Tag Archives: Posttraumatic Stress Disorder

Happy Monday Morning!!!

Posted on by Gertie

     Happy Monday Morning!!! Yes, I know its Monday and its the start of work week but I am on vacation. The sad thing is that I woke up naturally at 5:00 am (Pacific time) and was about to get out of bed when I realized that I was on vacation. I hate when that happens. Oh well. I did try to get back to sleep but was unable to do so, so I got up and read a A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens.

     When I started A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens I did have trouble getting into it however it’s now starting to get good. I am enjoying it immensely. I think I had difficulty getting into it because of dyslexia but I’ve learned to deal with the dyslexia and enjoy reading. After reading for about 45 minutes I decided to watch the local news.

     As I was watching the morning news a story came on that not only angered me but made me laugh. A group of 3 teenagers stole the keys out of a 70something year old woman’s hand in a parking lot to steal her car. That’s what angered me. Why would you steal anybody’s car especially that of an elderly person? Now here comes the funny part. The teenagers got into the elderly woman’s car and realized it was a stick shift car and they couldn’t drive it. They didn’t know how to drive a stick shift. The elderly woman pulled them out of the car and the teenagers ran off. They still haven’t caught the teenagers but the elderly woman was just grateful that she wasn’t hurt. She was even laughing at the situation that they couldn’t drive a stick shift. I hope they find those teenagers because if that was my grandmother I would want them to be punished.

    Speaking of grandmothers, the news story reminded me to call my own grandmother. I talked to both my grandma and grandpa. The set of grandparents that I spoke to are my dad parents or paternal grandparents. My paternal grandparents help my dad out a great deal when I was growing up and helped raised me. They were very involved with my growing up years. My dad is grateful to my grandparents that they helped him out with raising me. I’m grateful that they are still alive. Unfortunately, my maternal grandparents (mom’s parents) are deceased. I miss them a great deal.

     Now that I’m done talking about my family let get back to other things. I am grateful that I am on vacation from work this week. Many people don’t realize how stressful working in a grocery store really is. I am grateful that I am able to work despite having a mental illness. One of the things I plan on doing this week is to look to see if there are in job openings as a Peer Support Specialist/Peer Counselor as well as look into getting involved with NAMI and other such organizations. I figured the more I get involved with mental health organizations the better it looks on the resumé. I’m sure my volunteer work looks good as well.

     Speaking of mental health, I need to get going. I need to get ready to go and see my therapist. Today, I plan on discussing my nightmares with my therapist, Diana. (Side Note: Diana is a pseudonym that I gave my therapist for her privacy and the protection of the her other clients.) Diana has helped me a great deal with my recovery. She is just as invested in my recovery as I am. I hope to tell you later on how my session with Diana went but no promises. It depends how difficult it was for me.

      I hope the rest of your morning goes well. In fact I hope the rest of your Monday goes well and that you have a good work week. I hope to blog again later today even if I don’t blog about my therapy session. Try to at least get out and enjoy the weather today to break up your workday. Peace out and enjoy the summer.

Good Times

Posted on by Gertie

     Well, its still Sunday and the U.S.A  almost won the match against Portugal. The final score of the game is 2 – 2. Was sad that Portugal scored in the last few minutes of the game. The party went off with out a hitch. My boyfriend and I hosted a World Cup party at his place to watch the U.S and Portugal play against each other. We ended up having about 50 people in attendance. All in attendance had a great time. The kids who attended had fun on the slip and slide and of course some adults decided to give it a try. Now that was funny watching some of the adults on the slip and slide. The food was good and thankfully no leftovers. Yes, we had enough food to serve everyone but extremely grateful there were no leftovers. Clean up wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be because a lot of the guest helped out with the clean up.

      Now that the clean up is done and the party guest are gone, my boyfriend and I are watching the Angel/Ranger baseball game on ESPN. Like I said in an earlier blog entry I am a big Angel fan. My boyfriend is a baseball fan as well but his favorite team are the Seattle Mariners. Yes, I am watching the Angel/Ranger game as I blog. Right now its the bottom of the 6th inning and the Angels have the lead. Angels 5 and Rangers 1. I think my boyfriend and I are going to finish watching the baseball game and then go for a walk around our neighborhood. My boyfriend and I don’t live together but we live in the same neighborhood which is cool. I really hope that the Angels beat the Rangers. I of course am wear an old skool Angel shirt. In fact is says California Angels and the year on the shirt says 1987. Of course the year is in small print.  I miss the good ole days of the 80’s.

     I best be going. I want to spend some alone time with my boyfriend. It’s been a busy day for the both of us. Like I said after watching the Angel/Ranger game we are going to go for walk. After the walk we will probably do a jigsaw puzzle. Well this particular blog entry is going to come to an end. Have a good rest of your Sunday everyone. Hope to blog some time tomorrow. Peace out and stay safe.

Preparing For U.S.A Vs. Portugal

Posted on by Gertie

     Happy Sunday Morning!!!! I am a little tired because I was up most of the night getting food ready for the World Cup party my boyfriend and I are hosting at his place when the U.S plays against Portugal today. My boyfriend and I invited a lot of people to watch the U.S play against Portugal because we wanted a family friendly environment for those who have children. No my boyfriend and I don’t have children but we thought it would be a good idea to have family friendly World Cup party for those of our friends who have kids as well as those who have no kids.

     While preparing a good portion of the food last night I got triggered. See I use to suffer from an eating disorder. In fact I use to suffer from both Anorexia and Bulimia. Even though its been 15 years since I last really struggled with the eating disorders, I occasionally get triggered with the eating disorder stuff. Of course it was just a fleeting trigger and didn’t go back into the eating disorder stuff. I continued preparing food for the party because it needed to be done and realize that when I prepare a great deal of food I sometimes get triggered. I really do enjoy preparing food. I love cooking. My boyfriend is going to be barbequing the meat I marinated over night. Of course my boyfriend is going to be barbequing hot dogs for the kids. In fact I might even have a hot dog.

     Something else that my boyfriend and I have done for this party is make enjoyable for both adults and children alike. We have a slip and slide in the back yard for the kids to use. I’m sure some of the adults might even use it. The game is going to be on the big screen T.V in the living room as well as smaller T.V.’s through out the house. For the kids there are the going to be games for them to play. Those games are going to vary from board games to scavenger hunts.

      My boyfriend and invited a lot of people. We invited people we work with as well as people we went to high school with. We invited some of his neighbors. My boyfriend even invited his family which I am thrilled about. His family is amazing. I didn’t invited my family for many different reasons. I mainly didn’t invite them because they are either not into soccer or live to far away to get to the party. I am getting excited about seeing some of my old high school friends as well as meeting my boyfriends high school buddies.

      I am a getting a little anxiety about the party and all the people that are going to be there. I’m also have anxiety of what’s left to do even though my boyfriend said that he, his mom and two of his sisters are going to finish up what left to do. Honestly, there is not much left to do.

    I best be going. I need to get ready for the day and try to help with the finishing touches for the party. Have a good rest of your Sunday morning. Well what’s left of your Sunday morning. There are only 8 minutes left of the morning. I hope to blog later on to tell you all how the party went. Have a good Sunday all. Peace out and GO U.S.A!!

YIPPEE, I’m On Vacation!!

Posted on by Gertie

     It’s Friday and I would normally be complaining that its my Monday but I am not because I am officially on vacation as of today. Yes, I did work today and it felt like the never ending shift. It always seems that your last day of work before vacation takes forever and a day to finally get over with.

     One thing I plan on doing on my vacation is watching the World Cup. I of course am rooting for my home country of the U.S.A. Tomorrow (Saturday) I am going to watch the Germany/Ghana match. I am rooting for Germany in this particular match because I have a little German in me. On Sunday, my boyfriend and I are going to host a World Cup party at his place when The U.S.A plays Portugal. Of course I will be rooting for the U.S. I will also watch the U.S vs. Germany game on Thursday. I will be rooting for the U.S. Realistically, I’m not sure if the U.S can even beat Portugal much less Germany but will be rooting my heart out for the U.S. I was quite surprised that we (the U.S) beat Ghana especially since Ghana beat us the last two times.

     Another thing I plan on doing is cleaning my apartment. It’s not up to my standards. I will be doing other chores as well. I plan on cleaning my apartment and doing my laundry as well as my other household chore tomorrow when my boyfriend is at work. Plus I just want to get my chores out of the way so I can relax and enjoy my vacation.

     I also plan on going to a baseball game. Baseball is one of my favorite games. My all time favorite baseball teams are The Angles and The Dodgers. Even though I no longer live in California I still follow the Angels and Dodgers and whenever they come and play the team I reside in, I always root for the L.A teams. Even though the Angels and the Dodgers are not going to be in the city I reside in this next week I still plan on going to a baseball game. Yes, I will be rooting for the team in which I currently reside in. I am forever an Angel fan. Yes, I am forever a Dodger fan as well.

    Besides watching some World Cup matches, cleaning my apartment and maybe going to a Mariners game I plan on reading. Of course I will be reading A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens. I am enjoying the book. I told one of my paternal Uncles that I am reading A Tale of Two Cites and he was shocked that I am reading it. I think he shocked because I usually read Science Fiction, Fantasy and Mystery books because they are easier for me to read due to having dyslexia. Sometimes I like shocking people with the things I read. Just wish that reading A Tale of Two Cities wasn’t a shock to my uncle.

    I will also be working on my cross-stitching. I love cross-stitching. It can be frustrating at times but is extremely relaxing. Cross-stitching is one of my favorite hobbies. I enjoy it immensely. Every time I finish a cross-stitching project, I feel a sense of accomplishment.

    Speaking of sense of accomplishment, doing a jigsaw puzzles do that for me as well. My boyfriend and I will be working on jigsaw puzzles this next week. I am hoping that we can get two or three puzzles of 750 pieces or more this week. I’m sure he and I can do it. Doing jigsaw puzzle is another hobby I enjoy doing and its something I enjoy doing with my boyfriend.

    I also hope to catch up on what’s going on with Wonder Woman since I am so far behind at the moment. I really do enjoy collecting and reading comic books especially Wonder Woman. Wonder Woman is a good role model to little girls even though she is only a superhero and not a real person.

    Another thing I a plan on doing is contacting National Alliance for the Mentally Ill. Also known as NAMI. I’m going to see if I can get involved with there peer to peer group as well as get information on in Our Own Voice. I am really hoping that they get me the information I ask for because the last time I did they never sent it to me. 

Since this blog entry is getting a little long I am going to end it for now. I hope I didn’t bore you all. Have a good Friday evening all.

Doctor’s Appointment, Nightmare and Ramblings

Posted on by Gertie

     Hey! It’s still Thursday. I did manage to get back to sleep after my horrific nightmare this morning. My boyfriend helped me a great deal with getting me grounded. My boyfriend is a big support to me. I love him with all my heart. Of course reading Wonder Woman comic books helped a great deal with me being able to relax. My boyfriend of course helped me with some relaxation techniques that worked really well.

     I went to my doctors appointment regarding my burned fingers. One of them is healing up just fine. The other two have blisters on them. That means when I go to work tomorrow I have to have gauss on them with a glove over it. I am just happy that I can go to work tomorrow. I do have to see my doctor again next week to see how my fingers are healing. 

     Speaking of work, I am happy that I am able to go to work tomorrow. Tomorrow is my last shift before I go on vacation. I’m not planning anything much during my vacation. I am planning on going to a baseball game with my boyfriend. I love baseball. Baseball is one of my favorite sports. I am also planning on watching the World Cup. I am going to watch the United States play against Portugal on Sunday. Obviously, I will be watching it on T.V. and will be watching it with my boyfriend.  GO USA!!!!

     As I told you in an earlier blog entry the days I see my therapist have changed. I now see my therapist on Mondays. In fact I saw my therapist this past Monday. I am grateful that I see her on Mondays now. Therapy can be quite difficult a great deal of the time.

     I best be going now. I will tell you more on what I will do on my vacation once I am off work tomorrow. I will blog again tomorrow. Until then have a great Thursday. Peace out and have fun in this world of ours.

Blogging With Burned Fingers

Posted on by Gertie

     Well its another Wednesday and unfortunately was unable to go to my volunteer job today. I was unable to go because I accidently burned three fingers last night cleaning my stove. The attending physician that saw me last night in the ER called me to see how my fingers were. I told her that they hurt like hell but seem to be doing well. Even the nurse that took care of me last night called to see how my fingers are doing and I told her the same thing I told the doctor. Speaking of doctors I made an appointment to see my doctor tomorrow for a follow from the ER visit regarding my burned fingers.

     Since I didn’t go to my volunteer job today, I continued reading A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens. I am really surprised that I am enjoying the book. I have to admit that I am a little disappointed with the school district that I graduated from because they didn’t require the students in Special Ed English to read the classics like the rest of the students. I was a mainstreamed Special Ed student. That means that most of my classes were regular classes. The only Special Ed class I was in was English because of my dyslexia and other “reading issues.” Don’t get me started on the lack of education I got from the school district I graduated from. The school district I spent most of my school years in was absolutely great but the school district I ended up graduating in was lacking quite a bit. Getting back on topic of reading, I am really enjoy A Tale of Two Cities.

     I also read some comic books. I read four Wonder Woman comics, two Superman comics, two Batman comics, two Spiderman comics and three X-Men comic. . I love comic books. Just like reading “normal” books, reading comics distracts me from a lot of things. It distracts me from the every day stress of life and at times distracts me from the symptoms of my mental illness. I collect all sort of comic books but I mainly collect Wonder Woman. I am a big Wonder Woman fan. I don’t discriminate between the comic book universes because both universes have there great characters.

     After I am done blogging for the evening my boyfriend and I are going to watch documentaries on homelessness. If you have been reading my blog you know that I volunteer at a homeless shelter and that I am passionate about ending homelessness. I really missed going to my volunteer job today at the homeless shelter. I can relate a great deal to most of the clients in the shelter because most of them have a mental illness. Plus at one point in time I was homeless. Thankfully it was only a short amount of time. Yes, I have my favorite clients even though we are not suppose to. A lot of the clients do seek out mental health help as well as help with addictions from alcohol and/or drugs. Unfortunately, some don’t get treatment. Getting treatment or not getting treatment is an entire different blog entry in itself.

     I better get going. My fingers are hurting like hell at the moment. I wasn’t expecting to blog so much today. Word to the wise make sure your burner is completely off when you clean your stove. I really thought I turned the burner of all the way last night when I started cleaning the stove. Well, I need to get going.

     Have a great Wednesday evening everyone. Now it’s time spend time with my boyfriend. Peace out and enjoy the rest of your Wednesday.

ONE BIG OUCH (No Make That 3 Big Ouches)

Posted on by Gertie

     Hey! It’s still Tuesday. I am typing this blog in pain. Why are you in pain you ask. Well, I forgot to turn the burner off all the way and went to clean it and well I burned the tops of three of my fingers. So when I burned my fingers my boyfriend gave me ice as he put our dinner away that we had just fixed but not eaten yet and then he took me to the Emergency Room (ER). Surprisingly I only spent 45 minutes in the ER. I got some cream stuff to put on my fingers. Yes I am already getting blisters on 2 out of my 3 burned fingers. In all honesty I don’t think I should be typing right now. My fingers hurt like hell. I do have to say that both the Attending physician and Resident Physician were extremely pleasant and helpful. The nurse of course of extraordinary. I was told to not go to my volunteer job tomorrow and am really disappointed about that. I enjoy my volunteer job.

     It looks like since I am unable to volunteer tomorrow that I will be doing a lot of reading. If you haven’t read A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens, I encourage you to read it. I am enjoying the book immensely. 

     I should get going for two reasons. One: Dinner is finally reheated and am hungry. So its time to eat. Two: My fingers are in extreme pain and I should stop typing now. I am hoping to blog tomorrow but if I don’t you know why. Have a good Tuesday evening everyone. Peace out and take care of yourselves.

Good Morning!!

Posted on by Gertie

     Good Morning!! It’s Tuesday and I need to figure out what to do today. Structure is a good thing for me. Although staying home and being lazy sounds like a good idea. Maybe its because the weather isn’t so great today. I think it might be one of those days that I will spend the day with my boyfriend watching movies and doing jigsaw puzzles. I love jigsaw puzzles. I might even start on a new cross-stitching project today. I of course will continue to read A Tale Of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens. I am truly enjoying A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens.

      Well I’m going to end this particular blog entry so I can go out and enjoy the day with whatever I may do. Have an awesome Tuesday everyone. Peace out and enjoy your day.

HAPPY MONDAY!!!

Posted on by Gertie

     HAPPY MONDAY!!! Well its a little after 10 o’clock (pacific time) Monday evening and it’s been a long day for me. I worked a four hour shift this morning and it went by so slowly. After work I rushed home to change out of my work clothes because I needed to catch a bus to make it to my appointment with my therapist on time.

     My appointment with my therapist went as well as it can be expected. It is therapy after all. I did shed a few tears over a tough topic for me. I don’t cry much and when I do cry it’s a big deal. Crying doesn’t come easy for me. I trust my therapist enough to let her see me cry. I think my current therapist is the only therapist that I ever cried in front of. I trust her.

     When I got home from my therapy appointment I decided to go to the neighborhood park and read. I am reading A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. So far I am enjoying book. Reading is one of the things that gives me pleasure in this world. It helps me forget my problems for the time being. Reading gets me out of my own head.

      After I was done reading in the park I came home and made me some dinner. I had scrambled eggs, French toast, orange juice and milk. I love having breakfast for dinner. I make sure I eat on the regular basis because it helps regulate my mental illness a great deal.

      When I finished with my dinner I talked with my little brother. He is doing quite well. He made me laugh with is corny yet very humorous jokes. I wonder where he gets his jokes from and I know they are not from me. I love my little brother.

       After I talked to my brother I watched some T.V. I got bored watching T.V. and realized I didn’t blog yet for Monday so I decided to blog. I am getting a little sleepy and I should get going. Good sleep hygiene is also a good way to stay stable. So that means I’m going to call it a night and go to bed.

       Yes, I know it’s only 10:31pm(pacific time) but I am tired. Have good night everyone. Sweet dreams and don’t let the bed bugs bite. (My grandpa said that to me whenever he tucked me in at night when I was a child.) Peace out and sleep well.

Being Hard On Myself

Posted on by Gertie

     Hey! It’s another Saturday evening and no dinner parties to attend or host. I’m fine with that because it’s always nice to have a quiet Saturday evening at home. At this very moment as I am blogging I am sipping on some hot chocolate and kind of watching Lockup: Raw on MSNBC. 

    I will be honest with you at the moment I am frustrated with myself. I’m frustrated with myself because of how I am viewing myself. I view myself as a failure. I view myself this way because of how our society and culture view people with mental illness. American Culture views those who struggle with mental illness as the scum of the earth. Another reason why I view myself as failure is because I am a 30something with barely a high school education and no college education stuck in a dead in job. Come on, how many 30somethings do you know working as a courtesy clerk (bagger) at grocery store for the last 9 years. I just don’t want to go to my 20 year high school reunion in four years and have nothing to show for myself. Yes, I know I’m being hard on myself.

    I know what my therapist would tell me in this situation because I have discussed the above paragraph with her multiple times. She would tell me that many of my classmates didn’t have to fight their asses off to get stable from a mental illness and fight through the pain of a horrific childhood. (Side Note: Only parts of my childhood were horrific.) She would also ask me what my rational or wise mind would say. Diana, my therapist would also point out that many people my age may have a college education but they have not been at the same employer as long as I have.(Side Note: Diana is a pseudonym) I cant argue with that point because many of my friends in my age range haven’t been employed with the same employer as long as I have been with mine.

   I think American culture plays a major role in the stigma of mental illness. As much as I love being an American; the American way is quite frustrating at times. What does have the American Dream really mean? American society focus’s on individualism yet has unspoken rule of what the American dream is. That American Dream is to get an education and graduate from college in hope to land your “dream job” then get married and have children and own your own home

    Anyway, I’m getting off topic. I really want to get a college education. I hope to some day get an education and become a social worker. If you were to ask me what my current “American Dream” is. My response is: “To be able to work full time in a job I enjoy. Preferably in the mental health field starting as a Peer Support Specialist/Counselor. To get off disability. To be able to live in and afford a fare market value apartment. Some day get married and have family. A plus in my “American Dream” would be able to get a degree in Social Work and become a social worker.” I know that someday that part of my “American Dream” will come true.

   I just wish I wasn’t so hard on myself. I know that “normal” people are hard themselves. I also know that they don’t have the everyday struggles of mental illness that I and many other people deal with. Sometimes I wonder if “normal” people would be able to deal with a mental illness. I’m my own worst critic and my own worst enemy but aren’t we all. In my opinion people who struggle with mental illness are tougher on themselves than others because we so desperately strive to be whatever the hell normal is.

   Now that I’ve bored you with my frustrations I’m going to end this blog entry. I know some day that I will be on the career path that I desire. I know one day I will be able to get off of disability. One day I will have my “American Dream.” One day I wont be so hard on myself and with the help of my therapist I will eventually not be so hard on myself or at least not as often.

    Thank you for reading my blog. I am sorry that this one is so long and it seems to be more venting than anything else. I hope that this blog entry helps those who struggle with mental illness that recovery is possible because it is possible and you are not alone in your struggles. Now I’m going to end this entry and put my full attention in watching Lockup: Raw on MSNBC. Have good evening all. I hope to blog tomorrow before I go to work.