Late Night Hump Day (Wednesday) Ramblings

Happy Hump Day!!! Or what’s left of Hump Day. Can you believe that people are unaware that Hump Day is actually Wednesday?

It may still be just another Hump Day (Wednesday) and I have a lot on my mind. At this point in time I am not sure how long or short this blog may be tonight. My mind is full of stuff that I want to discuss with you all but not sure if I will be able to convey it the way I want or if I’m going to be too tired to continue blogging once I get going. I guess I will just go with the flow with this particular blog entry due to the fact of I’m wanting to blog more in hopes to get more followers and/or readers because I want to educate people on mental illness as well as show people who due struggle with a mental illness that recovery is possible.

I might as well as update you all on my new job. I am still loving it. This past Monday (November 17, 2014) I started a Coloring Group. I only had three clients in attendance but it was more than I thought I was going to have. Cool thing about the coloring group is that coloring is one of my Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills. I am hoping that it will eventually become an Art Group. Can you believe it’s been almost three months since I found out I got my current job as a Consumer Aide? Even if you can believe it, I’m still having a hard time believing it and I’ve been working as a Consumer Aide for two and a half months now. I really wasn’t sure I was going to get the job but I am so happy that I got the job for many different reasons.

One of those reasons why I am happy I got my current job is because the holidays are coming up. See my previous employer was at a grocery store. Grocery stores are pure hell to work in during the holidays due to all the food people are buying. The worst time to work at grocery store is the week of Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving week is what we call hell week. Hell week usually begins the Saturday before Thanksgiving. The worst day to work is usually the Wednesday before Thanksgiving because its so freakin busy. Working Thanksgiving sucked but at least the customers show gratitude unlike the day before Thanksgiving. Working Black Friday was hell as well because grocery store are usually dead (extremely slow) because everyone is either sleeping in or at retail stores getting “major deals” on items that they may want.

Since we are on the topic of Thanksgiving lets discuss it. Thanksgiving is going to be a little different this year. My boyfriend and I are going to host it at his place. So both his family and my family are going to be in attendance. Mainly because my family (particularly my dad’s side) were trying to make it an “obligation” for me to be in attendance. I highly dislike when both sides of my family do this to me. I’ve been dealing with the issue of what side I’m going to spend what holiday with since I was 3 years old. I am now in my mid thirties. It was much easier when I was under the age of 18 because at least I could say what do the custody papers say. The only reason why I am looking forward to Thanksgiving this year is because I get to spend with my boyfriend, his family and my lil brother.

Another thing I am looking forward to is training I am going to tomorrow. The training I am going to has nothing to do with my current employment but it can help me with future employment opportunities. In fact it is a training that my volunteer job is putting on. Actually, its the local crisis line that is putting it on. See, I volunteer at a local peer run Warm Line and the Warm Line is under the umbrella of the local Crisis Line. The training is available for all the volunteers and staff. In fact the training is on Practicing Social Justice and the topic or discussion will be on the LGBTQ community and mental illness. I’m looking forward to this training for my own reasons. Those reasons aren’t just because it will be helpful but because I consider myself part of the LGBTQ community because I am bi-sexual. Actually, I think I am more pansexual than bi-sexual. I am looking forward to the training tomorrow. Speaking of tomorrow, tomorrow is almost here.

One thing I am also hoping to do tomorrow is to start reading the book “Catch 22.” I am putting “A Tale of Two Cities” on hold for a moment because I’m having difficulty getting into it. The reason why is the how it’s written and it is triggering my dyslexia. I was finding “A Tale of Two Cities” enjoyable but wanted to put it down for a while. I will pick it back up after I read “Catch 22.”

I have a great deal more I would like to discuss with you but I am getting tired. I am hoping to blog again tomorrow. It is still Hump Day (Wednesday) and am going to call it a night. Enjoy the last two minutes of Hump Day (Wednesday).  Good night and don’t let the bed bugs bite. Peace Out!!

Two Weeks Too Long To Go Without Blogging

Happy Friday!!! Its been two weeks since I last blogged and in m opinion that’s too long. While life got busy for me my laptop’s hard drive decided to go kaputs on me.

As I was dealing with my busy life (and laptop issues) I celebrated a major milestone in my life. That milestone was that I’ve been out of an inpatient psych unit for the last three years. Three years out of an inpatient unit is a major deal for me because this is the longest I’ve been out of the hospital. In fact my closest friends actually had a celebration for me on my third year anniversary which was on November 1st. Being out of the hospital for three years is an amazing accomplishment for me because I’ve been in and out of hospitals for mental health issues since I was a teenager. Its an accomplishment that I am proud of. Recovery is not an easy feet but it well worth the effort.

The reason why recovery is worth the effort is because of the things that are going well for me like my new job. I am absolutely loving it. In fact this Monday (11/17/2014) I am starting a coloring group. I’m looking forward to seeing the creativity of the clients as well as being able to engage them and getting to know them better. The clients I work with are some of the most challenging people to encage in treatment but are some of the most creative. I am hoping that as time goes on that it will become more of an art group than an coloring group. Many people who have a mental illness tend to be very creative (ex. writing, music, art, drama).  My job it going quite well and I am enjoying it immensely.

Another thing I am enjoying immensely is being with my boyfriend. We have been spending a great deal of time together and rightly so. I love him with all my heart and I know he loves me. It feels good  have someone who excepts me for me no matter what scars I have weather they are visible or not. Since it was so nice outside my boyfriend and I went to a local park that as a lake and went rollerblading even though it only got to 45 degrees as a high today. We really enjoyed ourselves. Since it was so cold we came home (to his place) after rollerblading and lit a fire in the fireplace and had hot chocolate while watching the 7th season of M*A*S*H. I’m happy that I have a partner that is willing to laugh with me as well as cry with me. Having a loving person by my side no matter what is very special. I never thought I would be in a romantic relationship because of my struggles with a mental illness.

When it comes to struggling with a mental illness I wish the media would talk about it more. Dealing with a mental illness is not easy and there is a great deal of stigma that goes with it. I think if the media starts talking about it more openly and educating about it then the stigma will start to lessen. Its frustrating as hell when television shows make fun of those who struggle with a mental illness. It just adds to the stigma that goes with having a mental illness.

I’m getting on my soap box I should call it a night. I am getting tired and want to spend time with my boyfriend because he has to work tomorrow. His work shifts are  24 hours due to the career he chose to peruse and loves with all his heart. Have good night and don’t let the bed bugs bite. Enjoy your weekend. Peace Out!!

Social Media, Boyfriend, & Other Stuff

I know it has been a week since I last blogged. I do have a good excuse that I am wanting to tell you at a later time. I am still debating whether or not that later time will be sometime in this particular post or not. I am still trying to get adjusted to the idea of why I haven’t blogged in a week even though I did post twice since finding out the good news. I am aware that not blogging for a week hinders me from getting potential readers and/or followers.

When it come to getting more followers and/or readers I have decided to create a twitter account. I didn’t realize that you could create a twitter account if you don’t have a smart (cell) phone. The cell phone I have is a basic tough phone or what I call a dumb dumb phone. I am hoping that starting a twitter account will help increase my blog traffic. If you want to connect with me on twitter you can at @gertiesjourney.

Since I am on the topic of social media I might as well as tell you I am on Facebook as well. You can friend me on it Facebook if you want to at Gerties Journey. In fact I started that account so my followers and regular reader could have another way to connect with me.

Connection with people is a good thing especially when it comes to in person connection. My boyfriend and I have been spending the day with each other. In fact we will be spending the rest of the weekend together because once Monday morning comes around we wont be able to see each other till Tuesday evening because of our jobs. My boyfriend and I have pretty much stayed in most of the day due to yucky, blustery weather. We did go for a walk when it wasn’t so yucky and blustery out. As I mentioned we have spent most of today indoors. My boyfriend and I spent the day watching soccer (football) as well as the World Series.  My boyfriend and of course had to keep warm by the fire when the lights went out for a few hours. While keeping warm by the fire we not only worked on a jigsaw puzzle but had some intimate moments. In fact it was an intense intimate moment. When the electricity came back on we watch a the movie Its Kind Of A Funny Story. In fact the movie is one of my favorite movies. It’s absolutely hilarious.

Speaking of hilarious, my boyfriend and I want to watch Saturday Night Live (SNL). Yes, that means I am going to end this blog for now because SNL is now on. Well, have good night and don’t let the bed bugs bite. Peace Out everyone!!!!

100th Blog

Writing this particular blog is a major milestone; a milestone in the fact that it is my 100th blog. Blogging on the subject of Mental Illness hasn’t been an easy feat. It hasn’t been easy for me to write on the topic of mental illness due to my own struggles with it and the lack of education. I have the lack of education to convey what I desire to tell you in regards to mental illness. Due to my struggles with mental illness I was unable to go to college and now it’s the lack of funds that I am unable to attend college. On the flip side, I am able to convey how one feels as well as how one deals when one struggles with a mental illness. I am however able to convey something on mental illness that and “educated” person cannot because I live with one. Who better to educate others on mental illness than those who struggle with one? Well, maybe those who not only struggle with a mental illness but have an education in field that deals with mental illness.

Dealing with a mental illness is not an easy thing to deal with because of the struggles one must have to endure when it comes to symptoms.  Learning to deal with the symptoms of a mental health diagnosis in a positive way is a start in  the recovery process. Recovery is not only a difficult journey as well as process but a difficult choice. Yes, recovery is a choice, a choice which one must be a willing participant. Of course being in recovery is an effort that others must be included in because going the journey alone just makes the journey not worth the effort to do. Once a person chooses the road to recovery that person will need all the support they can receive.

The support that one receives looks different to everyone’s own recovery. For me and my own recovery my support system is continuing to grow and be more supportive. My support system includes professionals (such as my therapist, psychiatric nurse practitioner, primary care physician, etc.) as well as natural supports (such as my boyfriend, friends, current and past co-workers, selected family members, etc.). If it wasn’t for the continued support of the people I consider my support system, I would not be able to enjoy my life or even be in recovery. Yes, it is choice that I must make and choose to make however without the support I would not be able to continue on the road of recovery.

The point I am trying to make is that one who struggles with a mental illness needs all the positive support they can get especially when they choose to walk in recovery. Choosing recovery is a personal decision not a forced decision. Being forced into recovery (and in most cases treatment) does more harm than good. The last thing we who struggle with mental illness is to be forced to go into treatment. Yes, in some cases it is a good idea to be put into involuntary treatment but in most cases it is NOT a good idea.

My recovery means the world to me. Yes, there might be relapses and bumps in the road but I will have the support of my support network as well as all the skills I have learned throughout the years. If it wasn’t for my recovery I would not have been able to be employed at my previous employer much less get my current job as a consumer aide at a mental health agency. I have worked endlessly to get where I am at and I owe it all to those who have helped me through out the years. It is to those who have helped me through out the years that this blog is dedicated to. If it wasn’t for the help of many people I would have not been able to be posting my 100th blog much less been able to start this blog to share my recovery as well as to educate those who do not have a mental illness. It is my hope that this blog continues to educate people as well as give hope to those who are struggling and that recovery is possible.

I want to thank you for reading and/or following my blog. It means a great deal to me. I hope that with the next hundred blogs that I will able to continue to convey hope and recovery as well as educate on mental illness. Yes, I know I am not a teacher however some of the best educators in my life  were NOT teachers.

I hope to blog again in the next day or so. I am thrilled that I am able to share my life with you as well as be able show people that there is hope and recovery is possible and that people with mental illness are fully capable human beings. Have a good rest of your weekend all. Peace Out and have fun!!!

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

It’s the end of the work week and I haven’t blogged in nearly a week. I have not only been busy with work but with life in general. I mentioned in my last two blogs that once mental health week was over with, that I would continue educating you on a particular mental health diagnosis. That is what I plan on doing this evening. I plan on educating you on Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I have been diagnosed with a mild form of OCD. The information I am about to tell you I got off of the Natation Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) website at nami.org.

What is Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder?

     Obsessions are intrusive, irrational thoughts – unwanted ideas or impulses that repeatedly appear in a person’s mind. Again and again, the person experiences disturbing thoughts, such as “My hands must be contaminated; I need to wash them”; “I may have left the gas stove on; I need to go check it fast”; I am going to injure my child by accident; I need to be very careful or else something bad will happen.” On one level, he or she fears these thoughts might be true. Trying to avoid such thoughts creates great anxiety, distress and dysfunction.

     Compulsions are repetitive riturals such as hand washing, counting, checking, hoarding or arranging. An individual repeats these actions many times throughout the day and performing these actions releases anxiety, but only momentarily. People with OCD feel they mush perform these compulsive rituals or something bad will happen to them or their loved ones.

Most people at one time or another will experience obsessive thoughts or compulsive behaviors. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder occurs when an individual experiences obsessions and compulsions for more than an hour each day, in a way that interferes with his or her life. The National Institute of Mental Health estimates that more than 2 percent of the U.S population, or nearly one out of every 40 people, will be diagnosed with OCD at some point in their lives. The disorder is two or three times more common than schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.

OCD is often described as “a disease of doubt.” Individuals living with OCD experience “pathological doubt” because they are unable to distinguish between what is possible, what is probable and what is unlikely to happen.

Who gets OCD?

People from all walks of life can get OCD. It strikes people of all social and ethnic groups and both males and females. Symptoms typically begin in childhood, the teenage years or young adulthood. The sudden appearance of OCD symptoms later in life merits a thorough medical evaluation to ensure that another illness is not the cause of these symptoms.

What causes OCD?

People with OCD can often say “why” they have obsessive thoughts or “why” they behave compulsively, but the thoughts and the behavior continue. A large body of scientific evidence suggest that OCD results from a chemical imbalance in the brain. For years, mental health professionals incorrectly assumed OCD resulted from bad parenting or personality defects. This theory has been disproven over the last few decades. People whose brains are injured sometimes develop OCD, which suggest it is a medical condition. If a placebo pill is given to people who are depressed or who experience panic attacks, nearly 40 percent say they feel better. If a placebo is given to people who experience obsessive-compulsive disorder, only about two percent say they feel better. This also suggest that OCD is a biological condition as opposed to a “personality problem.”

Genetics are thought to be very important in OCD. If you, or your parent or sibling, have OCD, there’s close to a 25 percent chance that another of your immediate family members will have it.

OCD has been found to be connected with dysfunction in certain parts of the brain, can cause the repetitive movements and rigid thinking that effects people with OCD. Successful treatment with medication or behavior therapy changes the activity in these brain regions, which decreases the symptoms of OCD. Two specific chemicals in the brain – a neurotransmitter called serotonin and a hormone called vasopressin – have also been studied by scientist who have found a link between these chemicals and OCD. Researchers believe OCD, anxiety disorders, Tourette’s and eating disorders, such as anorexia and bulimia, can be triggered by some of the same chemical changes in the brain.

A world-renowned expert, Judith Rapopart M.D., describes OCD by writing, ” something in the brain is stuck, like a broken record.”

Now that I have educated you on OCD, I hope that you have learned something. I got the above information  from NAMI’s website at nami.org.

I plan on blogging on one mental health diagnosis a week so I can be able to continue to educate others on mental illness. I just want to  lessen the stigma of mental illness. I am going to call it an evening. Peace Out!!

Mental Health Araweness Week; Day 7: Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) & Recovery

It’s Day 7 of Mental Health Awareness Week. That means it is the last day and I struggled with what I wanted to discuss today. I really wanted to discuss another diagnosis as well as recovery. With much discussion and consideration with different people in my life, I have chosen to not only talk about Recovery but Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) as well. I chose these two topics because I at one time was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and because I have worked so hard in recovery I no longer meet the criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). So you can see the topics of Recovery and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can go hand and hand for me.

I will discuss Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) first. From here on out for the remainder of this blog, Borderline Personality Disorder will be written as BPD. The following information on BPD I got from National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) website at nami.org.

Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a serious mental illness that can be challenging for everyone involved, including the individuals with the illness, as well their friends and family members. BPD is characterized by impulsivity and instability in mood, self-image, and personal relationships. The treatments and longer-term studies of BPD offer hope for good outcomes for most individuals who live with BPD. Ideas to name the condition in a manner that better describes the patter of concerns (e.g., Emotion Dysregulation Disorder) have been advanced but no name change to the condition is planned for the release of DSM-5.

What is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and how is it diagnosed?

Borderline Personality Disorder is diagnosed by mental health professionals following a comprehensive psychiatric interview that may include talking with a person’s previous clinicians, review of prior records, a medical evaluation, and when appropriate, interviews with friends and family. There is no specific single medical test (e.g., blood test) to diagnose BPD and a diagnosis is not based on  a single sign or symptom. Rather, BPD is diagnosed by a mental health professional based on patterns of thinking and behavior in an individual. Some people may have “borderline personality traits” which means that they do not meet the criteria for diagnosis with BPD but have some of the symptoms associated with this illness.

Individuals with BPD usually have several of the following symptoms, many which are detailed in the DSM-IV-TR:

  • Marked mood swings with periods of intense depressed mood, irritability and/or anxiety last a few hours to a few days (but not in the context of full-blown episode of major depressive disorder or bipolar disorder).
  • Inappropriate, intense or uncontrollable anger.
  • Impulsive behaviors that result in adverse outcomes and psychological distress, such as excessive spending, sexual encounters, substance use, shoplifting, reckless driving or binge eating.
  • Recurring suicidal threats or non-suicidal self-injurious behavior such as cutting on one’s self.
  • Unstable, intense personal relationships, sometimes alternating between “all good,” idealization, and “all bad,” devaluation.
  • Persistent uncertainty about self-image, long-term goals, friendships and values.
  • Chronic boredom or feelings of emptiness.
  • Frantic efforts to avoid abandonment.

Borderline Personality Disorder is relatively common – about 1 in 20 or 25 individuals will live with this condition. Historically, BPD has been thought to be significantly more common in females, however recent research suggest that males may almost as frequently affect by BPD. Borderline Personality Disorder is diagnosed in people from each race, ethnicity and economic status.

What is the cause of Borderline Personality Disorder?

The exact causes of BPD remain unknown, although the roles of both environmental and biological factors are though to play a role in people who develop this illness. While no specific gene has been shown to directly cause BPD, a number of different genes have been identified as playing a role in its development. The brain’s functioning, as seen in MRI testing, is often different in people with BPD, suggesting that there is a neurological basis for some of the symptoms associated with BPD.

Neuroimaging studies are not clinically helpful at this time to make the diagnosis and are research tools. A number of hormones (including oxytocin) and signaling molecules within the brain (e.g., neurotransmitters including serotonin) have been shown to potentially play a role in BPD. People who experience traumatic life events (e.g., physical or sexual abuse during childhood) are at increased risk of developing BPD, as are people with certain chronic medical illnesses in childhood.

The connection between BPD and other mental illnesses is well established. People with BPD are at increased risk for anxiety disorders, depressive disorders, eating disorders, and substance abuse. BPD is often misdiagnosed and many people find they wait years to get a proper diagnosis, which leads to a better care plan.

Many people with Borderline Personality Disorder have a first-degree relative with a serious mental illness (e.g., bipolar or schizophrenia). This is likely due to both genetic and environmental factors.

Now that I have bored you about BPD, I want to thank you for reading to this point. Again, I got the following information from NAMI’s website at nami.org.  I will now continue on with the next part of my blog.

The next part of the discussion is Recovery. According to the Webster’s dictionary Recovery is defined as following: noun: The process of combating a disorder (such as alcoholism) or a real or perceived problem. Now that you know the definition of Recovery, I can tell you how recovery looks to me especially when it comes to BPD.

Recovery has been a long and difficult process for me. In fact recovery is a lifelong process for people with any mental health diagnosis. For me, my recovery process in regards to my mental illness (not the eating disorders I struggled with) started 11 years ago this month (October or 2003) when I went into a two year intensive outpatient Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) program. When I was in DBT I learned on ways to learn how to deal with my intense emotions. Most of the emotions I was dealing with and still deal with on occasion, I learn as a child to hold them in. So, holding in my emotions I ended up self-harming by cutting myself. I’m getting a little off topic, when I was in the DBT program I learned the proper skills or tools I needed to express my emotions appropriately. Because I learned how to express my emotions in an appropriate manner I was able to hold down a job at the same employer for 9 1/2 year as well take the training and examination to become a Certified Peer Support Specialist (aka Peer Counselor). Not only was I employed at the same employer for 9 1/2 years I was able to quit that job and become  Consumer Aide with Peer Counselor responsibilities at a mental health agency.

Yes, after I graduated the DBT program I continued with my previous job as well as sought out a new therapist. I have had my current therapist for 6 years this December. My current therapist Diana (pseudonym) and have worked endlessly with the pain of my past. She is the one that encouraged me to get my peer certification as well getting my new job as a Consumer Aide. Diana and the DBT program I graduated from in November of 2005 have played a key role in my recovery. In fact I have come to rely on myself as well as my friends and a select family members as well as people I consider family more than I do my own treatment team. Diana, my current therapist, is the one who declared me a recovered Borderline. As of the summer of last year (2013) I know longer meet the criteria of Borderline. My natural support system will see to that I will never get the diagnosis of BPD back. In fact my natural supports are a key to my recovery.

The reason why they are key to my recover is because like I said earlier recovery is a life long process. See I deal with other mental health diagnoses like the ones I have shared with you this past week. In fact I struggle with a few other diagnoses and will continue to educate you on those tomorrow. Going back to the topic, most mental illness’s are life long. Most of the personality disorders are the only mental health diagnoses you can eventually no longer meet the criteria for and Borderline is one of them. Yes, I will most likely struggle from time to time with my other mental health diagnosis however I have great friends and family as well as a therapist that are all invested in my recovery. They wont give up on me nor will they allow me to give up on myself.

Now that I have practically written a chapter or two of a book I better let you all go. I will continue to keep educating you on different diagnosis’s. I will continue with the ones that deal with. Have a great rest of your weekend I hope that I have educated you all on mental illness during Mental Health Awareness Week. I hope you all will continue to read and/or follow my blog. I hope I was able to convey to you this week that I was hoping to and hope to be able to convey more to you all in other blogs. Thanks for reading. Please do not hesitate to share my blog on social media site just as long as it is done in a respectful manner. Again thank you for reading. It means a great deal to me that you read my blog.

I should really let you go. I will blog again tomorrow and yes I will be blogging about another mental health diagnosis. It will be one that I have been diagnosed with. Again, thank you for reading. Peace out and enjoy your weekend.

Figuring Out How To Succeed At Blogging

Happy Friday!!!! Apparently, I’m not reaching as many people as I hoped I would be. I only have 15 followers and don’t get many views. I am just getting frustrated with myself because I am not blogging as regularly as I was wanting to as well as not doing much educating when it comes to mental illness. I was hoping that I would educate people on particular mental health diagnoses but it appears that something is getting in my way in doing that. That something is me. I’m the one that is hindering the progression of this blog. On the positive side, I know that through my blog that I am showing others that recovery is possible (or at least I think I am).

My thinking was (and still is) when I started this blog was to show others that recovery is possible and that their is hope. I know that my blog is succeeding to a point when it comes to showing others that recovery is possible but it’s not succeeding in other ways. Its not succeeding in the number of followers or views I have or get and I think the reason being is the reason I stated earlier in this blog and that is the education part of it. I am hoping that once things start settling down with the new job as well as the new volunteer job that I will be able to start the education part of this blog. It is my hope that I will educate on the diagnosis’s that I have as well the ones I no longer meet the criteria for. I then hope to do some education on the diagnoses that family members and close friends struggle with and then go on from there.

Now that you heard enough about how my blog is not succeeding let get on to other subjects. I will start with my boyfriend. When he got off from work this morning I had made him breakfast. I made him pancakes, bacon and scrambled eggs. According to my boyfriend I burned the bacon. He pretty much likes eating bacon raw or at least almost raw. He likes all the fat on it. I do have to say that the fat on the bacon is what makes bacon taste good. After eating breakfast and doing dishes we had some intimate moments. Intimacy is something I personally struggle with because of some severe trauma I experienced as a child and even some trauma I experienced as an adult. With that being said my boyfriend makes me feel safe especially during intimate moments. He is gentle with me and extremely loving.

Speaking of loving, I am loving my new job. Yes, I know a loving partner is completely different than loving your job. I not only love my job, I enjoy it as well. My job gives me great joy even though its not the position I desire. In regards to it not being the position I desire its a foot in the door as well as moving up opportunities.

Since we are on the topic of opportunities, my volunteer job at the Warm Line gives me training opportunities as well as possible career advancement at my current employer and possibly at the Crisis Line where the Warm Line is run out of. Yes, I know what I just said sounds a little selfish but if what I do employment wise as well as volunteering gives me a purpose in life then so be it. I’m improving with being a call taker on the Warm Line and am no longer a deer in head lights. I am finally getting in the grove of things as a call taker.

I so want to share more with you right now but I realize I am hungry and need to figure out what I want to cook for dinner. I’m hoping that my boyfriend will give me some idea’s. Actually, I am hoping that he will do the cooking tonight.  Well, have a good Friday evening everyone. I hope everyone enjoys there weekend and has some fun. Peace out.

It’s Been About A Week

Good Morning!!!! It’s a beautiful day Saturday morning in the region of the United States I live in. Yes, it is still morning where I live. It happens to be 11:49am (pacific time) at the moment or least this is time my cell phone and computer say the time is where I am.

Its been about a week since I last blogged. I am extremely sorry that it has been so long that I have blogged. I’ve been busy with various things that I would love to share with you today.

Lets start with my dad. About two weeks ago my family and I were faced with a difficult decision of the possibility of take my dad off of life support or putting him on a tracheostomy. We had a week to decide and we decided to have he tracheostomy done because he was starting to improve extremely well. In fact I am extremely happy that my family and I made that decision because my dad is now in a care facility that specializes in weaning people off a ventilator. He is now off he ventilator during the day. He is on it at night just in case something happens. He is briefly standing up and sitting. Of course this is with the help of physical therapist. The biggest thing everyone is worried about is his swallowing or the lack there of. I am so happy that my dad is doing so well especially since we (as in my family and I) thought he wasn’t going to make it. I love my dad and I know that he is proud of me.

I know he is proud of me because he told me before all is this happened with his health. He is proud of me because of my new job. My new job is going well. It been nothing but orientations last week and they will continue next week. I really think I am going to enjoy my new job. It’s in the field of my desire even if it’s not the particular job I want. I want to tell you more about it but have to go.

I have to go because I have to finish my laundry and do other chores. I have to go to the stupid post office to mail stuff to social security. Oh how I love sending stuff to social security. NOT!! I have to send stuff to social security because I not only work but have disability benefits due to the mental illness I have. I hope that some day I wont need disability benefits.

Well, it is now officially afternoon. It is 12:09 pm (pacific time). Everyone have a wonderful Saturday afternoon. I hope I have time at some point today to blog more about my job. If not today, tomorrow. Peace Out!!!

Volunteering And Other Stuff

     Well, it’s still Wednesday and I went to my volunteer job. The bad thing is they closed the shelter for they day to spray for different type of bugs. (Don’t worry, when they spray for bugs they open it back up in the evening so clients can check in and get a bed for the night.) I am just frustrated that I went all the way there to have to come back to my boyfriends.

     I guess I am frustrated because my boyfriend had his wisdom teeth pulled yesterday. That’s part of the reason why he took his vacation this week so he could have time to recuperate. Plus he wanted to spend time with me. Anyway, his mom took him to the dentist yesterday since she drives and has a car. I also had to see my therapist so I wouldn’t have been able to take him to the dentist. Getting your wisdom teeth pulled is not very fun especially, when its all four of them. My boyfriend cant chew at the moment and is acting like a big overgrown baby. Hell, I think if I had my wisdom teeth pulled I would be acting like a big baby. Wanting to baby and help my boyfriend today is why I am a little frustrated that I was notified that they wouldn’t need me at my volunteer job today. At least I am getting to spend time with him right now. I just wish I knew how to make him feel better. I know realistically I really cant help him feel better but I wish I could. I love him so much. I know he loves me and wishes I didn’t have to still deal with the trauma I dealt with as a child and as an adult.

     If it weren’t for the shit I went through, I wouldn’t have the passion I do to want to help others and become a peer support specialist. I start training for a peer run warm line next Tuesday. In fact its going to be two days a week for about 5 hours each day for about 4 weeks (which is a month) and that equals to a 40 hour training. The cool thing about being a call taker on a Warm Line is getting different types of training to help you be a better call taker. I also look at it that any training I get being a Warm Line call taker volunteer will help me be a better Peer Specialist when I do eventually get employed as one.

     Speaking of becoming a Peer Specialist or Peer Support, the interview I was suppose to have for the Consumer Aide position last Thursday finally got rescheduled for July 30th. The time is not officially set yet but it is either at 10am or 1pm. I am getting a little nervous about it because by the time I have the interview the job will have been posted for four months. I am nervous that I might be the one they hire. Even though I want this job so badly, I am scared of the job change cause I’ve been at my current employment for 9 years. I know I need a job change because I am bitter at my current employment even though I do enjoy many of my customers and co-workers. I don’t even know if I got the job because I haven’t even had the interview yet. Its difficult  for me to wrap my mind around that a position has been up for nearly four months.

     There are actual Peer Specialist positions up at other agencies that I am thinking about applying for as well. I am a little hesitant to apply to the peer positions the I know I qualify for because I am afraid that I will jinx myself. Even though I am fearful of leaving my current employment I need to get out of there just as badly. I just don’t want to jinx myself and get more interviews and not get any job offers. I will most likely apply for the jobs because I want out of my current employment even though I am fearful of the change.

    Before I get going and put my boyfriend to bed I want to share something with you. I finally got to 1,000 views today. Last time I checked I was at 1,003 views. I just want to know how I can get more views as well as more followers. Oh yeah, I also now have 12 followers. I just wish I knew how to get more followers and more viewers. I have more to tell you but I am getting tired and well my boyfriend is asleep on the couch drooling. It is 11:49pm (pacific time) and I think its time for bed.

    I plan on blogging sometime tomorrow. I hope I remember to tell you what I was planning on sharing tonight. Have good night all. Peace Out!!

Looking Forward To Volunteering Today!!

     It’s Wednesday and that means I go to my volunteer job today. I usually don’t go to my volunteer job when I am vacation from my paid job however I have decided to go today even though I am on vacation. The main reason why I am going is because I miss it if I don’t go. I really enjoy my volunteer job. The employees of the homeless shelter I volunteer at are very appreciative of how much help I am to them and the clients. I don’t think they really know how much volunteering at the homeless shelter actually helps me. I know that last sentence sounds selfish and conceded however volunteering actually helps me in my recovery process. Another reason why I am going today is that my depression is slightly acting up. I realized this yesterday while in session with my therapist. Since my depression is acting up a little bit and it is raining (which doesn’t help my depression), I’ve decided to go to my volunteer job. It gives me something to do and get out of my own head. This is why I say it helps me with my recovery process.

     Well, I better get going. I need to finish getting ready for my volunteer job. I hope to blog again this evening. I’ve come to realize that this blogging thing is helping me in my recovery process more than I thought it would. In fact I didn’t realize that it would actually help me in my recovery process. I started this blog to help those who struggle with mental illness as well as to educate those who don’t struggle with a mental illness. In all reality I don’t think I’m doing much helping or educating. I only have 11 followers. I wish I knew how to reach more people with the blog. Oh well.

     I really need to get going. Like I said earlier I need to finish getting ready for my much loved volunteer job. Have a good Wednesday everyone. Peace out.