A Blog Before Bed

     Well, I’m going to try to make this blog a short one since it’s 11:39pm (pacific time) on a Tuesday night. My dad was able to go home from the Emergency Room after having a seizure. I am so glad he was able to go home. He doesn’t do well in hospital. His doctors at the hospital were great as well as the nurses. My dad of course flirted with the nurses and it embarrassed the hell out of me.

     I of course updated my blog a few hours ago to let you all know about my dad while waiting in the E.R. with him. I also did a lot of reading. I read The Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens as well as some Wonder Woman comics. Reading helps a great deal. I also listened to music. I listened to some Tori Amos, Nirvana and Jimi Hendrix . I even listened to a little Country Music. Music has helped me a great deal with my recovery process.

    Speaking of my recovery process, I ended up sitting behind an old clinician on the bus home from the E.R. Due to laws she was unable to say hello to me tell I said hi. It took me some time to work up the nerve to say hello. In fact this particular person was one of the first clinician I had as an adult. She was shocked as hell that I’ve been working for 9 years with the same company. Hell, if I was her I would be shock as well. She asked how long it had been since I was last in the hospital for psych reasons as well as the last time I cut. I told her 2 1/2 years was the answer to both of those questions. She also commented on my weight and how healthy I looked. When she worked with me I was still struggling with Anorexia and Bulimia. I told her I haven’t done the eating disorder stuff in 15 years. She said she was proud of me. That’s the only two things we talked about regarding my mental health. The cool thing was that we talked about work. Not just about my job and my job seeking to become a peer counselor but her work as well. She is now the lead social worker on a one of the psych wards of the only Level 1 Trauma Center in my state. It was nice to see someone who once worked with me when I was at my worst and can now see how far I have come in my recovery. Recovery is not an easy process. In fact I think is will be life long process and I am fine with that.

     Well, it’s now 11:51pm(pacific time) on Tuesday night and I need to get to bed. I am a little tired. I have to get up early in the morning to have breakfast with a friend of mine. I am sure most of you are already in bed at the moment. Let me rephrase that, if you live in North America I am sure that most of you are asleep. If you are still up this time of night please enjoy the last 9 minutes of Tuesday. I hope to blog sometime tomorrow. Peace out and have a good nights sleep (and don’t let the bed bugs bite).

Just A Brief Blog For Now

     As I am blogging this Tuesday evening I am sitting in the Emergency Room waiting room because my dad had a seizure. Right now he is getting a MRI. I have had many MRI’s and they are not fun. I’m in the waiting room of the E.R because it’s the only place I can get Wi-Fi. I told my dad that when he gets back to the room to let his nurse know so she can come get me. In fact his nurse if friend of mine from the high school I graduated from. She was one of the few people who stuck up for me in high school when I got bullied. She also helped me with my homework. More or less she tutored me. Now back to my dad. I think he will be okay. Their is the possibility that he might have to stay overnight for observation. He usually does stay over for observation when he has a seizure. My dad has had a multitude of test so far this evening due to his seizure. I hope they just make up their minds if they are going to keep or let him go.

     In fact I was suppose to go to a baseball game this even with a friend but my dad ended up in the E.R and well he is more important than a baseball game. My friend understands and was able to find someone else go with her on such short notice. I am grateful that she was able to find someone on such notice because then her money isn’t wasted.

     Well I best be going. I hope to blog later on when I am home. I hope to let you know how my dad is doing. I love my dad so much. He raised me with the help of my grandparents. I will blog again later. Peace out and enjoy the summer.

Happy Monday Morning!!!

     Happy Monday Morning!!! Yes, I know its Monday and its the start of work week but I am on vacation. The sad thing is that I woke up naturally at 5:00 am (Pacific time) and was about to get out of bed when I realized that I was on vacation. I hate when that happens. Oh well. I did try to get back to sleep but was unable to do so, so I got up and read a A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens.

     When I started A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens I did have trouble getting into it however it’s now starting to get good. I am enjoying it immensely. I think I had difficulty getting into it because of dyslexia but I’ve learned to deal with the dyslexia and enjoy reading. After reading for about 45 minutes I decided to watch the local news.

     As I was watching the morning news a story came on that not only angered me but made me laugh. A group of 3 teenagers stole the keys out of a 70something year old woman’s hand in a parking lot to steal her car. That’s what angered me. Why would you steal anybody’s car especially that of an elderly person? Now here comes the funny part. The teenagers got into the elderly woman’s car and realized it was a stick shift car and they couldn’t drive it. They didn’t know how to drive a stick shift. The elderly woman pulled them out of the car and the teenagers ran off. They still haven’t caught the teenagers but the elderly woman was just grateful that she wasn’t hurt. She was even laughing at the situation that they couldn’t drive a stick shift. I hope they find those teenagers because if that was my grandmother I would want them to be punished.

    Speaking of grandmothers, the news story reminded me to call my own grandmother. I talked to both my grandma and grandpa. The set of grandparents that I spoke to are my dad parents or paternal grandparents. My paternal grandparents help my dad out a great deal when I was growing up and helped raised me. They were very involved with my growing up years. My dad is grateful to my grandparents that they helped him out with raising me. I’m grateful that they are still alive. Unfortunately, my maternal grandparents (mom’s parents) are deceased. I miss them a great deal.

     Now that I’m done talking about my family let get back to other things. I am grateful that I am on vacation from work this week. Many people don’t realize how stressful working in a grocery store really is. I am grateful that I am able to work despite having a mental illness. One of the things I plan on doing this week is to look to see if there are in job openings as a Peer Support Specialist/Peer Counselor as well as look into getting involved with NAMI and other such organizations. I figured the more I get involved with mental health organizations the better it looks on the resumé. I’m sure my volunteer work looks good as well.

     Speaking of mental health, I need to get going. I need to get ready to go and see my therapist. Today, I plan on discussing my nightmares with my therapist, Diana. (Side Note: Diana is a pseudonym that I gave my therapist for her privacy and the protection of the her other clients.) Diana has helped me a great deal with my recovery. She is just as invested in my recovery as I am. I hope to tell you later on how my session with Diana went but no promises. It depends how difficult it was for me.

      I hope the rest of your morning goes well. In fact I hope the rest of your Monday goes well and that you have a good work week. I hope to blog again later today even if I don’t blog about my therapy session. Try to at least get out and enjoy the weather today to break up your workday. Peace out and enjoy the summer.

Doctor’s Appointment, Nightmare and Ramblings

     Hey! It’s still Thursday. I did manage to get back to sleep after my horrific nightmare this morning. My boyfriend helped me a great deal with getting me grounded. My boyfriend is a big support to me. I love him with all my heart. Of course reading Wonder Woman comic books helped a great deal with me being able to relax. My boyfriend of course helped me with some relaxation techniques that worked really well.

     I went to my doctors appointment regarding my burned fingers. One of them is healing up just fine. The other two have blisters on them. That means when I go to work tomorrow I have to have gauss on them with a glove over it. I am just happy that I can go to work tomorrow. I do have to see my doctor again next week to see how my fingers are healing. 

     Speaking of work, I am happy that I am able to go to work tomorrow. Tomorrow is my last shift before I go on vacation. I’m not planning anything much during my vacation. I am planning on going to a baseball game with my boyfriend. I love baseball. Baseball is one of my favorite sports. I am also planning on watching the World Cup. I am going to watch the United States play against Portugal on Sunday. Obviously, I will be watching it on T.V. and will be watching it with my boyfriend.  GO USA!!!!

     As I told you in an earlier blog entry the days I see my therapist have changed. I now see my therapist on Mondays. In fact I saw my therapist this past Monday. I am grateful that I see her on Mondays now. Therapy can be quite difficult a great deal of the time.

     I best be going now. I will tell you more on what I will do on my vacation once I am off work tomorrow. I will blog again tomorrow. Until then have a great Thursday. Peace out and have fun in this world of ours.

Nightmares Suck!!!

     Good morning Thursday! It is 1:46 in the morning pacific time and I am awake from a screaming nightmare. Waking up from a nightmare is not very fun. I am tired as hell. Waking up my boyfriend from my nightmares is not my idea of fun. He is helping me through this difficult moment of waking up from a horrific nightmare. PTSD is a daily struggle. In fact it is a nightly struggle as well. If it wasn’t for his support or the support of my friends when my nightmares act up I would have some pretty lonesome nights. I choose to depend on my support system to help me through difficult moments like my nightmares.

     Another way to help myself through rough times like these is read books such as A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles  Dickens. Most of the time I end up reading a comic book. Mainly I read Wonder Woman comic books to get my mind back on track so I can get back to bed. Sometimes watching comedies like The Cosby Show helps me relax enough to get back to sleep. Sometimes I watch comedy movies to help make me laugh. Laughter make me relax to where I can calm myself down enough so I can eventually get some sleep.

    If it wasn’t for the love and support of my boyfriend supporting me right now I would be dealing with it by myself. I also get support from friends when I ask for it. The hard thing for me is asking for the help. So accepting help from my boyfriend is a major accomplishment for me. Depending on your natural support system is a major sign of the recovery process.

    I think it’s time for me to try to go back to bed and get some sleep. I do have a doctors appointment in the morning regarding my burned fingers. They still hurt like hell. Have a good night sleep all. I will let you all know what my doctor says about my burned fingers after my appointment. Peace out and have a goodnight sleep.

Blogging With Burned Fingers

     Well its another Wednesday and unfortunately was unable to go to my volunteer job today. I was unable to go because I accidently burned three fingers last night cleaning my stove. The attending physician that saw me last night in the ER called me to see how my fingers were. I told her that they hurt like hell but seem to be doing well. Even the nurse that took care of me last night called to see how my fingers are doing and I told her the same thing I told the doctor. Speaking of doctors I made an appointment to see my doctor tomorrow for a follow from the ER visit regarding my burned fingers.

     Since I didn’t go to my volunteer job today, I continued reading A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens. I am really surprised that I am enjoying the book. I have to admit that I am a little disappointed with the school district that I graduated from because they didn’t require the students in Special Ed English to read the classics like the rest of the students. I was a mainstreamed Special Ed student. That means that most of my classes were regular classes. The only Special Ed class I was in was English because of my dyslexia and other “reading issues.” Don’t get me started on the lack of education I got from the school district I graduated from. The school district I spent most of my school years in was absolutely great but the school district I ended up graduating in was lacking quite a bit. Getting back on topic of reading, I am really enjoy A Tale of Two Cities.

     I also read some comic books. I read four Wonder Woman comics, two Superman comics, two Batman comics, two Spiderman comics and three X-Men comic. . I love comic books. Just like reading “normal” books, reading comics distracts me from a lot of things. It distracts me from the every day stress of life and at times distracts me from the symptoms of my mental illness. I collect all sort of comic books but I mainly collect Wonder Woman. I am a big Wonder Woman fan. I don’t discriminate between the comic book universes because both universes have there great characters.

     After I am done blogging for the evening my boyfriend and I are going to watch documentaries on homelessness. If you have been reading my blog you know that I volunteer at a homeless shelter and that I am passionate about ending homelessness. I really missed going to my volunteer job today at the homeless shelter. I can relate a great deal to most of the clients in the shelter because most of them have a mental illness. Plus at one point in time I was homeless. Thankfully it was only a short amount of time. Yes, I have my favorite clients even though we are not suppose to. A lot of the clients do seek out mental health help as well as help with addictions from alcohol and/or drugs. Unfortunately, some don’t get treatment. Getting treatment or not getting treatment is an entire different blog entry in itself.

     I better get going. My fingers are hurting like hell at the moment. I wasn’t expecting to blog so much today. Word to the wise make sure your burner is completely off when you clean your stove. I really thought I turned the burner of all the way last night when I started cleaning the stove. Well, I need to get going.

     Have a great Wednesday evening everyone. Now it’s time spend time with my boyfriend. Peace out and enjoy the rest of your Wednesday.

ONE BIG OUCH (No Make That 3 Big Ouches)

     Hey! It’s still Tuesday. I am typing this blog in pain. Why are you in pain you ask. Well, I forgot to turn the burner off all the way and went to clean it and well I burned the tops of three of my fingers. So when I burned my fingers my boyfriend gave me ice as he put our dinner away that we had just fixed but not eaten yet and then he took me to the Emergency Room (ER). Surprisingly I only spent 45 minutes in the ER. I got some cream stuff to put on my fingers. Yes I am already getting blisters on 2 out of my 3 burned fingers. In all honesty I don’t think I should be typing right now. My fingers hurt like hell. I do have to say that both the Attending physician and Resident Physician were extremely pleasant and helpful. The nurse of course of extraordinary. I was told to not go to my volunteer job tomorrow and am really disappointed about that. I enjoy my volunteer job.

     It looks like since I am unable to volunteer tomorrow that I will be doing a lot of reading. If you haven’t read A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens, I encourage you to read it. I am enjoying the book immensely. 

     I should get going for two reasons. One: Dinner is finally reheated and am hungry. So its time to eat. Two: My fingers are in extreme pain and I should stop typing now. I am hoping to blog tomorrow but if I don’t you know why. Have a good Tuesday evening everyone. Peace out and take care of yourselves.

A Wonderful Tuesday With My Boyfriend

     Hey! It’s another Tuesday and I’ve pretty much figured out ways to keep myself busy. My boyfriend of course has been and is included with those plans. For instance we went to the movies. We ended up seeing the movie Neighbors. I highly recommend it. I just wouldn’t take my grandparent to it. If you a person of faith you might get offended easily. It is funny as hell. I definitely need a good laugh and seeing the movie Neighbors helped a great deal. I didn’t realize how much I needed a good laugh until the movie was over. Laughter has been a great stress relief for me in my everyday life as well as dealing with my mental illness. I’m glad that the ticket dude at the movie theater suggested that we see Neighbors. I encourage you all to go see it.

     After the movie was over my boyfriend wanted to pick up a couple of books that he ordered a few weeks ago. While at the bookstore I picked up a box set of jigsaw puzzles. The box set has four 500 piece jigsaw puzzles in it. I love to do puzzles. The funny thing is that my boyfriend and I didn’t realize that the other enjoyed jigsaw puzzles until we started dating and at that point in time we had known each other for 13 years. (Side Note: We have now known each other for 14 years and that includes dating that last year.) Doing jigsaw puzzles with my boyfriend is one of the things we do on the regular basis. When we do puzzles we end up making it a date night and have dinner as well. If we do a puzzle at his place then he makes dinner and if we do a puzzle at my place then I make dinner. Anyway after we picked up books for him and ultimately puzzles for the both of us we headed back to his place.

     Now that we are at his place I am blogging as he fixes us dinner. He is fixing ham, homemade mac & cheese, and corn on the cob with freshly squeezed lemonade. For dessert I made brownies. Oh how I love chocolate. After dinner we are going to watch a couple of documentaries I rented from a mom and pop video store. My boyfriend and might even start on one of the puzzles I bought today. I love the fact that my boyfriend and I have so much more in common that we both realized.

     I have been long winded with this particular blog entry and am going to finish it here shortly. Everything I have mentioned in this particular blog entry are things that help me maintain my mental illness. To tell you the truth in the height of my struggles with my mental health issues I don’t think I would have been able to truly enjoy myself and I know without a shadow of a doubt that I wouldn’t personally be able to handle being in a romantic relationship. My boyfriend is extremely supportive of my and my mental health issues.

     Like I said earlier I have been long winded with this blog entry. Since dinner is not quite finished yet I am going to read the book I am still reading; The Center Cannot Hold: My Journey Through Madness by Elyn R. Saks. I am really enjoying this book. Well I am going to end now. Have a good evening all.

Finding The Humor In Things

     Happy Friday!! Well, Happy Friday to those who happen to be lucky enough have the weekends off. Unfortunately, Fridays are my Mondays. As you can tell I worked today. As I told you in an earlier blog I work at a national chain grocery store. Well, for some reason they wanted me to clean the cart corals. You know those things in the parking lot of grocery stores where you put your carts in after you’re done unloading your groceries. Well, when my assistant manager told me that corporate wanted me to clean them and clean them with bleach I laughed and said “you gotta be kidding me.” He shook his and said he wasn’t joking. I told him that I would do it but I didn’t see the point in cleaning them especially since they are outside. He didn’t see the point either but was only relaying the message. Come on, don’t I have better things to do like help customers. What in the world is corporate thinking? If they want those cart corals cleaned then why don’t they come to the store level and do it themselves. To tell you the truth I think it’s kind of funny that corporate it want me to do this. The customers even thought is was funny. Some of them even asked if they could take a picture of me and put it up on Facebook because it’s so ridiculous. I don’t like having pictures taken of my but in this case I made an exception. The two reasons why I was even willing to clean the cart corals was because of it being so humorous and it’s nice outside.

     I think humor plays a big part of my recovery. No, I don’t think in plays a big part in my recovery, I KNOW it plays a MAJOR part in my recovery. If I didn’t have my humor then I would have completely lost my mind all together and I sure in the hell wouldn’t be in recovery.

     I should end this blog entry for now. I hope that I was able to give you the reader/follower at least a little chuckle if not full fledged laugh out loud moment. I’m all for finding the humor in things. Have a good afternoon everyone.

Not In My Ideal Job

Happy Thursday!!! As you all know it’s Thursday and that means most people are getting excited about the weekend. I don’t get excited about weekend because I work the weekends. I’m not trying to sound like I am complaining because as much as I dislike my current employment, I really do enjoy being able to work. I realize that there are people who are not able to work due to their disability. I guess I’m just frustrated with myself because I’m stuck in a job that is that is not personally going anywhere for me and my career path.

I know that I am meant to be a peer support specialist/peer counselor. I have applied to five places and out of those five places, I got four job interviews and no job offers. I am beyond grateful that I even got an interview much less four. I know that many people don’t have those kind of odds. I’m having anxiety that I wont get a job as a peer support specialist/peer counselor because of not getting any job offers. I just to need to realize that I’m lucky that I got four job interviews out of the five places I applied to.

This is the typical anxiety I go through almost on the daily basis. I have a lot of self doubt about myself and my abilities. I know without a shadow of a doubt that if I wasn’t in recovery with my mental illness that I wouldn’t be having self doubt or doubting my abilities. My recovery means the world to me and if self doubting and doubting my abilities is one of my biggest struggles with mental illness then I will take it. Its better than how I used to be when I was at my worst.

Speaking of recovery, I need to get going. I have to get ready to go to my therapy session. I am grateful that I have such a great therapist who is more than willing to be invested in my recovery process. Well I best be going now. Have a good Thursday. I hope to blog later on today. Enjoy the rest of your morning everyone.