Tag Archives: Family

Missed Pride Parade

Posted on by Gertie

     Hey, everyone!! I am feeling like a failure of a friend. I have several friends who were in the Pride Parade today and I missed it. I missed because of my own stupid issues. I missed it because of my symptoms of PTSD acting up. These friends have been supportive of me and have helped me through the rough moments with my mental illness. The least I can do is go Downtown and watch them in the Pride Parade and support them. Unfortunately, my symptoms got in the way. I did text the apologizing and explained why I missed it. My friends said they understood and not to worry about it because I’ve been there in other ways for them. Two of them even mentioned to me that I stuck up for them in high school when they where being bullied and that means a lot more than missing one pride parade.

     The reason why I am beating myself up over missing the pride parade is because I know what its like to be discriminated against. In my case its because of various disabilities including mental illness. My friends of the LBGTQ community of been discriminated because of their sexual orientation. God made them that way. They didn’t choose their sexual orientation. That’s why I get upset that people of faith think people choose to be homosexual. That’s like saying I choose to have mental illness or to have asthma. They cant help who they fall in love with. I want to support all my friends in the LBGT community because they deserve to be supported like everyone else.

    So, I as sorry to my friends out there that I didn’t go out and support you today even though you all said it was okay especially since it was my first time missing the Pride Parade. I’m glad they were so understanding. I just wish I could have been there to support them since they have been there to support me and my struggles with mental illness.

    I guess I will end this blog entry for now. I will blog again tomorrow after work and my appointment with my therapist. I hope everyone enjoyed your Sunday and if you went to any pride activities this weekend I hope you all enjoyed those activities. Peace out!!

Comfort

Posted on by Gertie

     Hey, it’s still Saturday and its been good day. I did end up having a picnic by myself at my neighborhood park. The PB&J sandwich was absolutely delicious and comforting. Their something comforting about eating a PB&J sandwich. Not sure why PB&J sandwiches are so comforting but they are. In fact eating the sandwich helped me through a rough moment. The rough moment was dealing with the symptoms of PTSD. PTSD sucks a great deal. After eating my PB&J, I read some of A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens. I am enjoying the book a great deal. 

      As, I was reading in my neighborhood park my mother called. My mom is not a very comforting person in my life. She says some pretty harsh and mean things to me in almost all of our conversations. In fact with my mom I have had to set boundaries with her calling me. In fact that day and time is Tuesday at 6pm. I did decide to pick up today when she called. Don’t get me wrong I love my mom but she is not a very nice person when she has been drinking and/or using. She is an alcoholic and drug addict. My moms parenting skills when I was growing up weren’t exactly the best. I answered the phone in hopes that maybe that she might be some comfort to me because of my PTSD symptoms acting up. Unfortunately, like usual, she was unable to comfort me like I’ve desired her to do my entire life. Sometimes you just need your mommy even as grown adult. She told me to “get over it because it happened decades ago.” Sorry but I wish I could “get over it.” When she told me to “get over it” I told her, “Mom, I love you and need to go. I will talk to you Tuesday.” Thankfully, she respected my boundaries and didn’t call me back.

     After getting off the phone with my mom I decided to call my boyfriend because I know he is comforting person. So I talked to him for about 15 minutes when we decided that I come over to his place. When I got here he held me for about 45 minutes. Sometimes being held is all I need. It helped a great deal. After being held my boyfriend cooked me my favorite dinner of mac & cheese, ham and corn on the cob. The meal he fixed me is my comfort meal. As he fixed me dinner, I called my little brother. We talked for about 20 minutes before he had to go and meet up with some of his friends. My brother is a sweet heart.

     My boyfriend finally finished making dinner and we of course ate it. After we ate we put on some music and ended up dancing. Dancing with my boyfriend in house is comforting. I’m thinking its because of the being held thing. Slow dancing requires being held in a way. I felt comforted by slow dancing with my boyfriend.

     When my boyfriend and I decided to stop dancing we put on some Nirvana and did a jigsaw puzzle. We both love music and jigsaw puzzles. Music is quite comforting to me. Their something quite comforting about Nirvana’s music and the lyrics to the songs. In fact we had the music up loudly because in our opinion Nirvana deserves to be played loudly. We finished the puzzle and decided to watch a movie.

      We watched the movie Finding Nemo. Watching a Disney movie is always comforting for some reason. We finished the movie at about 11:15pm when I turned on the 11 o’clock news and started this particular blog. My boyfriend is baking some chocolate cupcakes and chocolate chip cookies. My boyfriend know that chocolate is quite comforting to me. Hell, chocolate is quite comforting to many women if not all women. He also knows that homemade chocolate chip cookies are comforting to me. He is baking them because he knows that I need all the comfort I can get today due to my PTSD symptoms acting up.

      Well, the 11 o’clock news is now over and Saturday Night Live is now on. I love SNL because its hilarious. Humor brings me comfort as well. Can you tell that I’ve been talking about comfort in this blog. I needed all the comfort I could get today because of my stupid PTSD. Sometimes all we need is comfort and today was one of those days I needed it. I still do.

      I best be ending this blog entry for now. I want to cuddle with my boyfriend while watching SNL as the cookies and cupcakes finish baking. Cuddling with my boyfriend is also comforting. I hope you all enjoy the last 15 minutes of your Saturday. Peace out and goodnight all.

Good Afternoon, Saturday!!

Posted on by Gertie

     Good Afternoon, Saturday!! It’s 12:39 pm pacific time and I actually slept in till 10:15 am. For me that’s a rare thing. I am usually up no later than 8 o’clock am. Maybe I needed the extra sleep for this next week with all the stuff that I am doing. It does feel a lil weird sleeping in till past 10 o’clock am.

     Since I have gotten off to a late start I am trying to figure out what I am going to have to eat. Do I want breakfast or do I want lunch? Actually, to tell you the truth a peanut butter and jelly sandwich sounds good to me. There is nothing better than a good PB&J sandwich. I of course will be putting strawberry jam on my PB&J sandwich because I love strawberries. Plus, I’m a picky eater. According to family, I always have been. I say that because at times I wonder if has anything to do with the eating disorders I use to struggle with. It’s been 15 years this summer since I last struggled with Anorexia and Bulimia and I am grateful I’m no longer struggling with. Yes, I get those rare occasions of urges for the eating disorders but as time goes on those urges get easier to deal with. Well, I’ve noticed I have gotten of topic once again in a blog. Go figure.

     I also need to figure out what to today besides laundry. I know that later on today my boyfriend and I are going to hang out. He is going to be making me dinner again. He is a really awesome cook. His cooking isn’t as good as my grandma’s cooking but its still good. Nobodies cooking is as good as your grandma’s cooking. I think I’m going to go to the neighborhood park and read A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens. I might even take that PB&J sandwich with me to the park. Hey, that’s a good idea; to have a small picnic by myself. I really like the idea. I think I will do that. In fact I know I will do that. I will go to the neighborhood park to read and eat my PB&J sandwich. I will even take a can of Pepsi with me. I just hope it doesn’t start raining again. If does then it does. Its not like I haven’t been rained on before.

     Before I end this particular blog entry, I want to share with you a frustration of mine at the moment. I am frustrated with myself that my blog is not where I would like it to be right now. I was hoping that I would have more followers by now. I know I should not be so hard on myself because I am new to this blogging thing and I’ve only been at it for a month now. I just so badly want to stomp out the stigma of mental illness as well as show those who struggle with one that there is hope and that recovery is possible. Like I said I’m just being hard on myself again. I hope that somehow this blog makes a difference in this world. All I want is to make a difference.

      Well, it’s now 12:58 pm and I am hungry and I am thinking I should get going now. I will end this blog entry for now and of course I will blog again later. I am going to go now and have my picnic. Peace out and enjoy the day.

Boyfriend, Breakfast & Soccer (Football)

Posted on by Gertie

     At this very moment I am watching the USA play Germany in the World Cup with my boyfriend at his place. It doesn’t look to good for the USA at the moment. I of course am rooting on the United States. I so hope that the USA ties the game up.

     Like I said a moment ago I am at my boyfriends house. He made me breakfast. He made me scrambled eggs, French toast and bacon. He of course had cut up banana’s and strawberries to be included with the rest of the food. I ended up putting the fruit on my a couple of pieces of my French toast. Oh yeah I cant forget the chocolate milk. Oh how I love my boyfriend and food.

     My brother just texted me saying that he loved me. I of course responded back “I love you too, lil bro.” He is obviously watching Soccer match between the USA and Germany because after I responded to his text he texted me back “GO USA!!! Are you watching the USA play cause I am.” I of course responded back “Yes!” He then asked me to call him later on today. I of course will call him back.

      Well its official the soccer match between Germany and the USA is over. Final score 1-0. Germany won. Good game Germany!! If I am not mistaken, the USA might have a chance to move on now because Ghana lost.

      I should get going and enjoy the rest of my day. Not sure what I’m going to do for the rest of the day but I plan on enjoying it. I will try to blog later on today. If I don’t blog later on today I will most likely blog again tomorrow. Peace out!

A Blog Before Bed

Posted on by Gertie

     Well, I’m going to try to make this blog a short one since it’s 11:39pm (pacific time) on a Tuesday night. My dad was able to go home from the Emergency Room after having a seizure. I am so glad he was able to go home. He doesn’t do well in hospital. His doctors at the hospital were great as well as the nurses. My dad of course flirted with the nurses and it embarrassed the hell out of me.

     I of course updated my blog a few hours ago to let you all know about my dad while waiting in the E.R. with him. I also did a lot of reading. I read The Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens as well as some Wonder Woman comics. Reading helps a great deal. I also listened to music. I listened to some Tori Amos, Nirvana and Jimi Hendrix . I even listened to a little Country Music. Music has helped me a great deal with my recovery process.

    Speaking of my recovery process, I ended up sitting behind an old clinician on the bus home from the E.R. Due to laws she was unable to say hello to me tell I said hi. It took me some time to work up the nerve to say hello. In fact this particular person was one of the first clinician I had as an adult. She was shocked as hell that I’ve been working for 9 years with the same company. Hell, if I was her I would be shock as well. She asked how long it had been since I was last in the hospital for psych reasons as well as the last time I cut. I told her 2 1/2 years was the answer to both of those questions. She also commented on my weight and how healthy I looked. When she worked with me I was still struggling with Anorexia and Bulimia. I told her I haven’t done the eating disorder stuff in 15 years. She said she was proud of me. That’s the only two things we talked about regarding my mental health. The cool thing was that we talked about work. Not just about my job and my job seeking to become a peer counselor but her work as well. She is now the lead social worker on a one of the psych wards of the only Level 1 Trauma Center in my state. It was nice to see someone who once worked with me when I was at my worst and can now see how far I have come in my recovery. Recovery is not an easy process. In fact I think is will be life long process and I am fine with that.

     Well, it’s now 11:51pm(pacific time) on Tuesday night and I need to get to bed. I am a little tired. I have to get up early in the morning to have breakfast with a friend of mine. I am sure most of you are already in bed at the moment. Let me rephrase that, if you live in North America I am sure that most of you are asleep. If you are still up this time of night please enjoy the last 9 minutes of Tuesday. I hope to blog sometime tomorrow. Peace out and have a good nights sleep (and don’t let the bed bugs bite).

Just A Brief Blog For Now

Posted on by Gertie

     As I am blogging this Tuesday evening I am sitting in the Emergency Room waiting room because my dad had a seizure. Right now he is getting a MRI. I have had many MRI’s and they are not fun. I’m in the waiting room of the E.R because it’s the only place I can get Wi-Fi. I told my dad that when he gets back to the room to let his nurse know so she can come get me. In fact his nurse if friend of mine from the high school I graduated from. She was one of the few people who stuck up for me in high school when I got bullied. She also helped me with my homework. More or less she tutored me. Now back to my dad. I think he will be okay. Their is the possibility that he might have to stay overnight for observation. He usually does stay over for observation when he has a seizure. My dad has had a multitude of test so far this evening due to his seizure. I hope they just make up their minds if they are going to keep or let him go.

     In fact I was suppose to go to a baseball game this even with a friend but my dad ended up in the E.R and well he is more important than a baseball game. My friend understands and was able to find someone else go with her on such short notice. I am grateful that she was able to find someone on such notice because then her money isn’t wasted.

     Well I best be going. I hope to blog later on when I am home. I hope to let you know how my dad is doing. I love my dad so much. He raised me with the help of my grandparents. I will blog again later. Peace out and enjoy the summer.

It’s Been An Interesting Day

Posted on by Gertie

     Good Monday Evening!!! Today has been an interesting day. On my bus ride to my appointment with my therapist, a fellow passenger passed out because he was so drunk. Of course the bus driver had to stop the bus and check on the dude. The bus driver had to call the police as well as the fire department. The police showed up as well as the fire engine and paramedics. As the firefighters were trying to help the drunk dude came to and hit one of them. The police then tackled the guy and with the help of the paramedics and other firefighters he was handcuffed to the gurney and put in the back of the ambulance. Of course myself and the other passengers had to give witness statements to the police. Finally after everyone gave their statement the bus was on its way again. I got off at my bus stop and walked about a half mile to my appointment. On the walk from the bus stop to my appointment I found $20. Finding money is a rare thing for me.

     I of course made it to my appointment with my therapist on time. In fact I was 45 minutes early. I’m usually an hour early due to OCD tendencies. While waiting for my therapy appointment the admin assistant got me my stuffed Eeyore that I have my therapist hold for me so when I am waiting to see her I can hold on to him. My stuffed Eeyore also sits in on my sessions with me because its easier to talk with a stuffed animal to hold. As I was holding Eeyore, in the waiting room I pulled out a Wonder Woman graphic novel to read. If you are a regular reader or follower of my blog you know I am a huge Wonder Woman fan. About 15 minutes before my session an old high school friend walks into the waiting room of the mental health clinic I see my therapist at. This high school friend was seeking therapy for the first time in her life. She of course was seeing a different clinician. It was nice to “catch up” with an old friend.

    My session with my therapist Diana was quite draining. We discussed what happened on the bus then I pulled out 3 copies of what I wanted to go into my treatment plan. Of course many of things I want to work on can be condensed and we did that. In fact it was getting a bit overwhelming for me. We had to take a break from it and we talked about why it was overwhelming. I had come to the conclusion that I’ve been defined by my mental illness so long that it scares me what it would be like to not be “crazy.” Diana my therapist says that I’ve dealt with my mental illness for so long that now that I am walking in recovery I’m learning what its like to not be “crazy.” She also says that I’m in the process of redefining on who I am. She is absolutely correct. I am redefining who I am. Recovery from a mental illness is difficult work. I still have a great deal to work through so I am no where done with needing treatment but I am an active participant in my treatment planning. I still have to work through all the trauma I’ve been through when I was a child as well as an adult. That’s going to be a long process. So Diana and I still need to finish working my treatment/recovery plan and we both hope that we can continue to work on in in the next session next Monday. I never knew how draining it would be. Working on changing for the better is not only draining and difficult but a good thing. (Side Note: Diana is a pseudonym for my therapist)

   So after my therapy appointment I took the bus home. Thankfully nothing eventful happened on my bus ride home. In fact on my bus ride home, I read A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. I am really enjoying the book. It’s going to take me awhile to read it due to my dyslexia but that is okay with me. Like I’ve said before, I enjoy reading.

   As I am blogging right now, I am at my boyfriends house. He is fixing me dinner. He is a good cook. Not as good as my grandma but good enough. He cooks better than me and I love to cook. Hell, my boyfriend loves to cook as well. He learned to cook from his mom. I learned to cook from my dad and grandma. My paternal grandpa is not a very good cook. My maternal grandpa was an awesome cook. Anyway, my boyfriend is making me spaghetti. I love spaghetti. I should get going. I want to see if my boyfriend will let me help him finish cooking. After dinner we are going to watch a movie. Not sure what movie but it’s going to be a comedy.

   Well, I best be going. I hope to blog again tomorrow. Have a good rest of the evening. Enjoy the rest of your Monday. Well at least enjoy the 4 hours that’s left of Monday. Peace out and enjoy life. 

Happy Monday Morning!!!

Posted on by Gertie

     Happy Monday Morning!!! Yes, I know its Monday and its the start of work week but I am on vacation. The sad thing is that I woke up naturally at 5:00 am (Pacific time) and was about to get out of bed when I realized that I was on vacation. I hate when that happens. Oh well. I did try to get back to sleep but was unable to do so, so I got up and read a A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens.

     When I started A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens I did have trouble getting into it however it’s now starting to get good. I am enjoying it immensely. I think I had difficulty getting into it because of dyslexia but I’ve learned to deal with the dyslexia and enjoy reading. After reading for about 45 minutes I decided to watch the local news.

     As I was watching the morning news a story came on that not only angered me but made me laugh. A group of 3 teenagers stole the keys out of a 70something year old woman’s hand in a parking lot to steal her car. That’s what angered me. Why would you steal anybody’s car especially that of an elderly person? Now here comes the funny part. The teenagers got into the elderly woman’s car and realized it was a stick shift car and they couldn’t drive it. They didn’t know how to drive a stick shift. The elderly woman pulled them out of the car and the teenagers ran off. They still haven’t caught the teenagers but the elderly woman was just grateful that she wasn’t hurt. She was even laughing at the situation that they couldn’t drive a stick shift. I hope they find those teenagers because if that was my grandmother I would want them to be punished.

    Speaking of grandmothers, the news story reminded me to call my own grandmother. I talked to both my grandma and grandpa. The set of grandparents that I spoke to are my dad parents or paternal grandparents. My paternal grandparents help my dad out a great deal when I was growing up and helped raised me. They were very involved with my growing up years. My dad is grateful to my grandparents that they helped him out with raising me. I’m grateful that they are still alive. Unfortunately, my maternal grandparents (mom’s parents) are deceased. I miss them a great deal.

     Now that I’m done talking about my family let get back to other things. I am grateful that I am on vacation from work this week. Many people don’t realize how stressful working in a grocery store really is. I am grateful that I am able to work despite having a mental illness. One of the things I plan on doing this week is to look to see if there are in job openings as a Peer Support Specialist/Peer Counselor as well as look into getting involved with NAMI and other such organizations. I figured the more I get involved with mental health organizations the better it looks on the resumé. I’m sure my volunteer work looks good as well.

     Speaking of mental health, I need to get going. I need to get ready to go and see my therapist. Today, I plan on discussing my nightmares with my therapist, Diana. (Side Note: Diana is a pseudonym that I gave my therapist for her privacy and the protection of the her other clients.) Diana has helped me a great deal with my recovery. She is just as invested in my recovery as I am. I hope to tell you later on how my session with Diana went but no promises. It depends how difficult it was for me.

      I hope the rest of your morning goes well. In fact I hope the rest of your Monday goes well and that you have a good work week. I hope to blog again later today even if I don’t blog about my therapy session. Try to at least get out and enjoy the weather today to break up your workday. Peace out and enjoy the summer.

Good Times

Posted on by Gertie

     Well, its still Sunday and the U.S.A  almost won the match against Portugal. The final score of the game is 2 – 2. Was sad that Portugal scored in the last few minutes of the game. The party went off with out a hitch. My boyfriend and I hosted a World Cup party at his place to watch the U.S and Portugal play against each other. We ended up having about 50 people in attendance. All in attendance had a great time. The kids who attended had fun on the slip and slide and of course some adults decided to give it a try. Now that was funny watching some of the adults on the slip and slide. The food was good and thankfully no leftovers. Yes, we had enough food to serve everyone but extremely grateful there were no leftovers. Clean up wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be because a lot of the guest helped out with the clean up.

      Now that the clean up is done and the party guest are gone, my boyfriend and I are watching the Angel/Ranger baseball game on ESPN. Like I said in an earlier blog entry I am a big Angel fan. My boyfriend is a baseball fan as well but his favorite team are the Seattle Mariners. Yes, I am watching the Angel/Ranger game as I blog. Right now its the bottom of the 6th inning and the Angels have the lead. Angels 5 and Rangers 1. I think my boyfriend and I are going to finish watching the baseball game and then go for a walk around our neighborhood. My boyfriend and I don’t live together but we live in the same neighborhood which is cool. I really hope that the Angels beat the Rangers. I of course am wear an old skool Angel shirt. In fact is says California Angels and the year on the shirt says 1987. Of course the year is in small print.  I miss the good ole days of the 80’s.

     I best be going. I want to spend some alone time with my boyfriend. It’s been a busy day for the both of us. Like I said after watching the Angel/Ranger game we are going to go for walk. After the walk we will probably do a jigsaw puzzle. Well this particular blog entry is going to come to an end. Have a good rest of your Sunday everyone. Hope to blog some time tomorrow. Peace out and stay safe.

Preparing For U.S.A Vs. Portugal

Posted on by Gertie

     Happy Sunday Morning!!!! I am a little tired because I was up most of the night getting food ready for the World Cup party my boyfriend and I are hosting at his place when the U.S plays against Portugal today. My boyfriend and I invited a lot of people to watch the U.S play against Portugal because we wanted a family friendly environment for those who have children. No my boyfriend and I don’t have children but we thought it would be a good idea to have family friendly World Cup party for those of our friends who have kids as well as those who have no kids.

     While preparing a good portion of the food last night I got triggered. See I use to suffer from an eating disorder. In fact I use to suffer from both Anorexia and Bulimia. Even though its been 15 years since I last really struggled with the eating disorders, I occasionally get triggered with the eating disorder stuff. Of course it was just a fleeting trigger and didn’t go back into the eating disorder stuff. I continued preparing food for the party because it needed to be done and realize that when I prepare a great deal of food I sometimes get triggered. I really do enjoy preparing food. I love cooking. My boyfriend is going to be barbequing the meat I marinated over night. Of course my boyfriend is going to be barbequing hot dogs for the kids. In fact I might even have a hot dog.

     Something else that my boyfriend and I have done for this party is make enjoyable for both adults and children alike. We have a slip and slide in the back yard for the kids to use. I’m sure some of the adults might even use it. The game is going to be on the big screen T.V in the living room as well as smaller T.V.’s through out the house. For the kids there are the going to be games for them to play. Those games are going to vary from board games to scavenger hunts.

      My boyfriend and invited a lot of people. We invited people we work with as well as people we went to high school with. We invited some of his neighbors. My boyfriend even invited his family which I am thrilled about. His family is amazing. I didn’t invited my family for many different reasons. I mainly didn’t invite them because they are either not into soccer or live to far away to get to the party. I am getting excited about seeing some of my old high school friends as well as meeting my boyfriends high school buddies.

      I am a getting a little anxiety about the party and all the people that are going to be there. I’m also have anxiety of what’s left to do even though my boyfriend said that he, his mom and two of his sisters are going to finish up what left to do. Honestly, there is not much left to do.

    I best be going. I need to get ready for the day and try to help with the finishing touches for the party. Have a good rest of your Sunday morning. Well what’s left of your Sunday morning. There are only 8 minutes left of the morning. I hope to blog later on to tell you all how the party went. Have a good Sunday all. Peace out and GO U.S.A!!