Tag Archives: Mental Health

A Blog Before Bed

Posted on by Gertie

     Well, I’m going to try to make this blog a short one since it’s 11:39pm (pacific time) on a Tuesday night. My dad was able to go home from the Emergency Room after having a seizure. I am so glad he was able to go home. He doesn’t do well in hospital. His doctors at the hospital were great as well as the nurses. My dad of course flirted with the nurses and it embarrassed the hell out of me.

     I of course updated my blog a few hours ago to let you all know about my dad while waiting in the E.R. with him. I also did a lot of reading. I read The Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens as well as some Wonder Woman comics. Reading helps a great deal. I also listened to music. I listened to some Tori Amos, Nirvana and Jimi Hendrix . I even listened to a little Country Music. Music has helped me a great deal with my recovery process.

    Speaking of my recovery process, I ended up sitting behind an old clinician on the bus home from the E.R. Due to laws she was unable to say hello to me tell I said hi. It took me some time to work up the nerve to say hello. In fact this particular person was one of the first clinician I had as an adult. She was shocked as hell that I’ve been working for 9 years with the same company. Hell, if I was her I would be shock as well. She asked how long it had been since I was last in the hospital for psych reasons as well as the last time I cut. I told her 2 1/2 years was the answer to both of those questions. She also commented on my weight and how healthy I looked. When she worked with me I was still struggling with Anorexia and Bulimia. I told her I haven’t done the eating disorder stuff in 15 years. She said she was proud of me. That’s the only two things we talked about regarding my mental health. The cool thing was that we talked about work. Not just about my job and my job seeking to become a peer counselor but her work as well. She is now the lead social worker on a one of the psych wards of the only Level 1 Trauma Center in my state. It was nice to see someone who once worked with me when I was at my worst and can now see how far I have come in my recovery. Recovery is not an easy process. In fact I think is will be life long process and I am fine with that.

     Well, it’s now 11:51pm(pacific time) on Tuesday night and I need to get to bed. I am a little tired. I have to get up early in the morning to have breakfast with a friend of mine. I am sure most of you are already in bed at the moment. Let me rephrase that, if you live in North America I am sure that most of you are asleep. If you are still up this time of night please enjoy the last 9 minutes of Tuesday. I hope to blog sometime tomorrow. Peace out and have a good nights sleep (and don’t let the bed bugs bite).

Just A Brief Blog For Now

Posted on by Gertie

     As I am blogging this Tuesday evening I am sitting in the Emergency Room waiting room because my dad had a seizure. Right now he is getting a MRI. I have had many MRI’s and they are not fun. I’m in the waiting room of the E.R because it’s the only place I can get Wi-Fi. I told my dad that when he gets back to the room to let his nurse know so she can come get me. In fact his nurse if friend of mine from the high school I graduated from. She was one of the few people who stuck up for me in high school when I got bullied. She also helped me with my homework. More or less she tutored me. Now back to my dad. I think he will be okay. Their is the possibility that he might have to stay overnight for observation. He usually does stay over for observation when he has a seizure. My dad has had a multitude of test so far this evening due to his seizure. I hope they just make up their minds if they are going to keep or let him go.

     In fact I was suppose to go to a baseball game this even with a friend but my dad ended up in the E.R and well he is more important than a baseball game. My friend understands and was able to find someone else go with her on such short notice. I am grateful that she was able to find someone on such notice because then her money isn’t wasted.

     Well I best be going. I hope to blog later on when I am home. I hope to let you know how my dad is doing. I love my dad so much. He raised me with the help of my grandparents. I will blog again later. Peace out and enjoy the summer.

It’s Been An Interesting Day

Posted on by Gertie

     Good Monday Evening!!! Today has been an interesting day. On my bus ride to my appointment with my therapist, a fellow passenger passed out because he was so drunk. Of course the bus driver had to stop the bus and check on the dude. The bus driver had to call the police as well as the fire department. The police showed up as well as the fire engine and paramedics. As the firefighters were trying to help the drunk dude came to and hit one of them. The police then tackled the guy and with the help of the paramedics and other firefighters he was handcuffed to the gurney and put in the back of the ambulance. Of course myself and the other passengers had to give witness statements to the police. Finally after everyone gave their statement the bus was on its way again. I got off at my bus stop and walked about a half mile to my appointment. On the walk from the bus stop to my appointment I found $20. Finding money is a rare thing for me.

     I of course made it to my appointment with my therapist on time. In fact I was 45 minutes early. I’m usually an hour early due to OCD tendencies. While waiting for my therapy appointment the admin assistant got me my stuffed Eeyore that I have my therapist hold for me so when I am waiting to see her I can hold on to him. My stuffed Eeyore also sits in on my sessions with me because its easier to talk with a stuffed animal to hold. As I was holding Eeyore, in the waiting room I pulled out a Wonder Woman graphic novel to read. If you are a regular reader or follower of my blog you know I am a huge Wonder Woman fan. About 15 minutes before my session an old high school friend walks into the waiting room of the mental health clinic I see my therapist at. This high school friend was seeking therapy for the first time in her life. She of course was seeing a different clinician. It was nice to “catch up” with an old friend.

    My session with my therapist Diana was quite draining. We discussed what happened on the bus then I pulled out 3 copies of what I wanted to go into my treatment plan. Of course many of things I want to work on can be condensed and we did that. In fact it was getting a bit overwhelming for me. We had to take a break from it and we talked about why it was overwhelming. I had come to the conclusion that I’ve been defined by my mental illness so long that it scares me what it would be like to not be “crazy.” Diana my therapist says that I’ve dealt with my mental illness for so long that now that I am walking in recovery I’m learning what its like to not be “crazy.” She also says that I’m in the process of redefining on who I am. She is absolutely correct. I am redefining who I am. Recovery from a mental illness is difficult work. I still have a great deal to work through so I am no where done with needing treatment but I am an active participant in my treatment planning. I still have to work through all the trauma I’ve been through when I was a child as well as an adult. That’s going to be a long process. So Diana and I still need to finish working my treatment/recovery plan and we both hope that we can continue to work on in in the next session next Monday. I never knew how draining it would be. Working on changing for the better is not only draining and difficult but a good thing. (Side Note: Diana is a pseudonym for my therapist)

   So after my therapy appointment I took the bus home. Thankfully nothing eventful happened on my bus ride home. In fact on my bus ride home, I read A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. I am really enjoying the book. It’s going to take me awhile to read it due to my dyslexia but that is okay with me. Like I’ve said before, I enjoy reading.

   As I am blogging right now, I am at my boyfriends house. He is fixing me dinner. He is a good cook. Not as good as my grandma but good enough. He cooks better than me and I love to cook. Hell, my boyfriend loves to cook as well. He learned to cook from his mom. I learned to cook from my dad and grandma. My paternal grandpa is not a very good cook. My maternal grandpa was an awesome cook. Anyway, my boyfriend is making me spaghetti. I love spaghetti. I should get going. I want to see if my boyfriend will let me help him finish cooking. After dinner we are going to watch a movie. Not sure what movie but it’s going to be a comedy.

   Well, I best be going. I hope to blog again tomorrow. Have a good rest of the evening. Enjoy the rest of your Monday. Well at least enjoy the 4 hours that’s left of Monday. Peace out and enjoy life. 

Happy Monday Morning!!!

Posted on by Gertie

     Happy Monday Morning!!! Yes, I know its Monday and its the start of work week but I am on vacation. The sad thing is that I woke up naturally at 5:00 am (Pacific time) and was about to get out of bed when I realized that I was on vacation. I hate when that happens. Oh well. I did try to get back to sleep but was unable to do so, so I got up and read a A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens.

     When I started A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens I did have trouble getting into it however it’s now starting to get good. I am enjoying it immensely. I think I had difficulty getting into it because of dyslexia but I’ve learned to deal with the dyslexia and enjoy reading. After reading for about 45 minutes I decided to watch the local news.

     As I was watching the morning news a story came on that not only angered me but made me laugh. A group of 3 teenagers stole the keys out of a 70something year old woman’s hand in a parking lot to steal her car. That’s what angered me. Why would you steal anybody’s car especially that of an elderly person? Now here comes the funny part. The teenagers got into the elderly woman’s car and realized it was a stick shift car and they couldn’t drive it. They didn’t know how to drive a stick shift. The elderly woman pulled them out of the car and the teenagers ran off. They still haven’t caught the teenagers but the elderly woman was just grateful that she wasn’t hurt. She was even laughing at the situation that they couldn’t drive a stick shift. I hope they find those teenagers because if that was my grandmother I would want them to be punished.

    Speaking of grandmothers, the news story reminded me to call my own grandmother. I talked to both my grandma and grandpa. The set of grandparents that I spoke to are my dad parents or paternal grandparents. My paternal grandparents help my dad out a great deal when I was growing up and helped raised me. They were very involved with my growing up years. My dad is grateful to my grandparents that they helped him out with raising me. I’m grateful that they are still alive. Unfortunately, my maternal grandparents (mom’s parents) are deceased. I miss them a great deal.

     Now that I’m done talking about my family let get back to other things. I am grateful that I am on vacation from work this week. Many people don’t realize how stressful working in a grocery store really is. I am grateful that I am able to work despite having a mental illness. One of the things I plan on doing this week is to look to see if there are in job openings as a Peer Support Specialist/Peer Counselor as well as look into getting involved with NAMI and other such organizations. I figured the more I get involved with mental health organizations the better it looks on the resumé. I’m sure my volunteer work looks good as well.

     Speaking of mental health, I need to get going. I need to get ready to go and see my therapist. Today, I plan on discussing my nightmares with my therapist, Diana. (Side Note: Diana is a pseudonym that I gave my therapist for her privacy and the protection of the her other clients.) Diana has helped me a great deal with my recovery. She is just as invested in my recovery as I am. I hope to tell you later on how my session with Diana went but no promises. It depends how difficult it was for me.

      I hope the rest of your morning goes well. In fact I hope the rest of your Monday goes well and that you have a good work week. I hope to blog again later today even if I don’t blog about my therapy session. Try to at least get out and enjoy the weather today to break up your workday. Peace out and enjoy the summer.

Good Times

Posted on by Gertie

     Well, its still Sunday and the U.S.A  almost won the match against Portugal. The final score of the game is 2 – 2. Was sad that Portugal scored in the last few minutes of the game. The party went off with out a hitch. My boyfriend and I hosted a World Cup party at his place to watch the U.S and Portugal play against each other. We ended up having about 50 people in attendance. All in attendance had a great time. The kids who attended had fun on the slip and slide and of course some adults decided to give it a try. Now that was funny watching some of the adults on the slip and slide. The food was good and thankfully no leftovers. Yes, we had enough food to serve everyone but extremely grateful there were no leftovers. Clean up wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be because a lot of the guest helped out with the clean up.

      Now that the clean up is done and the party guest are gone, my boyfriend and I are watching the Angel/Ranger baseball game on ESPN. Like I said in an earlier blog entry I am a big Angel fan. My boyfriend is a baseball fan as well but his favorite team are the Seattle Mariners. Yes, I am watching the Angel/Ranger game as I blog. Right now its the bottom of the 6th inning and the Angels have the lead. Angels 5 and Rangers 1. I think my boyfriend and I are going to finish watching the baseball game and then go for a walk around our neighborhood. My boyfriend and I don’t live together but we live in the same neighborhood which is cool. I really hope that the Angels beat the Rangers. I of course am wear an old skool Angel shirt. In fact is says California Angels and the year on the shirt says 1987. Of course the year is in small print.  I miss the good ole days of the 80’s.

     I best be going. I want to spend some alone time with my boyfriend. It’s been a busy day for the both of us. Like I said after watching the Angel/Ranger game we are going to go for walk. After the walk we will probably do a jigsaw puzzle. Well this particular blog entry is going to come to an end. Have a good rest of your Sunday everyone. Hope to blog some time tomorrow. Peace out and stay safe.

Preparing For U.S.A Vs. Portugal

Posted on by Gertie

     Happy Sunday Morning!!!! I am a little tired because I was up most of the night getting food ready for the World Cup party my boyfriend and I are hosting at his place when the U.S plays against Portugal today. My boyfriend and I invited a lot of people to watch the U.S play against Portugal because we wanted a family friendly environment for those who have children. No my boyfriend and I don’t have children but we thought it would be a good idea to have family friendly World Cup party for those of our friends who have kids as well as those who have no kids.

     While preparing a good portion of the food last night I got triggered. See I use to suffer from an eating disorder. In fact I use to suffer from both Anorexia and Bulimia. Even though its been 15 years since I last really struggled with the eating disorders, I occasionally get triggered with the eating disorder stuff. Of course it was just a fleeting trigger and didn’t go back into the eating disorder stuff. I continued preparing food for the party because it needed to be done and realize that when I prepare a great deal of food I sometimes get triggered. I really do enjoy preparing food. I love cooking. My boyfriend is going to be barbequing the meat I marinated over night. Of course my boyfriend is going to be barbequing hot dogs for the kids. In fact I might even have a hot dog.

     Something else that my boyfriend and I have done for this party is make enjoyable for both adults and children alike. We have a slip and slide in the back yard for the kids to use. I’m sure some of the adults might even use it. The game is going to be on the big screen T.V in the living room as well as smaller T.V.’s through out the house. For the kids there are the going to be games for them to play. Those games are going to vary from board games to scavenger hunts.

      My boyfriend and invited a lot of people. We invited people we work with as well as people we went to high school with. We invited some of his neighbors. My boyfriend even invited his family which I am thrilled about. His family is amazing. I didn’t invited my family for many different reasons. I mainly didn’t invite them because they are either not into soccer or live to far away to get to the party. I am getting excited about seeing some of my old high school friends as well as meeting my boyfriends high school buddies.

      I am a getting a little anxiety about the party and all the people that are going to be there. I’m also have anxiety of what’s left to do even though my boyfriend said that he, his mom and two of his sisters are going to finish up what left to do. Honestly, there is not much left to do.

    I best be going. I need to get ready for the day and try to help with the finishing touches for the party. Have a good rest of your Sunday morning. Well what’s left of your Sunday morning. There are only 8 minutes left of the morning. I hope to blog later on to tell you all how the party went. Have a good Sunday all. Peace out and GO U.S.A!!

Today Has Been A Good Summer Solstice

Posted on by Gertie

     Well the first day of summer is coming to an end and it turned out to be a good day. I hung out with two very good friends today. My friends and I went to Red Robin on the Waterfront in the city we reside in. I had my favorite hamburger which is The Whisky Barbeque Burger. My friends and I of course shared a desert of Mud Pie. Now that was yummy. The view of the water was beautiful as well as the mountains in the distance. After my friends and I were finished with our meal we decided to walk around the waterfront and enjoy the scenery. About an hour into walking around we realized we needed to get back to our end of the city because the three of us were going to Mass.

    We went to Mass. Yes, going to Mass was quite triggering for me because of my past with the Christian faith. Even though I haven’t had “issues” with the Catholic denomination, going to Mass was trigging. I did make it through the hour long Mass and am proud of myself for doing so. Hell, my two friends were and are proud of me. I don’t know if I would attend Mass again but I am glad I went. The best part was that no one judged me for my scarred up arms. 

    Tomorrow, my boyfriend and I are hosting World Cup party at his place, when the United States plays Portugal. I am looking forward to spending time with my boyfriend as well as our friends. In fact the two friends I hung out with today are going to go to the party as well. Being around supportive people is good for everyone especially for those who struggle with mental illness. That’s why I’m looking forward tomorrow because I will be around people who care about me and support me not matter what. Plus, we (me and all in attendance at the party) will be rooting on the U.S.A in the World Cup when they play Portugal. GO U.S.A.!!!! 

    Well I best be going. I need to finish making snacks for the World Cup party tomorrow. I think making the snacks is going to be an all night thing. Have a good rest of Saturday if it’s still Saturday for you. It’s still Saturday for me. Since it’s officially summer I can now say; Have a good summer. Enjoy your summer. Peace out and hope to blog again tomorrow.

Happy Summer Solstice!!!

Posted on by Gertie

     Happy Summer Solstice!!! We all know what the summer solstice means. It means its the first day of summer and the longest day of the year. Today is also the first full day of my vacation. I will of course take advantage of the first day of summer as well as my first day of vacation.

     As some of you know that the lack of structure for people who struggle with a mental illness is not a good thing. The lack of structure can lead to symptoms acting up. That’s why I have to be vigilant when I am on vacation and don’t have anything really major planned. That’s why today I have to be vigilant because my boyfriend is working today and we usually plan to do things together.

     Since my boyfriend is working today and wont get off till tomorrow morning I plan on hanging out with some good friends. I plan on meeting up with two of my best friends at the Waterfront to eat at Red Robin. I love Red Robin. They have the best hamburgers in the world. My favorite Red Robin hamburger is the Whiskey River Barbeque Burger. Besides  planning on going to Red Robin with two of my best friends, one of them asked me and my other friend if we could go to (Catholic) Mass with her this evening. I might go because I’ve never been to a Catholic Mass. Plus my mom grew up Catholic so I guess it’s a part of my heritage and figure to see what its all about. (Side Note: When my parents got married they decided to not raise me in any particular religion because they both grew up in what they consider strict faiths. My dad grew up Mormon. My parents wanted me and still want me to choose my own religion even after they got divorced.) So if I go to mass, I plan on going to a local park to read after attending Mass. I am enjoying A Tale of Two Cities, immensely.

     Now that I have told you what I plan doing today, I will tell you all something. I am a little frustrated with myself right now. I don’t think I’m reaching as many people with this blog as I had hoped I would. Yes, I will continue to blog but I was kind of hoping that I would have more followers on my blog by now. I know it takes time and that I have only been doing this for about 3 weeks now. I just want to show people out there who are “normal” that those of us who struggle with mental illness can live everyday lives just like them in hopes that it will lessen the stigma of mental illness. I also hope that this blog shows those who do struggle mental illness that their is hope and that recovery is possible. All I want to do is lessen the stigma of mental illness and show those who are struggling that hope and recovery are out there. Maybe I shouldn’t be so hard on myself when it comes to this blogging thing especially since I am still new to it and trying to get into the groove of it and what people might be interested in reading.

     Now that I have bored you with the things in the blog entry I’m going to end it for now. Have a good Saturday every. Happy Summer Solstice everyone. I hope that you all enjoy the first day of summer and that the rest of your summer is fun.

YIPPEE, I’m On Vacation!!

Posted on by Gertie

     It’s Friday and I would normally be complaining that its my Monday but I am not because I am officially on vacation as of today. Yes, I did work today and it felt like the never ending shift. It always seems that your last day of work before vacation takes forever and a day to finally get over with.

     One thing I plan on doing on my vacation is watching the World Cup. I of course am rooting for my home country of the U.S.A. Tomorrow (Saturday) I am going to watch the Germany/Ghana match. I am rooting for Germany in this particular match because I have a little German in me. On Sunday, my boyfriend and I are going to host a World Cup party at his place when The U.S.A plays Portugal. Of course I will be rooting for the U.S. I will also watch the U.S vs. Germany game on Thursday. I will be rooting for the U.S. Realistically, I’m not sure if the U.S can even beat Portugal much less Germany but will be rooting my heart out for the U.S. I was quite surprised that we (the U.S) beat Ghana especially since Ghana beat us the last two times.

     Another thing I plan on doing is cleaning my apartment. It’s not up to my standards. I will be doing other chores as well. I plan on cleaning my apartment and doing my laundry as well as my other household chore tomorrow when my boyfriend is at work. Plus I just want to get my chores out of the way so I can relax and enjoy my vacation.

     I also plan on going to a baseball game. Baseball is one of my favorite games. My all time favorite baseball teams are The Angles and The Dodgers. Even though I no longer live in California I still follow the Angels and Dodgers and whenever they come and play the team I reside in, I always root for the L.A teams. Even though the Angels and the Dodgers are not going to be in the city I reside in this next week I still plan on going to a baseball game. Yes, I will be rooting for the team in which I currently reside in. I am forever an Angel fan. Yes, I am forever a Dodger fan as well.

    Besides watching some World Cup matches, cleaning my apartment and maybe going to a Mariners game I plan on reading. Of course I will be reading A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens. I am enjoying the book. I told one of my paternal Uncles that I am reading A Tale of Two Cites and he was shocked that I am reading it. I think he shocked because I usually read Science Fiction, Fantasy and Mystery books because they are easier for me to read due to having dyslexia. Sometimes I like shocking people with the things I read. Just wish that reading A Tale of Two Cities wasn’t a shock to my uncle.

    I will also be working on my cross-stitching. I love cross-stitching. It can be frustrating at times but is extremely relaxing. Cross-stitching is one of my favorite hobbies. I enjoy it immensely. Every time I finish a cross-stitching project, I feel a sense of accomplishment.

    Speaking of sense of accomplishment, doing a jigsaw puzzles do that for me as well. My boyfriend and I will be working on jigsaw puzzles this next week. I am hoping that we can get two or three puzzles of 750 pieces or more this week. I’m sure he and I can do it. Doing jigsaw puzzle is another hobby I enjoy doing and its something I enjoy doing with my boyfriend.

    I also hope to catch up on what’s going on with Wonder Woman since I am so far behind at the moment. I really do enjoy collecting and reading comic books especially Wonder Woman. Wonder Woman is a good role model to little girls even though she is only a superhero and not a real person.

    Another thing I a plan on doing is contacting National Alliance for the Mentally Ill. Also known as NAMI. I’m going to see if I can get involved with there peer to peer group as well as get information on in Our Own Voice. I am really hoping that they get me the information I ask for because the last time I did they never sent it to me. 

Since this blog entry is getting a little long I am going to end it for now. I hope I didn’t bore you all. Have a good Friday evening all.

Doctor’s Appointment, Nightmare and Ramblings

Posted on by Gertie

     Hey! It’s still Thursday. I did manage to get back to sleep after my horrific nightmare this morning. My boyfriend helped me a great deal with getting me grounded. My boyfriend is a big support to me. I love him with all my heart. Of course reading Wonder Woman comic books helped a great deal with me being able to relax. My boyfriend of course helped me with some relaxation techniques that worked really well.

     I went to my doctors appointment regarding my burned fingers. One of them is healing up just fine. The other two have blisters on them. That means when I go to work tomorrow I have to have gauss on them with a glove over it. I am just happy that I can go to work tomorrow. I do have to see my doctor again next week to see how my fingers are healing. 

     Speaking of work, I am happy that I am able to go to work tomorrow. Tomorrow is my last shift before I go on vacation. I’m not planning anything much during my vacation. I am planning on going to a baseball game with my boyfriend. I love baseball. Baseball is one of my favorite sports. I am also planning on watching the World Cup. I am going to watch the United States play against Portugal on Sunday. Obviously, I will be watching it on T.V. and will be watching it with my boyfriend.  GO USA!!!!

     As I told you in an earlier blog entry the days I see my therapist have changed. I now see my therapist on Mondays. In fact I saw my therapist this past Monday. I am grateful that I see her on Mondays now. Therapy can be quite difficult a great deal of the time.

     I best be going now. I will tell you more on what I will do on my vacation once I am off work tomorrow. I will blog again tomorrow. Until then have a great Thursday. Peace out and have fun in this world of ours.