Tag Archives: Therapist

Stuffing Equals Explosion

Posted on by Gertie

     Hello! Its another Monday and it was a tough one. If you regularly read my blog or follow it you are aware that I work Monday mornings and see my therapist in the afternoons. Work went as well as can be expected when you are dealing with the public.

     The rough part of the day came when I saw my therapist Diana. When Diana came out to get me she asked me to wait so she could refill her coffee then we had to wait for the room she signed up for because it was still being used. I got frustrated because we started late again. I was already frustrated that last Wednesday my appointment with my shrink started ten minutes late and lasted only ten minutes when its suppose to last 20 minutes. I told Diana that I didn’t have the patients to wait for our session to start late again. See the last two month our sessions had been starting late and some of them being cut short by five to ten minutes and I finally had it. I tend to stuff things to where I explode. If I explode I end up doing one of two things. I either cut myself (which I DID NOT DO) or get angry and yell at the person if I feel safe with that particular person. That’s what I did. Once we finally got into the room I went off on her. When I said I went off, I started to cry and then I ended up yelling. Diana calmly told me to stop yelling and I eventually did after about 7 or 8 minutes. To tell you the truth I am extremely ashamed that I yelled at Diana. Diana realized that I had been stuffing this anger regarding starting our sessions late and felt bad that she didn’t realize how bad it bothered me when I briefly brought it up a few weeks ago. Diana acknowledged that it took a great deal of strength on my part to not cut in-between sessions and to be able to feel safe enough with her that I could yell at her. We discussed how we could fix starting on time and how some things are beyond ones control. We also discussed how I felt that I and my time were not being respected. Most importantly we discussed how my yelling could be considered Borderline behavior. We discussed how I’m fighting with myself internally on not giving up on myself and making sure the Borderline doesn’t appear again. More or less it old Gertie verses Gertie in recovery. I don’t want to be old Gertie or “crazy” Gertie. I have worked so hard to not meet the criteria for Borderline that its a fight against myself to continue to not meet the criteria. Diana assured me that this one “explosion” is not  going to qualify  me to meet the criteria for Borderline. It will take a lot more to meet the criteria for Borderline again. Honestly, I am grateful that we were able to talk it out so I don’t hold any resentment toward her. We have bee working together for five and half years and she has helped a great deal in my recovery process. With all that being said our session ended a lot better than it started.

    On the bus ride home I read a Wonder Woman graphic novel. For some reason when I have a rough moment with my anger I tend to read Wonder Woman. Maybe its because reading Wonder Woman gets me out of my own head. Maybe it chills me out.

    When I got home I contacted a friend to see if she would have time tomorrow or Wednesday to help me write a cover letter for a Consumer Aide position. It’s not exactly what I am looking for but it is a step in the right direction to become a Peer Support Specialist. She said she would be more than willing to help me.

   After talking to my friend regarding helping me with a cover letter I came to my boyfriends place where he made me dinner. He barbequed some hamburgers and put lots of cheddar cheese on them.  We also had strawberry short cake for dessert. Now we are watching the 10 o’clock news as I blog and he emails a friend of his.

    I should get going. I just wanted to let you all know that I still struggle a bit from time to time. I just want to show those really struggling with a mental illness that recovery is possible and there is hope. Well have a good rest of your Monday. I hope to blog again tomorrow. Peace out and good night.

It’s A Beautiful Sunny Wednesday!!!

Posted on by Gertie

     It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood. So beautiful that my boyfriend and I went rollerblading around a lake. In fact the lake is a local park. We went around the lake twice and each time is 3.3 miles so that equals 6.6 miles. All I can say is that I got my exercise in today. We also had a picnic at this park. We had fried chicken, macaroni salad and lemonade. It was all very tasty. All I know is I am tired now. I’ve had a busy day.

     I started out the day by going to see my shrink. My shrink in not a psychiatrist, he is a Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner. I discussed with him about the increased PTSD symptoms due to the 5 year anniversary of a trauma and how it triggered eating disorder urges and self harm urges. He of coursed asked if I acted on any of those urges and I said no because I didn’t act on those urges. He has a good since of humor and I like that. I’ve only been working with him for a little of a year when my last psychiatric nurse practitioner retired. I had worked with her for 7 years and grew to trust her. I specifically asked my therapist for a male prescriber because I usually only work with women when it comes to doctors and mental health stuff due to my trauma history. Diana my therapist was happy to oblige to my request and new who to suggest and thankfully he had room for another client. Anyway my shrink and I discussed if we needed to change meds or if a med increase needed to happen and thankfully he agreed with me that neither needed to happen. Like I said my shrink has a great sense of humor and it turns out that we have a similar sense of humor.

    After I saw my shrink I went to my volunteer job. I love my volunteer job. Like I’ve said in previous blog post, I volunteer at local homeless shelter that specializes in Mental Illness and Co-Occurring Disorders. The clients there are always so appreciative of everything they get. Well most of the clients are. I enjoy my volunteer job.

   When I get back from my volunteer job that’s when my boyfriend and I went and had our picnic in the park and rollerbladed around the lake in the park twice. We got back to his place in time to watch the news. The big topic is still the legalization of being able to sell pot in my state. It became legal yesterday. In fact it even made NBC’s Nightly news  again tonight. That makes two nights in a row. I just want them to not make a big deal about it. I just don’t care. I don’t smoke the crap but that’s me.

    Anyway my boyfriend is finding it difficult to pick out a movie to watch. I’m thinking I might just pick one out before his head explodes. I’m thinking a comedy is in order. I love comedies.

    I should get going because my boyfriend and I want to watch a movie. I hope you all enjoy the rest of your Wednesday. Enjoy the nice warm weather everyone. Peace out and don’t get sun burned.

Love Is A Beautiful Thing

Posted on by Gertie

     Love is a beautiful thing. Today, I was the Best Woman (instead of the Best Man) in one of my closest friends wedding. She got married to her long time girlfriend. They are now Wife and Wife. My friend wore a white tux with a purple vest and bowtie while her now wife wore a white wedding dress. They were both beautiful. I was in a black tux with a purple comber bun and bowtie. Even though wearing black in 86 F degree weather is quite hot, its better than wearing a dress. I’m not a big dress fan. I’m a “tom boy.” Anyway it was a beautiful wedding. The reason why my friend and her now wife chose to get married today was because of the date, 7/7/14. They not only think its lucky but they are both math teachers. They chose today because 7+7=14 or if you look at it date wise 7/7/14. They said their I dos at 7:07pm and 14 seconds. I am so happy my friend was able to get married to the woman of her dreams.

     Well, I worked this morning and it wasn’t a very good day at work. It wasn’t a good at work because I found out that one of my favorite elderly customers passed away. Her daughter came into the store this morning and told me and my co-workers. In fact I went to her 91st birthday back in May. I was told by this customer that I’m part of her family. That’s why her daughter and other children want me to give the eulogy at the funeral. I said yes. It’s going to be tough on me. Let’s get on a happier topic. I may not like my current job and it has nothing to do with death. I don’t like it because its not a career that I want to be in. Since I feel like I am in a dead in job, I’m going to review my resume’ tomorrow as well as look at jobs in the field that I want to be in. If I find a job opportunity to apply to I will not only apply but write a cover letter for that particular job.

     Speaking of a job opportunity I finally heard back for an organization I applied to, to become a volunteer. That particular organization is American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). I’m hoping things go well with becoming a Field Advocate for them. Not sure what’s in store. I’m still waiting on more information. They do a lot of work regarding suicide prevention as well as try to get laws passed to help those who struggle with mental illness. I’m now waiting to hear back from National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). I’m wanting to volunteer for them as well. In a couple of weeks I’m suppose to start training for a local Peer Support Warm Line. In all honesty, I fear that I might me taking too much on too quickly. I just want to not work a grocery store anymore. Nine years just seems way too long to be working at one and I feel like if volunteer in the mental health field then I’m more than likely to get a job as a Peer Counselor. You would think that volunteering at homeless shelter that specializes in mental illness is enough but I don’t think so. I’m hoping that I will be able to give of my time because I don’t have money to give. Plus giving of your time means much more than giving money a great deal of the time.

     Any way another thing I did was go and see my therapist. I of course got there an hour early like I do a lot of the time. While waiting to see my therapist I read A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens. I’m enjoying the book immensely. Diana (my therapist) and I talked about the 5 year anniversary of the trauma I experienced. We talked about the increase PTSD symptoms and the self harm urges I’ve been having. We also discussed the minor urges regarding the eating disorders. Diana is a little concerned about the self harm urges as well as the eating disorder urges and we discussed ways on how I can continue to NOT harm myself my cutting or starving myself or binging and purging. We discussed on what skills I could do. We discussed what could help in conjunction with my DBT skills. I told her I can look over my WRAP. WRAP stands for Wellness Recovery Action Plan.  Thankfully she has enough confidence in me that I wont relapse with the cutting or the eating disorders that we didn’t have to do a safety contract. Diana says that I am making “Wise mind” decisions and that I don’t have to worry about becoming Borderline again. She says I’m still a recovered Borderline because I’m far from meeting the criteria again. She tells me just as long as I am doing what I am suppose to be doing in my recovery I don’t have to worry. Plus I am far from being Borderline again or least that’s what she tells me. I am extremely fearful of becoming Borderline again. Diana keeps reassuring me that I don’t have to worry about it. She also told me that she was proud of me for all the hard work I am doing with my recovery process. Its difficult to hear someone tell me that they are proud of me but its cool to hear at the same time.(Side Note: Diana is a pseudonym for her protection and the protection of her other clients.) Oh boy its 11:00pm pacific time.

    Speaking of what time it is I better end this blog entry for now. I am a little tired. I’ve been up since 4am pacific time because of work. I hope I didn’t bore you all with this extremely long blog. Enjoy the last hour of your Monday. Oh yeah Happy 7/7/14. Goodnight and don’t let the bedbugs bite. Peace out everyone.

It’s Still Sunday

Posted on by Gertie

     It’s still Sunday and its going better than I thought it would be going. Yes, the PTSD is still acting up however my boyfriend  is being very supportive. He is so amazing and extremely patient with me. Sometimes I wonder why my boyfriend loves me so much.

     Speaking of love one of my best friends is getting marred to her long time partner tomorrow (7/7/2014) evening. My friend and her girlfriend of 15 years asked me to be in the wedding and I of course said yes. I am so looking forward to it. Its going to be a small backyard wedding. I am grateful that I live in a state that allows my friends in the LGBT community to marry. It just baffles my mind why some people of faith have issue with others marrying the people they love when they are the same gender. It shouldn’t matter just as long as you love each other. I have friend who says that she is a Christian and she is telling me that I’m going to hell because I’m in a “gay” wedding. I don’t see what the issue is. I just don’t understand why people are so judgmental. Well, like I said earlier, I am looking forward to it.

     Tomorrow is going to be a busy day for me. I work tomorrow morning. Its only a four shift. I’m glad its an early shift because I have the rest of the day to do things like go to my friends wedding and go see my therapist. I may not like my job but I’m grateful I work tomorrow. I’ve been at my current employment for 9 years now and my co-workers have become family to me. In fact some of my customers have become like family to me. Working gives me a sense of community and that is a good thing for someone who deal with a mental illness. Like I was saying earlier my co-workers and some of my customers have become like family to me. We go to each others major events such as kids birthday parties, weddings, college graduations and stuff like that. Even though I am looking for a new job as a Peer Counselor I will miss my current co-workers because I’ve worked with some of them for the last 9 years. I really hope I can get a job as a Peer Counselor soon.

     Like I said earlier I see my therapist tomorrow. I will be talking to her about the 5 year anniversary of the trauma I experienced. I will also be talking to her about the strong urges I’ve had with cutting. No, I did not cut because I used my Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills. I will be talking about the minor urges I had regarding the eating disorder stuff. Mainly the bulimia but I should talk about the anorexia as well. I’m grateful that I’ve been in recovery from the eating disorders for 15 years now. I think that will take up an entire hour.

     Unfortunately, my boyfriend has to work tomorrow. He has been so supportive of me today regarding the PTSD. He is now telling me dinner is almost done and that I should finish up this blog entry soon. His cooking is fabulous. He is making spaghetti for dinner. We are having strawberry short cake for dessert. Strawberry shortcake is my favorite dessert. 

      I think I should get going now since dinner is almost done. I will blog tomorrow to tell you how work and therapy went as well as how the wedding went. I’m sure its going to be a beautiful wedding. Well, I hope to blog again tomorrow. Have good evening everyone. Peace out.

An Accomplished Week

Posted on by Gertie

     Well another Saturday is coming to a close and I am looking back on the week to see what I accomplished. I’ve accomplished a great deal. I worked 3 days this week which equals to 13.5 hours. I went to a 3 day training regarding Co-Occurring Disorders. I also went to a 4th of July party. So I accomplished a great deal this week.

      I had a great time at the 4th of July party I went to yesterday. Yes, I did get overwhelmed a little due to PTSD however I was surrounded by people who care about me. I enjoyed watching the fireworks. They were surprisingly good this year. Still not as good as Disneyland. I really enjoyed all the food I ate. I do have to admit that I had urges to binge and purge with all the food I ate. Its been a while since I had any urges regarding the Anorexia and/or Bulimia. I think the urges popped up because of the PTSD. Overall, I enjoyed my time at the 4th of July party,

     My PTSD symptoms are acting up because tomorrow (Sunday, July 6, 2014) is the five year anniversary of me being date r*p*d by my boyfriend at the time. My current boyfriend has been extremely supportive of me regarding this horrific anniversary. Unfortunately, my boyfriend is working at the moment. He wont get off work till tomorrow morning. He is doing an overtime (OT) shift. I am going to be honest with you. I have been fighting urges to cut today. I still get urges to self harm quite frequently but I choose not to because it just makes the situation worse.

     I know I spoke about this yesterday but I’m going to bring it up again. I really enjoyed the Co-Occurring Disorders training I attended. I loved learning the science of addiction. Its quite fascinating on what the brain does and how it reacts to different things including how drugs and/or alcohol effects it. I reread the material again. In fact I know I will reread it again because I can always learn something new every time I read it.

     Speaking of reading, I continued reading A Tale Of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens. It helped me a great deal today because it got my mind off of things. It got my mind off of the urges to cut. Yes, I may be a Recovered Borderline but unfortunately I still get urges to self harm. Its what do with the urges. I have to use my DBT skills. Reading is one of those skills. I love to read.

     Another thing I did today was go to Half Priced Books and bought two psychology text books for only $13.51. I’m not in school but I love to learn. I bought the psychology books in hopes to learn more. I also want to see what colleges and universities are teaching future therapist and social workers because they maybe helping me someday in the future. I didn’t make it through my first year at a community college because of my mental illness. So I’ve been trying to educate myself by buying various types of text books when they are cheap and out of date.

      I best be going because the local news is now over. That means Saturday Night Live is on next. SNL always make me laugh. Humor make me feel better. Well I best be going. I hope to blog again tomorrow. Enjoy the last 25 minutes of your Saturday. I’m glad I’ve accomplished so much this past week. Good night and peace out.

Happy 4th Of July!!!

Posted on by Gertie

     Happy 4th of July!!! Today is Independence Day here in the United States of America. I am grateful for our Military Personal because if it wasn’t for them fighting for my freedom’s I wouldn’t be living in one of the best countries in the world. Thank you all for your service!!! 

     I worked today. Yes, that’s the unfortunate thing about working at a grocery store, having to work holidays, even Christmas and Thanksgiving. At least I get paid double time for working today. Today at work we weren’t just busy with our regular customers and customers preparing for their holiday celebrations but busy with a Jehovah Witness convention at a near by college/university football stadium. I guess it is a 3 day event. I didn’t realize this until I wished one of them a Happy 4th of July and it offended them. I wasn’t trying to offend anyone. Sometimes I get frustrated with Political Correctness. See Jehovah Witness’s don’t celebrate holidays or birthdays and I can respect that because its a part of their religious beliefs. In fact I told on myself to my manager when I was told that I offend the person I was helping. My manager told me not to worry about it because we cant make everyone happy and that we cant know everyone’s religious beliefs unless they tell us or they wear a sign someone on their person.

     Yes, I will be celebrating the 4th of July. In fact I’m at my boyfriends parents house for a 4th of July party they are putting on. Their a lot of people here. Lots of food, fun, games and swimming. In fact my boyfriends parents house has a great view of where the fireworks are going to be shot off. My favorite part is always the fireworks. I do have to say that the firework show in the city I currently reside in is not as good as Disneyland’s fireworks. I grew up in Anaheim and was able to watch the Disneyland fireworks from my backyard, roof and even my front yard. I miss being able to watch the Disneyland fireworks every weekend. Disneyland’s firework show for the 4th of July is always their best firework show. Like I said I’m at my boyfriends parents house at the moment. I’m just taking a break from the crowd. It gets overwhelming at times especially since the symptoms of my PTSD are acting up. I figure that blogging will help ease the overwhelming feeling I am having at the moment. I am enjoying the food. I’m all about being All American when it comes to food on the 4th of July. Just give me a hot dog and I am happy. I had 3 hot dogs and plan on having a steak later on. I cant wait for the fireworks.

     Enough about the 4th of July for moment. I want to discuss the Co-Occurring Disorders training I attended for 3 days. We (me and the other trainee’s) learned about the science of the effects of addiction on the body and brain. I found the science part of it interesting. We also learned a new skill in the training called OPA. OPA stands for Organize. Prioritize. Act. It was created and copyrighted by Martin K. Abdo. To learn more about OPA I encourage you to go to his website http://www.opamentalhealth.com. I  have to say a disclaimer and that is if  that you want to do an OPA group in your practice or mental health agency that you contact Martin K. Abdo yourselves so he can train you to do it properly. In fact I can see myself doing the OPA skill in my everyday life. I learned so much from the training that I’m still trying to process everything I have learned. I guess you can say that I’m still on information overload. I’m grateful that now I can put the training on my resume’.

     Now that I have bored you with my day at work and celebration of the 4th of July as well as the 3 day training I attended, I’m going to end this blog for now. I hope I didn’t bore you with the events of my day and week. I am going to apologize for not blogging yesterday. I feel bad when I don’t blog everyday because I feel like if I don’t then I’m not helping fight the stigma of mental illness nor am I helping those who I struggling with a mental illness. I want to show those who struggle with a mental illness that there is hope and recovery is possible. I also want to show “normies” (normies is just term that means normal people) that people with mental illness live productive lives and are people just like them. I want to eliminate the stigma of mental illness. Well I better end this blog entry for now because I need to go show my face at the party again. Happy 4th of July everyone. Peace out and enjoy the fireworks.

Speaking Of…..

Posted on by Gertie

     Well, it another Monday evening and am reflecting on my day. Overall, it has been a good day. Today was my first day back to work after being on vacation for a week. I realized walking through the doors of my job this morning on how much I desperately needed my vacation last week despite the lack of structure. I guess maybe that lack of structure every once in awhile is a good thing.

     Speaking of structure, this current week is full of it. Today, worked and went to see my therapist. Tomorrow (Tuesday), Wednesday, and Thursday I am going to be in a training regarding Co-Occurring Disorders. I then work again on Friday and Saturday. I am looking forward to the training that I will be going to the next three days. I’m looking forward to it because it’s a subject that I am passionate about. Anything that has to with mental health and/or alcohol & drug addiction is something that I am passionate about. Maybe its because of my own issue with mental illness and witnessing my parents struggle with both metal illness and drug & alcohol addictions. My parents have co-occurring disorders. The difference between my dad and my mom is that my dad is seeking treatment and unfortunately my mom is not. It is tough on a family member when the person is choosing to not seek treatment especially when the family is in recovery themselves.

      Speaking of recovery, I saw my therapist today. We worked a little on my treatment plan. I wish the mental health system as a whole would change the wording from treatment plan to recovery plan. I wish this because it makes recovery more real to those who don’t think recovery is possible. When I was a teenager and young adult I struggled with the fact that recovery was possible. I struggled with working with my treatment today because of how I was feeling today. I was being hard on myself and felt like a failure because of where I am in life and where I think I should be in life. Diana (my therapist) being the stubborn woman she had me dig deep into myself which is quite difficult for me to do. She had me dig deep within myself because she knows I am capable of doing so. I am so grateful that Diana is just as stubborn as I am because I need that stubbornness at times such as today. She also has a fierce sense of humor like I do. I don’t know if my humor is as fierce as hers but I’m grateful non the less. Diana used that fierce sense of humor today during our session. Diana has been extremely invested in my recovery. It’s always nice to have a therapist invested in your recovery. Sometimes it’s difficult to find a therapist invested in your recovery especially in the community mental health system. In fact my therapist and I talked about my blog today. She doesn’t follow my blog but reads it daily even on her days off. In fact I was shocked when she said she read it everyday including her days off. I had asked her if she could read it every once in while to see if she can see how I am doing. We had talked about me starting a blog for a few months because I was so hesitant to start one. We talked about why I was so hesitant and how blogging could not only help others in their recovery process but could help in my recovery process as well. If it wasn’t for her encouragement as well as the encouragement of others I wouldn’t have started this blog.

     Speaking of blogging I think I should end this particular blog entry for now. Before I end this blog for now I want to say a few things regarding blogging. I am truly hoping that this blog is reaching the people I hope its reaching. I hope its reaching those struggling with mental illness because I want them to know that there is hope and recovery is possible. I also hope that it’s reaching “normal” (whatever the hell “normal” means) people because it is my hope that this blog can show them (“normal” people) that people with mental illness are living productive lives like they are. I hope that when “normal” people read this it lessens the stigma of mental illness. Well, I need to get going. I need to get up at 5:30 am pacific time to get ready for my training tomorrow. Enjoy the remaining 1 hour and 24 minutes that is left of your Monday. I hope to blog again tomorrow. Peace out and enjoy the summer heat.

Becoming an Advocate For Mental Illness

Posted on by Gertie

     Today, I’ve been thinking a great deal about advocacy and mental illness. How does one become an advocate for those who struggle with a mental illness. Usually it’s because the person themselves struggles with mental illness or has a friend or loved one with a mental illness. Then their are those people who choose to be advocates for the mentally ill out of the kindness of their hearts. Most of those who do it out of the kindness of their hearts are usually the professionals like Social Workers, Therapist, Psychologists, etc.. Advocacy for mental health has been out there in world for a while now

     I’ve always been an advocate for myself and my mental health struggles even if I wasn’t aware of it especially in the early years of the diagnosis’s as well as in the height of my struggles with mental illness. It wasn’t until the last two or three years that I’ve realized that I was advocating for other with mental illness and was good at it. In fact the being good at it part was pointed out to me. The realization of advocating for those with mental illness is part of the reason why I started volunteering at a homeless shelter that specializes in those who struggle with mental illness and/or drug & alcohol addictions. Plus the advocating realization is the reason why I got my Peer Counselor certification. Being a peer counselor is basically being an advocate for them and showing your fellow peer who is struggling how to advocate for themselves. I may not be employed as a peer counselor yet but that doesn’t mean I cant still advocate for those who are not able to advocate for themselves yet.

    That is why I have decided to embark on a new journey. Well it’s not so much a new journey but a continuation of the journey I’m already on. I mailed in a volunteer application to National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). I also emailed a volunteer application to American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). I did this because I want to speak up for those who are not able to speak up for themselves. I know it might sound like I am taking a lot on especially since I got an email about an hour ago saying that my volunteer application for a local peer run Warm Line was received and asked to attend a training for it in late July through August but all this feel right for me at the moment. Yes, I’m working at a job I don’t like and am looking for a job as a peer counselor however all this that I am doing feels like its what I am suppose to be doing. Maybe it is a lot to take on at one time and its something to think about as well as discuss it with my therapist and other people in my life that support me. Yes, my boyfriend thinks I’m doing what is right for me and what is right for those who struggle with mental illness.

     Another thing I am going to be doing is writing the politicians who represent me and the area I live in. I’m hoping that the politicians I write or email will listen to what I have to say in regards to mental illness and treatment or in a lot of cases the lack of treatment. Lack of treatment is a big issue. Boarding in E.R’s have become a major issue for those who have been involuntarily committed because there are not enough beds. See, now I am getting on a soap box. This is why it is my hope that someone listens to people like me who want better mental health care for those struggling with mental illness.

     Now that I have bored you with my hopes regarding becoming an advocate for those who struggle with mental illness I am going to end this particular blog entry. I am sorry it is so long. It is my desire that some day the stigma that goes along with having a mental illness with be eliminated. Well, have a good rest of your Thursday evening and hope to blog again tomorrow. Peace out all.

It’s Been An Interesting Day

Posted on by Gertie

     Good Monday Evening!!! Today has been an interesting day. On my bus ride to my appointment with my therapist, a fellow passenger passed out because he was so drunk. Of course the bus driver had to stop the bus and check on the dude. The bus driver had to call the police as well as the fire department. The police showed up as well as the fire engine and paramedics. As the firefighters were trying to help the drunk dude came to and hit one of them. The police then tackled the guy and with the help of the paramedics and other firefighters he was handcuffed to the gurney and put in the back of the ambulance. Of course myself and the other passengers had to give witness statements to the police. Finally after everyone gave their statement the bus was on its way again. I got off at my bus stop and walked about a half mile to my appointment. On the walk from the bus stop to my appointment I found $20. Finding money is a rare thing for me.

     I of course made it to my appointment with my therapist on time. In fact I was 45 minutes early. I’m usually an hour early due to OCD tendencies. While waiting for my therapy appointment the admin assistant got me my stuffed Eeyore that I have my therapist hold for me so when I am waiting to see her I can hold on to him. My stuffed Eeyore also sits in on my sessions with me because its easier to talk with a stuffed animal to hold. As I was holding Eeyore, in the waiting room I pulled out a Wonder Woman graphic novel to read. If you are a regular reader or follower of my blog you know I am a huge Wonder Woman fan. About 15 minutes before my session an old high school friend walks into the waiting room of the mental health clinic I see my therapist at. This high school friend was seeking therapy for the first time in her life. She of course was seeing a different clinician. It was nice to “catch up” with an old friend.

    My session with my therapist Diana was quite draining. We discussed what happened on the bus then I pulled out 3 copies of what I wanted to go into my treatment plan. Of course many of things I want to work on can be condensed and we did that. In fact it was getting a bit overwhelming for me. We had to take a break from it and we talked about why it was overwhelming. I had come to the conclusion that I’ve been defined by my mental illness so long that it scares me what it would be like to not be “crazy.” Diana my therapist says that I’ve dealt with my mental illness for so long that now that I am walking in recovery I’m learning what its like to not be “crazy.” She also says that I’m in the process of redefining on who I am. She is absolutely correct. I am redefining who I am. Recovery from a mental illness is difficult work. I still have a great deal to work through so I am no where done with needing treatment but I am an active participant in my treatment planning. I still have to work through all the trauma I’ve been through when I was a child as well as an adult. That’s going to be a long process. So Diana and I still need to finish working my treatment/recovery plan and we both hope that we can continue to work on in in the next session next Monday. I never knew how draining it would be. Working on changing for the better is not only draining and difficult but a good thing. (Side Note: Diana is a pseudonym for my therapist)

   So after my therapy appointment I took the bus home. Thankfully nothing eventful happened on my bus ride home. In fact on my bus ride home, I read A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. I am really enjoying the book. It’s going to take me awhile to read it due to my dyslexia but that is okay with me. Like I’ve said before, I enjoy reading.

   As I am blogging right now, I am at my boyfriends house. He is fixing me dinner. He is a good cook. Not as good as my grandma but good enough. He cooks better than me and I love to cook. Hell, my boyfriend loves to cook as well. He learned to cook from his mom. I learned to cook from my dad and grandma. My paternal grandpa is not a very good cook. My maternal grandpa was an awesome cook. Anyway, my boyfriend is making me spaghetti. I love spaghetti. I should get going. I want to see if my boyfriend will let me help him finish cooking. After dinner we are going to watch a movie. Not sure what movie but it’s going to be a comedy.

   Well, I best be going. I hope to blog again tomorrow. Have a good rest of the evening. Enjoy the rest of your Monday. Well at least enjoy the 4 hours that’s left of Monday. Peace out and enjoy life. 

Happy Monday Morning!!!

Posted on by Gertie

     Happy Monday Morning!!! Yes, I know its Monday and its the start of work week but I am on vacation. The sad thing is that I woke up naturally at 5:00 am (Pacific time) and was about to get out of bed when I realized that I was on vacation. I hate when that happens. Oh well. I did try to get back to sleep but was unable to do so, so I got up and read a A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens.

     When I started A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens I did have trouble getting into it however it’s now starting to get good. I am enjoying it immensely. I think I had difficulty getting into it because of dyslexia but I’ve learned to deal with the dyslexia and enjoy reading. After reading for about 45 minutes I decided to watch the local news.

     As I was watching the morning news a story came on that not only angered me but made me laugh. A group of 3 teenagers stole the keys out of a 70something year old woman’s hand in a parking lot to steal her car. That’s what angered me. Why would you steal anybody’s car especially that of an elderly person? Now here comes the funny part. The teenagers got into the elderly woman’s car and realized it was a stick shift car and they couldn’t drive it. They didn’t know how to drive a stick shift. The elderly woman pulled them out of the car and the teenagers ran off. They still haven’t caught the teenagers but the elderly woman was just grateful that she wasn’t hurt. She was even laughing at the situation that they couldn’t drive a stick shift. I hope they find those teenagers because if that was my grandmother I would want them to be punished.

    Speaking of grandmothers, the news story reminded me to call my own grandmother. I talked to both my grandma and grandpa. The set of grandparents that I spoke to are my dad parents or paternal grandparents. My paternal grandparents help my dad out a great deal when I was growing up and helped raised me. They were very involved with my growing up years. My dad is grateful to my grandparents that they helped him out with raising me. I’m grateful that they are still alive. Unfortunately, my maternal grandparents (mom’s parents) are deceased. I miss them a great deal.

     Now that I’m done talking about my family let get back to other things. I am grateful that I am on vacation from work this week. Many people don’t realize how stressful working in a grocery store really is. I am grateful that I am able to work despite having a mental illness. One of the things I plan on doing this week is to look to see if there are in job openings as a Peer Support Specialist/Peer Counselor as well as look into getting involved with NAMI and other such organizations. I figured the more I get involved with mental health organizations the better it looks on the resumé. I’m sure my volunteer work looks good as well.

     Speaking of mental health, I need to get going. I need to get ready to go and see my therapist. Today, I plan on discussing my nightmares with my therapist, Diana. (Side Note: Diana is a pseudonym that I gave my therapist for her privacy and the protection of the her other clients.) Diana has helped me a great deal with my recovery. She is just as invested in my recovery as I am. I hope to tell you later on how my session with Diana went but no promises. It depends how difficult it was for me.

      I hope the rest of your morning goes well. In fact I hope the rest of your Monday goes well and that you have a good work week. I hope to blog again later today even if I don’t blog about my therapy session. Try to at least get out and enjoy the weather today to break up your workday. Peace out and enjoy the summer.