Tag Archives: Books

Weekly Goals

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Monday!!! It is the start of another work week and like always I was looking forward to going to work today but still not feeling all that well so I called into work sick. I love the fact that I look forward to going to work each day even when I am unable to do so. It being Monday, it also means it is time to do my weekly goals. Like always I will start with how I did with my last weeks goals.

1)  Read Speaker of the Dead by Orson Scott Card. I only read a total of three pages but I read. I ended up starting to read another book that highly encouraged for those of us who work in the mental health field to read.

2)  Work on jigsaw puzzle. I spent a great deal of time work on the puzzle this week since I haven’t been feeling all that well.

3)  Color. Another thing I spent a great deal of time doing this week since I wasn’t feeling all that well.

4)  Writing 101: Finding Your Inspiration. I finishing up Writing 101. I learned a great deal from it and hope to continue finding inspiration in everything.

5)  Update my résumé. Yup, I update my résumé. I was even able to update my references with both my previous and current supervisor  of my current employer.

6)  Work on cover letter. I updated my cover letter. I find it difficult to look at my strengths but was able to do so.

7)  Apply for a least one job. Yup, I applied for a job. It was only one job but it is the job I most want.

8)  Work on a self-help workbook; The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook by Matthew McKay, PhD., Jeffery C. Wood, PSY.D., and Jeffrey Brantley, MD. I managed to do a couple of pages. It was difficult to do since I haven’t been feeling all that well.

9)  See my therapist on Wednesday. Yup, I saw my therapist despite not feeling well. We discussed how I need to focus on what my body is trying to tell me. I find it difficult sometimes.

Despite not feeling well this past week, I managed to accomplish every goal. Now it is time to share with you my goals for this week.

1)  Read Speaker of the Dead by Orson Scott Card.  I am bound and determined to finish this book. I am loving the book, it just seem to be taking longer than usual to read.

2)  Work on jigsaw puzzle. I am loving how the puzzle is slowly progressing.

3)  Color. The various coloring pages or posters I am working on are finally showing some progress.

4)  Start Writing 201: Poetry. I am taking another course that WordPress puts on to help improve ones blogging skills. I am looking forward this particular course because I love poetry.

5)  Work on a self-help workbook; The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook by Matthew McKay, PhD., Jeffery C. Wood, PSY.D., and Jeffrey Brantley, MD. I am actually grateful that I have decided to do this workbook. It has helped me remember how much I have improved with DBT skills over the years.

6)  See my therapist on Wednesday. Yes, I see my therapist again on Wednesday. I’m thinking it is a great thing because I have been feeling a little on the downside. Don’t worry I am pretty sure it is just because I haven’t been feeling well.

Well, it seems like I have been having some of the same goals for awhile now. I am thinking that next week I will have to change things up a little when it comes to my goals. I am greatly appreciative of the blogging event over at: http://greenembe.rs/2015/10/05/building-rome-week-40-for-2015/ Have a wonderful week. Peace Out!!

Beautiful, Sunny Yet Crisp Sunday

Posted on by Gertie

It is a beautiful, sunny yet crisp Sunday where I live. To make this day even more beautiful than it already is, is when Junior came home from work this morning and made me breakfast in bed. Junior is so romantic. After breakfast in bed, we had some intimate moments and then took a nap.

After the nap, Junior and myself went to a local park with a lake and walked around the lake holding hands. We held hand and talked. We talked about everything. When we walked around the lake twice, we decided to have lunch a nearby restaurant. As we ate we discussed how our love continues to grow for each other and how cool (and romantic) it is to do spontaneous things that we were doing.

Now that we are home and it is three o’clock in the afternoon, Junior and I are relaxing and taking it easy. Junior is reading a book as I sit here at my laptop blogging. Junior just started a book called Into The Storm by Taylor Anderson. So far he says it is a good book. The book is a Science Fiction book that is based on a Navy Ship in World War II. After I am done blogging I tend to read. Not sure if it will be Speaker of the Dead by Orson Scott Card or Trauma Stewardship; An Everyday Guide for Self While Caring for Others by Laura van Dernoot Lipsky with Connie Burk. I will probably read the latter of the two books.

I love days like today where I can be with the person I love. Most importantly, I love the fact that I can be at peace and be content with who I am despite still not feeling well. I am content with how my life is going and the people I have in my life.

With all that being said, I am going to end the post. Have a wonderful Sunday and Peace Out!!

Daily Prompt: Inside the Bubble

Posted on by Gertie

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Inside the Bubble.” A contagious disease requires you to be put into quarantine for a whole month (don’t worry, you get well by the time you’re free to go!). How would you spend your time in isolation?

As I was looking through past daily prompts, I found this one. I don’t know why but it grabbed my eye. For some reason this is an easy prompt for me to do. Maybe it is because, I have been in the hospital for a month and sometimes longer however it was not due to a contagious disease but mental health reasons.

If allowed, I would have my laptop so I would be able to have access to the hospital’s Wi-Fi. I would want to be able to not only keep everyone up to date on what was going on with me through various social media sites, I would want to be able to blog. Blogging to me is very important to me. Having my laptop would allow me to have access to music. Without music I would not be able to survive. I would also be able to play games on POGO at http://www.pogo.com/ with my laptop so I could help fight the boredom I would be dealing with.

I would also have plenty of books and comic books by my bedside. I would get extremely bored if I didn’t have access to a variety of reading materials. I would have to make sure that there are plenty of Wonder Woman comic books. Of course the books I would be reading would be Sci-Fi, Fantasy or Mysteries because those are the genre’s that most grab my attention and keep my attention.

Another way I would be spending my time in medical isolation is coloring. I would need plenty of colored pencils, a pencil sharpener and my coloring pages and posters I ordered from Stuff 2 Color at: http://www.stuff2color.com/ Coloring would be quite helpful and relaxing. Plus it wouldn’t take much attention to be able to do especially at the beginning of the month long isolation when I would be feeling at my worst.

I would probably be sleeping a lot to get better. I would most likely be going stir crazy as time went on. I would hope that I would be able to have visitors but not sure if I would able to have any because of being contagious.

Well, I need to end this post for now. I need to finish getting ready for work. Have a wonderful day everyone and peace out!!!

Weekly Goals

Posted on by Gertie

Good morning!!! It is another Monday and the start of another work week. Not sure how this week is going to turn out work wise but I hope it turns out better for me emotionally. I struggled a little bit last week due to the grieving process with having a miscarriage earlier this year. Now that things are slowly improving with the help of others, let get on to my goals for the week. Like previous weeks I will like to share with you how I did with last weeks goals. Last weeks goals:

1)  Read Speaker of the Dead by Orson Scott Card. I did read this week. I did most of my reading when I was on the bus going to and from work or appointments as well as waiting for my appointments.

2)  See my regular doctor on Thursday. Yes, I did see my doctor. My Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) is not cleared up. That means I have to take more antibiotics and they are stronger antibiotic than the last prescription. This one I have to take three times a day for one week.

3)  Research the topic for my blogging feature. I did some research on the topic for my blogging feature that I will do every Friday starting September 4th of this year (2015). It was difficult to do the research because I was already emotionally drained from dealing with grief. (No, the topic for the first week of my feature is not on grief or loss or even miscarriage.)

4)  See my therapist on Thursday. I saw my therapist on Thursday. It was a tough session. It ended up being a two hour session instead of an hour. The person who was scheduled after me had called and cancelled so my therapist offered me extra time. I gladly accepted the extra time since I was struggling majorly with grief and loss with the miscarriages. Two straight hours of therapy is quite difficult but it was much needed.

This past weeks goals were quite difficult for me, yet I was able to accomplish them. Now it is time to share this weeks goals:

1)  Read Speaker of the Dead by Orson Scott Card. Like I have said in previous weeks this is going to be a continuing goal of mine till I am done with the book..

2)  Work on jigsaw puzzle. I started a jigsaw puzzle over the weekend. I highly enjoy jigsaw puzzles and it helps me deal with overwhelming emotions, just like reading does.

3)  Work on a self-help workbook; The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook by Matthew McKay, PhD., Jeffery C. Wood, PSY.D., and Jeffrey Brantley, MD. Yes, I have been through Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) but I think it is always nice to have a refresher. Even if it is through a self-help book. My therapist thinks it is a good idea for the refresher part of the DBT self-help book.  (Side Note: If you do a self-help book, I highly encourage you to be seeking professional help as well. A self-help alone is not encouraged because it could bring up issues that you are unaware of that can not replace professional help.)

4)  Hang out with friends. I made an effort last week to make plans with people when I was extremely sad and dealing with overwhelming grief from the miscarriage I dealt with earlier this year. When things start acting up in regards to my mental illness or things become emotionally overwhelming, I tend to isolate. That is why I made plans with friends this week.

5)  Research the topic for my blogging feature. Yes, I will continue to do research for my blogging feature. I will be mainly researching for my first topic for my blogging feature but will also be doing research for future topics.

6)  Do a daily prompt every Tuesday. I got the idea over this past week to do a daily prompt every Tuesday starting tomorrow August, 18th. I got the idea as I was researching topics for my blogging feature. This way, I will be eventually, blogging at least three days week if you include the weekly goals, blogging features and a daily prompt once a week. That way I can make sure that you the follower/reader is not wondering where I disappeared to.

Thank you for allowing me to share with you my goals for the week. I know this week I was quite winded with my goals. As you can tell, this weeks goals are obviously geared toward my recovery as well as keeping up to date on my blog. Once again I am appreciative of being part of this blogging event over at: http://greenembe.rs/2015/08/17/building-rome-week-33-for-2015/ Have a great week!!  Peace out!!

Weekly Goals

Posted on by Gertie

It is Monday and that means it is the start of another work week. So far the work week started off well. Not only is a start of another week but it’s time to share my weekly goals. Before I share this weeks goals, I would like to share with you how I did with last weeks goals. Last weeks goals:

1)  Read Speaker of the Dead by Orson Scott Card. Yes, I did read this past week. So far so good.

2)  Work on cross-stitch. Yes, I actually worked on in this week.

3)  Pick a topic and start date for blogging feature. Yes, I picked a topic but I’m choosing to not share it till I post it on my start date which is Friday, September 4, 2015. Yes, I know that’s while but I want to make sure I word my feature just right.

4)  Make an appointment for my regular doctor and dermatologist. Yes, I did make the appointments. This was the most difficult goal I had this past week. Despite how comfortable my doctors try to make me feel, I still don’t like going to the doctors.

5)  Color. Yes, I did color.

I did really well with accomplishing my goals this past week.  Now on to this weeks goals:

1)  Read Speaker of the Dead by Orson Scott Card. Yes, this is goal again. It will be a goal till I am done with the book.

2)  See my regular doctor on Thursday. This may seem like a simple task but it is difficult for me to do even though I never miss an appointment unless, I’m in the hospital or a family emergency.

3)  Research the topic for my blogging feature. It will take some research.

4)  See my therapist on Thursday. Again, not an easy task and I never miss an appointment. This appointment will be difficult because I need to discuss how much I am missing the babies I lost due to miscarriages.

Thank you for putting up with my weekly goals. They all are geared toward my recovery. I am appreciative of being about of the blogging event over at: http://greenembe.rs/2015/08/10/building-rome-week-32-for-2015/ Thank you for your time. Have a good week. Peace Out!!

Weekly Goals

Posted on by Gertie

It is Monday and time to set my goals for the week. Before, I state my weekly I would like to discuss how I did with last weeks goals. Last weeks goals:

1) Write sponsored child. Yes, I did this. In fact I wrote to her twice.

2) Sign up for shift at the young adult shelter. Yes, I signed up for two evening shifts. I also tried to sign up for an overnight shift but it wouldn’t let me so I’m waiting to hear back from the volunteer coordinator.

3) Start reading Speaker of the Dead by Orson Scott Card. Yes, I did start reading. Only read the introduction.

4) Figure out what day I want to do for my blogging feature. Yes, I chose Friday.

5) Work on cross-stitching for 15 minutes. No I did not do this. I forgot.

6) Color. Yes I did color.

I figure, I did relatively okay. Five out of six goals accomplished, not bad. Now on to my goals for this week with explanation:

1) Read Speaker of the Dead by Orson Scott Card. In all honesty, I think this is going to be a re-occurring goal till I finish the book.

2) Work on Cross-Stitch. Since this was the one goal I did not accomplish last week it is my goal to work on in this week even if it is only for a few minutes.

3) Figure out what topic, I want to do for my blogging feature and pick a start date. Yes, I chose a day on what day I want my blogging feature, I just need to pick out a start date and topic for my first educational feature.

4) Make an appointment for my regular doctor and dermatologist. I need to make a follow up appointment with my regular doctor because of an E.R visit I had. I ended up having a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) and need to make sure it has cleared up. I also need to make an appointment with my dermatologist because, I received an email saying its time for my annual visit to get my skin checked out for possible skin cancer. Don’t worry its just a precaution since it runs in my family.

5) Color. Yes, I’m going to color again. It helps relax me.

Thank you for putting up with my goals. They all play apart in my mental health recovery despite what some people may say. It is my recovery not theirs. Recovery looks differently to everyone. I am glad I chose this blogging event. The event I am apart of is on the following link: http://greenembe.rs/2015/08/03/building-rome-week-31-for-2015/ Have a wonderful week. Have a good work week and Peace out everyone!!

Goals for the Week

Posted on by Gertie

As some of you know, as part of blogging 101 I joined a blogging event. The event I decided to be a part of focus’s on goals. I chose this event because it best corresponds on what my blog is about. So here are my goals for the week with explanation:

1) Write my sponsored child. I haven’t written her in a while and need to. I will most likely send her one of the many post cards I bought specifically to send to her.

2) Sign up for shifts at the young adult shelter I volunteer at. It has been three weeks since my last shift at the homeless shelter.

3) Start reading Speaker of the Dead by Orson Scott Card I love to read and recently finished Enders Game by Orson Scott Card. One of my goals for 2015 is to read twelve books and so far I have only read one book.

4) Figure out what day I want to do my blogging feature. I hope that once I choose a day then I can start doing research for the blogging feature.

5) Work on cross-stitch for 15 minutes. I have taken up cross-stitching and yet to finish the particular piece I am currently working on.

6) Color. While on vacation, I bought be a coloring poster (about 8inch by 12inch) to color. It is a detailed poster and will take me a while. I hope to be able to share the finished product when I am done.

All of the my goals this week ultimately help me and my recovery. The goals I have chosen this week give me some relaxation, and a sense of giving back to my community and yes that help with my recovery.

Before I go the following link is the event I am a part of: http://greenembe.rs/2015/07/27/building-rome-week-30-for-2015/ Have a great day everyone. I hope you all have a great work week. I know I am. Peace Out!!!

107 Questions With 107 Answers

Posted on by Gertie

I got the idea for this post from another blog, which I of course follow. Thank you Marci over at http://marcimentalhealthmore.com/  It means a great deal to be able to share ideas (and sometimes even still them with permission of course) with other bloggers. Yes, I did add, change not include some questions so I could make it geared more to my blog. .

1. Why did you start blogging?

I started blogging for two reasons: 1) to educate those who don’t have a mental illness in hope to lessen the stigma that goes along with it. 2) to show others who do struggle with mental illness that recovery is possible and there is hope.

2. How did you come up with the title of your blog?

I came up with the title, Gertie’s Journey because Gertie is my nickname and I would be discussing my journey along the way.

3. Why not use your real name in your title?

I originally didn’t use my real name because of the stigma that goes with having a mental illness. I now don’t use my real name because I work in the mental health field and need to protect my privacy.

4. Does that mean you have a mental illness?

Yes!!

5. What are your diagnoses?

As of right now my diagnoses are Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), PTSD, OCD and ADHD. So, I’m an Alphabet Soup.  At one point in time I was diagnosed  with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I no longer meet the criteria of BPD and consider myself a Recovered Borderline.

6. Do you consider yourself in recovery?

Yup, I do!!!

7. What do you do to stay in recovery?

Most importantly, I make sure I see my therapist and psychiatric nurse practitioner (ARNP) on the regular basis. I take my meds as prescribed daily. I make sure I go about my regular routine even if I’m struggling. I exercise on the regular basis.

8. How are you, really?

Overall, I am doing pretty good despite having high anxiety due to PTSD symptoms.

9. How are you feeling right now? What are you thinking about?

Umm….I think I just answered this. If you can’t remember go back to the previous question (as I say sarcastically). I’m thinking about what I’m going to have for dinner. I’m also thinking about working on scrapbooks I’m making for people for their holiday gifts. Yes, I know the holidays are six months away.

10. What is your favorite color?

Purple

11. What is your favorite food?

Mac & Cheese, Strawberries, Mexican Food

12. What is your favorite dessert?

Strawberry short cake and peach cobbler

13. How old are you?

Somewhere between 30 and 39. (Said sarcastically) Honestly, I am in my mid-30’s.

14.  What have you learned today?

I learned about Buddhism and meditation from a book I am reading about Buddhism.

15. What do you do?

I am a Consumer Advocate in a supportive housing program at local mental health agency.

16. What are some of your favorite books?

Enders Game by Orson Scott Card; The Stand by Stephen King and J.A Jance books. I also like many poems by Maya Angelou, Langston Hughes and Emily Dickenson

17. Who are some of your favorite authors?

Orson Scott Card, Stephen King, J.A Jance, Emily Dickenson, Langston Hughes and Maya Angelou

18. What are some of your favorite movies?

BIG, Speed, It’s Kind of a Funny Story, comedies, horror, and many movies Robin Williams is in.

19. Who are some of your favorite actors?

Robin Williams, Winona Ryder, Betty White, and Will Smith

20. What kind of music are you into?

I like 80’s and 90’s music and I also like Punk Rock, Grunge, and alternative.

21. Who are some of your favorite musicians?

Nirvana, Tori Amos, K.D. Lang, Kurt Cobian, Amy Grant, Tears for Fears, Journey, Queen, AC DC, and I can continue on my favorite musicians but wont.

22. If you’re going to write a book, what would it be about?

It would be memoir of my life with a mental illness and my recovery.

23. What’s the scariest thing you have ever done?

I think it would have to be starting my recovery with both the eating disorders and my mental health diagnoses.

24. What accomplishment are you most proud of?

Graduating high school, getting my peer specialist certification and being in recover with my mental illness.

25. How did you meet your fiancé?

I don’t remember meeting my fiancé but will tell you how we met. We first met when I had attempted suicide and one of my housemates found me unresponsive and called 911. He was one of the firefighters on duty who responded to the call.

26. Do you have any children?

Sadly, no

27. Have you thought about fostering or adopting?

Yup, Junior and myself want to do foster care in hope of adopting the foster child/ren.

28. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

I wanted to be a teacher.

29. What profession are you currently in?

I am in the mental health field.

30. How did you get into your profession?

I got into the field because I have my own mental health issues and want to be an example of what recovery looks like. Plus, I have a peer specialist certification.

31. Would you recommend your profession to other people? Why / Why not?

Honestly, it depends who the person would be because not everyone is fit to work in the mental health field.

32. What do you do for fun?

Camp, hike, rollerblade, walk, read, blog, watch movies, do jigsaw puzzles, do Sudoku puzzles, scrapbook, go to sporting events especially baseball games, going to concerts, listening to music, hang out with friends and select family members, and volunteer.

33. Do you like traveling?

I love it.

34. If you could visit any country in the world, where would you go and why?

Its a tie between Ireland, Australia and New Zealand. I would like to go to Ireland because I am half Irish and its part of my heritage. I want to go to Australia and New Zealand because I learned about it summer school between the 3rd and 4th grades and grew fascinated with both countries.

35. Who are some people you’d like to meet someday?

President Obama, Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King, and Sigmund Freud

36. If you could go back in history, who would you like to meet?

Refer to the previous question with the exception of President Obama since he is still alive.

37. If someone asked you to give them a random piece of advice, what would you say?

The future belong to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. Eleanor Roosevelt

38. What’s one of your favorite habits you have?

Going for a daily walk listening to music.

39. What are some things that make you really happy?

Sunny days, humor, my brother, my fiancé, nature, water, and my job

40. What are some things that make you really sad?

My miscarriages, most of my childhood, and how I have treated people in the height of my mental illness.

41. What are some things that scare you?

My PTSD symptoms I deal with on the daily basis. The mental health symptoms I deal with when I’m in crisis.

42. Do you like to plan things out in detail or be spontaneous?

I like both planning things and out and being spontaneous.

43. Are you a religious person?

No but I do consider myself Spiritual. I am on a Spiritual journey and looking into various faiths at this particular stage in my life.

44. Would you rather live in the country or in the city?

I am a city person. I love living in the city.

45. What was your life like growing up?

It wasn’t the best of childhoods.

46. What were you like in high school?

Depends on who you ask.

47. Do you have any brothers or sisters? How many?

Yes, I do. I have one half brother.

48. What’s your favorite part about today, so far?

The sunny weather, the strawberry shortcake I had and reading about Buddhism.

49. Who in your life has influenced you the most? How did they do it?

I’ve had many people who have influenced my life throughout my life and how those people did it is as unique as they are as people.

50. Have you ever tried sushi? (Did you like it?)

No, I have not tried sushi and never plan on trying it.

51. Do you like spicy food?

The spicier the better!!!!

52. How do you like your steak cooked?

Some pink but not a lot of pink.

53. If you were a type of animal, what would you be and why?

I think I would like to be an Orca because they are beautiful, intelligent animals and they get to be in the water all day.

54. What’s one of the strangest things you’ve ever done?

What are you talking about? Everything I do is strange because I am strange.

55. What kind of vacations do you like?

I love camping and any vacation I can learn something new.

56. What are some of your major goals in life?

To continue on my journey of recovery with mental illness.

57. What are some of your smaller goals in life?

To update my résumé and apply for peer support specialist jobs.

58. What do you like least about yourself?

The scars on my arms, legs and torso due to when I use to self harm.

59. What embarrasses you?

My speech impediment especially the stuttering (Its pretty much under control now but it acts up when I am under stress), being in little kid mode and being in a dissociated state.

60. If you could try out any job for a day, what would you like to try?

Being a psychiatrist.

61. What’s your earliest memory?

When I was three and my mom abandoning me.

62. What’s the best decision you ever made?

Being in recovery and choosing to stay in recovery. Trusting my gut with being in a romantic relationship with my fiancé, Junior.

63. Who’s your best / closest friend?

My fiancé, and three people I grew up with and/or went to high school with.

64. What do you think people think of you?

I don’t want to think what others think of me.

65. What were your grades like in school?

They weren’t the best in the world, mainly because of learning disabilities and/or mental health issues.

66. If you could learn one random skill, what would you learn?

To learn American Sign Language (ASL), Spanish and German.

67. Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

I’m a little of both.

68. Have you ever taken a personality test? (How did the results turn out?)

Honestly, I’m not sure because, I’ve I had so many different test throughout my life that they all kind of run together. I must have if I was diagnosed for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I am really grateful I no longer meet the criteria for Borderline.

69. Do you enjoy the particular sexual pose of what the number of this question is?

Very much so!!!!!

70. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

I notice both a persons eyes and smile.

71. Do you think people can control their own destiny?

To a degree, yes.

72. Do you think all people are equally valuable, or do you think some people in certain situations might be more valuable than others (say, a severely mentally ill patient vs. a doctor who could potentially save hundreds of lives)?

Define value!!

73. Do you think people are basically bad or basically good?

This is a difficult question for me to answer due to the fact that there are many factors to consider.

74. Do you think morals are universal or relative to the beliefs, traditions, and practices of individuals or groups?

I think it I need to know more before I could answer this question.

75. Do you think God exists?

Another complicated question. Yes, I do think that there is a spiritual being out there. I just don’t know who he, she or they are.

76. Do you think any kind of afterlife exists?

Yup, I am positive there is an afterlife.

77. Do you vote? Why / Why not? If you do vote, how do you usually vote?

Yes, I vote and I don’t disclose how I vote.

78. Do you think gay people choose to be gay? Do you think straight people choose to be straight?

I don’t think we choose our sexual orientation.

79. Is torture ever a good option? If no, why not? If yes, when?

Torture is NEVER a good option for any reason.

80. Would you kill an innocent person if you thought it might mean saving a dozen other people?

I would never kill an innocent person.

81. What’s the most money you’ve ever given away?

I rather not disclose. The amount I give away to a charity or person is between me and the charity or person.

82. What’s the biggest personal change you’ve ever made?

Choosing to be in recovery.

83. What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever done?

I’ve done many stupid things that I cant just name one thing.

84. What do you think would be one of the best steps we could take toward ending poverty around the world?

This is a loaded question and difficult to answer. It is something I will have to ponder about.

85. What do you think we could do to best improve the education system?

Pay teachers more, smaller class sizes and bring back fine and preforming arts.

86. In general, what do you think about art?

I love it.

87. What are some of your favorite websites?

Any website that I am able to learn something on.

88. What’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told?

That my ex-step dad wasn’t abusing me when he actually was.

89. What’s something most people don’t know about you?

I cry myself to sleep because I miss the babies I lost through miscarriages.

90. What’s something you wish everyone knew about you?

I love being able to help others.

91. What are some of the first things you do in the morning?

Go to the bathroom, take a shower, eat and take my meds.

92. What’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you?

Loosing two sets of twins within 14 months of each other due to miscarriage.

93. Do you cry easily?

No.

94. How do you feel about public speaking?

I hate it.

95. Do you like to talk on the phone?

Its better than texting.

96. How many emails do you get each week, roughly?

Depends what account. I have a work email, a personal email, a professional email and an email for this blog.

97. If someone were to make a movie about your life, who would you hope would play you?

I wouldn’t want my life made into a movie so I hope nobody plays me.

98. What’s one of your favorite questions to ask new friends or to get a conversation going?

It depends on the situation I am in.

99. Would you ever sky dive or bungee jump?

I have always wanted to sky dive. When I was younger I wanted to bungee jump but as I get older it becomes less appealing.

100. Have you ever been in a fist fight?

Yup, in junior high.

101. What’s the best prank you’ve ever pulled?

My senior prank in high school.

102. What did you do on your 16th birthday?

My friends had a surprise party for me.

103. What do you think is one of the most undervalued professions right now?

Teaching and any profession in the mental health field.

104. How would you explain your basic life philosophy?

When I look back on my life I rather regret the things I do than the things I don’t do.

105. Would you rather be hated or forgotten?

Neither

106. If you knew you would die tomorrow, would you feel cheated today?

I don’t want to know when I am going to die.

107. Now, how do you honestly feel after answering all these questions?

Exhausted but overall still doing well.

What Can I Say, It’s Mothers Day

Posted on by Gertie

As many of you know it’s Mother’s Day. Mother’s Day is a source of pain for many us out there in this world of ours. The cause of the pain of Mother’s Day is as different and unique as each of us are as human beings.

For me Mother’s Day has been a source of pain since childhood. A source of pain I wish I could forget or at least no longer be as painful as it has been and currently is. I guess now is as good of time as any to bring up the source of many years of pain, my own mother.

The first memory I have of my childhood was not exactly the happiest and you guessed it, it involves my mother. I was the tender age of three when my mom did what many mothers would not even give a thought; she abandoned me. She didn’t just abandon me, she abandoned my dad. A dad that wasn’t exactly the worlds most perfect dad but a dad that loved me and tried the best of his ability to raise me. With my dad being a single father, that made realize how truly special my own grandmother was in my life.

If it wasn’t for my grandparents helping my dad, my dad wouldn’t have gotten custody of me when my mom decided to reappear into our lives two years late when I was five. At this point in time my dad had already gotten divorced my mom and got custody of me due to the fact that my mom abandoned me. In fact the lawyer that my wonderful grandparents got for my dad to make sure he remained the primary caregiver pointed out to the judge that if mother could leave her sick three year old alone at night as her husband was working didn’t deserve to have custody. Unforantenly, the judge to granted my mother visitation. The visitation was a complicated thing due to the fact that my dad and myself lived in Southern California and my mother lived in Western Washington.

Due to the visitation I spent my summers and Christmas’s in Washington State and the rest of the year in California. That meant as Mother’s Day rolled around, I was going to mother/daughter tea’s with my  grandmother. As I got older it got that much more difficult.

It got more difficult because mother started dating a guy who wasn’t exactly prince charming. He not only beat my mom but decided to take out his anger on me as well. He not only took out his anger me but also desired me in a way grown adults shouldn’t desire children of any age. Yes, that means I was sexually abused. Actually, I was raped by this man. I was put through years of it before he just upped and left my mom and brother.

In fact if it wasn’t for my brother, I would have asked to go to court to ask the judge to take away my mother’s visitation rights away from her. In fact I would have asked the judge to take away her parental rights away. If I would have that means my brother would have ended up in foster care  again and me no longer being able to see him. In fact my brother and I are close and we both call our mother, our egg donor because that is what she ultimately is to the both of us.

Despite all the pain my mother caused me throughout my life, there is a different pain I struggle with. That is the pain of loosing a child. In fact in my case, it’s children. I miscarried two sets of twins within 14 months of each other. This year Mother’s Day is more difficult for me than last year because we (myself, my fiancé, doula, and doctor) were more hopeful and encouraged about how my last pregnancy was progressing verses how my first pregnancy had progressed. I cant help but think how big my first set of twins would be if I didn’t miscarry them. I also cant help but think about my last pregnancy, if I didn’t miscarry back in January (of this year). I wonder if I would still be pregnant or if I would have delivered the twins because this set of twins were due on May 29th (of this year). As any parent knows, there is no greater pain a person can endure than loosing a child. I unfortunately, lost two sets of twins. As much pain I endured as child, the pain of miscarrying two pregnancies is a much great pain to me. The children I miscarried will always be a part of me.

As you can tell by this lengthy blog, Mother’s Day is quite painful for me for many different reasons. As you celebrate your mother’s or are being celebrated as a mother please take a moment of gratitude for the mother you have and/or the child(ren) you have. Not everyone has the blessing of having mother who cares or (a) child(ren) to take care of and love.

Before I end this blog, I would like to take the time out and wish all the Mother’s out there a Happy Mother’s Day. I would especially like to thank my grandma as well as others in my life to stepping into the mother role when I needed it the most. Happy Mother’s Day.

Being Celebrated On My Birthday

Posted on by Gertie

Today, is another Saturday. A Saturday that I wish wasn’t all about me. See, today (March 7th) is my birthday. Birthdays are usually a joyous time for people and most likely not difficult for the birthday person to be celebrated.

I have difficulties with people celebrating me even if it is my birthday. I am not use to it due to my childhood and the trauma I suffered as a child.  The thing is I am no longer a child and I choose the people I have in my life.

I choose the people I have in my life because of my not so good childhood. The people currently in my life are good to me. They love me and care about me. I may have chosen the people in my life but I still feel like I don’t deserve to have them in my life. I have to remember that no matter how difficult my childhood was, that I still deserve to have people in my life that love me for who I am.

It is because of who I am that the people in my life celebrated me today because it was the day I was born. They know that no matter how I feel or what I think that I deserve to be celebrated. Celebrated like everyone should be celebrated.

My birthday started out by my little brother calling me at 12 midnight wishing me a Happy Birthday. My dad then called me at 12:36 am to wish me a Happy Birthday. My dad called me at 12:36 in the morning because today is my 36th birthday.

It being my 36th birthday my fiancé got me three dozen (36) purple roses. Junior got me the purple roses because purple is my favorite color and well he wanted to make sure my day started off well. I am grateful that he was and is so thoughtful.

Right beside the rose’s were baseball tickets to the first two home games to the Seattle Mariners. Junior made sure that I will attend opening day because the Seattle Mariners are playing my favorite team the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. I am so looking forward to seeing a good baseball game against two of my favorite teams. I do have to say that I always root for the  Angels. Junior also got tickets for the second Mariner home game. Yes, the Mariners will be playing the Angels. Junior knows me well enough that when it comes to gifts I prefer experiences over things which is not only why he got be baseball tickets but planned what happened next in my day.

Junior planned a surprise party for me. He planned it extremely well. Junior had invited a number of my friends to the party. In fact he even invited two childhood friends of mine that I knew in California and now live in the Seattle area. Not only did they show up but had various childhood friends mail them cards to give them to me today. Junior also invited people I went to high school with. My high school friends even did the card thing as well. I was surprised as hell that Junior planned the party for me. Actually, I am more surprised that he was able to keep it a secret because he is NOT very good at keeping secrets.

Some how he was able to not only plan the party but able to keep it a secret. Junior had his mom and other family member make an authentic Mexican meal for me. I love Mexican food and Junior knows that. I am also grateful that Junior is Mexican and that his family doesn’t care that I am white and that my family doesn’t care that he is Mexican. I am happy with my relationship and that our families can embrace each others cultures.

Not only was I blessed with Mexican food but was blessed with many other gifts. I received many books as well as a gift card to Barnes and Noble. I also got Wonder Woman pajama’s and many Wonder Woman comic books. I also received a three day pass to Emerald City Comic-con. I of course will be going to the comic-con with one of my best friends.

If it wasn’t for the friends I choose to be in my life and consider family, I would have not had a great birthday like I did today. I may feel like I don’t deserve it but I sure appreciated being loved and cared about. All the people who are currently in my life caring about me don’t give a shit that I have a mental illness. They care about me because I am me and that is why they made sure I had an awesome birthday.

I have less than three hours of my birthday left and I am going to spend the rest of it with Junior. We will be watching movies and most likely be having some intimate moments. I better get going. Have a good night and don’t let the bed bugs bite. Peace Out!!