comforting. I’m thinking its because of the being held thing. Slow dancing requires being held in a way. I felt comforted by slow dancing with my boyfriend.

     When my boyfriend and I decided to stop dancing we put on some Nirvana and did a jigsaw puzzle. We both love music and jigsaw puzzles. Music is quite comforting to me. Their something quite comforting about Nirvana’s music and the lyrics to the songs. In fact we had the music up loudly because in our opinion Nirvana deserves to be played loudly. We finished the puzzle and decided to watch a movie.

      We watched the movie Finding Nemo. Watching a Disney movie is always comforting for some reason. We finished the movie at about 11:15pm when I turned on the 11 o’clock news and started this particular blog. My boyfriend is baking some chocolate cupcakes and chocolate chip cookies. My boyfriend know that chocolate is quite comforting to me. Hell, chocolate is quite comforting to many women if not all women. He also knows that homemade chocolate chip cookies are comforting to me. He is baking them because he knows that I need all the comfort I can get today due to my PTSD symptoms acting up.

      Well, the 11 o’clock news is now over and Saturday Night Live is now on. I love SNL because its hilarious. Humor brings me comfort as well. Can you tell that I’ve been talking about comfort in this blog. I needed all the comfort I could get today because of my stupid PTSD. Sometimes all we need is comfort and today was one of those days I needed it. I still do.

      I best be ending this blog entry for now. I want to cuddle with my boyfriend while watching SNL as the cookies and cupcakes finish baking. Cuddling with my boyfriend is also comforting. I hope you all enjoy the last 15 minutes of your Saturday. Peace out and goodnight all.

Good Afternoon, Saturday!!

Posted on by Gertie

     Good Afternoon, Saturday!! It’s 12:39 pm pacific time and I actually slept in till 10:15 am. For me that’s a rare thing. I am usually up no later than 8 o’clock am. Maybe I needed the extra sleep for this next week with all the stuff that I am doing. It does feel a lil weird sleeping in till past 10 o’clock am.

     Since I have gotten off to a late start I am trying to figure out what I am going to have to eat. Do I want breakfast or do I want lunch? Actually, to tell you the truth a peanut butter and jelly sandwich sounds good to me. There is nothing better than a good PB&J sandwich. I of course will be putting strawberry jam on my PB&J sandwich because I love strawberries. Plus, I’m a picky eater. According to family, I always have been. I say that because at times I wonder if has anything to do with the eating disorders I use to struggle with. It’s been 15 years this summer since I last struggled with Anorexia and Bulimia and I am grateful I’m no longer struggling with. Yes, I get those rare occasions of urges for the eating disorders but as time goes on those urges get easier to deal with. Well, I’ve noticed I have gotten of topic once again in a blog. Go figure.

     I also need to figure out what to today besides laundry. I know that later on today my boyfriend and I are going to hang out. He is going to be making me dinner again. He is a really awesome cook. His cooking isn’t as good as my grandma’s cooking but its still good. Nobodies cooking is as good as your grandma’s cooking. I think I’m going to go to the neighborhood park and read A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens. I might even take that PB&J sandwich with me to the park. Hey, that’s a good idea; to have a small picnic by myself. I really like the idea. I think I will do that. In fact I know I will do that. I will go to the neighborhood park to read and eat my PB&J sandwich. I will even take a can of Pepsi with me. I just hope it doesn’t start raining again. If does then it does. Its not like I haven’t been rained on before.

     Before I end this particular blog entry, I want to share with you a frustration of mine at the moment. I am frustrated with myself that my blog is not where I would like it to be right now. I was hoping that I would have more followers by now. I know I should not be so hard on myself because I am new to this blogging thing and I’ve only been at it for a month now. I just so badly want to stomp out the stigma of mental illness as well as show those who struggle with one that there is hope and that recovery is possible. Like I said I’m just being hard on myself again. I hope that somehow this blog makes a difference in this world. All I want is to make a difference.

      Well, it’s now 12:58 pm and I am hungry and I am thinking I should get going now. I will end this blog entry for now and of course I will blog again later. I am going to go now and have my picnic. Peace out and enjoy the day.