Tag Archives: Food

100th Blog

Posted on by Gertie

Writing this particular blog is a major milestone; a milestone in the fact that it is my 100th blog. Blogging on the subject of Mental Illness hasn’t been an easy feat. It hasn’t been easy for me to write on the topic of mental illness due to my own struggles with it and the lack of education. I have the lack of education to convey what I desire to tell you in regards to mental illness. Due to my struggles with mental illness I was unable to go to college and now it’s the lack of funds that I am unable to attend college. On the flip side, I am able to convey how one feels as well as how one deals when one struggles with a mental illness. I am however able to convey something on mental illness that and “educated” person cannot because I live with one. Who better to educate others on mental illness than those who struggle with one? Well, maybe those who not only struggle with a mental illness but have an education in field that deals with mental illness.

Dealing with a mental illness is not an easy thing to deal with because of the struggles one must have to endure when it comes to symptoms.  Learning to deal with the symptoms of a mental health diagnosis in a positive way is a start in  the recovery process. Recovery is not only a difficult journey as well as process but a difficult choice. Yes, recovery is a choice, a choice which one must be a willing participant. Of course being in recovery is an effort that others must be included in because going the journey alone just makes the journey not worth the effort to do. Once a person chooses the road to recovery that person will need all the support they can receive.

The support that one receives looks different to everyone’s own recovery. For me and my own recovery my support system is continuing to grow and be more supportive. My support system includes professionals (such as my therapist, psychiatric nurse practitioner, primary care physician, etc.) as well as natural supports (such as my boyfriend, friends, current and past co-workers, selected family members, etc.). If it wasn’t for the continued support of the people I consider my support system, I would not be able to enjoy my life or even be in recovery. Yes, it is choice that I must make and choose to make however without the support I would not be able to continue on the road of recovery.

The point I am trying to make is that one who struggles with a mental illness needs all the positive support they can get especially when they choose to walk in recovery. Choosing recovery is a personal decision not a forced decision. Being forced into recovery (and in most cases treatment) does more harm than good. The last thing we who struggle with mental illness is to be forced to go into treatment. Yes, in some cases it is a good idea to be put into involuntary treatment but in most cases it is NOT a good idea.

My recovery means the world to me. Yes, there might be relapses and bumps in the road but I will have the support of my support network as well as all the skills I have learned throughout the years. If it wasn’t for my recovery I would not have been able to be employed at my previous employer much less get my current job as a consumer aide at a mental health agency. I have worked endlessly to get where I am at and I owe it all to those who have helped me through out the years. It is to those who have helped me through out the years that this blog is dedicated to. If it wasn’t for the help of many people I would have not been able to be posting my 100th blog much less been able to start this blog to share my recovery as well as to educate those who do not have a mental illness. It is my hope that this blog continues to educate people as well as give hope to those who are struggling and that recovery is possible.

I want to thank you for reading and/or following my blog. It means a great deal to me. I hope that with the next hundred blogs that I will able to continue to convey hope and recovery as well as educate on mental illness. Yes, I know I am not a teacher however some of the best educators in my life  were NOT teachers.

I hope to blog again in the next day or so. I am thrilled that I am able to share my life with you as well as be able show people that there is hope and recovery is possible and that people with mental illness are fully capable human beings. Have a good rest of your weekend all. Peace Out and have fun!!!

Figuring Out How To Succeed At Blogging

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Friday!!!! Apparently, I’m not reaching as many people as I hoped I would be. I only have 15 followers and don’t get many views. I am just getting frustrated with myself because I am not blogging as regularly as I was wanting to as well as not doing much educating when it comes to mental illness. I was hoping that I would educate people on particular mental health diagnoses but it appears that something is getting in my way in doing that. That something is me. I’m the one that is hindering the progression of this blog. On the positive side, I know that through my blog that I am showing others that recovery is possible (or at least I think I am).

My thinking was (and still is) when I started this blog was to show others that recovery is possible and that their is hope. I know that my blog is succeeding to a point when it comes to showing others that recovery is possible but it’s not succeeding in other ways. Its not succeeding in the number of followers or views I have or get and I think the reason being is the reason I stated earlier in this blog and that is the education part of it. I am hoping that once things start settling down with the new job as well as the new volunteer job that I will be able to start the education part of this blog. It is my hope that I will educate on the diagnosis’s that I have as well the ones I no longer meet the criteria for. I then hope to do some education on the diagnoses that family members and close friends struggle with and then go on from there.

Now that you heard enough about how my blog is not succeeding let get on to other subjects. I will start with my boyfriend. When he got off from work this morning I had made him breakfast. I made him pancakes, bacon and scrambled eggs. According to my boyfriend I burned the bacon. He pretty much likes eating bacon raw or at least almost raw. He likes all the fat on it. I do have to say that the fat on the bacon is what makes bacon taste good. After eating breakfast and doing dishes we had some intimate moments. Intimacy is something I personally struggle with because of some severe trauma I experienced as a child and even some trauma I experienced as an adult. With that being said my boyfriend makes me feel safe especially during intimate moments. He is gentle with me and extremely loving.

Speaking of loving, I am loving my new job. Yes, I know a loving partner is completely different than loving your job. I not only love my job, I enjoy it as well. My job gives me great joy even though its not the position I desire. In regards to it not being the position I desire its a foot in the door as well as moving up opportunities.

Since we are on the topic of opportunities, my volunteer job at the Warm Line gives me training opportunities as well as possible career advancement at my current employer and possibly at the Crisis Line where the Warm Line is run out of. Yes, I know what I just said sounds a little selfish but if what I do employment wise as well as volunteering gives me a purpose in life then so be it. I’m improving with being a call taker on the Warm Line and am no longer a deer in head lights. I am finally getting in the grove of things as a call taker.

I so want to share more with you right now but I realize I am hungry and need to figure out what I want to cook for dinner. I’m hoping that my boyfriend will give me some idea’s. Actually, I am hoping that he will do the cooking tonight.  Well, have a good Friday evening everyone. I hope everyone enjoys there weekend and has some fun. Peace out.

Ramblings About New Job & Other Stuff

Posted on by Gertie

It’s Tuesday and that means I worked today. Today, I did my shelter orientation. My boss tried to get me out of most of it due to me being a volunteer at the shelter however he couldn’t because its a requirement. He knew I had to be there for some of it but tried to out of the stuff I already knew. I am glad I did the entire orientation today. I saw a great deal of the clients that I miss dearly. When we had to do the coffee counter I dove right in because that’s what I mainly did when I was a volunteer. I also dove right in when I did the lobby office however I got to do employee stuff as well. Unfortunately, a fight broke out between two female clients and I was one of two orienteer’s that were allowed to step in. The only reason why I was allowed to step in was because I was familiar with both clients due to my volunteer work at the shelter. The other orienteer who was allowed to step in was allowed to due to her job title. She is basically on the crisis team. Thankfully, no one got hurt but the aggressor got barred till next Tuesday when the next Bar Review Committee (BRC) happens. Everyone involved had to write a log about it. It was my first time having to write a log and it was a log I really didn’t want to write.   I am really enjoying my job. I am feeling more confident with my new job.

I wish I was as confident with my new volunteer job at the Warm Line as I do with my new job. I’m like a deer in headlights. I don’t know if I have what it takes to be a call taker on the Warm Line. Yes, I know I’ve only had two shifts on the Warm Line but I’m not very good at it. My first night I only took one call and I panicked. My second shift I took three calls. One I didn’t do very well on and the other two I did okay on but need improvement. I’m hoping I do a better job tomorrow evening. The mentor on duty tomorrow is extremely humorous and tells me like it is. I’m happy with that. I really want to do a great job tomorrow. In fact I want to be able to impress mentor however I’m not there to impress him, I’m there to help the callers. My boyfriend told me to not worry about it and that I will get in the grove of things.

Speaking of my boyfriend, when I got home (to his place) he had dinner made for me. He made me enchiladas. I love enchiladas. Its one of my favorite meals. In fact my boyfriend made the tortilla’s for scratch. My boyfriend is an awesome cook. I enjoy cooking however he enjoys it more than I do so I let him cook. His cooking is almost as good as my grandma’s cooking.

I’m getting a little tired and have to get up early to go to appointments and wont be home till late due to my volunteer job at the Warm Line. I’m going to call it a night. Have a goodnight everyone and don’t let the bed bugs bite. Peace Out!!!

Just A Blog About The New Job

Posted on by Gertie

It’s an absolutely beautiful Sunday evening in my neck of the woods. So beautiful that my boyfriend and I are going to have dinner outside. We are going to have a grilled chicken salad. Of course the chicken is going to be grilled and the barbeque. I hope we have leftovers so I can take some to work tomorrow.

Speaking of work, I have to remember to take a few things with me tomorrow. A major part of my job is sitting in a little pod like office to let people in the building and that gets boring. I have to remember to take some things to read. I think I’m going to take the book “A Tale of Two Cities” because I haven’t finished reading it yet. The reason why I haven’t finished reading it is that I’ve been busy with life and trying to get a new job. Well, I have that new job and that new job will allow me to read on the job when I am on door duty. I am also going to take a Wonder Woman graphic novel with me. Its one that I have read already but I love Wonder Woman and enjoy rereading any Wonder Woman comic or graphic novel. I am debating weather or not to take some cross-stitching with me to work. I am almost finished with my current cross-stitching project. I really do think I will enjoy my new job wants I get adjusted to what I need to be doing. Plus, I have two more orientations I need to do and fortunately they are both this week. I also have to go to two trainings but the trainings I have to do are not being offered this month so I have to do them next month or whenever they offer them. The trainings I have to do are in Crisis Intervention and CPR. I have to do both every year even if my CPR card is not expired. I know that my new job isn’t the position I want but at least it’s in the field I desire and a foot in the door. Due to agency and union policy I have to be in my current position before be consider an “in-house” applicant. That’s fine with me because I want to be in my position for at least 6 months if not longer because it looks good on the resume’.

Well, I need to get going because my boyfriend said dinner is done and well I am extremely hungry. I hope to blog again sometime in the next few days. Have a wonderful Sunday evening. Peace out!!!!

Apprehension About New Job

Posted on by Gertie

     It’s another amazingly beautiful Sunday evening!!! I know it’s a beautiful day out however I am extremely apprehensive about tomorrow. I start my new job tomorrow and that is why I am so apprehensive about it. I don’t know why I am so apprehensive about starting my new job. It’s in the field I want to be in.

     My boyfriend is trying extremely hard to make sure my apprehension about the new job decreases. He fixed me my favorite meal. My favorite meal is Mac & Cheese (preferably homemade), Ham, and Corn on the Cob. We had Pepsi to drink and for dessert we had my favorite of Strawberry Shortcake. I love my boyfriend and how he tries to calm my nerves. I love the fact that he knows my favorite meal and that he made homemade Mac & Cheese. How many men out there make homemade anything for their girlfriends?

     I think I will keep this particular blog entry short. I need to make sure I have everything ready for my first day on the job tomorrow. I need to make sure I have what I need to give to my new employer. I hope to blog about my first day on the new job tomorrow evening. I really hope I am able to blog about it but not sure how tired I will be. I hope I didn’t bore you all today with this blog entry. I just hope I don’t forget anything I need for my new job. Well, I am going to call it an evening and a night. Enjoy the rest of your Sunday evening everyone. Peace out!!! 

Monday Cant Get Here Soon Enough

Posted on by Gertie

     Its another Sunday evening and I am so looking forward till tomorrow. As most of the world dreads Mondays, I look forward to them. For most of the world it is the start of the work week. For  me Mondays mark my Friday. Hell, for most of the world it’s already Monday. 

     My shift at work today seemed like it was a 12 hour shift instead of a 6 hours shift. The customers just seemed ruder than normal when most of my coworkers seemed to have an attitude problem due to the rudeness of the customers. I just wish people realized how their behavior can effect others. I mean people working at a grocery store are just trying to pay their bills and take care of their families and don’t deserve to be treated like shit. If we treated our customers the way they treat us we wouldn’t have a job anymore or the company would go under. Its not my fault or the fault of the checker’s (cashier) if corporate decides to discontinue an item. In fact its not always corporate that  does it. Sometimes its the manufacture of the product. The employees at a grocery have no control what so ever what item is discontinued. Oh yeah, if you have an expired I.D/Drivers License we can not legally sell you alcohol. Obeying the law doesn’t give anyone the right to hit anyone. Sorry for bitching but seriously please be nice to the employees of the grocery store or supermarket you shop at. You have no idea how an previous customers may have treated us.   

     Tomorrow I also here back from the agency I had an interview with. I am so hoping I get the job because I don’t know how much I can take from customers or corporate. Working 9 years a grocery store can make anyone stress out. I just need a career change and I hope I get the job as a Consumer Aide.  

     On a good note when I got to my boyfriends house after work he had dinner for me. He had barbequed chicken and corn and made freshly squeezed lemonade for me. Plus we strawberry shortcake for dessert. Oh how I love my boyfriend. He knows how to lessen my stress even if he doesn’t realize I am stressed when I show up. I should get go.

     Well, I should get going. I will try to blog again tomorrow. I am hoping to blog everyday. I am really wanting to add more followers to my blog but not sure how. Well, have a good rest of your Sunday everyone. For those of you in this world that its already Monday then have a good Monday. Peace Out.

Great Time With Grandparents

Posted on by Gertie

     Happy Friday!!! It has been a Happy Friday for me even though it is my Monday. After I got off work today I saw my grandparents today. My grandparents came to the city I live in so my grandma could see a Parkinson’s doctor. They live in a rural town and no one around where they live specializes in Parkinson’s so she sees her Parkinson’s doctor in the area I live in. Her appointment went well and the Parkinson’s is progressing slowly. Like I said I saw my grandparents today. They came over to my place and my grandma fixed dinner. She fixe me my favorite dinner of Mac & Cheese, Corn on the Cob, Ham and for dessert Strawberry Shortcake. I love my grandma’s cooking. I was sad when they went back to there hotel. I love them so much. In fact my grandparents helped my dad raise me. My grandparents are going home tomorrow. I wish I was able to spend more time with them.

     I best be going. I just wanted to let you all know how today went. I hopefully will be able to blog again tomorrow. Have a good weekend everyone. Peace out.

1,000 Days

Posted on by Gertie

     Happy Monday, Everyone!!! Today, marks 1,000 days since I was last discharged from a inpatient psych unit. Hence, the reason why I titled this blog entry 1,000 Days. For me 1,000 days is a major accomplishment. This is the longest that I have been out of the hospital for psych reasons since I was a teenager. Being out of the hospital for 1,000 days just shows on how much I have accomplished in my recovery and of course I had many people who have helped with this process.

     I guess if I really look back my recovery process started back in 1999. Yes, my recovery process started 15 years ago. I may have not been in recovery with my mental health for 15 years but I have been in recovery from the eating disorders for that long. In my late teens and early twenties I considered myself a Christian. In fact I was highly involved in the Christian community. I share this with you because its part of my story of how I am in recovery with both Anorexia and Bulimia. Being active in the church I was attending and being a huge “Christian” music fan at the time, I had heard of this place called Mercy Ministries. Mercy Ministries is a place for “troubled young women” with all sorts of issues including eating disorders. The thing that drew me to Mercy Ministries at the time was that it is Christian and free. At the time it was the best choice I made. In fact to this day I don’t regret making the decision to go all the way to Nashville from the West Coast of the United States. I did graduate from Mercy Ministries and it is one of the greatest accomplishments in my life. I as a thirty-something may not consider myself as Christian anymore and am happy that as a twenty-something Christian, I made one of the best decisions in my life. I may not agree that I was healed from Anorexia and Bulimia but I do believe that because of Mercy Ministries I am in recovery from both eating disorders. I haven’t had any relapses with either eating disorder but I do struggle on occasion with the urges of the eating disorders. I believe that both eating disorders are a life long struggle and it is a choice I make to give in to those urges or not. I choose to not give in to those urges.

     Now that you know where I my recovery started or at least with the eating disorders, now let me tell you about my mental health recovery. My mental health recovery is much more of a rollercoaster ride than my eating disorder recovery. My mental health recovery started October 2003 when I entered an intensive two year out patient Dialectical Behavior (DBT) program. At the time I entered the  DBT program I had been in and out of inpatient psych wards and hospitals more than 40 times. That’s more times than my current age. While being in the DBT program I was required to get a job which I am beyond grateful that I was required to do. In fact the job was a requirement for the second year of the DBT program I was in. If it wasn’t a requirement for me to get job I wouldn’t haven’t gotten a job and I am forever grateful that it was a requirement because I have been employed with same employer now for 9 years. The two years I was the program I only ended up in an inpatient unit once. I graduated from both years of the DBT program (first and second years).

      After I graduated from the DBT program in November 2005 I decided to go back to the current mental health agency I seek services at. Since going back to the current mental health agency in February of 2006, I have had a high turn over of clinicians and many more hospitalizations. In fact if it wasn’t for my last clinician switching to a different team in the agency, I wouldn’t have gotten my current therapist. I have had my current therapist since December of 2008. In fact Diana is the therapist I have had the longest in all the years I have been in therapy. Diana has helped me a great deal in the last 5 1/2 years. In fact if it wasn’t for  Diana helping me through the pain I have struggled with and still struggle with I wouldn’t have been able to stay out of the hospital for 1,000 days. Diana is one of many people who have helped me in the last 11 years. 

     Over last the last 11  or so years of mental health recovery I have found out a lot about myself. For instance when I was in DBT I realized that I am passionate about politics and got involved with it. I stopped for a long while when I started working and now I am wanting to get back into it. I also realized with one clinician I had that I am bi-sexual. I thank the universe that I figured out I was bi. Yes, my boyfriend know I am bi. I have also realized how much I love music and collecting comic books. I love Wonder Woman comic books. I got into collecting comic books. I am not only collecting Wonder Woman but Batman, Superman, Spiderman, and X Men. When I was in the height of my mental illness I stopped playing the flute and decided about 2 years ago to pick it back up and to start teaching myself to play the harmonica again. I also realized that I not only love rap and alternative music but country music as well. I also enjoy jazz. I also realized that I really enjoy reading and that I love reading Classic Literature. I tend to read memoirs and autobiographies of those who struggle or have struggled with mental  illness. I also enjoy reading mysteries, horror, sci fi and fantasy. I am telling you all this because when you are struggling with a mental illness you don’t realize what you like or enjoy and if you do know what you like or enjoy you forget about it because mental illness sucks the life out of you. One of the most important things I’ve learned is to educate myself about my particular diagnosis as well as the latest research regarding mental illness, therapies and meds. Another major thing I have learned or come to realize is to depend on my natural support system.

     Speaking of my natural support system they are throwing me a barbeque because of being out of the hospital for 1,000 days. They know its a big deal for me. I just wish they weren’t making it out to be a bigger deal than it really is. This small barbeque is turning out to be a party. I just wanted it to be about 12 or so people. Apparently there are more than twenty people coming because they want to celebrate my success of 1,000 days. I know its a big deal but I wish they weren’t making it out to be a big deal.

     I better get going. I need to get ready for the barbeque. I am suppose to be there at 5:30(pacific time) and its now 4:22pm. I should get going and allow my support system to celebrate this day with me. Peace Out Everyone!!

Last Day Of Vacation

Posted on by Gertie

     Its an absolutely beautiful day in the neighborhood. I spent this Sunday afternoon at a baseball game with my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I saw a lot of his co-workers there its always good to see people I consider family even if they are not blood. I love baseball even if the team I am rooting for looses. I had a blast like I do every time I go to a baseball game. I of course had my hot dog, Pepsi, slice of pizza, and garlic fries like I do at every game I attend. You would think that I would be full after all that food but I wasn’t.

     Apparently, I had enough room in my stomach of mine to have a steak at a barbeque I went to with my boyfriend after the baseball game. The barbeque was at one of my boyfriends co-workers place who happens to have a swimming pool. In fact this particular co-worker of my boyfriends is the person I consider to be my second mom or my other mother. She more of a mom to me than my own mom has ever been to me. So I of course ate the steak and had more food which include corn on the cob, potato salad, 3 pieces of chocolate cake and more Pepsi. It being a nice beautiful sunny warm summer day out, I of course went swimming. I love swimming and according to my boyfriend and our friends I should have been born a fish. Hell, that’s nothing new to me; I was told that all the time when I was growing up.  I enjoy myself even if I was acting like a kid (and a fish) for while.

    I think its okay to act like a kid every once in while especially since I have to go back to work tomorrow and start acting like an adult again. Today is my last day of vacation and I had an absolute blast today. In fact I enjoyed this entire vacation. I have to say that the best part of my vacation was spending time with my little brother. I really don’t want to go back to work tomorrow but its a reality I have to deal with. In fact its a reality a lot of have us have to deal with. I am hoping that I wont have to work at my current employer for much longer.

     The reason why I am hoping to not be working at my current employer much longer is because I have a job interview this Wednesday. I am really hoping I get the job I am interviewing for because nine years working at a grocery store is just getting to be too much for me. I am grateful for my current employer and being employed at the grocery store has helped a great deal with my recovery process.

      My recovery process has been a journey. That journey has not been easy. In fact today marks 999 days since I was last discharged from a psych ward. This is the longest I have been out of an inpatient unit or hospital regarding the mental illness I struggled with since forever and a day. The first time I was hospitalized for psych reasons I was only a teenager so 999 days out of the hospital is a good thing. I will be blogging more about my recovery process and being out of the hospital for so long tomorrow.

       Speaking of tomorrow I need to get going and make sure I have everything ready to go to work for tomorrow. I don’t even know if that last sentence made sense. Anyway, I will blog again tomorrow and I will be blogging about my recovery process. I hope you all enjoy the rest of your Sunday. Peace out!!!

Everything From Hiking to Intimacy to Blogging & Other Such Things

Posted on by Gertie

     It’s still Saturday and it has been an amazing one at that. My boyfriend and I went hiking and had a picnic in the woods. It was romantic having a picnic in the forest. This wasn’t the first time we had a picnic in the woods. Being out in nature with the person you love tends to bring you closer together.

     Being closer to my boyfriend is always a good thing especially when it comes to intimacy (sex). When we got back to his place after hiking we became intimate. It feels so good to be able to trust someone enough be intimate with. See, when you have suffered severe childhood abuse and other traumas you tend to not trust people especially when it comes to intimacy. For me trusting my boyfriend with sex and intimacy is a major deal and he knows that. That is why when we are intimate with each other he is gentle and patient. He is amazing in bed. Yes, I do have his permission blog about intimate moments with you all.

     The reason why he is cool me sharing about the intimate moments is because he likes what I am trying to do with this blog. He likes the fact that I am not only trying to help people who struggle with mental illness and show them that recovery is possible and that hope is out there but to educate “normal” people (like him) about mental illness. In fact my boyfriend is one of the people who encouraged me start this blog. He is what I call a normie. A normie is a normal person.  A normal person is someone who doesn’t struggle with a mental illness or any other disability. My boyfriend really hopes that this blog reaches normies because he wants it to prove to them that people who struggle with a mental illness do live productive lives and are loveable. Yes, he says some moments are more difficult than other moments but he is more than willing to stick it out with me. All I want with this blog is to show people who struggle that there is hope and recovery is possible. I also want to educate those who don’t struggle with mental illness that we are like everyone else and that we live productive lives. Yes, everyone who has a mental illness has a different way to be productive but so does everyone else in this world.

     Speaking about being productive, this next few weeks are going to be quite productive. I go back to work this Monday after being on vacation for a week. This Wednesday (July 30th) I have a job interview. Then this Tuesday (July 29th)  start volunteer training for a peer run Warm Line. The training is twice a week; Tuesdays and Thursdays for five weeks. Each day of training is four hours. So eight hours of training each week for five weeks equals to 40 hours. I am looking forward to this training. For me being productive is going to work, volunteering and going to various training in regards to peer counseling and volunteering. Another way that I am being productive is by voting. I voted in the primary elections. I want to make sure that my voice is heard and one way for it to me heard is to vote.

      Being heard is a big thing for those who struggle with a mental illness. I want to be a voice for those who cant speak up for themselves. I hope that I am that voice on this blog. I am hoping that one day I can educate you all on the particular diagnoses that I struggle with or have struggled with. I want to make sure I have the correct information before I share it. For example what the DSM 5 says about the diagnosis as well as the definitions from the dictionary. My desire is to educate those who may not understand what it is like to deal with a mental illness.

     With all of that being said, I should end this blog for now. I kind of want to have more adult fun with my boyfriend. I hope everyone had a good Saturday like I have had. Peace out and enjoy the rest of your Saturday.